I grew up more on Star Wars than Star Trek as a kid, but Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (yes, the crazy ass whales one) were two of my favorite movies as a kid. As far as I was concerned, Kirk and Spock where the only intergalactic duo that could give Han and Chewie a run for their money.
Problem is that, much like the Star Wars series, the Star Trek series has become space waste. Apparently, director J.J. Abrams and stars Chris Pine (the new Captain James T. Kirk) and Zachary Quinto (the new Spock) have changed all of that. The Star Trek original series reboot is currently pulling in a 95% fresh score on Rotten Tomatoes. Folks, that’s Slumdog Millionaire/The Dark Knight good right there.
Since the movie opens today (going to see it a 9:30 PM sneak peak, baby), I figured I’d pay homage to the series reboot by recasting its roles with the “next generation” of athletes. Enjoy…
Sportscasting Star Trek:
Matt Cassel, Quarterback, Kansas City Chiefs as James T. Kirk – He’s got the good looks, hair and chin, and is about as well known as Chris Pine. Yet Scott Pioli — much like Abrams is gambling with Pine — is willing to bet the whole future of the franchise on him. The out-of-nowhere star certainly now has the chance to become a househould name.
Ricky Rubio, Point Guard, Spain as Spock – The 19-year-old phenom who’s projected as a top-five 2009 NBA Draft pick has been compared to Pistol Pete Maravich. He also has more in common with Spock than his haircut and goofiness. There’s something special about him. Something we haven’t seen before. His Vulcan like handle on the ball and his Spock-like super cool demeanor make him one of a kind.
Alex Ovechkin, Left Wing, Washington Capitals as Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy – He and Karl Urban are almost exactly the same height. Plus, Ovechkin is Russian and Urban played a damn good Russian in The Bourne Ultimatum. More than anything, I think Ovechkin has a lot of personality and could definitely nail McCoy’s cantankerous, smart ass character.
Candace Parker, Forward, Los Angeles Sparks as Nyota Uhura – Just like Zoe Saldana (Pirates of the Caribbean series), Candace Parker is pretty sexy. It’s also time for Parker to step into the National spotlight, which is something that’s about to happen for Saldana. Candace almost makes me enjoy watching women’s hoops. Naw, I’d rather be watching anything with Saldana in it.
Michael “the Count” Bisping, UFC/MMA Fighter as Scotty - If Brit Simon Pegg can peg the Scottish accent, why can’t fellow Brit Bisping? Especially when British mags have recently voted him “Fighter of the Year” ahead of Ricky Hatton (Nuts) and “Coolest Man in the UK” ahead of Daniel Craig (Zoo). If he beats Dan Henderson in July he will get a title shot at Anderson Silva.
Joey Logano, NASCAR Sprint Series Driver as Pavel Chekov - I doubt Logano is either Polish or Russian (I’ve heard both when it comes to Chekov), but Sliced Bread looks just as babyfaced as actor Anton Yelchin, who is playing Chekov in the new flick. Can’t you see little Logano playing a naive, young ensign. I can; that’s basically what he is doing now as a driver.
Kosuke Fukudome, Center Fielder, Chicago Cubs as Hikaru Sulu – The second-year Japanese import is currently batting .300 for the 15-12 Cubbies. He also helped Japan win the 2009 World Baseball Classic. Unlike John Cho (Korean-American), Fukudome is actually of Japanese heritage. George Takei would be proud. I also just love the name Fukudome. It sounds kinda like a pissed-off version of Deadspin’s Blogdome.
Ron Artest, Forward, Houston Rockets as Nero - Eric Bana’s Romulan villain has weird patterns on his head. Artest has weird patterns on his head. Bana has been known to get crazy ever since Chopper. Artest has been known to get crazy ever since Chicago. Like Bana, Artest has been around for a while, certainly longer than the rest of this list. But he’s never been better or more entertaining than he is now, and makes a formidable villain. Every action flick needs one of those.
(Adam Best is the senior editor of the FanSided.com Sports Network and the twisted mind behind Fan Addict. Follow him on Twitter.)