WWE RAW Recap, April 24: Braun Strowman loses but still wins

Recapping the RAW from Monday night where Braun Strowman lost a match but ended up winning in the end.

Talking Wack

The go-home show before this Sunday’s Payback kicked us off with what Chris Jericho called his final Highlight Reel on RAW. Fret not, fellow Fozziholics, he’s just predicting a win on Sunday against his former best friend, Kevin Owens, where the winner will be the United States Champion, and head to the belt’s new home on SmackDown Live.

In the most disrespectful act on RAW since … well, since two weeks ago when Braun Strowman FLIPPED OVER AN AMBULANCE WITH ROMAN REIGNS’ BROKEN BODY INSIDE, The Miz interrupted Jericho’s show, and made the production team change the ring set to his own talk show’s, Miz TV.

I’ve had never considered what a Triple Talk Show Threat match would be like until Dean Ambrose came out, and the WWE cronies changed the set over to the Ambrose Asylum.

Thankfully for said cronies, the AA set consists only of a large notepad, a small stool, and a carpet Big Show could use as a towel.

As of the time this recap gets posted, there still hasn’t been an announcement that Ambrose will be defending his Intercontinental title at Payback, against The Miz or anyone else. With these three guys involved, maybe it’s time to swap the IC Title for the TV Title anyways.

Throughout the night, we were treated to a few comical backstage segments, including The Miz asking Cesaro, Sheamus, Heath Slater and Curtis Axel — the last two being his co-stars of Marine 5 — if either would be his partner, and the other featuring Jericho and Ambrose talking about their comical past, as well as Dean becoming the first person to un-make the list — before immediately being put back on again.

In the main event, we finally found out who would partner with The Miz: Nobody! Miz told Kurt Angle he had a partner — I know, I’m also upset it wasn’t Elias Samson — but it ended up being a ploy. Miz decided that it wouldn’t be fair to fight in a handicap match, but our Olympic Champion of a General Manager wasn’t having any of that, and made the handicap match official. Miz held his own until eventually the action spilled out towards the announcer’s tab … OH MY GOD IT’S BRAY WYATT!!

Wyatt gave Ambrose and Jericho a pair of Sister Abigails, and after standing over Jericho’s limp body in the ring once the match ended — did the match actually end? — gave Miz one too. Let’s not forget that Wyatt is battling Randy Orton in a House of Horrors match on Sunday, and we still have no idea what that means. Stop ruining the best character you have, WWE. We’ll all wait.

Garbage Day

The first time ever Dumpster Match happened 19 years ago, and featured the New Age Outlaws defending their tag team championships against Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie. Cactus & Chainsaw defied the odds to defeat the Road Dogg & Billy Gunn, but it would have taken a literal dog, chainsaw, cactus, and yes, maybe a gun, to defeat Strowman — on any other night. But on this one night out of seven billion, Kalisto wrote his own death certificate by winning.

Who would have thought that for a pep talk by Kurt Angle, a new theme song, and some sort of hybrid Boogeyman/Darth Maul mask would be enough of a parlay to defeat Braun Strowman in a match where one dude has to throw the other dude inside of a real dumpster? Not me.

Strowman was the first of the competitors to find himself in a dumpster, but of course wouldn’t be the last. For Kalisto, it all happened so quickly. One second, he heard the bells of victory, and the next, he woke up in an ambulance. Strowman, ever the monster, placed Kalisto in that dumpster, closed the lid, rolled that dumpster up the ramp, then pushed it off the stage. That’s starting to become a cliché when it comes to Strowman, and I like it. I like it a lot.

The crowd was chanting for their hero, Roman Reigns, to come save this poor masked man who lost as soon as he won, but he never came. Strowman, while picking up another loss, churns out exciting segments like butter every week, making him my way-too-early wild card for MVP of Monday Night RAWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. (Until he loses to Roman Reigns on Sunday, again.)

Reunited, and It Doesn’t Feel That Good

Enzo & Cass were just about to compete in a six-man tag match — partnering with Seth Rollins — before their opponents, The Club and Samoa Joe, blindsided them on the way to the ring. Joe tossed Cass into the crowd while Enzo endured 2-on-1 thrashing outside the ring. By the time Rollins had come out, the damage to Enzo was already done. I wish, my children, that I could say this was the story of how we were saved from a six-man tag team match. However, Mr. Kurt Angle had a show to put on, and thus replaced Enzo with Finn Balor. Finn used to be in an alliance with The Club back in a different promotion that must not be named, and that’s all I’ll say about it.

While Enzo, Cass, and The Club find themselves without a match on Sunday, Samoa Joe and Seth Rollins will be facing off for … what reasons exactly? Sure, one is Triple H’s current goon, and one is his former goon, but didn’t Trips just lose cleanly to Seth Rollins at WrestleMania? If we’re going to continue this storyline, shouldn’t we hear from Triple H? This match on Sunday seems a bit premature, and odd to think that they added Enzo, Cass, The Club, and Finn Balor to their final segment before Payback. Here’s hoping that their match is better than the buildup.

Bliss Gets Personal

The change from Tuesdays to Mondays didn’t cause Alexa Bliss to lose her fastball velocity, as she managed to make fun of Bayley’s childhood dreams, and somehow brought her father into it in almost the same breath. Sasha Banks, Bayley’s only ally, came out to defend the RAW Women’s Champion, saying that Bayley will shut up Bliss once and for all on Sunday when the two fight for the belt. It didn’t take long for words to become fists, as Banks threw the first punch on Bliss, and thus, a one-on-one match between the two began.

After a few beats, Bliss decided this match was a waste of her time and energy, and walked toward the back, 10-count be damned. While Sasha definitely helped Bayley by damaging Bliss before Sunday’s match, the countdown is still on for Sasha to turn on Bayley, as she wants the RAW Women’s Championship draped around her waist yet again. Alexa was just the spark that the semi-stale RAW Women’s Division needed, which is crazy when you consider who they flipped for her.

Highlight Reel

• I’m not sure when the Hardy Boyz nostalgia act will run out of steam for me, but I know that it hasn’t happened yet. Last week, we got Jeff vs. Cesaro. This week, we got Matt vs. Sheamus. Even though both of these matches featured handshake offerings by the losers — Sheamus, like his partner last week, took an L to a Hardy brother — we can’t forget that both of these teams are down to get violent, and will do just that on Sunday, once the RAW Tag Team Championships are on the line.
• Neville & TJ Perkins, who are an odd pairing but seem to have each other’s backs for now, fought Austin Aries & Jack Gallagher in some tag team action. Aries picked up the pinfall once he nailed Perkins with a Discus Fivearm (love that name). Aries and Neville are set for battle for the second time on Sunday, again for the Cruiserweight Championship. I hope WWE doesn’t make the same mistake they made at WrestleMania, and has this show on the main card, not the preshow. (Since RAW always manages to have two Cruiserweight segments, can’t Payback have a second CW match? I’m having Pay-Per-View Gentleman Jack withdrawals.)
• Dana Brooke seems to be leading a revolution of her own: the 205 Live Women’s Division. Currently, there seems to be three big players — Brooke, Alicia Fox, and Emma — which is a nice start. Personally, I’d like to see them expand this eventually, maybe by adding Peyton Royce & Billie Kay to the show. Once the WWE Network airs the Women’s Tournament, the sky will be the limit for all the women in WWE. Couldn’t you even see us getting an eventual Women’s Tag Team Division?
• Curt Hawkins’ Star Factory is a nice gesture, but ultimately not all Apollo Crews needs to become a star in WWE. Know what else isn’t? The Titus Brand. I can’t be the only one who thinks Crews should go back to NXT, not because he lacks talent, but because it will give him a chance to be booked correctly, and further develop his character beyond a good looking guy who smiles. Also, a run at the NXT Championship is always impressive on a resume; Bobby Roode vs. Apollo Crews could be considered red meat by some die-hards.
• Drifter gon’ drift.
• It’s great having such a fighting Universal Champion like Brock Lesnar. (Translation: It’s terrible having a Universal Champion who may not show up, or even be mentioned, until August.) I would say that the Intercontinental Championship is all that matters these days on RAW, but despite opening and closing the show, it won’t even be defended on Sunday. So, that means two of the most important titles on Monday nights will be MIA on Sunday, and the biggest men’s championship we will see defended is the United States Championship, which is a SmackDown Live belt. Payback is shaping up to have no shape. This isn’t the Road to WrestleMania anymore, Toto.