Promo Poster for Season 5 of "Archer." Photo Credit: FX

Archer Season 5 Premiere Recap: Who Died Tonight?

It is a sad, sad day for the agents of ISIS. One of their very own, someone who has been there since the very beginning, did not make it out of tonight’s episode alive. Who was it that met their end on tonight’s all-new episode of Archer? Let’s take a look at tonight’s episode entitled “White Elephant.”

Tonight’s episode starts almost like a dream. Archer walks into ISIS headquarters with a dozen roses. Everyone is smiling, laughing, dancing, and every other form of happiness you can think of. Just as Archer makes it to Malory’s office to give her the flowers…BOOM! A humongous bomb goes off in the office.

As everyone is starting to get their bearings, the gunfire starts. This is most definitely not the kind of situation that a pregnant Lana Kane needs to be involved in, but life at ISIS is never the ideal situation, now is it?

Cyril begins to throw a fit about Lana’s choice of artificial insemination. Just then, Lana notices a flash grenade on the floor. She tells Cyril to close his eyes and cover his ears. Of course, he responds with the usual “You’re not the boss of me.” Needless to say, that is super bad for your hearing.

After Archer cracks a joke about Cyril sounding like Beaker from The Muppets, he cannot think of the name of Beaker’s boss. Archer asks Brett for the answer; however, with all of the gunfire, Brett can’t hear what Archer is saying to him. As soon as he sticks his head out from behind the desk, it happens. Brett is shot right in the center of his forehead.

“Well, he died doing what he loved. Getting shot,” Archer said.

Come to find out, it wasn’t some rival organization or even the KGB; it was the FBI. It turns out that Malory never secured the permissions necessary from the U.S. Government for ISIS to conduct business. This makes every single one of them guilty of treason; even Cheryl and Pam.

While in the paddywagon heading to jail, Malory tells them that she has a plan to get all of them out of this, as long as they all keep their mouth shut and don’t say a word. Do you think they listened to her?

Of course not! This is ISIS after all.

Everyone, with the exception of Lana and Archer, start to sing like a little canary with a bullhorn. They recount every single discretion that ISIS has every committed; everything from the Italian Prime Minister Savio Mascalzone to Ray’s brother’s pot farm in West Virginia. Every single little detail was recounted for the FBI.

All of them thought that the FBI would give them immunity if they told them everything. Needless to say, they had no intention of doing that. Thankfully for the rest of the team, Lana and Archer are able to overcome their captors and relieve them of their weapons. Oh, and did I forget to mention the fact that Archer proposed to Lana? Needless to say, she said no, but that is neither here nor there.

One by one, Archer and Lana make their way through the interview rooms collecting their fellow ISIS members. Finally, when they get down to the final room; the one holding Malory, they find out the truth.

Apparently, Malory really did have a way to get them out of the entire mess. They never really tell you who it is that she knows that got them out of this bind, but whoever it was is pretty important.

Unfortunately, in order for this to work, Malory has to agree to turn over all ISIS property to the federal government and cease all operations. Now, they are all out of a job.

In their final moments lamenting their past, the gang has to figure out what to do with the giant pile of drugs that they have stashed in the building. They estimate that it is worth around $50 million.

Suddenly, a massive dream sequence starts. We go through the entire process of what happens when they try to sell all of the drugs. I think it is safe to say that nothing goes the way that it is supposed to. As with almost every ISIS operation, there are mistakes made, people being double crossed, and most of all, people being shot at. It even includes Cheryl and her fallback career as a professional country music singer.

Needless to say, if this episode is any indication of the rest of the season, this is going to be a rather interesting season.

What did you think of tonight’s episode? Was it everything you hoped it would be? Did you guess who it was that was going to meet their maker? Sound off in the comments below and let us know what you thought.

Tags: Archer FX Season Premiere TV Show TV Shows White Elephant

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