Las Vegas nightclub promoter Kalika Moqui (above), aka Tiger Woods’ mistress No. 3 (allegedly), reportedly had no clue who Tiger was when they met in a Sin City club. A girlfriend of hers actually had to drop a hint. First off, the guy is racking up mistresses like they were green jackets. Bill Clinton with a Viagra I.V. drip couldn’t do this kind of damage. Tiger might be just as good at getting it in the hole off the green as he is on it.
Second, how could someone of Moqui’s stature — she’s one of the 31 most influential people in Las Vegas nightlife – not have heard of the world’s most famous athlete? Unbelievable.
A little more background info on Moqui (source): she’s 27, originally hails from Missoula, Montana, and is a country music fanatic.
Now that you’re all caught up to speed on Moqui, here’s how that first meeting between the King of Swing and his latest fling probably went down.
Tiger Woods hangs out with Charles Barkley at a Las Vegas nightclub. Charles rocks a white turtleneck, black blazer and white sneakers. Woods’ attire is slightly less dorky. Woods sets his drink down.
Tiger: I’ll be right back, Chuck.
Charles: Always thinking with your little four iron. Good thing that blonde white bitch of yours is dumb. Hurry the hell up. I wanna get back to the tables.
Tiger: Will do, buddy.
Kalika Moquin runs around doing P.R. stuff in an “isn’t that a little short for work?” red dress. Tiger Woods sashays up to her, grabs her by the arm.
Tiger: Hi.
Kalika: Uh, hi? You are?
Tiger: (chuckles) Tiger.
Kalika: No way. That can’t be your real name.
Tiger: Well, uh, no…
Kalika: What is your real name then?
Tiger: I just go by Tiger.
Kalika: C’mon, nobody just goes by “Tiger.”
Tiger: Fine. Eldrick.
Kalika: Now I know why you want to be called Tiger. I’m Kalika. Another weird name, but, hey, at least it’s pretty.
Tiger: So, anyway, I saw you checking me out across the room.
Kalika: Did ya now? I was actually checking out Charles Barkley’s gut. He gets fatter every time I see him. You over there getting an autograph or something?
Tiger: Um…
Kalika: You’re Asian…or Black… you’re Blasian. You’re smart. You dress a little dorky. Kinda cute, I guess, but definitely dorky. Lemme guess…you’re some computer genius from Silicon Valley? Probably went to Stanford?
Tiger: I did go to Stanford, but…
Kalika: Well, “Tiger,” since neither your roar nor your bite seem to be very interesting, I’m going to get back to work. It was nice –
Another girl bum rushes Kalika, whispers something in her ear, then darts off.
Kalika: Actually, change of plans. Good news — I just got off work early. I didn’t get to hear much about you. What do you say we go back to my place and talk? If you’re lucky you’ll find out that you’re not the only one who’s an animal, “Tiger.” Grrrrrr.
Tiger smirks, nods. Kalika grabs his hand, leads him out of the club. Tiger winks at Charles on his way out. Charles responds with a salute.
How is it possible to never hear of Tiger Woods while living in America?
this was a stupid article
As sad as the whole Tiger Woods situation is, perhaps it might prompt us to re-evaluate the institution of marriage, and whether it is still a viable institution. Assuming, for purposes of argument, that there is no biological component associated with cheating, then simply examining the conduct of golfer Woods, Albert Einstein, Gov. Mark Sanford, Sen. John Edwards, Sen. John Ensign, inventor Henry Ford, Presidents Wilson, Roosevelt, Eisenhower, Kennedy, and Clinton, would strongly suggest that many do not respect the institution as presently constituted or evolved.
The frequency with which infidelity occurs suggests a systemic problem. Society might consider starting a discussion about a modified or different institution to serve the functions previously served by marriage.
Hahaha, I liked it.