Alien sci-fi actioneer District 9 drops today. I’m actually pretty jacked about the Peter Jackson-produced flick. It looks like Children of Men meets The Host. Considering those are two of my favorite movies of the past five years, this summer sleeper could wind up being pretty badass.
Since District 9 is about aliens being discovered and ultimately living amongst us as refugees, let’s take a look at some famous sports figures that gotta be aliens living among us. Many look strange. Others act strange. Some both act and look strange. I’m convinced these 30 sports figures are extraterrestrials under cover. Give me a black suit and tie, some shades and that memory-eraser doohickey, because I’m on it.
Dennis Rodman
Is there really any need to explain this one?
Al Davis
The renegade owner has always looked as wacky as his ideas. Also, no mere human could work obsessively at his age.
The Williams Sisters
I think the only reason they lose is to throw us off of their scent. In Williamsa, their home planet, big legs equal royalty. That’s why Serena usually gets to win.
David Stern and Joakim Noah
This wasn’t a draft — it was an interplanetary summit. Tell me Stern doesn’t look like the cat-lovin’ Arquillian Jeweler from Men in Black. Tell me Noah doesn’t look, well, weird as f***.
Chris Kaman
Speaking of Men in Black, homey looks like he’s been possessed by a bug. Screw Vincent D’Onofrio.
Tyrone Hill
Hands down the ugliest looking living thing I have ever seen. No way this specimen hails from this planet.
Willie McGee
His neck makes him look like that racing snail from Fantasia in The Never Ending Story. He also talks like Marvin the Martian.
Popeye Jones
He looks like an otherworldly mix of Bubba from Forrest Gump and Sloth. Nice alias, too. Like he turned on a TV and picked the two first things he heard.
Jack Lambert
No way that crazy-looking, indestructible son of a bitch was born on this here rock. I won’t believe it. can’t believe it.
Boris Becker
This guy always creeped me out a little bit. He just seemed ridiculously weird. His hair was always funky, too. Becker is a poor man’s Bowie, and Bowie is definitely from outerspace.
Prince Naseem
Prince Naseem? That right there didn’t tip us off about him being from another galaxy? Not to mention his bizarre behavior and freaky looks. We really are slow.
Lawrence Taylor
No mortal man can snort 46 lines of blow, binge drink like a college kid in Panama City, pound 10 hookers, wake up after an hour of sleep, throw down a pot of coffee and then terrorize the opposing quarterback all afternoon.
Shelden Williams
One word: Klingon.
Bill Walton
I’m not sure if his idol Jerry Garcia is from another planet, but I know Bill is. Throw it down, big alien, throw it down.
Wade Boggs
Much like L.T., no mortal being can drink 75 beers in a setting and scarf down a whole chicken before every game for 18 years. The mustache totally fooled us all.
Gilbert Arenas
Agent Zero. I think homeboy tipped his hand right there. His behavior also has been a huge red flag. Too bad his body hasn’t adjusted to our atmosphere yet.
Bill “Spaceman” Lee
He called himself spaceman for chrissakes. And we thought he was just being cute.
Otis Nixon
His mugshot screams, “You better not put my alien ass in that cell. You want to get abducted? An anal probe? What?”
Don King
That ain’t a crown — it’s an antenna. One which receives direct orders from a dark lord from some other galaxy.
Mike Tyson
The peculiar speech pattern. The markings on the face. The superhuman strength. The failure to understand human currency. Not to mention biting people’s ears off.
Gheorge Muresan
Look at that 7-foot-gazillion freak’s face and tell me he came out of his mama’s womb just like you did yours. You can’t.
Randy Johnson
He looks like Wade Boggs stretched out another foot, plus he throws faster than humanly possible, or at least close.
Sam Cassell
Didn’t he look enough like E.T. without wrapping the towel around his head. Sam “I am an Alien” Cassell. Ex-teammate Ervin Johnson could be from the same extraterrestrial species.
Julian Tavarez
Simply put, he looks like the lovechiled of Freddy Krueger and Harry Solomon from 3rd Rock from the Sun.
Chad Ochocinco
Pretty sure he and Gilbert Arenas came down on the same UFO. Back on his planet, he once won Dancing with the Alien Stars.
John Daly
This fat weirdo has to be something besides human. How else could he live like he does and still have game on the golf course?
Joe Namath
Talk about bizarre behavior. Fur coats on the sideline. Redonkulous Super Bowl predictions that come true. Trying to make out with Suzy Kolber. No mere homo sapien would do these things.
Darryl Dawkins
He told us he was an alien from the planet Lovetron. He told us he spent his offseasons doing “interplanetary funkmanship.” He told us his girlfriend Juciy Lucy was a Jetson. We were too busy listening to backboards shattering to pay attention.
(Adam Best is the senior editor of the FanSided.com Sports Network and the twisted mind behind Fan Addict. Follow him on Twitter.)
