After reading this pop culture Last Supper post on Gunaxin and seeing a Free Darko tweet about going to dinner with any five people within a span of 20 or so minutes, the concept for this panel post popped into my head. Yes, I am the sports blog Tarantino; I steal a bunch of other bloggers’ sh**, put it all together with my own unique touch and act like I’m the man afterward. Except I don’t act like a temperamental cokehead with Asperger’s.
So, back to this concept. If you were going to die and you were allowed your own Last Supper, which 12 people would you invite to attend? The invitees can be either dead or alive, but they must be famous. Fictional is fine even (started getting requests for Homer Simpson, Jesus, etc…) as long as they’re fictional celebs. No family members. Why? Because we’d all pick family members and friends if this really happened. Plus, who would want to read this:
Joe Schmoe, Sports at Joes:
Dad – I love you, pa.
Mom – I love you, ma.
Bro – We may have fought like hell, but it was an honor growing up with you.
Sis – What a fine woman you have become.
Aunt Betty – The best Aunt a boy could have, hairy upper lip and all.
Rachel – You’ve been my girlfriend for five years, so, I guess I probably should have proposed.
Colin – Love you, man, but even when I’m gone, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Colin’s Wife – I never told you this, but I love you, too. Sorry, Colin….Rachel.
Ralphie – The coolest mutt in the world. I’ll miss you boy. You dine on steak tonight.
Uncle Mel – You were drunk all the time, and didn’t smell real good, but you taught me how to drink…and gamble…and cheat on my taxes…and..
Big Game James – There’s wingmen and then there’s you, stud. Rachel’s all yours.
Janice – Been obsessed with your knockers since high school, so hook a dying brother up.
Pastor Smith – I’m a fan of your work, plus, you can never be too sure 
After a handful of those lists, most of us would be on the horn with the good folks over at the Suicide Hotline. That’s why I decided to make this fun and ridiculous. One of those retarded hypothetical questions you and your boys talk about at the all-night diner at 4 AM. You know, like Carver asking Herc if he’d go gay just once to sleep with his dream girl. Most of the time these questions are about events that could never happen, rendering these conversations pointless. That said, it’s a friend law that you must answer once you’ve been asked one of these hypothetical questions. My blog friends stepped up to the plate, making this the coolest panel post I’ve ever been a part of. But first, here’s my Last Supper…
Adam’s Last Supper
Sir Ian McKellen – No fellowship of men is complete without Gandalf the Gray, and I’m a big proponent of gay rights.
Reggie Miller – Here’s hoping that my boyhood idol and all-time favorite athlete could save me at the buzzer.
Richard Pryor – This would have to be Pryor during his hey dey, back when he was still doing both jokes and drugs professionally.
Bob Kane – I am eternally indebted to this man for the greatest invention of the 20th century — Batman.
David Bowie – Damn near went with Jimmy Page, but imagine “David Bowie: Unplugged” and tell me I made the wrong call here.
Barack Obama – It’s always been a dream of mine to live to see a black President, and we know Prez can throw down after the Beer Summit.
Orson Welles – Another one of my heroes, the greatest auteur of all and definitely a great wingman for any boozefest, broadfest or feast.
Arthur Agee and William Gates (counts as one in my book) – The Hoop Dreams duo taught me that there was life after your athletic career ends.
Bill Murray – I can’t tell you how many times I walked around saying “this chick is TOOOAAASSSTT!” after Ghostbusters came out, and he only got better with age.
Derrick Thomas – This sackmaster and philanthropist, another boyhood hero of mine, had a contagious smile and was especially good with the ladies.
Eddie Vedder – I’ve always wanted to meet the lead singer/wine guzzler of the Best Bro’s favorite band.
Jay-Z – I’ve always wanted to shake the hand of the greatest H-U-S-T-L-E-R of all time.
I’d also request for a young Faye Dunaway to take me to my dying place. Hey, is that to much to ask?
Bloggers’ Last Suppers
Zach Best, FanSided.com
Eddie Vedder, Bob Marley, and Andre 3000 – My favorite musicians of all-time. I would want to listen to a few tunes before I go.
George Costanza, Homer Simpson & Peter Griffin – I’m dying!! I want someone to make fun of.
The Young and Talented Eddie Murphy, Lisa Lampanelli and the Sane Dave Chapelle – I need someone to make fun of the aforementioned three with, and I feel these three have what it takes to make me nearly laugh myself to death. Eddie would have to be Leather Jumpsuit Eddie, Dave Chapelle would have to be Pre-Africa Dave, and Lampanelli would be right at home with all the black dong at the table.
Ken Griffey Jr., Derrick Thomas, LeBron James – My three favorite athletes. The Kid is the only steroid-free homerun hitter in his era, Derrick Thomas is my all-time favorite Chief (get ready Hall of Fame), and LeBron is the King. I want the King at my supper.
George Brett was considered, but I feared he’d sh** his pants.
Rosario Dawson and some Octagon girls can serve the dinner, right?
Scott Tunstall, Inside the Iggles
12. Andy Kaufman – Every dinner party needs a comedian. Watching Andy in action would be a pleasure.
11. Monica Belluci – Forget dessert. I’ll just look at her to ease my digestion. One of the world’s most beautiful women.
10. Ridley Scott – The opportunity to pick his brain about Alien and Blade Runner would be very satisfying.
9. Harry S. Truman – My favorite President. Seems like the perfect guy to debate the issues with.
8. Tupac – None better on the mic. I gotta hear him freestyle in person just once.
7. Julius Erving – Greatest. Sixer. Ever. Enuff said.
6. Clint Eastwood – The Man With No Name/Dirty Harry will always have a seat reserved at my table.
5. Jeff Buckley – I’d make sure he brought his guitar along just so I could listen to him sing “Lilac Wine.”
4. Brooke Burke – Only because I’ve been in love with the chick for ten years.
3. J.D. Salinger – No all-star dinner is complete without a famous recluse. Salinger fits the bill.
2. Jim Johnson – I can’t think of a guy I’d want to talk football with more.
1. Stanley Kubrick – Greatest filmmaker who ever lived. I bet he has some stories to tell.
Mike Hayes, Steady Burn
1. Patrick Swayze – Two reasons: Road House and Point Break.
2. Ghostface Killah – Ghost likes Swayze.
3. Lil Wayne – How often do you get to watch someone grub with a diamond encrusted grill?
4. Shaq – The Big Head of the Table.
5. Halle Berry – Mistress for the Shaqness.
6. Joe Paterno – If it’s anything like what I hear his pre-season team meals are like, maybe after dinner he’ll stand up (hunch up), give a unintelligible speech, cry, and kick everyone out. Also, we’re eating at Paterno’s house.
7. Glen Davis – “Hey, Big Baby, gimme yo’ rib eye” – Shaq
8. Natalie Portman – She stays adorable. Plus, this was turning into a sausagefest right quick.
9. Natalie Gulbis – Never enough Natalies. Plus, I’d love to chow down, and get my gut more bulbous with Gulbis.
10. Burt Reynolds – Paterno and Ghostface are huge fans of Smokie and the Bandit, but really, who isn’t?
11. David Wells – We’ve just exceeded the food budget, badly.
12. Eddie Vedder – I like Pearl Jam catalog. I know I went a little heavy handed on the musical accompaniment, but its not like I chose Soulja boy, gimme a break.
Douche Larue, Docuhe Larue Podcast
Peter Sellers – Sellers was pretty much insane person and pretty much brilliant actor; so I’d like to see what makes him both.
Maria Sharapova – She’d be 1-12, if I had access to a cloning machine. Dinner with 12 Sharapova’s–beat that Roddick!
Bill Hicks – He’d probably look around at the current state of the world and say that the universe was doing me a favor by killing me now.
Bo Jackson – I’d ask him, “Does Bo Know Reincarnation?” Cause I need quick answers.
Hunter S. Thompson – Not only my hero, but I’m also gonna need a lot of “supplies” to get through this dinne
Helen Keller – Just watching her try and sit down at the table should lighten up the mood quite a bit. ( I’d totally pull the chair out from under her)
“Macho Man” Randy Savage – OH YEAAAAHHHH, I have a feeling someone at the table is going to need to get hit in the face with a steel chair…
Hitler or Bill O’Reilly – …And here he is now. (Watching people get hit with folding chairs could be the theme of the night)
J.J. Abrams – If you don’t tell me what happens with LOST before I die–I’m gonna let Macho Man do his thing.
Marissa Miller – She’s super hot and if this is my last supper–I’m playing that card straight off the bat.
My court ordered stenographer – He’s not a celebrity, but whether I like it or not, Frank is gonna be there.
Jesus – There’s a better chance that someone will paint a portrait of it if he’s there.
Alex David, Fully Clips
1.Charles Barkley – Turns that supper into a party.
2. Obama – Love to see him whoop it up with Barkley.
3. Will Ferrell – Not a blowout ‘til someone’s in their undies.
4. Jessica Biel – Saw her at a restaurant and been in love since.
5. Robert DeNiro – Every time he speaks to me I’d get to say “you talkin’ ta me?”
6. Sarah Silverman – Funny, sexy & now single.
7. Mike Dunleavy Sr. – To give him a piece of my mind.
8. Bruce Springsteen – No explanation needed.
9.Evangeline Lily – Megan Fox is also an acceptable answer here.
10. Snoop Dogg – Need someone to burn one down.
11. Larry David – Edges out Ricky Gervais due to superior last name.
12. Charles Oakley – Yup, ‘cuz one crazy ex-baller Chuck ain’t enough.
Kim Constantinesco, Predominantly Orange
1. Osama Bin Laden – Where you bin hidin’? As messed up as it might be, I would want to hear his thoughts on the U.S and the war.
2. George W. Bush – I wouldn’t want to hear his thoughts. I’d just like to see him stumble over his words in front of Osama.
3. Chuck Liddell – See the above two guests.
4. Mother Teresa – To simply diffuse the above situation before hors d’oeurves are served.
5 & 6. Jay-Z and Beyonce - The ultimate hip-hop power couple would surely bring a sweet bottle of Cristal and then spit some rhymes.
7. Bradley Cooper – He’s probably funny, but mostly because he’s the hottest guy in Hollywood, in my opinion.
8. Travis Pastrana - Another crush that I would have to invite. Anyone for a bike ride after dessert?
9. Ed McCaffrey - My all-time favorite Bronco would tell everyone what it’s like to win two Super Bowls.
10. Maya Angelou – A great poet and a wise woman.
11. Lance Armstrong - One of the most inspirational athletes on the planet with a witty sense of humor.
12. Kobe Bryant – Well spoken and arguably the greatest basketball player in the NBA.
Andrew Bucholtz, Sports Madness
Douglas Adams – The man was an incredible writer and could turn a phrase like no one else.
Muhammad Ali – Not only “The Greatest Of All Time”, but one of the first athletes to take controversial political stances.
Yogi Berra – A hell of a player, a hell of a storyteller and one of the most interesting characters ever to play the game of baseball.
Stephen Brunt – My favourite Canadian writer of any genre, Brunt’s take on sports is always tremendous and always dead on.
Gordie Howe – A hockey legend with skill, character, toughness and longevity.
Abraham Lincoln – Led the U.S. through the most difficult period in its history, and paved the way for civil rights reforms in the process.
Joe Posnanski – One of the top sportswriters working today, and he has played a huge role in popularizing statistical analysis.
Terry Pratchett – A fantastic writer and the top satirist of our age.
Pelé – The man did incredible things on the field and helped to launch soccer in North America.
Grantland Rice – One of the best sportswriters to ever live, he played a key role in the popularization of sports.
Hunter S. Thompson – Dramatically changed the world’s approach to journalism, and was a fantastic sportswriter to boot.
J.R.R. Tolkien – Created an entire world out of whole cloth, impacting millions in the process.
Bob Biscigliano, Detroit 4 Lyfe
1. Steve Yzerman – He’ll be the Captain of the Last Supper.
2. Jim Carrey – He’s smart, good looking, and has a rapist’s wit.
3. Kid Rock – Fellow kick ass Detroiter who can tell us all about his sexapades with Pamela and groupy bitches.
4. Dane Cook – He might steal grace, but he’s one of the best presenters.
5. Ernie Harwell – I had dinner with him once and he had a ton of amazing stories, although hearing him say “looooooong gone” after he finished each bite of his meal became a little irritating.
6. Edward Norton – He’ll do the toast: “Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends,” maybe followed up with the eff you monologue.
7. Christian Bale – But only if he dresses up like Batman and doesn’t talk or yell at anyone.
8. Nostradamus – He’ll know to pass me the butter before I even ask for it.
9. Jon Favreau – I’m named after his character in “Made” and he’s been a part of some classic flicks.
10. Jessica Alba – Eye candy a.k.a. dessert
11. Megan Fox — She’ll bring us the food in skimpy clothes
12. Matthew Stafford – He seems like a real cool dude and, of course, he’ll be paying when we go to Shabooms after supper.
Ben Chew, Outside the Boxscore and That NBA Lottery Pick
1.Wilt Chamberlain – Just so that I could ask the question, “Did you really sleep with 20,000 women?”
2. Rod Serling – I am a huge fan of the Twilight Zone; I would love to pick his brain about how he came up with those episodes.
3. Howard Cosell – The original king of gab, the stories that he must have to tell and he will “Tell it like it is.”
4. Jenna Fischer – Worst Case Scenario: Talk about the Dodgers, Best Case Scenario: It’s Pam Beesly from the Office, nuff said.
5. Shaquille O’Neal – “The Big Cactus” “The Big Aristotle” “Shaqezzy”, whatever you want to call him, he would be fantastic at any party and if there are leftovers, Shaq is there.
6. Frank Sinatra – The legendary crooner could perform in an instant if needed.
7. Ginnifer Goodwin – Every good party needs a Southern girl; Goodwin fills that role out easily.
8. Christopher Mintz-Plasse – “McLovin”, there is not a dinner party without McLovin.
9. Barack Obama – Mostly, so that I could toss back a couple of brews with the current president and he could pardon me for any wrong-doing before I kick the bucket.
10. Charissa Thompson – The Big Ten and Fox Sports anchor would be entertaining to have at a dinner party. Also if I need coverage of the event, I would turn to Charissa to explain it all.
11. Bill Walsh – One of the greatest NFL head coaches of all-time. He is deserving of a spot just so I could learn more about the West Coast Offense.
12. ESPN’s Michelle Beadle – Most people would take Erin Andrews at this point; however, Beadle is truly underrated and would be more entertaining at my last supper. (Also, I noted that the dude ratio is pretty high, need to up the chick factor)
Ryan Kane, Lake Show Life
1. Jesus Christ – This should be a no-brainer; I just want to ask the guy a few questions.
2. Babe Ruth – Someone has to eat all of the food.
3. Abraham Lincoln – Arguably one of the best leaders of a democracy of all time.
4. Michael Jordan – Can you blame me? I’m too much of a basketball fan to not have him at my last supper.
5. William Shakespeare – I wonder how his conversation skills would be.
6. George Carlin – You have to admit that seeing Carlin speak to Jesus would make your life complete.
7. Kobe Bryant – No, he doesn’t belong at the table but I’m a huge Laker fan and fanaticism trumps common sense and logic sometimes.
8. Leonardo da Vinci – How can you not have an artist to capture the moment (and how great would it be to see his face when he sees that there’s a ninja-turtle named after him?).
9. John Lennon – He wouldn’t get to eat. I’d have him over in the corner hammering out some tunes.
10. Steve Young – Hall of Fame quarterback, philanthropist, role model, lawyer, and as Ace Ventura would say, “one hell of a model American.”
11. Megan Fox – I thought long and hard about this one, and decided to break up the sausagefest with something nice to look at.
12. Stephon Marbury – Someone has to betray me, right?
Nicholas, PSAMP
1. Andrew WK – He has a passion for enjoying life that you rarely see today.
2 . Giada de Laurentiis – Someone has to cook all this food, and she’s incredibly hot.
3. Roberto Clemente – We were never alive at the same time, but he’s one of my Pittsburgh idols.
4. Mario Lemieux – Favorite Pittsburgh athlete.
5. Helena Christensen – Because I never shook the feelings she gave me in Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Games” video.
6. Jim Henson – I love muppets.
7. Mr. Rogers – He was such a beast.
8. Troy Polamalu – He can say grace, and since he’s married, I won’t have to worry about him stepping on my game with Helena or Giada.
9. Immortal Technique – I’ll listen to some unreal lyrics while eating.
10. Art Rooney – The Chief. I need to thank him.
11. Mike Judge – Because I worship at the Beavis and Butthead altar.
12. Mitch Hedberg – Because it would be like Twitter in-person. RIP.
Sooze, Babes Love Baseball
1. Clive Owen – He can only come if he stays in character as “Smith” from Shoot ‘Em Up… rawr.
2. Rod Carew – He’s Rod Carew.
3. Joe Mauer – I want to die happy.
4. Bill Murray – He’s my favorite actor of all time.
5. Louis C.K. – He makes me laugh.
6. Hunter S. Thompson – He’s the wind beneath my wings.
7. Charles Bukowski – He’d lighten the mood.
8. Lassie – I love dogs.
9. Harry Caray – Always wondered if I could drink him under the table.
10. The Beastie Boys – They’re my favorite. Is that cheating? Can Mix Master Mike come too?
11. Johnny Cash – He can say Grace.
12. Elvis – He’s the King.
Josh Q. Public, Josh Q. Public
1. Larry Bird- My favorite athlete of all time.
2. Luis Tiant – The greatest post season pitcher who doesnt get the credit. In the 1975 playoffs he defeated the three time defending World Champion Oakland Athletics in a 7-1 three-hitter complete game, then opened the World Series against the Cincinnati Reds. His father and mother, having been allowed to visit from Cuba under a special visa, were in Fenway Park that game to watch El Tiante defeat The Big Red Machine in a 6-0 five-hit shutout.
3. Muhammed Ali – The Greatest has to be there.
4. Oil Can Boyd – Anyone who says about Cleveland, “That’s what they get for building a park on the ocean,”gets to come.”
5. Bobby Orr – When I was about seven, I played pee wees for the St. Lukes Rangers. Orr came to our season ending banquet. He made sure he spoke with each one of us for at least 15 munutes. The classiest guy in sports history.
6. Rickey Henderson – A sound byte a minute.
7. Jesse The Body – Just because.
8. Bo Jackson – All-Star in football. All-Star in baseball. The best Tecmo player ever created. Is there nothing this cat couldn’t do? Homerun in the MLB All-Star game. The only football player with two touchdown runs over 90 yards. Bo Jackson had more abilities than anyone I ever saw. Anyone.
9. Bill Russell – One word- Champion
10. Tom Brady- On his way to becoming my favorite athlete ever.
11. Sam Bam Cunningham – It’s been said Sam Cunningham did more to integrate Alabama in 60 minutes than Martin Luther King did in 20 years
12. Pedro Martinez – I don’t believe in damn curses. Wake up the damn Bambino and have me face him. Maybe I’ll drill him in the ass.
Wally Fish, Kings of Kauffman
1. Amos Otis – I’m a CF at heart and AO is the greatest CF in Royals history.
2. Kirby Puckett – Greatest CF in Twins history.
3. Tris Speaker – The greatest CF in MLB history.
4. Bo Jackson – Because Bo knows.
5. Ewing Kauffman – Would love to hear his thoughts on the present state of his beloved Royals.
6. David Glass – So Ewing Kauffman could choke the sh** out of him for what he’s done to his beloved Royals.
7. Brian Regan: Two words: Pop Tarts.
8 . Charles Schultz – The man who created Snoopy can sit at my table anytime.
9 . Rose Totino – Gave the world Totino’s Pizza and Pizza Rolls
10. Tupac Shakur – The greatest rapper of all time and a great american poet
11. Colum McCann – Incredible writer who gave the world “This Side of Brightness.”
12. Zack Greinke - Underneath the calm, easy-going exterior and dry wit lies true genius.
Chris, Intentional Foul
1. Monica Bellucci – Just… damn. Talk about classing up the joint.
2. Michael Jordan – There’s nothing wrong with basking in idolatry.
3. Chuck Hayes – Favorite Kentucky basketball player (maybe Jordan could teach him to shoot free throws).
4. Matt and Trey from South Park – This counts as one entry for me. Sorry. Although, the danger is laughing yourself into a choking fit. I’ll take that risk.
5. Morgan Freeman – Someone has to narrate the thing for posterity and his would be epic.
6. Christina Hendricks – Hot. Red head. Well endowed. What other reasons do you need?
7. Pre-freebase fire Richard Pryor- Watching he and Matt and Trey work off one another would be grand.
8. Rich Brooks — Any coach that makes UK football even slightly relevant deserves to eat at such a dinner. Plus, he’d think everything is bullsh**…
9. Mace Windu – Anyone with a purple lightsaber is always welcome at my dinner table.
10. Miles Davis – Bad. Ass. Plus, if he graced us by playing…
11. Keenan Burton – Favorite UK football player. Him and Brooks would be great together.
12. Charlize Theron – Do I even need a reason here?
Paneech, Paneech
1. Karen Carpenter – That would leave more food for me and the other eleven guests.
2. Joe Carter – Idol growing up.
3. Billy Joel – Favorite Musician and can sing grace before we eat.
4. Mark Shapiro – So I can trade him to another table.
5. Kelly Pavlik – Not only is he a good guy, but he is worthy.
6. Rodney Dangerfield – He will definitely lighten the mood.
7. Julie Michaels – Hottest woman on the planet to me. There will always be a place at my table for her.
8. Mine That Bird – Sure, he will eat like a horse, but those groceries were paid for after the Kentucky Derby.
9. Jesus – I have some questions for him.
10. Emeril – So the food is not bland.
11. Roland Orzabal – Lead singer of Tears for Fears. One of the most under appreciated voices of all-time.
12. George Washington – So we could talk about old times.
Sean McNally, Blogging Dirty
Jimmy Carter – No one has done more to promote peace and understanding in the world. I am a great admirer of his and it has been a dream of mine to meet someone whom I truly respect.
Akhenaten – An Egyptian pharaoh and the worlds first monotheist (he predates Jesus by about 2,000 years!) No one is more interesting to me because of his desire to make the world change at the peril of others. He was kind of like George W. Bush in a weird way.
George Carlin – I think he is the funniest person to ever walk the planet. He was insightful and brilliant and when he died I felt like I had missed out on meeting someone who really made an impression on me from a young age.
Theodore Roosevelt – I have always admired this guy who is one of the key contributors to America becoming the superpower it is today. I can’t think of anyone who lived a more diverse and colorful life and I would love to talk to him.
Salvador Dali – He is in my opinion the truest and greatest artist of the 20th century and a total wackjob to boot. No party is complete without the eccentric to make things interesting.
Al Pacino – Pacino is the most-gifted actor I have ever had the pleasure to watch, and to be able to meet someone who is so talented and is such a cool guy would be a treat.
Robert Evans – For those who don’t know him he is one of the greatest producers in history and when you hear him speak it is like watching Lucifer himself talking about the souls he has corrupted. He is the guy every guy wants to be but is not cool enough to be.
Howard Stern – No one is better at being in the middle of a bunch of weird people doing weird stuff and laughing along at how odd it really all is.
Anton LaVey – I like anti-heroes and no one is more anti-anything than LaVey, the founder of the Church of Satan. He was a brilliant mind and true one-of-a-kind personality who was not afraid to be the personification of what people facing their fears.
Ozzy Osbourne – No one is better than Ozzy at being, well, Ozzy. The class clown, the hyperactive kid who just wants to see what he can get away with. It’s all a recipe for wackyness.
John Lennon – How can a guy who was born to his music not want to meet this guy. He truly rose above his fame to become a true icon, and represents more now in his death than when he was alive.
Marilyn Manson – No one is a rock star any more. No one wants to take the mantle of being the guy who your parents hate and scares the crap out of all of the pop-listening idiots of the world.
Hef, Major League Jerk
1. Mark Grace – My favorite baseball player when I was a kid despite my hatred of the Cubs. He’s good for a story or two and isn’t that what baseball’s all about?
2. Tom Brady – God I love Tom Brady. He’s the only person I’ve actively encouraged my wife to have sex with so that I could hear all about it. Plus, if we ever met, we’d have something to talk about.
3. Nomar Garciappara – My favorite ballplayer after Mark Grace. Possible negative side effect: I might annoy the others at the table by yelling “NOMAH!” all night.
4. Joel Coen – All of my favorite movies are from this dude. Maybe he’d be interesting to have dinner with. Or maybe he’d be a complete bore because he’s not good at communicating with regular joes because he’s always playing with an idea in his head and he’s too distracted. Man…fuck Joel Coen.
5. Ethan Coen – See #4
6. Ellie Davis – He’s a friend of mine that I’ve known for like 12 years and he always makes everything more fun. Cool guy. You’d like him.
7. Barack Obama – Only for the security that came with him. I hate when I go out to dinner and someone gets shot. That won’t happen if he’s there.
8. Italo Calvino – Holy shit this guy can turn a phrase like nobody’s business. Everyone go out and buy Cosmicomics and read it this weekend. It’ll knock your socks on your ass.
9. Bob Odenkirk – The funnier half of Mr. Show with Bob and David. No one in the whole world is better at reading the line, “What the fuck!”
10. Michel Foucault – I’m not sure if I like “the world is sh** and we’re all pawns of those in power” Foucault or the “I shall make of my life a work of art” version. Right? Hahahaha right?
11. Edith Wharton – You know the reason I didn’t move back to Massachusetts 5 years ago? Because my wife read Ethan Frome and was afraid that the winter months would make her miserable. F*** you Edith Wharton. (This dinner comes with a time machine right?)
12. Your Mom – Seriously, she’s amazing. I’m a huge fan. She’s done great things for me and to me over the years
Notable Omission – Ted Williams. My favorite ballplayer of all time but goddamn is he loud and opinionated and I thought that this dinner party might benefit from having only one overbearing asshole at the table and I figured since I threw the party I’d show up.
Brant Houghton, That Ball’s Outta Here
12. Elijah Wood – I would want to know if he had any extra information on The Lord of the Rings, or any theories on what happened after Frodo left with the elves and Gandalf at the end of the trilogy.
11. Earl Morell – I have always wanted to find out what was going through his head during the 1972 season and him getting replaced in the Super Bowl in favor of Bob Griese after starting the majority of the season.
10. Bill Belichick – I would ask him how it feels to be in favor of so many past and present Miami Dolphins players, and why he conducted Spygate?
9. Tony Sparano – Would ask him plenty of questions about the Dolphins success last year, and what he plans on doing this year.
8. Larry Fitzgerald – Want to ask him how he got to be the best receiver in the league, and for a picture with him!
7. Billy King – Would ask him what his thinking was behind all of the draft picks he picked that turned out to be busts.
6. Zach Thomas – Would want to ask him about what it felt like to play for another team other than the Dolphins.
5. Jason Taylor – Would want to ask him about how he dealt with being away from the Dolphins for a year, and Dolphins fans thinking he left on bad terms.
4. Cole Hamels – Would want to ask him how he prepared himself for all of the big games that he pitched in the playoffs this past year.
3. Dan Marino – Would ask him how he feels about never winning a Super Bowl, and if it should have effected his Hall of Fame status at all.
2. Babe Ruth – Would start up a conversation on being one of the biggest curses in sports history, and what it was like being both a pitcher and a fielder.
1. Allen Iverson – Would ask him what it fealt like to be one of the most beloved players in Philly history, and what emotions came to head when he first came back to Philly. And of course, for an autograph!
(Adam Best is the senior editor of the FanSided.com Sports Network and the twisted mind behind Fan Addict. Follow him on Twitter.)