Mandatory Credit: Matthew Emmons-US PRESSWIRE

Cowboys Fan Petitions President Obama to Remove Jerry Jones

People in the deep south — particularly Texas– do not like President Obama. That’s pretty much a safe assumption given the election returns in that part of the country and the desire to suddenly secede  upon Obama’s re-election. But that’s not stoping one Cowboys fan from going to the big bad government to solve their problem: Jerry Jones.

Granted, the fan lives in Georgia, Obama didn’t necessarily clean up in that state either.

But election returns aside, a fan has petitioned President Obama in an effort to forcibly remove Emperor Palpatine Jerry Jones as grand supreme ruler owner of the Dallas Cowboys.

We, the Citizens of the Great State of Texas, and Dallas Cowboys fans worldwide, have been oppressed by an over controlling, delusional, oppressive dictator for way too long. Request the Executive Branch’s immediate assistance in removal of owner and GM, Jerry Jones. His incompetence and ego have not only been an extreme disappointment for way too long, but moreover, it has caused extreme mental and emotional duress.

-Petition to Remove Jerry Jones

As of current, the petition has almost 463 of the 25,000 signatures needed for anyone to actually take it seriously — not that it would even be taken seriously at that point anyways. If Jerry Jones is the tyrant the petition suggests (and he very much is) he’s not going to give up power of the team he owns. If you’d like to sign the petition, by all means be our guest.

To make the petition even more hilarious, it was filed under Human Rights Issues, thusly proving that Cowboys fans really are sore losers.

Tags: Dallas Cowboys NFL


    This JJ. What have I possibly done to deserve all this heartache? I have built the most beautiful (gaudy) and luxurious (obsessively over-built) football palace in the world and brought the very best players (under achievers) to Dallas that money could buy. We have a future HOF (second-stringer) QB, whom I love and (he kisses my butt) adore. He has just gotten a few (int’s..can’t hold on to the ball) bad brakes. Give him a little more time (say ten more years), and I am certain that he will bring that elusive Lombardi Trophy back it’s rightful home (ABD….anyplace but Dallas).
    And, Dallas Stadium is the best value in all of sports. Why, you can bring a family of four and enjoy winning football (125/125 in the last 250 games), watch your favorite team on HD TVs that stretch almost the entire length of the field for only the cost of a two bedroom condo on the beach. And, you can watch as my son-in-law cleans my glasses. Please, just give the Cowboys more of your support (cash) and I promise to you, my loyal fans (saps), that I will bring the right personnel (except a GM, that’s me) to bring us back to our glory years (of the 1890s). I will work tirelessly to find another (idiot) GM, like Mike Lynn, to (trade me an entire team) for that one special player, (Hershel Walker).
    So, for now fans, just hang (yourself) in there, and you will see that there is light (an on-coming train) at the end of the (train-wreck) tunnel.

    Yours, truly

    p.s. You do believe me……right?