The most important things in the universe.  Ranked.  Daily.

1.  Clearly, the Young Man Has Never Heard of Conveniently Looking the Other Way

The Denver Broncos were without Brandon Marshall for their must-win Sunday game against the Chiefs, because coach Josh McDaniels decided winning and making the playoffs were less important than punishing the sometimes unruly receiver for showing up late to a treatment session on his injured hammy.  It also didn’t help the Broncos’ cause that they refused to get in the way of Jamaal Charles as he was racking up 259 yards.  That’s how you go from 6-0 to 8-8.

2.  Chris Johnson Has Something (Good) in Common With O.J. Simpson

Tennessee Titans running back Chris Johnson has joined the elite club of NFL players who have rushed for over 2,000 yards.  Johnson’s 2006 yards places him fifth on the single-season rushing list, 3 yards ahead of O.J. Simpson.  As Ron and Nicole found out the hard way, it’s always good to be three yards ahead of O.J.

3.  It Was Either That or Forge a Sick Note from His Mom

Chad Ochocinco made a huge deal about his match-up with Jets corner Darrelle Revis, but when the night of their big showdown finally arrived, Ochocinco came down with a suspicious case of accidental pre-game knee injury, which I guess is supposed to explain why he ended up with no catches for no yards.  Good news though:  the Jets play the Bengals in the first round of the playoffs, so Ochocinco will get another chance to catch at least one ball with Revis on him.

4.  The “Jim Zorn Firing Watch” is Officially Over.  The “Which Big-Name Coach Will Daniel Snyder Wildly Overpay Watch” May Now Commence.

Redskins fans who drank their sorrows away Sunday night woke up Monday morning to discover that head coach Jim Zorn had been fired.  It’s not as good as a perfect hangover cure or turning over to find an SI swimsuit model passed out beside you, but it’s still pretty good.

5.  Brit Hume is Lucky Buddhists Don’t Believe in Violence, Otherwise He Would Have an Asswhupping Coming to Him

Brit Hume believes Tiger Woods can only save himself by becoming Christian.  I believe I can only save myself by ignoring Brit Hume and every other pinhead on FoxNews with the possible exception of Shep Smith who is fair, balanced and so much hotter than Anderson Cooper.

6.  Chandler Parsons = Cold-Blooded Hoops Assassin

Florida beats NC State on a miracle three-quarter-court heave.  Ghost-Jim Valvano just choked on his ghost-pasta.

7.  Scary Places Presents:  Inside the Mind of Gilbert Arenas

Twitter has brought pro athletes closer to their fans.  It has also brought us closer to understanding that some athletes are incredibly disturbed individuals who probably shouldn’t be sharing their stream-of-consciousness.  Oh, Gilbert Arenas, you’re just misunderstood, is that it?  Of course, I get it, the media blow things out of proportion.  You and Javaris Crittendon pulling guns on each other was not what it appeared.  You will let us all in on what really happened, as soon as the other voices shut up and let you figure it out.

8.  This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Craniums

Pat White’s skull had a bad Sunday.  Sadly, those magic dent-popper-outer things they sell on TV don’t work on bone.

9.  Colts Fans Would Like to Formally Apologize to Bill Polian.  Now They Get the Whole Pulling Starters Early Thing.

Wes Welker is scrappy.  Unfortunately, his knee ligaments are not extra-stretchy.  It’s not as if the Patriots would like having the leading receiver in the NFL on the field for the playoffs or anything.

10.  I’ve Got Two Tickets to Paradise.  And I Would Use Them if Only My Bursitis Would Let Up.

Corey Hart, Tommy Tutone and the J. Geils Band were otherwise engaged, so the Liberty Bowl had to settle for Eddie Money as its halftime performer.

Further Reading:

NFL Playoffs Wild Card Round Schedule, Announcers, Spreads and Picks

Chris Myers Thinks the Lions Are Failed Terrorists

Iranian Soccer Official Loses Job Over New Year’s Email to Israel

College Basketball Timeout = NASCAR Pit Stop

How Lovie Smith’s Cover-2 Went from Smiley Face to Frowny Face in 2 Short Years

In Alabama, Football is Above the Law

Chris Johnson Fails to Run for 2010 Yards

Dan Zinski is the lead blogger for The Viking Age. You can follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/acforever or send him tips at pukingdog1@yahoo.com.