Red Sox Fire Hitting Coach, Instantly Improve Hitting

Aug 6, 2012; Boston, MA, USA; Boston Red Sox first baseman

The Boston Red Sox Baseball Club announced on Monday that they had fired hitting coach Bob McClure. There had long been rumors that McClure and enigmatic skipper Bobby Valentine were not seeing eye-to-eye in the clubhouse, but the Red Sox claim this decision was purely “performance based.” The performance to which they were referring is the offensive output of the team, and how it hasn’t managed to score enough runs for the club to win baseball games. Seeing as McClure has left the picture, and McClure was the coach tasked with instructing hitting, it would stand to reason that the Red Sox will now go on a massive offensive tear and produce runs at an accelerated rate.

Dustin Pedroia was asked about the firing and he responded with great optimism. “I feel awesome,” said the second-baseman, currently sporting an OPS of .333, the lowest mark of his career since his rookie season. “Don’t get me wrong, Bob was a good guy, but now that he’s gone I just feel like such a better hitter, you know? All that junk he used to tell me about my front foot and clearing my hips and all that? Yuck. Confusing. Now I’m free, man. I feel great.” Slugger Adrian Gonzalez agreed with his teammate, he himself posting near career low hitting numbers this season. Gonzalez was confident improvement was coming soon. “Bob was always telling me these strange things, things like ‘Be bad at hitting’ and ‘Don’t worry about hitting the ball hard.’ I never understood that,” said the first-baseman. “Now that Bob is gone, I won’t be hearing that kind of instruction, and I’ll be able to better focus on other things, like being good at hitting.” McClure’s departure reverberated throughout the clubhouse, even affecting members of the team who are currently injured and on the disabled list. David Ortiz, who’s long been inactive with a nagging Achilles injury, reported improved health and a positive attitude. “I heard Bob was gone and all of a sudden I was walking without pain,” said a giddy Ortiz, whose veteran production had previously anchored the Boston lineup. “I feel like I could get back out there any day now, start hitting home runs and helping us win games. I never listened to Bob much anyway.” The Red Sox look forward to hitting the baseball solidly and with a great deal of power in the coming days, unlike before when McClure was in charge of the whole thing. Their first massive offensive outburst is planned for Tuesday evening at home against the Angels.

There have been no reports or comments from the Red Sox organization on how McClure’s departure will impact the team’s pitching.

Kyle writes baseball nonsense at The Trance of Waiting. You can follow him on Twitter @AgainstKyle.