Which Breaking Bad character is the biggest bad-ass?

Breaking Bad is a bad-ass show all about bad-ass people doing bad-ass things. But here is the question Breaking Bad fans: Which of the show’s many bad-ass characters has been the absolute most bad-ass?

Only one way to answer this burning question: Gotta break it down. At the end of this post I will provide the answer. First, let’s look at the contenders.

Walter White aka Heisenberg

Once upon a time this guy was a mild-mannered chemistry teacher. Then something happened that changed his life forever. He got cancer. But rather than lie down and die like a bitch, Walter took matters into his own hands. He used his mad chemistry skills to become a meth cook. You know, so his family could have plenty of scratch after his demise; not because his ego needed the boost or anything.

Of course it’s not enough to cook the meth. You have to distribute the meth. Which means you have to become involved with shady characters. And slowly but surely, despite your best intentions, YOU INEVITABLY BECOME A SHADY CHARACTER YOURSELF.

Walter at first believed he could brain-power his way through this minefield of criminal activity, staying above the fray from a moral standpoint. But eventually he realized, nope, sometimes brains ain’t enough. Sometimes you just gotta f–k a motherf—-r up. No way around it. Once Walter came to grips with this reality, he became a true certified bad-ass. Some would argue he went all the way and became an insane evil genius. Mere quibbling.

Verdict: Certified BA

Jesse Pinkman

He began as Walter’s right-hand-man, then eventually became his surrogate son. Along the way they had a ton of arguments. And got into a lot of scrapes. And probably should have been killed multiple times. But every insane misadventure only strengthened their bizarre bond.

Of course Walter has been totally using Jesse the whole time. At what point will Jesse figure out that this guy doesn’t really have his best interests at heart but only wants to own his soul? Walter has done so much awful s–t to Jesse. Just how clueless is this guy anyway? There’s nothing bad-ass about being a dumb-ass.

Verdict: Sometimes BA, sometimes bitch-like.

Hank Schrader

He has been Walter/Heisenberg’s arch nemesis all along. Of course he didn’t realize Heisenberg and Walter HIS FREAKING BROTHER-IN-LAW were the same person until he went in to take that deuce at the end of last season. Then it all became clear. FINALLY, it all became clear. Jeez, is this guy clueless too? WAKE THE HELL UP, DUDE.

Despite his giant family blind spot, Hank is pretty much of a bad-ass. He got totally effed up by the assassin twins but still lived. Of course, he became a little bit of a whining bitch there for awhile. Rock collecting? Until he rediscovered his purpose in life. That purpose being finding Heisenberg and bringing his reign as the Meth King of Albuquerque to an end.

Wild card bad-ass points for putting up with Marie. Holy shit HOW DOES HE NOT SHOOT HIMSELF IN THE FACE????

Verdict: Pretty BA, sometimes a bitch

Skyler White

Come on, Skyler is totally bad-ass. First of all, she DIDN’T run away when she found out Walt was a meth cook. She also didn’t run away when he started becoming blatantly menacing and evil. And she cooked up that whole scheme to make Eyebrows sell her the car wash. Smart and devious and can cook a mean breakfast? I WANT ONE.

Of course Skyler does have her non-bad-ass side. She’s kind of a nag. And there are the weight fluctuations.

Verdict: BA, and also in the immortal words of Walter Jr., a…BITCH.

Mike Ehrmantraut

He got a piece of his ear shot off AND BARELY EVEN FLINCHED. How cool a customer can you be? Did anything ever faze this guy? I bet when he was born he didn’t even cry. He was like, “Whatever. Give me some milk down here.”

And of course there is the most bad-ass thing about Mike. He is a good grandpa! There is nothing more BA than being a good grandpa. Even without the beatings and the shootings he would still be a bad bad man.

Verdict: BA all the way. Dude is dead and I still wouldn’t mess with him. I’d be afraid of his corpse rising up and kicking the piss out of me.

Gustavo Fring

We could rattle off his acts of stone-cold bad-assery all day, starting with the massacre at the pool DURING WHICH HE DELIBERATELY POISONED HIMSELF FOR THE SAKE OF THE RUSE. But that all pales in comparison to the final moment. Yeah. I just got my FACE BLOWN OFF BY A BOMB. Oh, my tie is crooked? Lemme fix that. GAAAAACK DEAD.

And he cooked some mean chicken. You can’t take that away from him. I mean I never actually tasted it myself, cause it’s fictional and all, but I can tell by the characters’ reactions. That is some good-ass chicken.

Verdict: BA even with his face asploded.

Tuco Salamanca

Going old school on this one. Walt and Jesse’s first underworld adversary: Crazy Tuco. The most BA thing about Tuco? He’s named after Eli Wallach’s character in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Here’s the problem with Tuco’s candidacy, though: he went down kinda easy. I mean in the grand scheme of things. He was crazy and scary and all but in the end, dude didn’t even make it out of the first season. He was sort of a training wheels bad-ass for Walt to learn on.

Verdict: Mostly nuts

Tio Salamanca

Now we are talking bad-ass. This dude was so hard that he took himself OUT just to get back at Gus. KaBOOM, mofo. Then again, what were his other choices at that point? Go back to the nursing home? Lie around in his own poop all day? Ring his little bell for the nurse to come wash his junk? Yeah I’d go for getting blown up too.

Verdict: Pretty scary BA

Saul Goodman

Wait, why is Saul bad-ass? Isn’t he kind of a sniveling weasel? Yeah but you gotta give it up to the man nevertheless. He’s got his finger in pretty much all the pies. Doesn’t matter who is against who or what is going down, Saul Goodman is getting his cut ANY WAY YOU WANNA SLICE IT. He’s like the government only less shady.

Verdict: Slippery and somewhat BA. But needs to work on that hair.

Walter Jr.

He may not be a criminal mastermind or an operator or a thug or a bad-ass killer but you gotta give it up to him nevertheless, as he deals with cerebral palsy every dang day of his life. And does he ever cry and whine? Does he let it get him down? No.

All right so he has a hard time holding his liquor. He’s a KID. Even if right now he looks about 30. Hey man, wrap up the show. The actor’s gonna be ready for AARP soon.

Verdict: Loveable and BA

Now that we’ve looked at all the candidates it’s time for me to announce the greatest bad-ass in the cast of Breaking Bad Seasons 1 through 5. And the greatest bad-ass is…

Walt. Duh.