The most important things in the universe. Ranked. Daily.
1. Who Does This Guy Think He is? Woody Hayes?
Texas Tech has suspended Mike Leach for the team’s bowl game after the school received complaints from the parents of an injured player who says Leach forced him to sit in a locked closet while the team practiced. The mistreated player, Adam James, had suffered a concussion and been told not to practice, but apparently Leach thought he was faking, and decided to teach him a lesson. Unfortunately for Leach, Adam’s father is TV football analyst Craig James, a man with the means to threaten the university via expensive lawyers. So, Leach was the only one learning a lesson, and the lesson was this: if you’re going to pick on a player, make sure he’s poor.
2. Jay Cutler is a Class Act. In the Universe Where Flipping People Off Makes You a Class Act.
Eagle-eyed viewers of last night’s dramatic Vikings-Bears overtime extravaganza say they noticed Jay Cutler aiming an interesting and possibly profane gesture at fans who were booing the team for taking a knee at the end of the fourth quarter. Grainy photos of the incident seem to bear out the claim. Are we sure Jay was really flipping off the fans though? Maybe he was flipping off Jon Gruden for being a Brett Favre butt-boy. Maybe he was joining the fans in flipping off Lovie Smith. Maybe he was flipping off his mom for fucking up his haircut again.
3. Apparently, Being Terrible at Your Job is Sexy
Moviefone’s end-of-the-year poll features Megan Fox at the top of two categories: Sexiest Actress of 2009 and Worst Actress of 2009. The human race has clearly divided into two camps: Those who don’t care about Megan Fox’s lack of talent, and those who are bitter at the fact that they will never have sex with Megan Fox.
4. Why Adrian Peterson May Not be the Greatest Back Since Walter Payton
The only thing AD has on Payton? A functioning liver.
5. Tom Cable Knows What’s Wrong With the Raiders. And, Funny, it’s Not Him.
In his Monday post-loss press conference, Tom Cable expressed the opinion that had the Raiders gotten at least a decent performance out of their quarterbacks all season, they would be in the playoffs. This is where I point out that JaMarcus Russell was the starter the first 9 games of the season, during which time the team posted a 2-7 record. Sherlock Holmes’ services will not be needed in figuring out exactly who Cable was blaming for the Raiders’ struggles.
6. D-Wade Scores With C-List Babe
Pictures of Dwyane Wade walking alongside actress Gabrielle Union in a beach setting. These prove that they are dating.
7. If Star Wars Were The A-Team…
Chewbacca would be Mr. T. And instead of a van there would be the Falcon. And there would still be no chick in the group.
8. The Mutant Cockroach Invasion Has Begun in the Only Place it Could: New York
New York high school students doing a DNA testing project stumbled upon a cockroach whose DNA differs enough from that of other cockroaches to possibly qualify it as a new subspecies of cockroach. This previously unknown insect is characterized by its bipedal form of locomotion, human-like dimensions and curious exoskeleton featuring markings reminiscent of a logo for the rock band Poison. It was discovered in a grubby home office filled with empty fast food containers, porn DVDs and lists of stolen social security numbers. It said its name was Wayne and it was only housesitting for its friend. Then it grabbed its jacket and tried to leap out the window.
9. The Video That Has Everything
Cute girl. Weird German singing. Adorable dancing. Pratfall. Funny reaction to pratfall.
10. Celebrating Baseball Stachitude
7th Inning Stache has inducted a new member into its MLB Mustache Hall of Fame: Bobby Grich. Still waiting for Dick Tidrow to get the call.
Further Reading:
Top 10 Sports Movies of the Decade
Top 10 NHL Plays of the Decade
Week 17 NFL Betting Power Rankings
Chicks Suffer Nasty MMA Injuries Too
What’s Worse Than Sub-Freezing Shirtless Guy?
Dan Zinski is the lead blogger for The Viking Age. You can follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/acforever or send him tips at pukingdog1@yahoo.com.
