I’m a huge Al Pacino and Robert De Niro fan. I take that back; I was a big fan of both, until they started making shitbombs like Showtime and Two For the Money. I consider The Godfather II one of the best movies ever made, and going to see Heat in the theater was one of my favorite movie-going experiences of all time. Now, Team Paniro is back together in Righteous Kill, but this time they’ll actually appear onscreen together, and for more than ten minutes.

Arguably the two greatest Crime genre actors of all-time paired up for one last go. Washed up or not, I’m fucking pumped. I bought Layer Cake on DVD from Best Buy for $3 and got a free ticket, and I’m going. Even if it sucks, I’m going to enjoy every minute. They’ve finally said screw it, let’s go down with a bang–together.

Speaking about careers that are supposed to be over and comebacks, how about Brett Favre? I actually have a theory about Jet Favre, and Righteous Kill is an apt title for this theory.

On the NFL weekend Brett Favre debuts as a Jet, everything goes right for him. First, the only thing stopping him from leading the Jets to an AFC East title, Tom Brady, gets his knee blown out by my boy Bernard “Bonecrusher” Pollard. Second, the Jets kicker goes down, so instead of field goals his fourth down prayer to some dude named Chansi Stuckey gets answered. Third, Aaron Rodgers looked awesome against the rival Vikes, so at least for now Packers fans don’t have to be pissed off at Favre.

It’s like the football Gods killed Tom Brady while smiling down on Fav-rah. The whole situation surrounding Favre is almost too damn serendipitous to believe.

The Week One Word:

Speaking of Chansi Stuckey, what the fuck is a Chansi Stuckey? The future answer to a trivia question about which receivers only caught one career TD from Favre, that’s what.

Dante Rosario is hot, but not quite as hot as Rosario Dawson. By the way, yes, we all saw that, Fox. I think this guy is a poor man’s Antonio Gates. Fantasy-wise he might be this year’s Boo Williams. Remember the year when Boo-Boo got real hot out of nowhere. I can already see the NFLN “Get Your Story Straight” commercial: “Dante Rosario? That’s our tight end? Isn’t she an actress?”

After a return that rivaled anything we’ve ever seen from Dante Hall or Devin Hester, Roscoe Parrish is now Roscoe P. Coldgame. What buttons did you push, because that spin-juke was video gamish?

Joe Flacco. The Ravens may have finally found their man. The tragic five-year Boller Experiment might finally be over.

I like Matt Ryan and Michael Turner, but I’m going to hold off my judgment. Unfortunately, they don’t get Millen’s Lions every week. Honestly, I’m more surprised that Matt Millen never worked for the Bush administration than I am that he still has a job.

If Chad Johnson is now legally Chad Ocho Cinco, can I put in a request for Brodie Croyle to become Brokie Croyle?

Tom Brady fantasy owners, meet Matt Cassel–and last place. I’m glad I picked Drew Brees in round three in my big league.

I love the Redzone Channel. A life without RZC is a life not worth living. Dude changes  the channel for you, and does it well.

The Rams not only lost their owner this offseason, they also lost their pride. What the hell is wrong with the Lambs? Embarrassing. But now is a good buy-low opp on Steven Jackson.

Jason Campbell might be worse than Croyle or Tarvaris Jackson. No wonder he’s had six offensive coordinators in seven years. I mean, would you want to have him as the engine of your offense?

Ocho Stinko, Torry Hault, Braylon Deadwards and Marques Coldston all royally screwed fantasy owners yesterday. Eff all four of you.

Who’s older: Joey Galloway, Marvin Harrison or John McCain? Who cares, because they’re all done after this year.

Speaking of receivers, Matt Hasselbeck is going to be throwing to the ball boys before too long if his WRs keep dropping like flies. His top four guys are all out for significant time, two of them for the season (Ben Obomanu and Nate Burleson). Time to pick up Courtney Taylor.

Arnold Palmer could have done what Carson Palmer did yesterday, and Perry Farrell is probably worth more than Chris Perry right now when it comes to fantasy. The Bungles are desperate enough to go after Shauna Alexander. Yes, he of the gay twinkle-toe, wax-on-wax-off running style. Hit the hole like a man and stop doing that weird thing with your hand. You aren’t Mister Miyagi.

Chris Johnson is going to make LenDale White expendable. LenDale reminds me of Little Debbie, which is ironic considering that everything reminds him of Little Debbie snacks.

Trade Donovan McNabb. Do it now. Tell other owners that he’s back and his shoulder is fine. Remind them that he’s going to be even better when he gets his receivers back. Then watch him break their heart instead of yours. I am definitely trading homeboy this week in the league I have him.

I’m thrilled about picking Brian Westbrook second. I think he’s going to be more consistent than Purple Hovah, and he didn’t blow his knee out already. Phew.

Glenn Dorsey, aka Swamp Thing, is going to be a monster. Love my Chiefs’ new defensive line of Tamba, Tank, Thing and Turk. On the other hand, if we kept Jared Allen, Turk would still be at DT. Then we’d have Tamba, Tank, Turk and…Tanked.

Travis LaBoy is born-again hard with the Cards. I can’t believe I watched enough of that snoozefest to even say that.

I’d like to strangle Willie Parker with a Terrible Towel. Where were those TDs last year, asshole?

Entourage also kicked off this weekend. Pretty decent, but I’m more pumped about Heroes, despite a blah strike-shortened Season Two.

There was a reason I liked Drew Brees better than Peyton Manning. I do like Anthony Gonzalez, though.

Why don’t they just call Reggie Bush a WR. He is great in the open field, but his inside rushing is pathetic. His timid style makes Shaun Alexander look like the Nigerian Nightmare.

I was wrong about Matt Forte and the Bears. The Neckbeard might have brought this team back from the dead.

Cleveland may have wiped their asses with millions and millions this offseason. Ditto Washington…and Oakland.

Did I really drop Eddie Royal for a kicker yesterday? I’m an idiot.

Please don’t bring back Daunte Rollpepper, New England. That roll thingy he does is the leper of TD celebrations.

Good thing Dwayne Bowe wasn’t delivering babies yesterday. I love you, Show, but you better be back next week.

With all that talent, if the Cowboys don’t win it all in this post-Brady season, they should be taken to Singapore and canned. Talk about Hard Knocks.

Week One is always full of anomalies. For instance, Parys Hilton Haralson had 2.5 sacks. That’s exactly how many he had during his previous two years in the league. It always gets wacky. For instance, I thought the Jags and Vikings were going to the Super Bowl. I guess you can call me Happy Jack…or Trig Palin (yep, I’m going to hell). Expect things to get even weirder…both on The Best View and in the NFL.

Now that the Summer movie season has convened, and taken the Summer Blockbuster Series with it, let’s move to the only other thing that I’m as gaga over as film and football. That’s right, another “F” word–fantasy football. During the season, I’ll drop The Best View on you every Monday. But first, here’s my 2008 TBV Fantasy Football Preview.

First off, since my biggest draft is tonight, I’m praying that nobody will see this beforehand. Even if they do read it, which they won’t, they’re all a bunch of idiots anyway. Which explains why I haven’t won in five years, during the inaugural season.

40 Ounces of Fantasy:

1. Michael Clayton. Great movie, fantasy hasbeen.

2. Make sure you pick the right Adrian Peterson. Remember, there is still that “Other” Adrian Peterson who plays for Chicago. The only thing “All Day” about him is that you’ll be beating yourself up all day every Sunday if you goof and pick him.

3. Frank Gore is going to make even more people hate him. Guaranteed.

4. Ditto Mike Martz. I’m starting to think this guy is heavy on the “mad,” light on the “genius.”

5. The Drew Brees-to-Marques Colston connection is good for 15 TDs. I’m dead serious.

6. That will be the same amount of TDs that Carson Palmer throws to both Chad Johnson and T.J. Houshmandzadeh. And that’s if Ocho Cinco doesn’t end up en el hospital.

7. Don’t draft a Cincy running back. That is, unless you are trying to punish yourself. You’d have to tie me up and pry my eyes open Clockwork Orange-style to watch and root for the Cincy rushing attack on a weekly basis. Yuck. On the other hand, I’m a hypocrite. I end up with a Houston back every year.

8. This is not the year to finally get your hands on Peyton Manning.

9. This is definitely not the year to finally get your hands on his teammate Marvin Harrison. This is the year we finally take Marvin out to the glue factory.

10. Chris Brown the singer might bust out the moves, but Chris Brown the running back won’t. Same for Ahman Green. The only Houston back you want is Steve Slaton, and only late in your draft.

11. I have a gut feeling that Willis McGahee isn’t going to hold up. Because of that, I love Ray Rice.

12. I like Darren McFadden, but because of Adrian Peterson I think he’s going too high.

13. Kevin Smith–no, not the portly director I used to love, who seemingly forgot how to make movies around the turn of the century–is a better buy. He’s this year’s Marshawn Lynch. Beast Mode with out the hit-and-run tendencies.

14. Speaking of Kevins, if you draft Kevin Jones I don’t feel sorry for you.

15. Have I mentioned Marques Colston yet? I think he’s the third best receiver in football, behind only Randy Moss and Terrell Owens.

16. Jeremy Shockey’s addition will only help Colston…and Brees.

17. Darren Sproles is the handcuff you want for LaDanian Tomlinson. The guy does amazing thing with his touches, so who cares if he only ends up getting 15-20 a game should L.T. go down. Plus, he’s the Bolts returner.

18. Larry Johnson is getting absolutely no respect. I am a Chiefs fan, but there is no way he doesn’t improve dramatically on last year’s numbers. Trust me on this one. I’ve been watching him and reading about him all offseason. I would pick him over Frank Gore eight days a week. Clinton Portis as well.

19. I like Drew Brees and Tony Romo better than Peyton Manning.

20. I like Brian Westbrook better than Adrian Peterson. He will play in more games and be more consistent on a ppg basis.

21. I like Westbrook even more after looking at the Eagles’ cakewalk schedule.

22. I like Westbrook even more knowing that injuries have wiped out the Iggles’ WR corps. No. 5 has to throw to somebody.

23. I love Earnest Graham. Tampa Bay has a great schedule line up for him.

24. I don’t like Ryan Grant, last year’s other super sleeper. Green Bay is overrated.

25. Tim Hightower may take Edge’s goalline carries and his job by year’s end.

26. Josh Morgan will replicate what Shaun McDonald did last year and Mike Furrey did two years ago. He’s the new “Mike Martz guy.”

27. With Al Saunders in the house, I think both Randy McMichael and Torry Holt are underrated.

28. I love Zach Miller. C’mon, JaMarcus Russell has to throw to somebody. When he needs his security blanket, it will be Miller Time.

29. Do not pick Derek Anderson. Your fantasy team will get concussed worse than he recently was.

30. Eddie Royal is going to be the No. 2 WR in Broncoland. And if he can’t beat out Colbert, Jackson and Stokley, you don’t want him. Keep an eye on the kid.

31. I am sippin’ on Ginn and juice. I like Ted Ginn Jr. Almost as much as Chad Pennington likes his new favorite target.

32. Calvin Johnson has now become overhyped. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Dwayne Bowe out perform him again or at least come close. Scoop up D-Bowe a full round or two later. Some have C.J. in their top ten–yikes! If you draft Megatron that early, he might be a mega-bust.

33. Hines Ward is underrated again. Not sure how that happened, but he’s still got something left.

34. I’m not totally sold on Big Ben.

35. J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets. Great fantasy sked, great line, great fullback. Brett Favre and Thoms Jones are looking good. The rest of the Jet’s playmakers aren’t bad bets either.

36. Jamal Lewis is going to lead the league in carries.

37. I like Marion Barber better than Joseph Addai or Steven Jackson. I’m projecting near 20 TDs.

38. I like Eli Manning and Jon Kitna. These guys have gone from overrated to underrated in a year’s time.

39. Someone will emerge as Matt Hasselbeck’s “glue” guy in Bobby Engram’s absence. I’m betting on Courtney Taylor, although Ben Obomanu is also worth a late-round flier.

40. Do not reach for Antonio Gates.  Doing so will lose you your league.

That’s it. Thanks for reading, and as they say on one of my favorite shows, Battlestar Galactica, good hunting!

(My face will do that, too, if I have to endure this shit much longer.)

Here’s a haiku, dedicated to this weekend’s two most-overrated storylines:

The Mummy series is getting old

so is Brett Favre

Winter has already gone by

I mean, seriously, in 2019 Brett Favre will be contemplating his fourth unretirement, and Brendan Fraser will fight the ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte in The Mummy: There Ain’t No Mummies in This French Bullshit! Someday beetles are going to be climbing out of Favre’s undead face like in the original The Mummy, and I’ll have to explain to my grand kids why a seventy-year-old Fraser is still fighting mummies. Or yetis. Whatever. Thank God they’ll never run out of cheesy CGI monsters.

Seriously, what in the hell is going on? Brett Favre joining the Vikings after playing for the Packers for what seems like a half century? A Mummy movie with no effin’ mummies? What’s next, Ron Artest and Yao Ming arguing about being ghetto? Whoops.

The good news is that The Mummy series doesn’t have a good reputation to tarnish. They knew this was going to be a whore’s movie from the git-go. Without The Mummy brand name slapped on it, this piece of garbage would be a straight-to-DVD title. I mean, it’s barely cracking double digits on Rotten Tomatoes (go read the reviews if you want a good chuckle), and that’s only because Roger Ebert is getting dangerously senile. Maria Bello should be ashamed of herself, too. Props to Rachel Weisz for bowing out on this one.

The bad news is that both Brett Favre and the Packers do have images to tarnish. You think of one when you think of the other, shouldn’t they at least part amicably before that gets ruined? I mean, they did win more games together than any other QB-team combo. Will Brett end up as a washed-up shell of his former self, a la Fatgic Johnson or the countless other hasbeens who couldn’t hang ‘em up? Will Brett beat the Packers as a Vike and turn Packers fans against him (I can hear Obi-Wan screaming that cheesy line, “you were the chosen one!”)? Will the Packers–arguably the pride of the NFL, possibly professional sports altogether–look like a bunch of pricks for ending a story-book career prematurely?

I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I’m sure glad my ass doesn’t have Direct TV installed yet at my new place. I can’t handle FavreCenter. Word to the wise: don’t go see the new Mummy flick, and don’t waste your time on the Favre media circus. A Favre trade will happen eventually with coverage ad nauseum, and you can check out The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor at like 3 AM on TNT in about five or six years. I’m just trying to save you time and money, people.

(Adam Best has covered sports and entertainment for various blogs, websites and publications. The Best View is his fusion of the two fields. The Summer Blockbuster Series will draw upon some of the summer’s most-anticipated films to offer unique perspectives on the sports world. You can also find his work at Arrowhead Addict and Austin Script Guy.)

I haven’t gotten the chance to check out Step Brothers yet, mainly because of its so-so reviews. I’ve decided I’m going to go, despite its 52% score on Rotten Tomatoes, mostly because Peter Travers, my favorite critic, gave it a definite thumbs up. I’m also a big John C. Reilly fan, and like Will Ferrell when he’s not making shitty glorified SNL skits (Blades of Glory, Semi-Pro). So, I’m going to go see it eventually, just not with the crowds and at a matinee price. But not seeing the film won’t stop the Summer Blockbuster Series from, well, to quote Ferrell, keepin’ on trucking…

10 NFL Step Brother Combos I’d Love to See:

Just like John and Will in the movie, each combo would have to bunk together and co-exist as new step brothers…

Chad Johnson/Terrell Owens - This would be the greatest duo since Starsky and Hutch. Can you imagine Ocho Cinco and T.O. going clubbin’ together? Practicing their TD celebration dances into the wee hours of the morning? Never sleeping because they’d both be trying to get in the last word? Having a sleepover inside T.O.’s hyperbaric oxygen chamber? The show would probably go down in flames, however, because you know they’d both hold out once the ratings started going through the roof. Maybe the producers could trade them to Lost? I’m sure that would just break the hearts of a lot of NFL fans.

Jon Gruden/Tony Dungy - The Super Bowl-winning head coach of the Bucs who can’t get along with anybody, paired with the Super Bowl-winning ex-head coach of the Bucs who gets along with everybody. What a mouthful. How long would it take before Chucky went voodoo on Dungy? Coach D’s Quiet Strength would definitely be put to the test when Gruden started his trademark red-faced screaming.

Al Davis/Jerry Jones - Do I really need to even expand here? Blowing money. Saying idiotic things. Trying too hard to be eccentric. Dying. Whoops, didn’t mean to write that. Sorry, Al. Mr. Pepsi MAX and the Crypt Keeper would make beautiful music together.

Joey Porter/Levi Jones - This list wouldn’t be complete without the token set of step brothers who beat the ever-loving shit out of each other. Good ol’ fashion brother-on-brother violence has been captivating the public since Cain and Abel. These two thugs wouldn’t disappoint in the sequel to their Sin City fisticuffs.

Chris Henry/Pacman Jones - This house would include a stripper pole, bouncers with bullet-proof vests, house-arrest ankle bracelets and wads of Monopoly money for “make it rain” play time. I would do just about anything to see these two curled up in their twin beds, rocking their 80s t-shirts. You could always add Tank Johnson and have a trio, but you’d have to add a couple extra chefs as well. And probably a shooting range, too. These two make me embarrassed to be named Adam Christopher.

Brady Quinn/Kordell Stewart - Sleeping next to Stewart would make pretty boy Brady more nervous than he was on draft day. I’m betting Slash would just love to show him his versatility. And if Quinn’s denials about him being involved with a gay dating site are actually just a cover-up, this would be a match made in heaven. Who says there’s no love between the Browns and the Steelers?

Tom Brady/Tony Romo - The only fun aspect of pairing these two together would be to see them battle over who could pull the best wool. Or who could pull the better choke job, given their recent playoff histories.

Bill Romanowski/Rodney Harrison - To see which of these old dirty bastards would give the other a soap-in-a-sock Full Metal Jacket-style beating in their sleep first. My money’s on Harrison. Then again, does Romo ever even need to sleep with all that crap he’s jacked up on?

Aaron Rodgers/Brett Favre - If you think the press kills all things Favre, wait til you see what Rodgers would do to him. I’m betting that if he had to spend one more minute in Fav-rah’s shadow, he might literally kill No. 4.

Bryant McKinnie/Jared Allen - This is contingent on former wild man Allen falling off the wagon, but he’s just about the only person who could make the second voyage of the Love Boat more fun than the first. Then again, Jared could just sip back on his beloved O’Douls and watch Big Bryant receive fellatio, or even give it (so that’s how he got down with the Williams Sisters). Or maybe, Jared could just be the designated boat driver. Wait, his three DUIs probably make that a no-no. Regardless of what they would do together, don’t expect Chilly to room these two together on any of the Vikes’ road trips. In fact, it would be a good idea to put them on opposite ends of the hall.

(Adam Best has covered sports and entertainment for various blogs, websites and publications. The Best View is his fusion of the two fields. The Summer Blockbuster Series will draw upon some of the summer’s most-anticipated films to offer unique perspectives on the sports world. You can also find his work at Arrowhead Addict and Austin Script Guy.)

No sense in denying it–I’m a huge Batman fanboy. When it comes to anything having to do with the cape and cowl, I just about cream myself. I’m not quite as obsessed as the Superman impersonator from Confessions of a Superhero is with Supes (thank God), but somewhat close. I’m as crazy about The Caped Crusader as he is, well, batshit crazy. As you can imagine, I’ve been loading up on Batman in preparation for The Dark Knight.

I picked up all 120 episodes of the 1960’s Batman TV series. (shush, don’t tell anyone…because it hasn’t been officially released yet…but you can get it here). With a name like Adam Best, how could I not be obsessed with the Adam West TV show? I remember sitting in class all day as a kid thinking about Part Two, which I’d catch at home right after school. “Same bat-time, same bat-channel.”

I also scooped Seasons One through Three of Batman - The Animated Series, and there’s a badass sale for those going on over at Amazon right now, surely in conjunction with the new film’s release.  By the time I was in junior high, I had moved on to coming home and catching Bruce Timm’s darker cartoon. Don’t trifle with Season Four of BTAS–it’s garbage compared to the others. But definitely pick this up if you are into Batman. The series pretty much falls into must-own territory for any serious fan.

Then there’s Batman the Movie and Batman: Gotham Knight on Blu-Ray. Fun times, although Gotham Knight was a bit of a disappointment. The Batman anime is only 76 minutes long, and roughly half of the six segments suck. I wish we could get Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman on Blu-Ray, but I have a feeling that will come out when The Dark Knight drops on the format, probably right around Christmas. Warners ain’t stupid.

It was a combination of the original TV show, the comics, BATS and the Burton flick that got me hooked on all things Batman. I liked that Batman was a self-made superhero. That he decided to become a hero, instead of becoming one because of some super power that made him indebted to help society. The biggest difference between Batman and other superhero stories, however, is its rogues gallery of villains. No other superhero has even close to the badass baddies of the Batman saga. Period.

From Frank Gorhsin’s The Riddler to Frank Miller’s (of 300 and Sin City fame) Catwoman to the evolution of The Joker (Cesar Romero to Jack Nicholson to Heath Ledger), Batman’s bad guys are untouchable as far as comic book lore goes. That’s why Bob Kane’s superhero has been, and will be, around forever. I think that’s also why the fervor around The Dark Knight is unlike anything we’ve seen since, well, the 1990 Batman. Personally, I’m not sure I have been this excited to see a film during the 18 years in between. Maybe The Fellowship of the Ring or The Phantom Menace (that one hurt). Maybe.

I think the Batmania is due to the Joker, the biggest baddie of them all, being played by one of our generation’s finest young actors, Heath Ledger, in his final role (which isn’t completely true…see here). Christian Bale is also a fantastic actor. Ever since American Psycho, I said that he was the guy who could play both Batman and Bruce Wayne. He’s pulled it off. Dude is also hotter than Hansel right now, with Public Enemies and Terminator Salvation dropping soon. Again, Bale’s Batman/Bruce combo helps, but it is the bad guys that sell this one. I think moviegoers are a little more excited about The Joker/Two-Face duo they are about to get than the Ra’s al Ghul/Scarecrow one they got served three years ago.

That brings me to the baddest of the baddies in the sports world–the NFL’s outlaws. As a tribute to The Dark Knight on the day the film releases (after three LONG years of waiting!), here’s my rogues gallery of NFL villains. Sorry, Deadspin, your boy Kite Man didn’t make the cut. It hurt me, but I had to draw the line somewhere.

NFL Wrong-Doers, Wackjobs and Weirdos Cast as Batman’s Rogues Gallery:

Bane/Shawne Merriman - A whole lotta Vitamin S turned him into a superfreak. Without his chemically altered brawn, however, he is a pretty worthless supervillain. Phenomenal strength, pedestrian intelligence. Not nearly as cool as his fans think he is.

Catwoman/Gisele Bündchen - Because I want to see her in the fucking suit. Moving on…

Deadshot/Tom Brady - A show-off prick who’s all about two things–never missing and getting paid. His wrist-mounted gun is silent, but violent, and he takes tremendous joy in killing his opponents. Tried to claim kingpin status, but, fortunately, the Gotham’s Giants were around to stop him.

Harley Quinn/Chris Henry - The Joker’s protege. Not nearly as talented, nor as dangerous, and kind of a little bitch. This dipshit is definitely a jester. What kind of criminal tries to get caught, as Henry Quinn seems to do?

The Joker/Pacman Jones - Nobody really knows how this clown got so messed up, but something happened. He has indeed brought the NFL a “new class of criminal.” The baddest of all the baddies, Pacman, er, Adam seems to have turned over a new leaf. What happened to the homicidal maniac from the Minxxx? What happened to the Clown Prince of Crime who used to make money rain? Why so serious?

Killer Croc/John Henderson - Big, monstrous and scary. Can’t you see some sewer dweller slapping Killer Croc in the face several times right before he hunts down The Caped Crusader? He even plays in croc country, and I’m pretty sure dude could wrestle crocodiles if he wanted to. Homeboy is just a monster. People aren’t supposed to be that ginormous and frightening. He can’t be human.

Mad Hatter/Clinton Portis - Only Portis could concoct this nutty of a character. He’s not really a villain, though. Actually, I take that back. I wish Clinton cared as much about my fantasy football teams as he does his characters.

Mr. Freeze/Brett Favre - I’m starting to wonder if this guy would cryogenically freeze himself in order to keep playing forever. We know you love the Frozen Tundra, Brett, but you’ve gotta give it up eventually. He’s on serious thin ice with NFL fans, and even quite a few Packers fans. It’s not that we have hearts of ice, it’s just that this hot-cold game is getting old. To everyone but ESPN and Peter King, that is. Really effing old.

Penguin/Bill Belichick - Frumpy looks? Check. Out-of-style costume? Check. Weird fetish? Check (cameras instead of umbrellas). He even has a bird-like last name. If only Belicheat was a little shorter and had webbed hands. Wak, wak wak!

Poision Ivy/Jessica Simpson - Is it just me, or did she totally screw the Cowboys’ season up? Totally, right? She claims to love her hero, but yet she is the one who poisoned him and his crew. Romo needs to hurry up and ditch this botanical byotch. I’m convinced she’s a Fembot sent by Daniel Snyder.

Ra’s al Ghul/Roger Goodell - At first, he seems like a hero, one who’s intent on cleaning up his world. Upon further review, something just ain’t right. Is it just me, or is “Goodie Two-Shoes” Goodell secretly hellbent on world domination? There’s something just not right about this dude. I swear. Don’t come crying to me when he and his League of Shadows wipes us all out.

The Riddler/Chad Johnson - I once heard a joke about The Riddler that basically went like this…The Riddler is stuck in a building that’s about to blow up, calls Batman for help, Batman asks where he’s at, but The Riddler can’t help but give him his location in the form of a puzzling riddle. He’d rather die than break out of character. Sometimes I get the same feeling about Ocho Cinco. No. 85 is definitely an E. Nygma.

Scarecrow/Rodney Harrison - This coward who hides underneath his mask, er, facemask, will stoop to any low to strike fear into the hearts of his opponents. He’s also into pharmaceuticals, but he uses his drugs on himself, not his prey.

Two-Face/Terrell Owens - Holy schizophrenia! It’s pretty much a coin flip as to what you’re going to get out of T.O., the Dallas Cowboys’ cooky star receiver. One moment he’s the shiny, clean-cut hero you’ve been waiting for; the next, he’s the twisted villain you love to loathe. We’ve even seen some emotional breakdowns (the O.D. incident, the Romo tears). On the outside, Owens is a pretty boy. On the inside, it’s much more ugly.

(Adam Best is the lead writer over at Arrowhead Addict, and has covered sports and entertainment for various blogs, websites and publications. The Best View is his fusion of sports and entertainment. The Summer Blockbuster Series will draw upon some of the summer’s most-anticipated films to offer unique perspectives on the sports world.)

Last weekend I went to a Hitchcock double feature–Birds and Psycho, to be exact– here in Austin. As far as films go, it doesn’t get much better than that. During the damn-gas-is-expensive drive home, I started thinking about what my dream sports doubleheader would be. The catch was it had to be something that could actually happen. Not necessarily something probable, but the scenario had to at least be possible. Hmmmm…

After much deliberation, here’s my dream sports doubleheader:

I’m at the 2009 NFL Draft in NYC. My Kansas City Chiefs are picking last in the first round, because they just won the Super Bowl, in spite of Brodie Croyle. Somehow, Tim Tebow slips all the way to the 32nd pick and my Chiefs finally nab themselves a franchise quarterback. My thirst is finally quenched after 20 years of clamoring for a QB! My brother and I kick it at the draft for awhile, proudly parading around Radio City Music Hall in our Chiefs jerseys–I’m wearing a red Larry Johnson, he’s sporting a white Dwayne Bowe. The Chiefs hit a homerrun with each of their first two picks, kind of like this year, but even more impressive given where they are picking, not to mention that Carl Peterson is calling the shots. The Chiefs are the talk of the draft, and it’s amazing to be there in person reppin’ the Red and Gold. But it’s getting late, so we take off from the draft and hurry over to…

Madison Square Garden, where my Indiana Pacers are taking on the New York Knicks. It’s Game Three of a first round series in the 2009 NBA Playoffs. The Pacers are the surprise third seed, the Knicks are the sixth seed. The Pacers dropped one of the first two games back at Conseco Fieldhouse, so they desperately need to win this one to regain home-court advantage. During the starting line-ups, the first four starters for the Pacers are the usual suspects. Then, at shooting guard, instead of saying “from Kansas, Brandon Rush”…the announcer swallows hard as he announces “from UCLA–GULP–Reggie Miller.” The collective gasp heard in the Garden is unlike anything you’ve ever heard. I get so excited I start seizuring, but my brother puts a program in my mouth to bite down on, and restrains me. I soon come back to earth.

It’s late in the fourth quarter, eight seconds left, Pacers down by three. Since Reggie isn’t in game shape, he only played about fifteen minutes, and was 0-7 on the night. But everyone in the house knows that he still can, and more importantly will, shoot. Danny Granger passes the ball into T.J. Ford, who finds Reggie coming around a masterful Jeff Foster screen. Four seconds left…Reggie catches and shoots a long three, kicking his leg out and drawing a bonehead foul from Jamal Crawford…the shot is up, barely, before the red light goes off…IT’S GOOD!!!!!!!!! You can hear a pin drop in MSG, or at least me jumping up and down screaming like a little girl. Spike Lee just collapses to the ground, unable to watch. Reggie chalks his hands…calmly steps to the line…the home crowd watches in a complete state of shock…nothin’ but net! The Pacers finally get their revenge for the infamous Grandmama four-point play. I’m just glad I was there to see it, and Reggie’s miraculous comeback.

What a day, huh?

I went around the network and asked FSB bloggers what their dream sports doubleheaders would be. Here were their answers:

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I’ve seen the future. It blew my mind.

OK, I might have gotten a little carried away with this future talk, given that Wall-E comes out this upcoming Friday. Sue me–Wall-E is worth having a wet dream over.

Thanks to the folks at the Mouse House, Pixar and Ain’t It Cool News, I was lucky enough to see Wall-E almost two weeks before it dropped nationally as part of the first public audience to ever see the film. Going in I knew I was lucky. I had no idea how lucky I truly was until the end credits were rolling.

Wall-E is an instant classic. Think of it like this: E.T. meets 2001: A Space Odyssey by Pixar. Pixar already is a giant in the animation, scratch that, the film industry. They are the New England Patriots of Hollywood right now, only more dominate and more innovative (and they do it without spying on the competition). They are the ‘96 Bulls, except they are that good every single year. They’ve been on top for a while now. Ratatouille. The Incredibles. Finding Nemo. Monster’s Inc. Toy Story. All classics. Wall-E, however, is Pixar’s crowing achievement, and easily the studio’s most important film to date by far, if not its best as well. Trust me on this one.

Believe it or not, Wall-E is a dystopian portrayal of the future. Just because it’s not as intense as Blade Runner or Children of Men doesn’t mean it isn’t as deep. It may look like R2-D2 the Movie, but underneath it’s cuteness lies a scathing social commentary about the future of mankind. About how hopelessly lazy we’ve become. About how recklessly we treat our bodies and planet. About how the fast-food, channel-surfing, reality TV, IM mentality we possess as a society is turning us all into turnips. The thing is, there is so much humor, action, drama and, yes, even romance that I wonder if anyone will even notice Wall-E’s resounding message? Despite fewer words per minute than any major film that will be released this year, I doubt any film will say more than Wall-E. But will its message fall upon deaf ears?

I see the exact same thing going on in the sports world right now. As long as the action is enjoyable from sideline to sideline, everybody seems content to ignore the problems that could cripple the sports world in the future. The players. The organizations. The fans. The media. All of us. And I’m not talking 800 years from now, like Wall-E, or even 80. I’m talking closer to eight years from now.

Five Problems That Could Cause a Truly Dysotopian Future for Sports:

1. Money, Money, Money -

We’ll go with worst first here. I have so many effing problems when it comes to money and sports that I’m going to break it down into bulleted sub-categories…

• Advertising - Absolutely everything is sponsored by someone now. I’m getting sick of it. I don’t want my Chiefs to play in Flomax Stadium in a few years instead of Arrowhead. No, I don’t care if beer-boozing fans do piss like they have prostate issues. I’m also sick of all of these TV timeouts. I swear, I could have watched an entire season of 24 during some of the NBA playoff telecasts. No joke. What I really fear are these leagues completely selling out and allowing corporate sponsorship on jerseys. I will vomit on myself if I ever see the golden arches on the unis of my beloved Pacers. I’m bracing myself for it, though. Hell, players will probably even have sponsors attached to their names during the starting line-up announcements. “At guard…from Lower Merion High School…brought to you by Old Spice… KOBE BRYANT!”

• Owners - I have a big-time problem with any owner who sees a pro sports franchise as strictly business, and takes advantage of his customers by having no true intentions of winning. The same thing is going on in Hollywood, where they schlep together a cheap, formulaic pile of action, horror or comedy sh** with a slick trailer and say, “don’t worry, these suckers will buy tickets.” It’s more obvious in the film world, but it happens in the pro sports world, too. I honestly think that pro sports franchise ownerships screwing over fanbases should be a crime that is punishable by law. Scumbags. Buy a chain of Denny’s or go into porn. At least then people know what they’re buying is trash.

• Salary Caps - First off, a lack of a hard salary cap has just ruined MLB for a lot of us. It’s exciting to be a Royals fan on, oh, opening weekend–some years. Are things going to get any better as the rich get richer and the small-market fans get more disinterested? No. The NBA and NFL better watch it as well, as it seems many big-market and deep-pocketed teams have found ways to work around the salary cap. Overspending hasn’t always worked in those leagues, but it could. Additionally, what will happen to the caps of those leagues as the players and their agents haggle with the owners over money? What will the fallout be? Extended strikes? Inflated caps? NBA expiring contracts worth even more than they are now? Prima donna players holding out at unprecedented rates? While players and franchises alike look out for their own best interests, the fans are the ones who get screwed. I’m not so sure that the worst pro sports strike ever doesn’t loom on the horizon.

• Ticket Pricing - Short and sweet–the true fans are getting priced out. Were there any real fans other than Dyan Canon and Jack at the Staples Center during The Finals. Some games, like St. Louis Rams games, already seem like wine-and-cheese socials for the upper class. Pro sports teams need to watch it; they might be padding their wallets, but they’re punking their atmosphere.

2. Spraying Champagne and Making it Rain -

I don’t know when it became so damn cool to become reckless with money. I’m not even 30 yet, and maybe I’m still too old, but I don’t see anything cool about spraying strangers with Cristal or Dom P. or literally throwing money away by “making it rain.” This kind of gangster-rapper attitude has long plagued the NBA, but now it has become a major problem for the NFL as well. How long will it take before the NFL develops the same disconnect problem that currently distances the NBA from average sports fans?

I’m a pretty open-minded, accepting dude, and even I’ve become disgusted with the behavior by NFL players over the course of the past few years. There’s having a good time, and then there’s acting like a f***ing idiot. Chris Henry, Javon Walker, Pacman Jones and Co. should worry less about impressing people up in VIP, and more about impressing people on Sunday afternoons. The only thing Walker proved by spending 100,000-plus Gs to get his ass beat is that he’s a complete moron. The NFL could destroy its standing as America’s favorite brand of sport if it doesn’t clean itself up, and do so soon.

3. Bigger, Stronger, Faster -

Borrowing from the recent hit documentary of the same name, steroids have become a major problem in sports, and I’m not just talking baseball here. Sure, steroids wrecked baseball’s reputation. Personally, I think steroids are the reason the NFL surpassed MLB in popularity. Now, steroids are becoming a huge issue not only in the NFL, but also in MMA, one of the hottest sports going this decade. Hell, steroids have even affected the NBA. Track and field? Simply ruined. I’m not even going to go there. How long will it be before fans don’t even want to be associated with teams or athletes any more because they feel scummy rooting for a bunch of cheaters? Why do you think college sports are so popular? One word: purity.

Don’t get me wrong, I know there are still a lot of non-users out there in the pro sports world. I also understand the mentality, once dabbling in steroid usage myself in an attempt to make a college football comeback from a knee injury. I’m not judging here. But this is THE problem that could single-handedly destroy the sports world’s reputation among fans. Fans want to root for guys they can call heroes, players that can be role models for their kids. Players need to realize that no matter how great they become, there is no glory in having a permanent asterisk by their name. Who do we as fans respect more: Barry Bonds* or Ken Griffey Jr.? Roger Clemens* or Greg Maddux? Enough said.

You wonder why NASCAR and the PGA are so popular? Re-read the last two sections. Everyday people can connect with drivers and golfers. Fans are having an increasingly difficult time doing so with the athletes of MLB, the NBA and the NFL.

4. Global Gag Reflex -

This one is for the fans. The NBA is already global, and will probably even have a team in Europe 20 years from now, if not sooner. MLB is just about as global, and White players are about to become the minority in that sport. MMA and the NHL are global. Same with the PGA, boxing and soccer. Sooner or later fans are going to have to accept that it isn’t a player’s color or nationality that matters, but how he represents the colors and uniform he wears on and off the field of play.

I understand being an American, being a patriot. But what makes us the best country in the world is that we are one big melting pot of the world’s finest. That holds true for the sports world as well. All who are willing to work for it get a chance to shine. Sometimes I think we need to remember that we’re all pretty much immigrants before we bag on a Japanese pitcher or Serbian power forward. Pro sports are no longer just American, they’re global. If we don’t embrace that we are going to be the ones responsible for the disconnect between fans and pro sports. Once you learn to pronounce the “funny-sounding” name–or the announcer does, and I’m talking to you, Jeff Van Gundy–you’ll see that they’re just like us.

5. Blah Attitude About Blogs -

Sportsblogs and blogging have allowed fans to connect with the sports world in an unprecedented way. Personally, I can only see the emergence of blogs adding to the popularity of sports, especially pro sports. I understand why the MSM acts like a bunch of bitches (see Buzz Bissinger, Jason Whitlock) when it comes to blogs–blogs are threatening to that world. But why is the pro sports world so scared of taking the sportsblog plunge? By doing so they are locking fans out, when they could be hooking more on their product than ever before, free of charge.

The way I see it, the more connected or involved one becomes in something, the more they are going to invest. Time. Money. Passion. That is true with sports as well. Fans who have more information regarding their favorite team, sport or player at their fingertips earlier and more often are going to become more invested. Blogs are a quicker, more palatable, more entertaining form of journalism than traditional columns for many fans. Blogs are also a form they can get further involved with, either through comments, feeds or launching their own blog.

Now, I’m not saying that team’s shouldn’t limit which bloggers have access. The privilege of that level of access should only be granted to serious bloggers who have been vetted. That being said, not all of us are hacks. Some of us went to journalism school, or write fiction, or are screenwriters, or write copy, etc. Again, not all of us are hacks. In fact, I’m quite confident that you could put a squad of all-star bloggers together that could hang with just about any traditional journalism staff in the country. It’s time for the pro sports world to let its guard down and accept the form of blogging. The possibilities that blogs present to the pro sports world, if controlled, will only promote growth.

On the other hand, bloggers, especially newbies or novices without blogosphere cred, shouldn’t have a sense of entitlement when it comes to access. Just like anywhere else, you have to earn respect in the sportsblog world. There are some blogs, especially team blogs, that deserve to have access to the teams they cover. These blogs are the cream of the crop, and consitently outdo their MSM competitors content-wise, with both quality and quantity. On the other hand, there are twice as many blogs that don’t deserve access. These blogs are inconsistent, unprofessional and, often, flat out not good enough. Those are what I call hobby blogs.

There is a difference between a hobby blog and a professional blog, and I don’t think it is very difficult to tell the difference. Professional bloggers go to work every day and strive to have the best coverage anywhere when it comes to their focus topic. They have steady traffic and are highly regarded among peers. Hobby blogs have less posts, less traffic and are virtually unknown within the blogosphere. Now, there is nothing wrong with a hobby blog, and I think it is wonderful that any fan can find a voice with a blog nowadays. But almost all hobby blogs aren’t deserving of the kind of access typically reserved for the MSM. All of us can request access, but do your peers a favor and don’t cop an attitude if you get Dikembe Mutmboed. All bloggers need to remember that they represent a group that is constantly being poked, prodded and persecuted with each and every post. If we all keep this in mind, I honestly believe pro sports ballclubs will gradually become more and more accepted.

What to Do With Your Future -

Here’s the deal; none of us sports fans should go kill ourselves. I’m not trying to be Sarah Conner here, blabbing incoherently about robots and Armageddon. Wait a minute…anyways, we just all need to keep an eye on the future, or we’ll be telling our kids about the good ol’ days of pro sports instead of watching them together. As for Wall-E, there’s some good ol’ times that you can enjoy with or without your kids right now, this Friday.

RIP George Carlin, a comic genius who was a hero to me.

(Adam Best is the lead writer over at Arrowhead Addict, and has covered sports and entertainment for various blogs, websites and publications. The Best View is his fusion of sports and entertainment. The Summer Blockbuster Series will draw upon some of the summer’s most-anticipated films to offer unique perspectives on the sports world.)

(The Best View is a new column exclusive to fansided.com, home site of the Fan-Sided Blogs Network. Adam Best is the lead writer over at Arrowhead Addict, and has covered sports and entertainment for various blogs, websites and publications. The Best View is his fusion of sports and entertainment. The Summer Blockbuster Series will use some of the summer’s most-anticipated films to offer unique perspectives on some of the hottest stories in sports.)

This summer, there are two massive green ogres getting more than their fair share of hype. No, not Shrek and K.G. The Incredible Hulk, who’s literally green, and EliteXC MMA fighter Kimbo Slice, who’s green when it comes to his fighting skills.

In the movie The Incredible Hulk we see The Apollo during the final fight sequence in NYC. I noticed that the marquee read, “Amateur Night at The Apollo.” Well, neither of these two hulks were quite “Amateur Night,” but they weren’t quite Iron Man or Randy Couture either. The main problems with both the latest Hulk installment and the debut of EliteXC on CBS? Lack of backstory and casting. No doubt about it.

Now, there was a little less hype for The Incredible Hulk than Kimbo Slice, comparatively speaking when it comes to their two respective fields. You can chalk the former up to Kimbo becoming a YouTube sensation paired with the MMA explosion, and the latter to 2003’s Hulk, an admirable attempt at a deeper, more character-driven comic book flick that ultimately fell short. Both the villains and most of the second half of the screenplay were way off on that one. Also, that movie’s version of the big green monster looked ridiculous. Jolly Green Giant anyone? Nick Nolte couldn’t have been more hammy as the villain either. Still, the film had a great opening that made us care about the characters. Most importantly, Ang Lee’s version nailed the casting of Bruce Banner. Eric Bana was the perfect Banner. (The editing of that film was also unbelievably cool, as it really gave you a comic book feel. Possibly one of my favorite editing jobs ever.)

Which brings me back to casting. First off, before I dive into my problems with Edward Norton as Banner, I want to say that the film was too short. Norton tried like hell to get his audience invested in Banner, but ultimately I feel he failed. He started off at a disadvantage, though, because the ENTIRE backstory of The Incredible Hulk happened during the opening credits. Seriously.

Now, I know director Louis Leterrier is essentially a “B” action movie director. I know he was hired to keep the thrills coming at a furious pace, keeping the kiddies and casual fans engaged in the process, and the money raking in. As a result, the story suffered. I’ve read that an hour was cut out of the film, and that Norton was extremely pissed off about it. With the film’s version of the truncated script we basically have The Bourne Supremacy without The Bourne Identity–no real character development. The two best superhero films of the past five years–Batman Begins and Iron Man–had eons of character development. You have to make us give a shit before they put on the suit. Er, turn green, you know what I’m saying. Rotten Tomatoes called the first Hulk, “Too much talking and not enough smashing.” Maybe so, but this time around there was too much smashing and not enough talk.”

You also have to make us believe the transformation can really happen, with an assist from suspended belief of course. Marvel and Leterrier took advantage, or tried to, of the fact that this was a reboot, and that most of us already knew the backstory. I felt cheated. Luckily, we are apparently going to get a cut on DVD and Blu-Ray that includes the 60-plus minutes that were cut. My guess is that version will totally kick this version’s ass, pleasing comic book geeks and those of us without movie ADD.

I’m really, really hoping that it fills in the caps and gives us more of Norton, because his acting was impeccable as always. Maybe a little more exposition would make his Banner/Hulk combo more believable. Anyway, the problem, besides zero backstory, was that you just can’t really see him turning into The Hulk. Extra footage likely won’t fix that issue. Same with Tim Roth and The Abomination. Did they have to pick the two smallest guys in Hollywood to play these roles? It was hard to even believe Bana’s transformation into The Hulk, and he was a bigger guy who just felt much more like Banner. Norton handled the material quite well, but he just wasn’t believable. I was befuddled that this, I think, was the puniest I think he’s ever looked. Couldn’t they have “hulked” him up a little, American History X-style? And couldn’t the Hulk’s actual face resembled his? Is that too much to ask for?

The transformation is just a major problem. Like the Batman series before discovering Christian Bale, there was always a problem with Bruce Wayne or Batman, or even both (ahem, George Clooney). Once The Hulk becomes The Hulk, not only does the completely obvious CGI animation rip us out of reality, but without a conscience he just runs around amok and destroys everything each time he’s on screen. He’s sort of a one-trick pony, especially when we haven’t become invested in the man who turns into the monster.

That is the exact same problem I have with Kimbo Slice. Kimbo is being hyped like he is the best heavyweight MMA fighter in the world hands down, yet we hardly know him and he’s proven absolutely nothing. In real life, yes, he has a great backstory, one that draws us to him. As far as MMA is concerned, however, he has no backstory. It’s like EliteXC showed us The Hulk during the opening credits, if that. Maybe it’s more like we just heard about Bruce Banner through word of mouth and he was a raw, clumsy Hulk for the whole flick. It feels rather WWE-ish to push a guy this early just because he has street cred and an interesting look/gimmick. Who knew that the Mr. T look would come back in style in 2008? I guess if they do a Rocky III remake, and knowing Hollywood they might, Kimbo could play Clubber Lang.

It’s also fairly hard to buy into the hype when the villain is being played James “Colossus” Thompson, a jobber if there ever was one with a nasty cauliflower ear so ready to explode it should have had a bullseye on it. Besides, Kimbo should have lost the fight. How much would we still dig The Hulk if we felt that someone had to come in and cheat to let him defeat The Abomination? In my opinion, that is exactly what happened with Kimbo at the last EliteXC card. Dude was on the ground for like 90 seconds in round two, unable to do anything except avoid getting knocked out. In the UFC they would have called that shit. I’m just saying.

Speaking of the UFC, my brother and I are both convinced that its top 15 heavyweights could defeat Kimbo. Kimbo would be no match for Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, or even Cheick Kongo or Heath Herring. Say what you will about Kimbo’s chin and punching power, and both are unbelievable, I’ll give him that. The problem is that not only is he slow, his ground game is suspect at best. At best. Some pundits wouldn’t be so kind. But that is EliteXC’s meal ticket, and they are preying upon, just like The Incredible Hulk, our addiction to big, bad mindless entertainment. That’s why I prefer the UFC and movies like Batman Begins–products that actually make you and those involved use that thing atop our necks a little. Same with the NFL. Realistically, Kimbo is a flash in the pan who momentarily captured the public’s imagination with his YouTube beatdowns. He’s temporarily filling Mike Tyson’s vacated “baddest man on the planet” spot, but unlike Tyson he hasn’t earned that title. Regardless, he’ll have to relinquish it soon. You can’t get handed a win against the likes of Colossus more than once and remain legit. Kimbo got his free pass.

So, the next time somebody tells you Kimbo is the next Mike Tyson or The Incredible Hulk is better than Iron Man, shake your head and tell them you know better. I’m not saying don’t watch and enjoy them, as both are enjoyable enough, especially the movie. I’m just saying don’t pretend that you’re watching Anderson Silva or The Dark Knight. Otherwise you’re the one who’s’ turned green.