For some the NBA All-Star Weekend is just one big party. For the degenerate it is a chance to get back some of our losses on those Super Bowl prop bets. Damn CBS and their Kardashian-free broadcast!

But we’ve got a short memory. That’s what makes us the degenerates that we are. Forget those worthless bets; this is where we get back to even for the New Year. (Keep telling yourself that. It’s going to be an old refrain come March when you’re laying on preseason baseball.)

Dig deep…I mean literally…dip deep into the pockets of the pants hanging in your closet, fish through the couch cushions, snag some loose change from under you kid’s bed. Do whatever it takes to get some action on the events this weekend.

Winner of the H.O.R.S.E. Competition – Omri Casspi (5/2): Kevin Durant is the favorite to repeat but do you really think he wants to hoist the worst trophy in all of sports again? I’m calling shenanigans on the second installment of this worthless contest. Durant takes the dive and air balls a lay-up. Seriously, this contest was invented for degenerates. Who else is going to watch this crap?

Winner of the Dunk Contest – Shannon Brown (5/4): The winner of the dunk contest must possess three things; 1) the ability to jump out of the Earth’s gravitational pull, 2) a heart warming story, 3) a likeable smile. Look it up, you’ll see the history. Aside from his resemblance to that young punk Chris Brown, ShanWow has all that it takes to give you a descent payout. What are the three things degenerate gamblers must possess, you ask? 1) A wireless connection, 2) a private room with either cable or satellite TV, 3) a flask.

Winner of the Three Point Shootout – Daequan Cook (3/1): Five years from now, you won’t even remember that Cook has won two straight shootouts just like you forgot that Jason Kapono did the same before him. Of course, this is the biggest role of the dice there is. Fear not! You can always pawn your wife’s b-day gift then blame the dog for eating it.

Winner of the All-Star Game MVP – LeBron James (2/1): By now you must realize that almost all of the All-Star festivities (except the three point contest…gulp!) are scripted by David Stern. Name one All-Star game where the MVP didn’t go to either the best storyline or the hottest marketing gimmick…err…player in the game. Remember the Shaq and Kobe love affair last year? Well, take King James to the house now that his only comp – KB24 – is out of the running.

Degenerate Bet of the Week

Winner of the Skills Competition – Deron Williams (5/2): Yet another event meant strictly for the sportbooks in Vegas. Sure, Steve Nash is the favorite but we all know his 15 minutes are just about up. Take a shot and let it ride on D-Will. If that’s not degenerate enough, you can parlay this line with Team Atlanta to win the Shooting Stars contest.

Chris Shellcroft is the lead blogger for Just Blog Baby, occasional contributor on Lake Show Life and an all around righteous dude. You can follow him on Twitter.

Part competition, part spectacle, part popularity contest, the dunk competition is one of the premiere exhibitions in all of sports. Despite the contest taking a hit in recent years, it remains a must watch every All-Star weekend.

While we’ll never forget the legends of the past who have sat atop the Mount Rushmore of dunks, those who didn’t hoist the trophy provided some equally memorable moments.

Here are the 10 best dunkers to never win the NBA Slam Dunk Contest.

10. Darrell Griffith – Dr. Dunkenstein was a semi-finalist in the NBA’s inaugural dunk contest in 1984 and was eliminated in the first round of the ‘85 competition. He remains one of the most slept on dunkers of all-time and boasts of an eye popping 48-inch vertical.

(Griffith does his thing at the 2:05 mark)

9. Kenny Smith – What he lacked in hops, The Jet made up for with creativity. His iconic between the legs, off the backboard dunk is his calling card and was good enough to earn Kenny a second place finish to Dominique Wilkins in 1990 and a birth in the semi-finals of the ’91 competition.

8. Andre Iguodala – The only one-time entrant who makes the list. Iguodala’s unbelievable behind the backboard dunk rivals some of the best dunks in the history of the competition.

7. Rex Chapman – Forget about Woody Harrelson’s inability. Rex Chapman can jump! The closest Rex ever got to the crown was a semi-final finish in the 1991 contest but his creativity and sick boosties make him one of the best to never hoist the trophy at All-Star weekend.

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This is the moment we have been waiting for. The Super Bowl is to degenerate gamblers what the MTV Video Music Awards is to pedophiles. That one day of the year when your sickness is masked by the glitz and glamour of an overblown spectacle.

After chasing our losses over the past five months, we’ve finally reached the summit.

To the layman, prop bets are the stuff that losers blow their money on. To the degenerate, prop bets are the stuff that losers blow their money on.

I’m not saying degenerates are losers in the John Edwards kind of way. No, we are losers in the red ink kind of way. Our bank accounts are drained. Our relationships are strained. Our livers are pained.

Now is when we go for broke, chasing bad bet after bad bet with the hopes of Lady Luck blowing us one last kiss before March Madness invades the sportsbook.

Best of luck my friends! May your parlays pay and may your wife stay another day.

How Long will it Take Carrie Underwood to Sing the National Anthem – Under 1 min 43 seconds (-160): How can you spot the degenerate gambler at your Super Bowl party? He’s the one with a hand over a stopwatch instead of his heart.

Which Sideline Reporter will be On TV First after the Opening Kick? – Solomon Wilcots (-115): If Steve Tasker pops up first you’ll have an early excuse to take a shot. Just tell your friends it’s a drinking game. If they want to join in, all they’ve got to do is lend you 500 bucks.

Super Bowl XLIV Coin Toss – Tails (-105): They say tails never fails. I say heads leaves you dead. Ah yes, the game hasn’t even started and you’re already chasing your losses. Not to worry, still plenty of prop bets left to get that metallic taste of coin-toss-roulette out of your mouth.

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Let me paint a picture for you.

Imagine if you will that Sun Life Stadium in Miami, Florida, is really a saloon.

It is a slow, humid Sunday afternoon and the saloon is filled with vivacious patrons. The room is abuzz as libations flow free and joyous music reverberates off the walls.

Suddenly there is a loud CRASH heard. The  music comes to a screeching halt as the room turns in nervous anticipation to see Peyton Manning standing in the doorway. He has kicked the saloon’s swinging doors off their hinges.

In a slow Southern Drawl, Manning says, “I’m lookin’ fer Drew Brees, anybody seen ‘em?”

A mysterious voice bellows from the rear of the room. “Who’s askin’?”

The saloon turns to see Drew Brees seated at a card table. He stands, revealing a pair of six shooters attached to either leg. Manning flashes a wry grin. “I’m askin’”, Peyton says while revealing the guns strapped to the both of his legs.

Without saying another word, Manning turns and exits the saloon. Brees follows amid nervous moans and groans from the patrons. The crowd knows what is coming next. There is but one way that feuds of this sort end. Two men exit the saloon. Only one will return with a Lombardi Trophy in hand.

Unless Sergio Leone was scripting games for the NFL, then this is not exactly how Super Bowl XLIV will play out on Sunday.  None the less, the highly anticipated duel between Manning and Brees is certainly one of the most drama filled storylines of the big game.

Over the years, we’ve seen some epic battles waged between rival signal callers with the greatest prize in football at stake. Let’s relive the best quarterback duels in Super Bowl history as we countdown the hours until kickoff.

Cue the theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

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Watching the Super Bowl just for the sake of seeing the newest ads has become an openly accepted practice. What was once a ploy used to get more eyes on America’s biggest sporting event is now a multi-million dollar industry whose sheer intrigue rivals that of the big game itself.

From Peyton Manning’s pursuit of the title of greatest quarterback ever to the city of New Orleans rising from the ashes on the backs of their Saints, Super Bowl XLIV has more plot lines than a daytime soap. Still, the biggest talking points leading up to Super Sunday revolves around an ad featuring a kid who has yet to play in the NFL and his mom’s life altering decision.

After the game is played there will be the obligatory discussions of which ads were the best and which were the worst. Every year there are also the handful which will never see the light of day again, forever locked away in a vault with the Zapruder film and copies of Ishtar on betamax.

Some, like this PETA ad which didn’t make the cut for Super Bowl XLIII, won’t even make it to broadcast. Thanks to the modern miracle of the internet, nothing remains hidden for long, allowing us to see ads which have been deemed unfit for public consumption.

Here are five ads that you won’t be seeing this Sunday.

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After seeing how his favorite sporting event was being bastardized, an enraged Peter Griffin sought our help to reach NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

Since Mr. Goodell is a regular reader of the FanSided Sports Blog, Peter thought this would be the ideal way to get his suggestions on how to fix the Pro Bowl to the commish.

Here is what he has to say:

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.

I, Peter Griffin, being of sound mind, body and John Malkovich do hereby declare that I’m friggin’ pissed!

I mean, c’mon Goodell. How can you destroy the best event in the sports like this? You can’t imagine my shock when I found out that you decided to have the Pro Bowl upstaged by the Super Bowl. It was worse than the time when I learned why all the dinosaurs died. We all know that the Pro Bowl is the most important football game on the planet. Why else would it be played after the Super Bowl for all these years?

So before you do any further damage to the game, Goodell, I’d advise you to take into considering my 10 suggestions to fix the best sports event in the universe.

1. Players should be required to play the game in giant robo-suits like the ones in that Anne-Marie Johnson movie Robot Jox.

2. The opening coin toss should be replaced by a game of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots.

3. From this day forward, Brett Favre should be the full-time quarterback for both the AFC and NFC in perpetuity or until time the end of time. Whichever comes first.

4. Patrick Stewart, Joey Adams and Tone Loc should be the game announcers.

5. John Madden will also be in the booth, but only to make those “Boom” sound effects whenever a freakin’ sweet hit occurs.

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With the NBA season at its midpoint, let’s takes a look at some of the lesser achievements reached through the first half of the season.

The Sasha Vujacic Award for most Annoying Foreign Born Player

Omri Casspi

Casspi keeps the Sacramento tradition alive as he walks the path plowed by Peja Stojakovic and Hedo Turkoglu before him.

The Steve Francis Award for Falling off the NBA Radar

Tracy McGrady

So much for T-Mac and Yao being the new millennium Shaq and Kobe. More like the modern day Dwight Howard and Vince Carter. What? Too soon?

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Shaking hands with his opponent after a defeat doesn’t make much sense to LeBron James and neither does keeping his word.

After “preliminary” putting his name into the hat for the 2010 dunk competition, the self proclaimed King has reversed court and withdrawn. The NBA’s announcement of the participants that will entertain the crowd in Dallas on February 13^th is minus the man who has delusions of MJ grandeur.

What exactly is LeBron so scurred of?

It’s not like he has to worry about taking an L in the contest. By simply showing up for the event he’s guaranteed a win. Do you honestly think that those figure head judges will be allowed to give the W to someone not named LeBron? Not on David Stern’s watch they won’t.

Plus, LeBron doesn’t need to get all crazy creative and try to reinvent the dunk. His sick hops and cheetah speed are his best weapons. No need to try and catch oops off the shot clock while doing a 360 windmill leaping over one of his dancing teammates. Just use what the big man up stairs blessed you with to thrown one down from the free throw line on a twelve foot rim. Do something nobody else on this planet is capable of doing. Is that too much to ask of the man who requested everyone stop wearing #23 in honor of Jordan?

Here’s a suggestion: How about LeBron honoring Jordan by doing the 2010 version of all of MJ’s iconic dunks?

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Now at days, it has become increasingly difficult to trust football coaches. They speak in such coded language, ever careful not to incriminate themselves, that one can hardly recognize their language as Standard English.

When Nick Saban said he was not going to be the coach at Alabama, we assumed he was going to remain the head coach of the Miami Dolphins. Well, the joke was on all of us who had such a terrible understanding of Sabanese. As we came to learn, what he meant was “there is a 100% chance I’ll be the coach at Alabama and we’re going to win a BCS Championship and we’ll have the program’s first ever Heisman winner.”

Sorry, Nick. That was our bad for not taking the time to learn your language.

Now we’ve got a brand new dialect known as Kiffinese. At first, we all assumed that Lane Kiffin was speaking out of both sides of his mouth like Harvey Dent. As it turns out, we’re all behind the learning curve on this new and emerging language.

As a fan of both USC football and the Oakland Raiders, I’ve gained a lot of experience in Kiffin’s linguistics. Allow me to translate some of Kiffin’s quotes from his introductory press conference at USC.

First we’ll begin with the basics so you can learn how to interpret Kiffinese. Here are a few key terms that you should acquaint yourself with.

Clean Program: A program built on lies and underhanded tactics. This is the Kiffin credo and can be interpreted as “by any means necessary”.

Our: In Kiffinese, this term usually refers to Lane’s ego, his trophy wife or his checkbook.

Recruit: A recruit is a disposable item that can be used to help better a football program or can simply be a tool used to improve a coach’s resume.

Respect: Disdain or loathing

Rules: Road blocks or obstacles

Us: Different than our, us refers Kiffin’s goon squad that does all the dirty work in the background.

Now let’s see Kiffinese in action.

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He was once the face of a renewed love for our national pastime.

Now, Mark McGwire represents the two-faced nature of our country.

The financial district has Bernie Madoff. The political sector had Richard Nixon. With his overdue admission of steroid use, the sports world now has Mark McGwire.

All of the aforementioned liars are connected by a common thread: They have all disgraced their country after being propped up as pillars of society.

If Mark McGwire is as American as apple pie, then Aunt Bee must have been cooking up meth instead of granny smith apples.

Not that McGwire’s tear filled admission comes as a surprise to most of us. We all had our suspicions. All you had to do was check out the photo on his ’87 Topps rookie card then flip on SportsCenter during the summer of ’98 to see a noticeable difference in appearance.

The Southern Cali Kid entered the game as a slugger. 49 dingers in his first full season in the majors will attest to that. During the late 80’s and early 90’s, McGwire and his fellow Bash Brother Jose Canseco formed one of the most feared duos in baseball history. However, it was only a matter of time until that ugly American trait known as greed set in.

No need to dig through his trash or to stalk observe McGwire like Selena Roberts did A-Rod. Simply look at his numbers and you’ll see the lie materialize before your eyes.

Injuries, a dip in production and the secret drug culture of Major League Baseball got the best of Big Mac.

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