Bulls Playoff Preview: Even non-shooters gotta shoot

You know the story of the Chicago Bulls 2016-17 season. You knew it the moment you saw they had signed Rajon Rondo and Dwyane Wade this summer, despite their stated goal of getting younger and more athletic. And despite the fact that they already had a ball-dominant wing (a pretty darn good one) and a coach who, bless his heart, just wanted to play with a little pace-and-space. You knew the Bulls were going down in flames.

And, to be fair, Chicago did end up suffering some pretty severe burns. Rondo spent some time on the bench and let his All-NBA shade slide out onto social media. Jimmy Butler spent the better part of a month embedded in the juiciest trade rumors. The lack of shooting was a huge problem — 29th in 3-point attempts, 24th in 3-point percentage, 20th in offensive efficiency — and they spent the month of December going 6-11, getting beat by an average of 5.6 points per 100 possessions.

And yet, here the Bulls are, preparing to play the Boston Celtics in the first round of the real and actual NBA playoffs.

Chicago finished the season 9-4 — a run that included wins over Utah, Milwaukee, and Cleveland (yay!), but also losses to Philadelphia, New York, and Brooklyn (yuck!) — pulling themselves out of the fire and into a soothing aloe bath. You may have heard that Rondo, Nikola Mirotic and someone named Paul Zipser (probably an alias) played pretty well down the stretch, but let’s give credit where credit is due. In Chicago’s final 13 games, Butler averaged 26.8 points, 7.2 assists, and 6.8 rebounds per game, shooting 51.5 percent from the field and making 17-of-30 3-pointers.

However, the story of how the Bulls ended up in the playoffs is not nearly as interesting as the question of what happens next. On paper, No. 1 – No. 8 matchups are usually pretty one-sided affairs. But Chicago split the season series with Boston and, with a per 100 possession point differential of just +3.1, Boston isn’t necessarily your typical top seed.

This may come as a shock to some but, in Butler, the Bulls probably have the best player in the series. All due respect to the delightfully impish Isaiah Thomas, but Butler’s offense impact is not that far behind. And then, there’s the other side of the ball. As my good, imaginary, friend Jeff Ross once said (probably), “Isaiah Thomas is to defense what Dylan Thomas is to defense.” If your point guard has the defensive impact of a drunken welsh poet, it can be something of a liability.

The Bulls are also very good on the offensive glass, a particular weakness of the Celtics, and they rarely foul which should limit an easy scoring avenue for Boston and keep the pressure on Thomas. It’s not that hard to lay out a scenario where Chicago’s strengths press up against Boston’s weaknesses enough to make this into an actual series. The problem with that line of thinking is that it ignores the fact that these are the Bulls.

When everything in the universe is telling them to zag, they somehow found a way to zig (or Zipser, if you prefer a forced word play).

The Bulls were supposed to get younger, so they got older. They were supposed to be a wreck out of the gates and instead they started the season incredibly hot. They were supposed to have the formula figured out, and then they pulled the rug out on themselves and cratered. They antagonized Rondo by sending him to the bench and it somehow made them stronger. They were supposed to start turning veterans into young assets and instead traded Taj Gibson for one slightly-used Cameron Payne. When Wade went down with an injury and the path was finally clear for them to slide towards the top of the lottery, they decided to mess around and get the No. 8 seed.

We thought we knew what the story of this Bulls’ season was going to be. Instead, the narrative arc has been their ability to draw up a plan, accidentally set it on fire, and in the frantic attempt to put it out with a grease-soaked kitchen rag, stumble ass-backwards into a bucket of unclaimed $20 scratch-off lottery tickets. Not life-changing money, but certainly enough to pay for a fresh coat of paint to cover up the smoke damage.

Next: NBA Playoffs 2017: Power ranking all 16 playff teams

So, let’s get down to the playoff previewin’. The Bulls could beat the Celtics, honest. Boston is just fragile enough and Chicago is just ridiculous enough. Is it likely? Good god, no. But who saw Rondo and Wade combining to make 95 3-pointers? Who saw Fred Hoiberg coaching a full 82-game season? Who saw Zipser, Jerian Grant, and Cristiano Felicio playing key minutes? Who saw the Bulls making the playoffs? Who saw any of this nonsense?

If you’ve got the Chicago Bulls figured out, you’re ten steps ahead of the rest of us.

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