Ben Liebman is a writer for FanSided partner BroJackson.com. For more great content, head on over to Bro Jackson and check out Ben’s work and be sure to check Ben’s Game of Thrones recap from last week to see how we got here.
The creative minds behind “Game of Thrones” have done well by emulating the NFL scheduling model. By keeping a shorter schedule, the NFL always leaves fans wanting more games, which is something that can’t be said by the NBA, MLB, or NHL. The show similarly benefits from having just 10 episodes per season, leaving the audience on the edge of their seat. I’m just hoping that this coming “Game of Thrones “offseason could include a new character draft or a wildling combine. Rich Eisen covering the number of times the Hound can split wood in half live from King’s Landing could be a great show. With “Game of Thrones” now hitting the halfway mark of season three, there isn’t a better time to take a hard look at which of the show’s players are in the MVP running.
Game of Thrones Power Rankings
15. Lady Olenna aka The Queen of Thorns
After last week, the matriarch of the House Tyrell has cemented her role as the Bea Arthur of the series. Every character that enters her gaze is fair game for a cutting remark or deadly eye roll. She’s proved up to the task in her verbal volleying with the Lannisters, but how will she react when news of the plot for Sansa to marry Tyrion reaches her ears? Bonus points for making pastel nun’s habits look fashionable enough for South Florida retirees.
14. Guy Who Tortures Theon
We still don’t know this guy’s name, but boy does he know how to torture. Since we kind of hate Theon for what he did to Winterfell, it takes a really nasty situation for us to feel any sense of pity for him. Good thing he’s tied to a metal ‘x’ while his fingers are slowly flayed. What we do know is this guy has a heck of an imagination, and way too much time on his hands. He’s the kind of guy you meet through online dating.
13. Margaery Tyrell
Some women would be rather upset to find out that the man they were about to marry was a bit of a sociopath, but that isn’t a problem for the new Princess in King’s Landing. As we’ve seen, Marge knows just how to play creepy King Joffrey. She could even be held responsible for the death of Roz after she spent so much time rubbing Joffrey’s crossbow like it was a genie in a lamp. Wasn’t she really confirming for him that as King it was totally cool for him to kill whoever he wanted? Now that’s power.
12. Bran Stark
Even though Bran is on the way to the Wall with Hodor, Osha, the Meera Twins, and Rickon (if you don’t see Rickon, does he really exist?) his role is mostly to eat and dream. He’s like the show’s Garfield. Hard to really generate excitement from that alone, and last week’s officiating of a rabbit skinning competition didn’t help. Also hurts that Bran is hitting puberty harder than Peter Brady in the recording studio. Did someone let Bran touch the application areas of a prescription low testosterone gel? He should know that could result in early onset of puberty.
11. Samwell Tarly
Sam continues to be the quintessential sweaty chubby guy even when he is in the middle of a never-ending blizzard. Who sweats this much in the cold? He’s like the “Pigpen” of the show, but without the roving cloud of dirt. Sam is now shepherding Gilly and her son toward the Wall, but they don’t seem to be making much progress. Will this turn into a Westeros version of “National Lampoon’s Vacation?”
10. Jon Snow
Jon is having the same experience with the wildlings that most young adults have when they go on their first teen tours. He’s already coupled up with a clearly unstable person, and now finds himself way too close to being exposed to his new friends as still a Crow at heart. He also continues to get credit for his sexual prowess with his mouth, but that is a hard thing to discuss with others in casual conversation.
9. Lord Varys
If you want to blame anyone for the death of Roz, Westeros’ favorite whore, then look no further than the master of whispers. Varys might have relationships with all the “little birds” that feed him information, but he clearly isn’t worried about sacrificing a few of them for the greater good. He’s the most diabolical bald character since Voldemort. His evolving allegiance should be an integral part of the second half of season three.
8. Jaime Lannister
What happened to the good old days when you could just be comfortable hating everything about the Kingslayer? This season we’ve been treated to a kinder and gentler Jaime. Of course, that is not so hard when previously he’s been known for banging his sister and pushing a kid out of a window. Since Jaime lost his hand on the way to King’s Landing there has been a sea change in the character. Not since Bambi’s Mother has something in a forest garnered this much sympathy. Now we find ourselves almost rooting for the guy. And how long until word of Jaime’s present situation reaches the ears of Tywin Lannister?
7. Robb Stark
I always forget that Robb is one of those guys who rocks the double “b” at the end of his name. I never really trust those sorts of people. Robb is fresh off putting together a treaty between he and the Frey’s by promising that his uncle will marry one of their daughters. Robb was supposed to marry a Frey originally, but he ended up falling in love with his nurse. It’s good to be the King. The days when everyone around him was chanting “King of the North,” though, are long gone.
6. Arya Stark
Arya continues to have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad time this season. She was this close to watching the Hound pay for his many crimes, but that whole thing ended up with Beric nearly split in two. Now she’s in limbo with nothing much to do but remember who she hates. We’re just talking about typical teenage girl stuff here. If the war never happened then Arya would be at the local Westeros Piercing Pagoda asking for the “Amanda Bynes” look. How many people does she need to strike off her list for this phase to end?
5 Cersei Lannister and Tyrion Lannister (Tie)
It has been a tough few weeks for the Queen Regent. She started off by losing control over nasty King Joffrey, and now finds herself once again being married off by her father for power. The first match made in heaven was to King Robert, and now she’s being hitched to Sir Loras, better known as the Liberace of King’s Landing. The Queen orchestrated the death of her first husband by providing ample wine during his boar hunt, which means Loras would well be advised to give her whatever she wants. No way that will be enough for a woman who is only attracted to power.
We haven’t seen an odder pairing than Tyrion and Sansa Stark since Michael Jackson attempted to kiss Lisa-Marie Presley at the VMAs. Tyrion thought he was going to make his dad proud by being a competent Master of Coin, but that job offers no real power to the always-testy Lord Tywin. Holding control of the North, however, is a juicy prize, and whichever house is married to Sansa will hold claim over it. Will everyone’s favorite little bachelor finally be forced to settle down?
4. Daenerys Targaryen
The Mother of Dragons might have been completely absent from last week’s episode, but until someone else comes across nearly extinct reptiles, her place on the list is secure. She now has collected an army with the Unsullied and more Westeros respect by having Barristan the Bold in her court. She wasn’t onscreen but I imagine she was consumed with feeding the dragons and writing all those thank you cards for her “congrats on sacking Astapor” gifts.
3 Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish
Littlefinger continues to have more spinning plates around him than would normally be considered humanely possible. He’s obviously going to do anything to convince Sansa that he is her only savior even if that means informing Tywin Lannister about the plot to marry her off to Sir Loras. Marrying Loras would insure Sansa’s safety, but that isn’t on the list of concerns for Lord Baelish. He’s off soon to court Lady Arryn in the Vale, but will Sansa finding out about her marriage to Tyrion force her into his arms?
2. Tywin Lannister
Tywin, like all good WASP parents, is cold and emotionally reserved. Even when surprising his children with news of their unwanted wedding plots he finds reasons to be angry with them. He’s also one of the few characters who seem to be playing a larger game this season. Due to the weakening of King Joffrey’s hold on the Iron Throne, and by extension the Lannister hold, Tywin has reason to be making aggressive moves. He just shouldn’t be surprised when he doesn’t get a Father’s Day card from everyone of his kids.
There is something very Casey Anthony/Jody Arias about Jon Snow’s kissed-by-fire girlfriend. I mean that as the highest compliment. There is just something about a girl with a screw loose that attracts men like a matador cape. She’s coming off one of the best nude scenes this season, and just managed to climb 700 feet of frozen wall. What more could we ask from this girl? Her catchphrase, “You know nothing, Jon Snow” is T-Shirt ready, but she might not be the best girl to bring home to meet your parents. She’ll be in the top tier of the power rankings as long as she continues to bring the crazy each and every episode. Guys love crazy.
Check Ben’s recap from last week to see how we got here.