Super-Overreactionizer: Lions and Pacers and Thunder, Oh my

2 of 5

Mar 6, 2014; Phoenix, AZ, USA; Oklahoma City Thunder guard Derek Fisher (6) against the Phoenix Suns at the US Airways Center. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports /

by Miles Wray (@mileswray)

Decisions, decisions. Does Derek Fisher coach the New York Knicks, or does he coach the Los Angeles Lakers? Does he bring the heating pad and the ice bags back to Oklahoma City for one last go-’round with Durant and the gang? What a pickle for Mr. Fisher!

Here are five better ideas for Derek Fisher’s next profession:

5. NBA Head of Officiating

Mr. Fisher owes it to himself to erase from the record books all the fouls called against him that he did not commit.

4. Children’s Party Entertainer

Mr. Fisher has already exhibited the total selflessness and complete absence of embarrassment that is essential in becoming a top-notch entertainer at children’s parties. He exhibited these traits when he treated a real-life NBA official to a real-life pony ride on national TV. It’s this level of spontaneity and attention to detail that can really take a children’s party to the next level.

3. Cult Leader

With some charisma, motivation, and a can-do spirit, it’s possible to start a cult just about anywhere. It is of course charisma that is the most difficult quality for the would-be cult leader to acquire, but Mr. Fisher already has this quality in spades, frequently entrancing front offices to carry out his bidding. Mr. Fisher has convinced a full 10% of the NBA franchises — the Utah Jazz, the Dallas Mavericks, and the Houston Rockets (yes, the Lakers traded Mr. Fisher to the Rockets, in exchange for Jordan Hill) — to tear up his guaranteed contracts, so that he might play for a better-contending team. With the powers that be already in the palm of his hand, it should be relatively easy for Mr. Fisher to acquire his worshipful multitudes from the ranks of ordinary citizens.

2. Breakdancer

Bust a move, Mr. Fisher! Look at Mr. Fisher, keeping it funky and fresh on the b-call court!

1. Starting Point Guard, Los Angeles Lakers

Ah yes, Mr. Fisher’s ideal landing spot for the fall of 2014. When Mr. Fisher takes the floor again with Kobe Bryant — and, hell, why not bring along Sasha Vujacic, Lamar Odom, DJ Mbenga, the rest of the gang — their fiery competitive spirit will propel the Lakers into June once more. Ring #6, here we come!

Home/Indiana Pacers