Watching soccer will make you a better person than reading Ann Coulter

Soccer (or futbol) in America is making its usual resurgence during a World Cup year, with new fans jumping on the Team USA bandwagon by the bunch. But syndicated columnist Ann Coulter doesn’t think the increasing popularity of soccer in the United States is a good thing.

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In fact, she thinks its just horrible (kind of like her).

In Coulter’s most recent column, “Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation’s moral decay”, she lays out a list of reasons why soccer is really the Devil’s work and/or an underground plot by the liberals to tear at the fabric of the American society and leave the family unit as we know it reduced to a pile homogenized rubble.

Now far be it from me to bash the work of another writer, so I’ll just let her idiotic ramblings stand on their own and self-destruct. But I do take issue with Coulter’s position, and I’d like to offer a counter-measure to her column.

Personally, I’m a casual soccer fan. I like watching the kids play on Saturday afternoons, and of course I always take a big interest in Olympic and World Cup soccer. But I’m far from one of the millions upon millions of dedicated and unabashed futbol fanatics that can be found around the world and in the U.S.

But even as a casual fan of the sport, it’s obvious to me that I stand much more to gain losing a few hours of my life watching a soccer match (even a bad one) than I do spending five minutes reading one more of Ann Coulter’s columns.

Watching soccer will help increase your global awareness and intelligence. You’ll learn about countries and cultures that you may have never heard of before. You’ll find out about the struggles of people in places that are worlds away, and how on a daily basis they deal with things that would make the average American throw in the towel.

Reading Ann Coulter will only narrow your mind, and bring you into a shallow pool of existence that includes white bread, bland clothes, and a hatred for anything that doesn’t scream anglo-domination.

Watching soccer will teach you about never giving up or quitting on your teammates or country. The game is constantly moving, and the tide can turn in a soccer match in a split second (just ask the Americans).

Reading Ann Coulter will only make you throw up your hands and quit on the spot.

Watching soccer is something that brings together groups of people who may have never met, never shaken hands or even exchanged glances with each other – but become united under their nation’s flag, arm-in-arm, yelling and chanting as one. True patriotism at its finest.

Reading Ann Coulter will only further splinter both your mind and this nation with her partisan and bigoted views. There is no chanting and swaying as one, because (of course) that could be the work of witchcraft…and we can’t have that.

Watching soccer will show you the importance of training, conditioning, strength and physical fitness. A game that would not only force our children off the couch, but force them into constant motion and cardiovascular exercise can only be a good thing in this country.

Reading Ann Coulter could cause vascular embolisms or high blood pressure. If taken too seriously (an in abundance) a rescue inhaler or cardio-kit may be necessary. Even those who agree with some of her twisted views find themselves enraged to the point of capillary explosion while reading her columns.

Photo Credit: USA Today.com

Watching soccer can bring tears of joy, pain and love. The emotions that can be tapped into by watching countrymates pour their sweat and blood into winning for their nation can be so overwhelming that fans have been known to break down sobbing – win, or lose.

Reading Ann Coulter can leave you feeling hollow, almost ashamed of our country. The thought that such bigotry and petty hatred not only still exists, but is exalted by some, can make you break down sobbing.

No, I’m sorry to break it to you Ann, but not only is soccer “catching on” in America (as you unsuccessfully tried to refute), but it is growing in leaps and bounds, with or without the World Cup. Major League Soccer continues to expand and bring huge numbers to stadiums across America. Youth soccer participation is reaching record numbers, and yes – despite your opinion to the contrary – African-Americans are enjoying it too.

You can compare soccer to the metric system, to Euro-invasion of America (which..hmm…isn’t that how we started to begin with?), to other sports which are clearly different, but no better or worse. None of that will cover up the fact that you are spewing hatred with a poison keyboard for no rational reason whatsoever.

In my opinion, if you want to be a better person, and want to have a few joyous hours watching some amazing athletes become iconic figures in their nation’s lore, then by all means, tune in to the World Cup and put your arm around one of your countrymen and raise a glass.

If you want to be spoken down to and made to feel as if any sport which didn’t find it’s origins within the United States border is a plot to erode at the morality of America, and to send us awash into oblivion, then by all means – read some Ann Coulter.

I wonder how the U.S. Men’s National Team feels about Coulter’s column?

Ole’…Ole’, Ole’ Ole’!