The five people who ruin Halloween every year

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As Marnie Piper famously said in Disney’s Halloweentown, and as you probably remember as the utterance occupying the top spot on the American Film Institute’s “100 Years…100 Movie Quotes” list from 2005, “Halloween is cool.” Yet the coolness of Halloween is often impinged on by those pesky ruiners of fun known colloquially as “people.” Witch (GET IT?!) people cause the problems? These people…

5) People Who Don’t Dress Up, Then Say That’s Their Costume
No, “cultural malaise” is not an acceptable costume. And unless you’re about to rap a verse from “Check to Check,” Apathy is not an acceptable costume either. You only have two choices on Halloween: you can dress up in a costume, or you can choose not to dress up in a costume. It is that damn simple. There is no ironic middle ground for you to try and float around in. Acting as if eschewing a costume is a valid deconstruction of the idea of costumes equals little more than a heaping pile of intellectual masturbation garnished with laziness. You are not Rene Magritte, and your grating pretentiousness deserves to earn you a beat down by way of a very real pipe.

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