I’m having one of my “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take the micromanaging of media any more” days. Seriously, sometimes don’t you just want to scream at your TV, or your Twitter, or yourself even, and say — I DON”T GIVE A DAMN! Where is Howard Beale when we need him? Unfortunately, Howard Beale is no longer with us, so you’re just going to have to make due with me. Here are the 10 sports stories that are making me madder than Christian Bale during an on-set rant (after a little Howard Beale, of course)…

10 Stress-Inducing Sports Stories

10. David Beckham. Absolutely anything involving David Beckham.

I love how people are just now figuring out that this guy is a narcissistic burnout. I mean, what has he really accomplished here aside from looking pretty at Lakers games? He was incredible at a sport America didn’t care about before he came over here, but he sucks now that he’s here and we somewhat care about soccer. Plus, he married a freakin’ Spice Girl. I don’t care how hot you think this guy is, he’s a douchebag who’s getting on my last nerve. I’m not being a hater either. Tell me one worthwhile thing he’s done since he arrived in the U.S. Just one!

9. Tiger Wood’s temper tantrums.

From Rick Reilly to O’Reilly the fat Irish blogger who lives in Ma’s basement, people need to stop writing about Tiger’s frustration. Because I am getting way more frustrated than you will ever see Tiger get on a golf course. Isn’t there something better to write about? something that actually matters in the grand scheme of things. Derek Jeter is banging pop stars like Steinbrenner was paying him to do so, yet nobody bitches about how he lets down Gatorade and Nike and legions of kids when he hooks up with Hollywood. So let’s not freak out over a little frustration. If anything, Tiger is demonstrating his insatiable drive to succeed. Is that such a terrible thing?

8. Lance Armstrong and the Tour de France.

Look, the guy was an amazing story — 10 years ago. I respect the hell outta Armstrong as a man and a competitor, and I can’t imagine what he’s gone through as a cancer survivor. But it’s time to be honest with ourselves. He’s a washed-up legend in a boring sport that nobody in this country every really cared about before he came along. If you say you like the Tour, you’re either a liar or a bore. Or a cyclist, I suppose, although I doubt even they think much of watching their own sport on TV. I just don’t want cycling cutting into my sports news at this point. I live in his home state of Texas, too, so all I hear is Lance this, Lance that.

7. LeBron James getting dunked on.

The only stories here were Lebron being a diva and Nike’s over-the-top protection of “the King.” Team James confiscating the tapes was the story, because every basketball player who has every played — on peach baskets, at the playground, YMCA rec league,  in the NBA, etc… — has been embarrassed. Shawn Kemp humiliated Air Jordan several times in the 1996 Finals. How many times did little Kevin Johnson dunk on Hakem the Dream? How often did smaller players wag a defiant finger in Dikembe Mutombo’s grill after flushing on him? Even if the Jordan Crawford dunk was one for the ages, and it wasn’t, the story should have died over a week ago.

6. LeBron James smoking weed in high school.

Time for a reality check. The real story would be if he said he didn’t smoke weed in high school. He was arguably the coolest high school kid since Zack Morris. That being so, is it realistic to think that he didn’t do a little partying, maybe even smoke a little herb? And why are we even reporting this? Our last three Presidents all have done drugs. Hell, the past two have done blow even. There’s only one Tim Tebow, folks. Speaking of…

5. Tim Tebow’s virginity.

C’mon, like you didn’t know this guy was the A.C. Green of the 21st century. No dude who does the Heisman pose in effin’ Crocs knows how to get action. Honestly, did anyone really think he was banging anything other than bibles? The only missionary position he’s ever seen is the one his pops set up for him in Philippines. Gimme a break. The last virginity story that was this big was the Britney Spears one, and we all know how that turned out. Part of me hopes that Tebow is headed for a similar trainwreck. I am so done with this holier-than-thou crap.

4. The Ben Roethlisberger sexual assault allegations.

Pro athletes aren’t always angels, but what they always are is easy targets. Besides, this McNulty chick sounds crazy. She’s suing Big Ben, she’s suing Harrah’s…she will probably sue me for writing this. If it comes out later that she was indeed raped, I will apologize to my mother and every other woman on the planet for being insensitive. But from where I’m sitting she looks like a gold digger. I’m done with this story until if/when it goes to trial. I’ve met enough crazy chicks (as I’m sure you ladies have met enough crazy men) — I don’t need another one in my life.

3. ESPN.

I am so sick of everyone talking about ESPN (that includes me, because I’m guilty of it, too). How they handled Ben Roethlisberger. How they handled the Erin Andrews fiasco. How Blog Buzz could be better. How their new TV show sucks. How there was one little egregious typo on the biggest sports portal in existence. C’mon, people, they are the biggest sports media company on the planet. When you sit down on the commode, does the stuff that seeps out stank? That’s crazy, because their doo-doo, believe it or not, stinks, too! I consider myself pretty good at what I do, yet people point out mistakes all the time. You know what, I hate those people — don’t you, too? Don’t be one of those people. If you pick your battles when it comes to the folks up there in Bristol, fine, but don’t be an ESPN ambulance chaser.

2. The anticipated Michael Vick protesters.

F*** these people. M.F. them. You know why? Because they care more about man’s best friend than they do men. They also care more about appearance than justice. Michael Vick killed domesticated animals, yes he did. But he also paid his debt to both society and the NFL and then some. If you really want to protest him, go ahead. But I better see you protesting Lenard Little for killing a human being while playing his other favorite game — drunken Twisted Metal. I better see you protesting Pacman Jones, a guy who’s ordered more hits than Avon Barksdale. Otherwise you’re just some pretentious prick who cares more about puppies than people.

1. That guy that’s thinking about coming back to the NFL again…again.

You know what, I’m not even going to mention his name until he comes back. Not in blog posts. Not in tweets. Not in text messages. Not when I’m singing “Sister Christian” to myself in the shower and ad-libbing my own lyrics. I’m done. Otherwise we are all just giving into this attention-starved egomaniac. We’ve all heard of ceasefires, but I’m putting the first ever ceaseFavre into motion. That name will not come out of my mouth or fingers until something is official. Hopefully, others will join the party.

(Adam Best is the senior editor of the FanSided.com Sports Network and the twisted mind behind Fan Addict. Follow him on Twitter.)