The most important things in the universe. Ranked. Daily.
1. Pizza Fumes Can Make You Drunk, Apparently
Saints defense end Bobby McCray got arrested Tuesday morning in the wake of a speeding stop, and after refusing a breathalyzer test, was booked for drunk driving among other offenses. Upon getting sprung, McCray used the magic of Twitter to tell the world he wasn’t drunk at the time of his arrest, and that the worst thing he could be accused of was driving with a pizza. He also made some mention of hiring a bunch of lawyers. I’m guessing the meeting with the lawyers has since taken place, because the Twitter account is now gone. I’ll be curious to see how that pizza thing works out in court.
2. The Other Side of the Mike Leach Controversy: Leach is a Hard-Nosed Coach, Adam James is a Big Baby
Mike Leach’s former players are coming out to defend him in the wake of his suspension for allegedly mistreating player Adam James, the son of ESPN’s Craig James. One pro-Leach statement, from former Texas Tech O-lineman and current Tennessee Titan Daniel Loper, characterizes complainant James as a prima donna who needs to man up and learn to deal with being humiliated by his coach. And others suggest that none of this would’ve become an issue had James had a different father. I only know one thing: Mike Leach looks like the kind of creep who might very well lock a dude up in a dungeon for bizarre reasons, therefore he must be guilty.
3. At Last, a Politician Who is Willing to Pander
Indianapolis councilman Beurt SerVaas thinks Colts fans got screwed by their team when they lifted their starters against the Jets, and has drafted a resolution that would ask the NFL to refund the money. This idea was immediately picked up by city leaders in Detroit, who are now going to demand the Lions give everyone their money back for every game played since 1957.
4. He Should Change His Name to Fabio
Chad Ochocinco, shirtless and in flak jacket, doing a shoot for Urban Ink magazine. Nah, he’s not a fame-whore.
5. Someone Should Sue Him for that God-Awful Cubs Song
Eddie Vedder has been sued by obscure Canadian musician Indio over the tune “Hard Sun,” which was apparently originated by Indio in 1987, and had the words changed by Mr. Vedder when he recorded it for the soundtrack to Into the Wild. Indio’s assertion is that Vedder “eroded the integrity of the original composition” when he messed with the song. You know what else he did, Indio? Made me and lots of other people aware of your existence. So, perhaps, instead of a lawsuit, you should offer Mr. Vedder your gratitude. Canadian jerk.
6. Okay Larry, But That Still Doesn’t Explain the Stains
Things went very wrong between the charity Feed the Children and its founder Larry Jones at some point, resulting in Larry’s firing, a lawsuit by Larry against the charity and a countersuit against Larry full of all kinds of fun allegations. My favorite among the accusations leveled against Jones? That he used the Feed the Children headquarters as a place to hide his hardcore porn magazine collection. What makes it even more fun is Larry’s explanation for the stash: that he was doing research for a book on AIDS in Africa to be called “The Zipper Disease.” Jeez Larry, what kind of freaky porn was that?
7. ‘09 Music Mash-Up
The worst auto-tune-laden crap of 2009, all mashed together. Kanye, Beyonce and Taylor Swift in the same video? And the world didn’t explode?
8. The Year in Sports Pseudo-Journalism
A collection of some of 2009’s best sports blog posts.
9. This Makes Me Want to Give Back…My Breakfast
Brighten your day by watching this video imploring Purdue alumni to give back. Makes me glad I never went to Purdue, or any other college. (via Midwest Sports Fans)
10. Random Kinks Clip in the 10 Slot
“Come Dancing”
Further Reading:
The Top 10 Worst Things of the Decade
Voodoo Sabermetrics: Milton Bradley
2010 Winter Olympics Ice Hockey Preview
10 Goofy Commercials With Pro Athletes
Waiting for Godunk: ‘Tis the Season
Tale of the Tape: Tiger Woods v. Alex Rodriguez
Tyrus Thomas Filthy Put Back Dunk
Two More Reasons to Hate Colts Fans
Sixth Man of the Day: Danilo Gallinari
A Decade of Oakland Raiders Football
Dan Zinski is the lead blogger for The Viking Age. You can follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/acforever or send him tips at pukingdog1@yahoo.com.
