The most important things in the universe. Ranked. Daily.
1. Billy Zane Isn’t in it? It’s Already Better Than Titanic.
I don’t need to tell all you plugged-in pop culture mavens, but, James Cameron’s Avatar is out everywhere today, in mindblowing IMAX 3D (assuming you live where they have one of those IMAX places; for the rest of us it’s just a regular movie full of blue people and foliage). Here’s a review, in case you need more information to make an informed choice. My condolences to Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant whose new movie Did You Hear About the Morgans? is also out today. I’m sure a few people will catch it on Starz eventually.
2. Jay Feely Knows All About Living on the Brink of Destruction, Having Once Been a Kicker for a Bill Parcells Team
Kicker Jay Feely got heat for what some perceived as insensitive tweets about Chris Henry in the immediate aftermath of the receiver’s unfortunate apparent suicide. “You can’t live on the brink of destruction without inevitably falling off the ledge,” Feely opined, bringing the wrath of tens of fellow Twitterland denizens. As I always say, you can’t tweet your mind without inevitably pissing off the armchair thought police, who will not be shy about letting you know what a hard-hearted fuck you are.
3. Say Goodbye to Royce White, Minnesota. And Royce White, Say Goodbye to Reality.
Minnesota Golden Gophers basketball recruit Royce White has quit the team rather than face the heat of an investigation over a stolen laptop. Rather than let the media tell his story for him, Royce has decided to be proactive and release his own “last interview” on YouTube, complete with low-end production values. Stephon Marbury comparisons are inevitable, but not valid. Cause at least Starbury accomplished something as a player before becoming batshit.
4. Bob Knight Reminds Us Why We Sometimes Like Him in Spite of Ourselves
As an in-studio analyst on ESPN, he has been nondescript (unless you really enjoy his chummy banter with Digger Phelps). As an in-game color man, he has been downright horrible (yes, we know Bobby, help defense is very very important). However, Bob Knight is not entirely useless as a commentator, as long as he is willing to do fun stuff like rip John Calipari a shiny new asshole. Now if he would just say that kind of stuff during telecasts, instead of saving it for personal appearances, we might have reason to lay off the mute button.
5. Now He Knows How Dillinger Felt When He Realized the Guy Behind Him Was a Pistol-Packing G-Man
Reports say the Washington Redskins are making goo-goo eyes at former Broncos coach Mike Shanahan, this one day after the Skins let go GM Vinny Cerrato and replaced him with former Bucs GM Bruce Allen. Don’t despair, Jim Zorn. They could still change their minds at the last minute and decide to keep you. No, I’m playing…you’re gone, hoss. Seriously, why not just clear your desk out now and get a headstart on life after relevance?
6. Dwyane Wade is a Duke-Hater Hero (via NESW Sports)
People who despise J.J. Reddick (for all those irrational reasons) probably enjoyed this block of his weak-ass former-Dukie lay-up by Dwyane Wade.
7. All Fairy Tales End. And So Do All Nightmares.
The judge has signed the papers officially dissolving the marriage of Jon and Kate Gosselin. Now they’re just two regular unmarried people hating on each other in the press while claiming they want their privacy.
8. The Most Hideous Shoes I’ve Ever Seen. And I’ve Seen Those High-Heeled Jordans.
The new Kevin Durant Nikes…for everyone who’s ever dreamed of having shoes the same color as a really bad spray-on tan.
9. The Prada Store?
I never had any particularly negative feelings toward Maurice Jones-Drew…until he unleashed the weakest touchdown celebration in the history of the universe.
10. An End-of-the-Decade List for the Cheater-Hater in All of Us
Chronicles of Scott unveils the top cheaters of the decade. Bob Knight would like to take issue with the exclusion of Mr. Calipari.
Further Reading:
The Consol Energy Center Probably Won’t be So Cramped
All I Want for Christmas is the Air Jordan XI
10 Dumbest Moments in TV Game Show History
It’s Hard to See She’s Crying When She Spends Her Days in Water
Richie Incognito Lands in Buffalo
Tiger Woods: Bigger Than 9/11?
Dan Zinski is the lead blogger for The Viking Age. You can follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/acforever or send him tips at pukingdog1@yahoo.com.
