Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen dropped yesterday, and while I haven’t seen it yet I undoubtedly will at some point over the weekend. Just this once I say eff the reviews. I mean, I loved Transformers so much as a kid I bought the same toys twice and painted over them. That way I could have more Autobots and Decepticons to play with. Probably shouldn’t have just admitted that. Oh well, I loved and still do love me some Transformers. When the animated movie came out in 1986, my heart literally stopped. OK, so I was choking on a Dot. You would choke, too, if you were seven years old watching an Orson Welles-voiced carnivorous planet go on a robot-eating rampage.
You know who else I loved as a kid? Bo Jackson, the ultimate sports Transformer. Screw Calvin Johnson — that dude was Megatron. Hell, he was Optimus Prime, too. On the gridiron his was Megatron, on the diamond he was Prime (sorry, Deion).
I loved Bo to death even though I was a Kansas City kid and he played for the Raiders in addition to the Royals. I, of course, always rooted for the Chiefs when they played the Raiders, but I wanted Bo-Jack to play well no matter who the opponent was. I had these. Sorry, Chiefs fans, I even had these. (I think my brother later had these.) How could I resist? Those are probably the sickest kicks ever? Then you had the “Bo Knows” commercials, the dominance in Tecmo Bowl and snapping bats over his thighs. And what about the story where he apparently broad jumped over a Volkswagen bug at Auburn? No, Kobe, it wasn’t moving. No, Kobe, they didn’t have CGI back then.
I don’t know any other way to sum Bo Jackson up but to call him a God. Yes, with a capital G.
To pay homage to both Bo Jackson and Transformers, I’ve compiled a list of the 10 best Transformer athletes of all time. 10 legendary sports superstars who excelled at more than one sport. No, football and cocaine binging don’t count for Lawrence Taylor. Neither does football and media whoring for Brett Favre. I’m also not putting Herschel Walker on the list just because he momentarily thought he was starring in Cool Runnings. It’s not my fault he suffered so many concussions. Anyway, enjoy!
10. Darrell Green, Football/Track – If playing 20 years in the NFL as a lockdown cornerback wasn’t already enough, Green also beat Carl Lewis in the 100 meter dash the only time they raced. How many men can say they raced Carl Lewis and never lost? How many All-Pro Super Bowl Champions can say that? None.
9. Tony Gwynn, Baseball/Basketball – This eight-time batting champion, seven-time Gold Glove winner and first-ballot Hall of Famer might have batted over .400 in 1994 if it wasn’t for that worthless ass strike. He also could have been an NBA point guard. The Clippers drafted him back in the early 80s, but Gwynn wisely choose baseball over pro basketball purgatory.
8. Charlie Ward, Basketball/Football – You know he was a point guard back when the Knicks could actually ball. You know he struck a Heisman pose while at Florida St.
What you probably don’t know is that Ward was both a national tennis stud and drafted by the Brewers coming out of high school.
7. John Elway, Football/Baseball - When arguably the best quarterback ever to sling it almost chose baseball over football, you know he was a great athlete. If Baltimore hadn’t of buckled and sent him to Denver, ol’ Horseface might have made the Hall of Fame wearing pinstripes instead of bright orange and navy.
6. Clarence “Ace” Parker, Football/Baseball – Another Hall of Fame quarterback who played pro baseball — two years in the majors, not in the minors like Elway. Back in high school, Ace starred in five sports. The only thing holding him back is that he played against competition whiter than the crowd at the last GOP National Convention.
5. Otto Graham, Football/Basketball – Yet another Hall of Fame quarterback who excelled in two sports, Otto gets the nod over Ace and Elway because he actually won an NBL (pre-NBA) championship with the Rochester Royals. He’s fifth because the competition he played against was more Caucasian than the smoothie line at Whole Foods.
4. Bob Hayes, Football/Track – Olympic gold medalist who was “transformed” into a Hall of Fame receiver by the Cowboys. This dude was so good some people accredit him for forcing the invention of both bump and run and zone defenses. Imagine Usain Bolt with Marvin Harrison’s mitts.
3. Deion Sanders, Football/Baseball – Prime Time indeed. I remember seeing Neon fly in a helicopter after finishing training camp with the Falcons to play in a late season game for the Braves. Best coverage cornerback of all time and a very good pro baseball player. Sanders was also both a track and Jheri curl standout at FSU.
2. Jim Thorpe, Everything – This bad mofo played pro baseball, basketball and football, and also won decathlon and pentathlon gold medals at the 1912 Olympics. If he wasn’t competing against a whiter crowd than the one at that Wes Anderson marathon I recently attended, he might be up there with Bo.
1. Bo Jackson, Football/Baseball - If it hadn’t of been for his hip injury — possibly the world’s most drawn-out career-ending injury ever now that Grant Hill is actually healthy again — I honestly believe that Bo would have been a Hall of Famer in two sports. No doubt in my mind. Watch this video and tell me there will be another Bo-Jack (or anyone as bad with numbers as the Boz). If you can manage to, pull out your webcam, say it with a straight face and post it to YouTube. Then leave a comment right here because I want to see proof. No way you can do it. Deep down we all know he was the most freakish athlete ever. Why did we all want to be like Mike? Because we knew we’d never be like Bo. Michael Jordan and Muhammad Ali might be the two greatest athletes ever, but Bo was the most talented.
(Adam Best is the senior editor of the FanSided.com Sports Network and the twisted mind behind Fan Addict. Follow him on Twitter.)