(Brant Houghton, the guest writer of this piece, is the lead blogger over at That Ball’s Outta Here, FanSided’s Philadelphia Phillies blog.)
Colbert Michael Hamels, pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies. He can throw a baseball at 94 miles per hour. He also has a smoking hot wife, Heidi Strobel, who starred on the reality TV show Survivor. So, what would happen if Hamels also starred on Survivor, with his wife in a tag-team match-up of sorts.
The question of whether Hamels would make it or not on Survivor is a valid one, but also an interesting one. Would he be a hit among the other castoffs, or would he be an instant target because he already has money and fame?
Well, Hamels would settle that dispute rather quickly. Think about it, all he would have to do is pick up a random coconut, toss it up and down and maybe demonstrate exactly how fast his fastball is by chucking it at a tree once or twice. Would you want to vote out a guy who could instantly strike fear into your competition just by picking up a coconut?
Hamels would also would probably be one of the most-coveted players to join an alliance of all time. Who would not want a guy who could tell war stories about starring in the World Series, and all that he and his wife have experienced after she was on Survivor, including what they have done during and after dates? I mean, that would be more interesting than watching Richard, the winner from season one, walking around naked all the time. He also has more of an imposing physical presence than most of the other Survivors of the past will ever have.
Hamels might not win Survivor if he appeared on the show, but he sure would come close. Think about the physical presence that he brings to the table. He would dominate all of the physical challenges, and most of the mental ones, since 50% of being a pitcher is outdueling your opponent mentally. Hamels would also take on host Jeff Probst in instantly becoming his biggest threat at getting the most TV time, and being the reason for people watching the show. Probst is most famous for his weekly quote during the challenges, “first things first.” Hamels quote would be something like “My wife is hotter than yours, so just shut up!”, or simply, “My fastball was faster when I was 7 than yours is now.”
If Hamels were on the show with his wife, the producers would have a lot more to cut out than usual, because the Hamels clan would have their own shelter, and the shelter would be known as the second coming of the Love Shack! Usually the producers dig the lovey-dovey stuff, but not this time. It would be humorous to see just how much of their PDA would be shown to the viewers.
The bottom line is that Hamels on the show Survivor would be absolutely hilarious! It not only would show a glamorous athlete sweating while performing in challenges that he never imagined himself doing, not to mention living in a shack for over a month. But it would also be funny to see Hamels crack under pressure, and unleash his anger on someone. C’mon, you have to agree that it would be interesting to see Hamels flip out on the host or the other castoffs. After all, he showed what he can do this week, when he shared his thoughts with an umpire and abruptly got ejected for his choice of words.
