Former Cincinnati Bengals star wide retriever Chad Johnson has fallen on hard times.
From the bright lights of being an annual Pro Bowl selection to sitting in a jail cell, the eccentric Johnson now spends his days with nothing to do, something he expressed to the Broward Palm Beach recently in a captivating interview.
Johnson covers just about any topic you could think of in the lengthy piece (which is well worth a read). From buying the judge who put Johnson in jail a pair of Louboutins to his admitted passion of making love to ‘big’ chicks, as he calls them, it’s a mesmerizing piece in the most odd of ways:
“When I had to go do the 30, my first thought was, Sh*t, if I can sit eight or nine hours in one spot and people-watch, I can do the time,” he says. He didn’t have to. The judge let him out after seven days. Johnson sent her flowers and a pair of Louboutins as an apology. “That’s not bribery,” he explains. “That’s just how I am.”
“I’ve been celibate for eight months,” Chad Johnson tells the stranger next to him. She has mocha skin, highlighted brown hair, and dark sunglasses hiding Lisa Turtle-like looks. She is also drunk. Johnson is sober, double-fisting cranberry juice and Red Bull. He doesn’t know her name, but then again, it’s been only five minutes since he plucked her from the crowd along Ocean Drive and sat her next to him at the Pelican.
“Really? Me, a year,” she declares just as implausibly. Johnson sets his iPhone down midtweet and leans in close.
“Would you like to make love to me?” he asks in a low voice.
“Would you like to make love to me?” she shoots back.
“Given that it’s been so long, a year, eight months, fuck it, why not?” he says nonchalantly. “I’m warning you, though, I get emotionally attached after that shit.”
This is Johnson’s life now. Without football, what was once a lazy offseason now stretches year-round. Every afternoon he drives an hour south from his house to the Pelican or David’s Café on South Beach. There he sits. For hours. Sometimes until midnight. Tweeting random thoughts to his nearly 4 million followers. (One recent nugget of wisdom: “Pick a big girl to date, the sex is phenomenal.”)
Instead of dueling with defensive backs, Johnson now battles boredom. He flirts with thousands of women, all while claiming to be celibate and heartbroken. He tweets nonstop. Most of all, he tries to forget about Evelyn.