There’s nothing worse than being a fan of a really awful sports franchise. Enduring year after year of piss-poor ownership decisions, laughable general manager moves, questionable drafting, nonsensical coaching and dreadful player performance can make even the sanest person bust a brain synapse and drift into a catatonic state of deep depression.
Following your favorite team is supposed to be gratifying, or at the very least, fun. However, when said team has been mired in a prolonged period of futility and is the constant butt of cruel jokes, there is no such thing as joy in the hearts of its fanbase.
On this Hallows Eve, I thought it fitting to take a look at ten scary bad franchises. These teams aren’t just bad, they are a veritable house of horrors from top to bottom. Some are failed expansion experiments, others are former winners that have fallen on hard times, and a few just plain suck.
10 – Memphis/Vancouver Grizzlies
I laugh every time a team relocates to another city and refuses to change its surname. My absolute fave are the Utah Jazz, who moved from New Orleans in 1979. I’ve never been to Utah, but I’m guessing there aren’t an abundance of jazz clubs dotting the landscape. Along those lines, I’m assuming not many grizzly bears hang in Memphis. The Grizzlies started in Vancouver, but headed south to Memphis prior to the 2001 NBA campaign. They have finished below .500 in eleven of fourteen seasons. The other three years they made the playoffs, but won not a single game. Last year they finished 24-58, last in the Southwest Division.
9 – Washington Nationals
If you include the years they were the Montreal Expos, they have enjoyed exactly one playoff appearance in 41 years of existence. The 1994 work stoppage screwed them out of a chance for glory; when the season ended on August 12 of that year, they had a 74-40 record. Five years in D.C. hasn’t improved their luck. Back-to-back 100 loss seasons is the definition of terrible.
8- Cleveland Browns
Since returning to the NFL in 1999 after a four-year hiatus, the Browns have continued their losing ways. Five head coaches have managed two winning seasons, one playoff appearance and zero postseason wins. Trading away their two most talented playmakers, collecting bad quarterbacks and playing a horrific brand of football have been the top highlights from the last couple years. Thus far in 2009, they have compiled a 1-6 record and may or may not have allowed a rookie running back to be severely injured in practice.
7 – Phoenix Coyotes
Formerly the Winnipeg Jets, the Coyotes packed their bags for the desert in 1996. In twelve seasons they have no division titles and no playoff series wins. Not even the great Wayne Gretzky could help this floundering franchise. He failed to qualify for the postseason in all four of his seasons behind the bench. Filing for bankruptcy earlier this year offered little relief. A botched attempt to relocate to Hamilton, Ontario has left the team in limbo. On October 26th, a deal was reached by the NHL to acquire the Coyotes. The transaction is awaiting approval.
6 – New York Knicks
What the hell happened to the once-proud Knickerbockers? The post-Patrick Ewing era has been an absolute disaster with eight consecutive losing seasons since 2001-02. Isiah Thomas unleashed a reign of terror beginning in 2004 and the impact is still being felt today. High-priced stiffs like Allan Houston, Stephon Marbury, Jamal Crawford, Jerome James and Steve Francis helped drive the organization into the ground. Not even Hall of Fame coaches Lenny Wilkens and Larry Brown could find answers. Most Knicks fans will point the finger squarely at owner James Dolan, who has presided over a decade of failures and missteps.
5 – Kansas City Royals
The Royals won the World Series in 1985. They have not sniffed the postseason since. Eighteen losing campaigns in the last twenty-four is beyond abysmal. Unfortunately, small-market teams like the Royals cannot compete in Major League Baseball’s have/have-not business environment. The inability to outbid the likes of the Yankees and Red Sox will forever relegate KC to the role of bottom feeder. Baseball doesn’t care about competitive balance. If they did, the Royals would not be perpetual losers.
4 – New York Islanders
The above photo is the best thing about going to an Islanders game these days. The old guard fans – like my brother – still wax poetic about the four Stanley Cups. That was a long time ago. Their last division title was the 1987-88 season. Their last appearance in the Eastern Conference Finals was 1992-93. They have failed to qualify for the playoffs in ten of the last fifteen years. After inking All-Star goalie Rick DiPietro to a 15-year contract in 2006, they watched him suffer multiple concussions, a torn hip labrum and several knee injuries, leaving his future in doubt. Maybe young John Tavares can lead them back to prominence. Yeah, right.
3 – Detroit Lions
The only NFL team to finish 0-16 has to make the list. They last won a playoff game in 1991. Their last winning season was in 2000. Their record since then is 32-102. Needless to say, the Matt Millen regime was not very fruitful. A series of wretched drafts and bad coaching hires have turned the Lions into the laughing stock of the league. Calvin Johnson and Matthew Stafford offer a glimmer of hope that things might improve. However, until they build a quality defense, the Lions will continue to be subjected to the point and laugh treatment.
2 – Los Angeles Clippers
With the exception of a blip on the radar in 2005-06, the Clippers have sucked for twenty-five years. They have enjoyed only two winning seasons during their time in L.A. That’s it. Countless drafts busts, a host of uniquely uninspiring coaches and a miserly attitude toward talented free agents has left the Clippers firmly entrenched in a cesspool of inadequacy. They are a roundball comedy of errors. If any team deserves a court jester as mascot, it would be the Clippers.
1 – Pittsburgh Pirates
At least the Cubs haven’t stopped trying to win a World Series. The Pirates last registered a winning record in 1992. No American professional sports franchise has equaled their level of futility. Words can’t describe how woeful and hopeless the Pirates really are. As soon as a young player displays any amount of skill, he is quickly shipped out of town. Management can’t and won’t dole out large paydays. They are nothing more than an auction house for the rest of baseball. It’s high time they be put out of their misery and disbanded.
