Fansided

NBA Tank Rankings: It continues

By Matt Rutkowski

May 17, 2016; New York, NY, USA; General view during the NBA draft lottery at New York Hilton Midtown. The Philadelphia 76ers received the first overall pick in the 2016 draft. Mandatory Credit: Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports
May 17, 2016; New York, NY, USA; General view during the NBA draft lottery at New York Hilton Midtown. The Philadelphia 76ers received the first overall pick in the 2016 draft. Mandatory Credit: Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports /
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NBA teams are losing. One of those teams might be your team. I’m going to rank them, but I’m also going to help you the only way I know how: poorly.

Last week we touched on small ways of coping with the pain and loss of loss and pain by exercising certain forms of behavioral therapy. Now that that hasn’t worked, let’s try something else that won’t. The teams in this class of the NBA are all about recycling concepts, coaches, and players that have proven ineffective

In high school, I was real big into emo music. Like, real bigly. This was back when I was depressed without yet making the life choices and poor decisions that would give me real things to be depressed about. It was an aimless, beautiful ennui. This is a kind of thing worth sharing.

What stood out to me about emo music were the lyrics. What also stood out to me was the notion that there were bands that played music that weren’t Blink 182. Blink 182 had a song called “Emo” but that’s not enough. Ill-fitting and unqualified.

I stand here today a well-adjusted 30-year-old teenager, and I’d like to think that just maybe getting way too entranced with bands that oversold emotions I was barely capable of experiencing had a role in that.

Join me.

Note: The Phoenix Suns are not in the list this week because I don’t want to talk or think about them. They get “Seven Years” by Saosin because that’s about to be their playoff drought. Great song. Not a great team.

Jan 11, 2017; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Detail sneaker view of Philadelphia 76ers forward Ben Simmons shoes during practice before a game against the New York Knicks at Wells Fargo Center. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports
Jan 11, 2017; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Detail sneaker view of Philadelphia 76ers forward Ben Simmons shoes during practice before a game against the New York Knicks at Wells Fargo Center. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports /

5. Philadelphia 76ers

Time to let this pass
(the time it takes, the time it takes to let go)
Time runs through our veins
(it starts and stops and starts and stops again)

Thursday – Understanding in a Car Crash

Sam is gone, but The Process appears to be back in action. There’s a lot of not playing happening. Everyone is out forever. The car crash is happening again.

I’m upset. I want to see Simmons play in the NBA. I want to continue seeing Embiid do that too. It would have been great to see Noel and Embiid have more than eight minutes on the floor together. All of these things are upsetting to me.

For me, the thing that usually happens in this situation is I need to find a thing to be upset at. Often that thing is a person. Bryan Colangelo is who I first peg. He’s the easiest choice. I don’t like him. I don’t like his choices or the means by which he attained his position. It irks me that he is where he is because Hinkie tanked, and now they’re well on their way to doing it again. Since my opinion of him is bad, I’d like to attach bad things to him.

But this situation isn’t really his fault. Sure, I can fault him for inaccurate timetables, but he didn’t (as far as I can tell) cause these injuries. He just ate a well-done steak with ketchup while informing the world of all the bad.

The 76ers are bad. They are going to get a good draft position, Hinkie style. Colangelo is there instead. The bad things that led to him being there are very different than the bad things that are leading them to a lottery pick. I’ll let him pass.

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