Even great rap albums – and yes, Yeezus is a great rap album – will have their share of clunky lines. I mean you can’t spin out that many rhymes and expect them to ALL be gold. Gonna be some stinkers in there someplace. Yeezus features some doozies. Still a great album though. But these lines? No.
10. I’m ‘bout to wild the f**k out/I’m going Bobby Boucher (New Slaves)
Nice up-to-date reference there Kanye. Hey he’s a busy man. He doesn’t get to see many movies.
9. Tight dress dancing close to him/Yeezus just rose again (Send It Up)
That’s a big swing-and-a-miss. Appreciate the attempt to play off Yeezus rising again but, no. Sorry. Whiff. Erection imagery? Always bad.
8. Uh, I’m a rap-lic priest (I’m In It)
Oh yeah? Do you do your mass in Rap-tin? That’s only slightly less lame than the actual line.
7. Baby girl tryna get a nut/And her girl tryna give it up/Chopped ‘em both down/Don’t judge ‘em, Joe Brown (On Sight)
Number of Kanye fans who are aware that there is a TV judge named Joe Brown: Four. Kanye watches a lot of daytime TV I guess. Cold compress, vodka OJ, Price is Right. Yeah that’s the formula.
6. I just talked to Jesus/He said, “What up Yeezus?”/I said “S**t I’m chillin’/Trying to stack these millions.” (I Am A God)
I get the bit – HE’S SO OVER-THE-TOP IT BECOMES SATIRIC OR DOES IT??? – but I feel like this is just trying way too hard. This reminds me of “Like a Prayer”-era Madonna. Also I feel Kanye is being a tad insensitive toward the plight of those who are currently struggling financially. Like, almost everyone listening to his record?
5. You see there’s leaders and there’s followers/But I’d rather be a d**k than a swallower (New Slaves)
Oh really? You’d rather? Yeah, clearly.
4. Uh, black girl sippin’ white wine/Put my fist in her like a civil rights sign (I’m In It)
Now that famous picture is ruined for me forever THANKS KANYE.
3. I am a God/So hurry up with my damn massage/In a French-ass restaurant/Hurry up with my damn croissants (I Am A God)
Kanye totally misses the point of European-style dining. It’s supposed to be more leisurely? Also if you’re a GOD shouldn’t you have a little more patience? Like possibly an infinite amount? Given that you are immortal and therefore not feeling particularly pressed for time?
2. Leave a pretty girl sad reputation/Start a Fight Club, Brad reputation (Bound 2)
We’ve all been there I think. You’re doing a run of lines ending on the same word. You need ONE MORE. AAHH can’t think of anything. So you do a Jedi mind-trick on yourself. Okay this one isn’t TOO weak. Eh what the hell? I’M ALREADY RICH WHAT DOES IT MATTER???
1. I keep it 300, like Romans/300 bitches, where’s the Trojans? (Black Skinheads)
Dons his nerd glasses. 300 WAS A MOVIE ABOUT SPARTANS WHO WERE GREEK NOT ROMAN, ALSO THE TROJANS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ROMANS EITHER (so double points deducted for historical inaccuracy plus a stupid sophomoric condom double-meaning). You dropped out of college Kanye? Oh yeah? Doesn’t show or anything…