The most important things in the universe. Ranked. Daily.
1. Red Hot Chilly
The world saw Brad Childress and Brett Favre’s awkward body language on the sidelines during the Vikings‘ undressing at the hands of Carolina. What the world didn’t see: Chilly reaming his offense at halftime, and after the game, taking Favre aside and giving him his own personal tongue-lashing. Somewhere, Ted Thompson is smiling. And it’s not because he’s thinking about all the awesome new sweaters he’s getting for Christmas.
2. Sometimes, Carrying on the Family Tradition is Admirable. And Then There’s What Chip Caray is Doing…
Days after being dumped by TBS, Chip Caray has scored himself a new gig announcing Braves games for FOX Sports South. Guess that gay porn career will have to wait a little while longer.
3. The Phoenix Suns Team Bus…Where Hilarious Happens (via Bootlegger Sports)
Steve Nash is the Spike Jonze of the NBA. And Leandro Barbosa is the Stevie Nicks.
4. Watching Football De-Evolve Before Our Very Eyes (via Detroit4Lyfe)
It takes a team as hideous as the Redskins to devise a fake field goal play as wretched as this one, and execute it so atrociously. I’m emptying the thesaurus today.
5. The Mike Holmgren Football Cities With Miserable Weather Tour Continues
The Cleveland Browns have a new head of football operations, and his name is Mike Holmgren. For those not familiar with Holmgren’s work: he was the head coach in Green Bay when Brett Favre was young and not-yet-gray, then he went to Seattle and made it to the Super Bowl despite being coach of the Seahawks. Basically, he’s the Larry Brown of the NFL…the guy who makes winners out of previously moribund franchises. And if he is successful in resurrecting the Browns, just call him Dr. Frankenstein.
6. This is Why You Shouldn’t Let Your Children Watch Sharon Stone Movies
Missouri teenager Caitlen Watkins has been charged with first-degree assault and armed criminal action after allegedly stabbing a man six times with an ice pick in a dispute over a parking space. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If you’re going to throw down over a parking spot, you gotta come hard, and don’t be fooled if the other guy is a slightly built, waifish teen girl. Beneath that innocent facade lurks a cold-blooded killer, who will like totally fuck you up.
7. Dakota Fanning is Out of Her Tween Period
The Runaways teaser trailer, featuring Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett, Dakota Fanning as a chick named Cherie.
8. Wanton Misuse of 911, the My Son Won’t Stop Playing Video Games Edition
A Boston woman wins this week’s Wanton Misuse of 911 Award for calling the police because her 14-year-old son wouldn’t stop playing Grand Theft Auto. Yes, the police actually showed up. No, the kid did not go crazy on them with a giant purple dildo.
9. Dick Cheney Surfaces, Rings Opening Bell at NYSE
Black is slimming.
10. Random Kinks Clip in the 10 Slot
“Apeman”
Further Reading:
Sidelion Report Podcast: Brittany Murphy, Cardinals/Lions, Curtis Granderson
Fantasy Football Week 16: Start Em, Sit Em Projections
New Sheriff in Town: Tyreke Evans
Great Moments in Unlicensed Pittsburgh Sports Merchandise: Red Wing Fail
How to Shit the Bed by Vinny Del Negro
Dan Zinski is the lead blogger for The Viking Age. You can follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/acforever or send him tips at pukingdog1@yahoo.com.
