Overall my college experience was pretty uneventful. Sure, there was the occasional raging party and some poor decision-making, but none of that compares to the shenanigans that go down in Hollywood’s version of higher education. You know, now that I think about it, some of those schools look like way more fun than mine ever was. Here are four fake colleges that I kinda wish I’d been able to attend.
South Harmon Institute of Technology – Accepted
The school that Justin Long’s character creates in Accepted to fool his parents is every high schooler’s dream: Lewis Black is the Dean, and every course is student-taught, which means the catalogue contains classes like “Taking a Walk and Thinking About Stuff.” Come to think of it, that sounds a lot like a couple of the more hippie schools I applied to when I was in high school. The only difference between South Harmon and the floaty “create your own major” colleges I thought were so freeing and wonderful in high school is the high percentage of unbelievably attractive people that make up the student body.
Harrison University – Old School
The college I went to was pretty artsy-fartsy, so they didn’t have anything to do with the Greek system. And I’m totally fine with that – I’m not exactly sorry I missed all the rushing and hazing, and when I did finally go to a university with frats and sororities for grad school, all I wanted to do on Thursday nights at midnight was tell them to shut the hell up and go to bed. So no, I’m probably not built for Alpha Beta Sigma Epsilon or whatever. But that’s why Old School’s Harrison U is perfect for me. The frat that Luke Wilson and Vince Vaughn start lets anyone in, even crotchety 28-year-olds like me, and while I probably couldn’t do the Iron Cross any better than Vaughn, I’m pretty sure I’d last a little longer than poor Old Blue.
PCU – PCU
I’ll be honest, this pick isn’t so much about the movie (which I haven’t seen in quite a while) or the merits of Port Chester University, but more about wanting to pal around with Jeremy Piven. I wasn’t a huge fan of Entourage while it was on, but Piven was great on it and I kind of get the impression that he would still be game for sticking it to David Spade. I would love to help him in that cause.
Faber College – Animal House
Clearly this list shows that I apparently wanted my college life to be a whole lot more raucous than it ever was in real life. With that idea in mind, there really is no other contender for my top fake school. I mean, who wouldn’t want to go to Faber and join Delta House? Delta is the be-all-end-all of fun fictional frats. They’re the guys throwing kick-ass toga parties, pulling pranks on all the uptight preppy kids (and administration), and coasting through their classes with the best of them. I was never much of an instigator myself, but even I can’t deny a deep desire to take part in all the hijinks and become best friends with John Belushi. I think my urge to shout “ramming speeeeeed!” when I’m stuck in traffic would make me a shoo-in for early admission.