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Nothing was the same … RGIII just changed the grocery game forever

By Jonathan Bass

Dec 28, 2014; Landover, MD, USA; Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III (10) looks at a tablet on the sidelines against the Dallas Cowboys in the third quarter at FedEx Field. The Cowboys won 44-17. Mandatory Credit: Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports
Dec 28, 2014; Landover, MD, USA; Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III (10) looks at a tablet on the sidelines against the Dallas Cowboys in the third quarter at FedEx Field. The Cowboys won 44-17. Mandatory Credit: Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports /
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Robert Griffin III just ruined grocery shopping for the rest of mankind.

Oh to be rich and famous. Or really, just gloriously rich. Like Tupac said, “All I want is money, f–k the fame I’m a simple man.” Because once you’re at a level where you use C-notes to light Cohibas, or, say, earn $16M for playing a recreational sport, life becomes a little different.

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Take RGIII for example. A common man would grumpily trudge through the grocery store with his honey-do list. A well-off man would hire somebody to go do the shopping for him. The next-level rich dude hops onto his Space Chariot (or Phunkee Duck or whatever it’s called) and transform a stroll through the produce aisle into Studio 54.

When is the last time you saw a dude this stoked to be picking out beefsteaks?

Seriously, why walk when you can twirl in circles everywhere? Feels like we’re one step away from guys riding animatronic dinosaurs through the CVS to get some Advil, and maybe two steps away from cyborg video game technology where you navigate your own personal avatar to the seafood aisle for some Beluga caviar.

Anywho, yeah, Bobby Griff just changed the grocery game for the rest of us plebeians. Picture me daydreaming down on the ramen aisle after this shift is over.

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