(Fantasy Football Fiasco is your be-all end-all review of the week that was in fantasy football. Oh, and a bunch of crap that has nothing to do with fantasy football.)

Seventeen receivers and tight ends topped 100 yards in week 13. Nine quarterbacks tossed for over 300 yards. The days of relying on a pair of stud running backs to capture fantasy glory are long gone.

You better bring the air assault if you wanna compete, unless you’re fortunate enough to own Chris Johnson and Adrian Peterson. I’m guessing that would be no one in leagues with more than four teams.

The Saints, Colts, Cardinals, Eagles, Patriots, Chargers, Packers, Cowboys and to an extent,Vikings, all feature pass heavy offenses. Not coincidentally, these squads are the best around in the NFL. Wait, did I just write the “best around?” Cue The Karate Kid montage:

I realize it’s passe for bloggers to reference this flick, but I’ve been obsessed for twenty-five years. So much so that I dressed as a shower one Halloween.

Week 13 Ninjas

Yaawwnnnn! – Drew Brees threw for 419 yards and two touchdowns. He pretty much does this every week. You know, ’cause he’s really good and shit.

Don’t blame the quarterback – The Redskins have a myriad of problems: prick owner, dolt GM, lame-duck head coach, numerous overpaid free agents, etc, etc. In my humble opinion, Jason Campbell does not belong on the list. He went toe-to-toe against mighty Brees and delivered 367 yards and three sixers. Despite not having much talent around him, Campbell normally does enough to put his team in a position to win. Too bad his kicker is a retard.

Third year rule – Robert Meachem caught twelve passes in his first two seasons. He was close to being labeled a bust. I’d say that talk was premature. This season he is averaging 18.8 yards per catch and has scored eight touchdowns on only 29 receptions. For all you non-math folks, that’s a TD every four grabs (roughly). If you’re a fantasy mastermind like me, you plucked him off the waiver wire weeks ago. If not, hah, hah!

The Mad Mexican

I really have warmed to Chad Ochocinco the last couple years. Anyone who consistently thumbs his nose in the face of buzkill commish Rog Goodell is a-okay in my book. After scoring his first touchdown since week 7, Chad donned a sombrero and poncho. The only things missing were a bottle of hooch and six-shooter. Good for Chad. Is he an attention-seeking camera whore? Sure. But he’s also entertaining as hell. I propose for his next trick, he put on a mouse mask, eat a block of cheese and yell “¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!” before sprinting down the field.

Fish Fry

Someone just informed me the Dolphins rallied to beat the Patriots after trailing 14-0. I don’t believe it for one second, but Chad Henne and Davone Bess posted some gaudy stats. Henne went for 335 and 2, while Bess snagged 10 for 117 and a trip six.  Maybe this Parcells guy knows a thing or two about drafting talent. Or maybe the Patriots just really suck. Blasphemy!

Black Hole Sun

I was just handed a note claiming the Raiders upset the Steelers in Pittsburgh. I don’t believe it for a second, but Bruce Gradkowski and Louis Murphy racked some big time stats. Grad chucked for 308 and 3 with nary an interception, while Louis snatched four balls for 128 and dos scores. If you’re keeping score at home, the Raiders have now beaten the defending Super Bowl Champs, the 2008 NFC runner-ups and the current leader in the AFC North division. What the fuck is going on?

Week 13 Dandies

Purple Jesus gets crucified – Percy Harvin had more rushing yards than Adrian Peterson Sunday night: 22 yards to 19. Is AP slowing down, or is the Cardinals run defense that good? I’d say more of the latter, but you have to wonder. A power running style can wear a fella out. If the Vikings want to be playing in February, a well-rested AP will be needed. Relying on old man Favre’s creaky right arm and bad judgment is not the way to go.

Shady goes into hiding – Due to Brian Westbrook’s rattled brain, rookie LeSean McCoy has become a reliable option for fantasy owners. He was anything but reliable versus the swooning Falcons. 26 yards on nine touches is fetid.

Happy Birthday, asshole – Terrell Owens’ two-game renaissance came to a screeching halt last Thursday night when he ran into the league’s best shutdown cornerback, Darrelle Revis. Three catches for 31 yards is more fitting for the washed-up wideout. I wonder which desperately stupid team will sign T.O. next year under the misguided notion that he can help them win games? My money is on the Browns.

Kickers Ruin Everything

Shaun Suisham makes his second appearance on the Fiaco this season. Congratulations, Shaun! You, once again, cost your team a win. Is booting a 23-yard field goal really that hard? I would imagine not for a professional footie who gets paid an obscene amount of cash to kick a ball. Suisham should be dunked repeatedly in a barrel of disease-ridden rats for his actions. Breaking news: Suisham was just cut. That’s fine and dandy, but I like my barrel of rats punishment better.

The Terminator Returns

I vomited in my mouth when Rex Grossman trotted onto the field after Matt Schaub separated his shoulder. How the hell is this spaz still allowed to sully a roster? Just goes to show how dumb the Texans are. Knowing they have an oft-injured starting quarterback who can drop at anytime, they ink Rexy to back him up. Brilliant. Can you guess the result of his first pass attempt? If you said interception, give yourself a piece of candy.

Break Out The Iron Maiden

Jay Cutler didn’t throw a pick and the Bears won. Baby steps, but I say the maiden did its job last week. Now, the maiden has fixed its gaze on the forgotten man in the Saints juggernaut offense: tight end Jeremy Shockey. The tattooed hothead with locks of gold hasn’t eclipsed 50 yards in over a month and last found the end zone in week 6. He’s missing out on all the fun in N’awlins. A few spikes to the torso should pull him from his malaise.

Random Clip from the Movie Uncle Buck

Punching drunk clowns = comedy platinum. I really do miss John Candy.

Song I Can’t Stop Listening To – “Sooner Or Later” by Breaking Benjamin

Of the many post-grunge bands to make a mark, Breaking Benjamin is probably my favorite. Their music is far from groundbreaking, but if you need to rock out once in a while, and who doesn’t, listen to a couple songs. Their fourth studio album, Dear Agony, was released on September 29. It’s not as good as Phobia, but it’s still worth a spin.

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Week 13 is in the rear view mirror. May your playoff aspirations come to fruition. Unless you’re in one of my leagues. In that case, I hope you drive your car into a bridge abutment and lapse into a deep coma for the next month. Too harsh? Oh, well.

Scott Tunstall is the Lead Blogger for Inside the Iggles. You can follow him on Twitter.