While Kanye West has always draped himself with Christ imagery before, ‘Yeezus’ has taken the pose to its ultimate conclusion: Kanye West is a god. This has us thinking. Who are Kanye’s competitors as humanity’s one, true messiah?
Steve Jobs – 2/1: After the current and previous U.S. presidents, the mercurial Jobs is perhaps the single most important American of the last thirty years. The man gave us the game changing iPod, iPhone, and iPad. He brought style and fonts to computing and suffered a tragic, significant death. If Jobs is our messiah, then technological consumerism is our true religion. This is a safe bet.
Kurt Cobain – 40/1: Cobain is rock’s great Christ figure, dying for the sins of sleek corporate rock, but the odds of Cobain being the messiah have grown longer since his death. Cobain’s success gave birth to a million less talented imitators that destroyed the rock landscape for the latter half of a decade, almost like if the Crusades had occurred directly after Jesus’s death.
Allen Iverson – 100/1: Ann Iverson claimed in a 2002 Sports Illustrated profile of her son that she was a virgin when he was conceived. This keeps Allen Iverson’s odds high despite a steep fall from grace.
Keanu Reeves – 75/1: A tempting long shot bet: the messiah plays a Christ figure in a popular film. This would almost be as mind blowing as the original Matrix. Almost.
Jennifer Lawrence – 50/1: See above but the Hunger Games actress improves her chance by actually having talent.
Tom Cruise – 100/1: A bet that Tom Cruise is our messiah is a bet that scientology is the one true religion and that Tom Cruise will rise to the top of Scientology’s ranks. The latter is possible. According to “Going Clear”, Lawrence Wright’s Scientology exposé, Cruise has risen to the number three spot in the church. But to bet that scientology is anything but the creation of a brilliant, pathological liar is pure lunacy.
Barack Obama – 10/1: One of the most common critiques of the President is that he is more motivated by his legacy than leading the American people. While this is undoubtedly true of all politicians, what’s a better legacy move than dying for humanity’s sins? It’ll get you in the history books.
LeBron James – 40/1: Nike tried to brand him as a messiah with their ‘Witness’ campaign during the 2005 season, but his odds suffer because true messiahs would never lose in the finals.
Mel Gibson – 500/1: Too hateful, sure, but he is a glutton for punishment.
Russell Brand – 100/1: The motor-mouthed Brand has named his recent tour ‘Messiah Complex’ while claiming to have no messiah complex himself. His hairstyle and megalomania beg to differ, and he ups his chances by being thoughtful and wise.
Timothy Richard Tebow – Even odds: Tebow is a man of faith who performs miracles and good works on and off the football field. I believe in Tebow, and it’s difficult to believe in anything. He is a strong bet.