The most important things in the universe. Ranked. Daily.
1. Look on the Bright Side. Now You Get to Leave Buffalo.
The Buffalo Bills no longer have a coaching staff, because they fired it. The whole thing. From the head man, whoever he was, down to the most lowly position coach. Terrell Owens must feel totally brain-fucked right now. It’s the first time in his life everyone was run out of town but him.
2. What Was Your Favorite Fiesta Bowl Non-Game-Related Moment?
Last night’s Fiesta Bowl started out as just another meaningless contest between two beneficiaries of the BCS smaller school quota system, but was somehow magically transformed into a cornucopia of amusing ancillary crap/tweet-fodder. There was a hilarious misspelling of the word “communication” by the Fox graphics team, a misspelling of the word “noise” by some dyslexic fans…and then there was the cowbell-playing Boise State band member who, thanks to the power of link-trading, became an unlikely folk hero. And then everyone found out she is blind and felt a tiny bit guilty, for a second.
3. Tiger Woods, Edgy Beefcake Model?
Vanity Fair has jumped on the Tiger Woods exploitation bandwagon by publishing some “sexy” pictures of the sports superstar, taken before his public life went into a death-spiral. Some have suggested that the pictures were deliberately manipulated to make them seem more sinister, in keeping with Tiger’s new, non-family-friendly media persona. Most of us just wish Tiger had kept his shirt on. And his dick at home.
4. Now We Know How to Get Under Bill Belichick’s Skin
CBS talking head Charley Casserly reported before the Pats game Sunday that Tom Brady was playing with broken ribs. Ornery Pats coach Bill Belichick took to the airwaves on Monday to not only refute Casserly’s report, but basically rip the former NFL GM apart. “There’s so much stuff out there that is so inaccurate that it’s comical,” Belichick raved. “Who’s been wrong more than Casserly? His percentage is like a meteorologist.” Nobody calls Charley Casserly a weather man! Belichick has gone too far this time.
5. Gosh, I Hope She Didn’t Break Out in Hives Again
Erin Andrews had a close call with a runaway player while standing on the sideline at the Fiesta Bowl. I’m guessing this Erin Andrews video won’t be quite as sought-after by panting pervs as that one from last year.
6. The Tree is Lucky it Didn’t Get its Face Blown Off
Former NBA star Jayson Williams was injured early Tuesday when he crashed his SUV into a tree, apparently after getting his drink on (at least according to the cops). What Jayson really needs is a chauffeur.
7. Clearly, This Man Never Smelled Play Doh, or He Would’ve Known Immediately What He Was Dealing With
A tot traveling with his mom after Christmas found out the hard way what a post-underwear-bomber world will be like, when a TSA man mistook his Play Doh for bomb-making material and confiscated it. A spokesperson for the TSA explained that Play Doh is not expressly prohibited on planes, but their agents are encouraged to use their own discretion in cases like that. “Use their own discretion” apparently means “be brainless assholes.”
8. David Letterman Weighs in on the Washington Wizards Mess
And I get an easy item out of it.
9. 2009 in Sports, Through the Eyes of Fansided
And what a year it was. I’ve already forgotten it.
10. Random Johnny Carson Clip in the 10 Slot
Johnny with frequent guest Don Rickles.
Further Reading:
Mark Schlereth Does Like Michael McDonald
If the Wild Card Round Match-Ups Were Old TV Shows
The Three Most Likely Destinations for Tracy McGrady
Top 25 Hip Hop Albums of the Decade
Ochocinco Hooks Fireman Ed Up With a Trip to Cincy
Dan Zinski is the lead blogger for The Viking Age. You can follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/acforever or send him tips at pukingdog1@yahoo.com.
