The most important things in the universe. Ranked. Daily.
1. Everyone Hates Isiah Thomas. Jackie MacMullan’s book “When the Game Was Ours” has exploded like a bombshell…right in Isiah Thomas’s face. Among MacMullan’s revelations: That Isiah, for reasons that remain obscure, tried to further ruin HIV-positive friend Magic Johnson’s life by spreading rumors of Johnson being gay. Magic got back at Thomas by (unsuccessfully) trying to keep him off the 1992 Dream Team. Johnson, one of the book’s co-authors, then claims he helped Thomas by convincing the Knicks to hire him in 2004. Was Magic trying to help Isiah there or destroy the Knicks? Either way, Thomas says Magic is lying. Sort of like Isiah was lying when he claimed he didn’t try to kill himself that time.
Now I can see why Isiah might be a tad suicidal.
2. Yankees Don’t Finish Off Angels. The Yankees exploded for 6 in the 7th after Mike Scioscia pulled his starter, some would say prematurely. Contrary to the expectations of most of America including the majority of Angels fans, the Yanks did not hold the lead. They did load the bases in the top of the 9th against the Angels’ closer, but never got the critical blown umpiring call that would’ve given them the victory. Now they get to clinch in the Bronx, or wherever the hell that new bandbox stadium of theirs is located.
3. No Cable Charges. Raiders coach Tom Cable will face no charges over whatever happened between him and assistant Randy Hanson. Wonder how many pieces of eight Al Davis had to shell out to get that done.
4. Ten Commandments of Idiotville: Thou Shalt Not Get Nekky in Thine Own Crib. A Springfield, Virginia man was thrown in jail because some parents at a bus stop near his home happened to peep through his window and see him walking around sans clothing . So, guy who likes to make coffee in the buff, learn to close your drapes. The sight of your dangling man-meat is inspiring impure thoughts in the minds of Springfield, Virginia’s repressed housewives.
5. Soupy Sales Dies. He was named Soupy. He made our grandparents laugh in the days before telegraph knock knock jokes were all the rage. And now he is dead.
6. Opera Diva Arrested for Diva-ing Out. Argentine opera singer Gabriela Pochinki was arrested after getting physical with a New York restaurant manager who asked her to stop annoying other patrons by yelling into her cell phone. Russell Crowe has docked Pochinki five delusional asshole points for not whipping the phone at the manager.
7. The Snuggie Sutra. A guide for people who enjoy having sex while wearing things they bought off the TV at 3 in the morning. And when you’re done, you can clean up the mess with your special bodily fluid-absorbing Sham-Wow!
8. More Legal Issues for Pirate Bay. A Dutch court has ordered The Pirate Bay to take down a list of copyrighted torrents, and block access to Dutch users. So, if you live in Amsterdam, you won’t be able to download that cam of Transformers 2 that someone made with their cell phone where you can only see the upper left hand corner of the shot, and you can’t hear the sound over the idiot in the next seat saying “She’s so hot dude” every time Megan Fox comes on. You will still be able to smoke all the pot you want and have sex with loads of prostitutes. So your day ain’t looking too bad.
9. Angels Fan Seeks Refreshment in Plastic Paradise. The most shocking thing about this video of an Angels fan getting TV time by frolicking in the plastic-rock outfield fountain? Tim McCarver actually laughing at it, instead of doing the normal self-righteous sports announcer thing and breaking into a tirade about how far our society has slipped.
10. Farewell Free Hulu. The popular video service plans to charge people for their content, beginning in 2010. Looks like I’ll have to find my endlessly-buffering, stuttery and ad-interrupted episodes of Adam-12 somewhere else.
More Links:
The Best Phenoms in Sports Cinema
MMA Fighters Who Don’t Look Like MMA Fighters
Homemade Steelers Pre-Game Show
Flu Bug Finishes What Eric Mangini Began (The Ruining of the Browns‘ Season)
Warren Sapp Blasts Bears GM Jerry Angelo
The 7 Rules Every Sports Movie Lives by
The Insanely Fat Chick in the Pup Tent-Sized Roethlisberger Panties Never Ceases to Disgust
Marisa Miller Hangs With the Bulls. Gives New Meaning to the Word “Hardwood.”
Dan Zinski is the lead blogger for The Viking Age. You can follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/acforever or send him tips at pukingdog1@yahoo.com.
