Desperate Daunte

Daunte Culpepper has contacted the Detroit Lions about a job. This after the former Viking reportedly turned down an offer to back-up Aaron Rodgers in Green Bay, saying he wanted to be a starter. So he thinks the Lions are looking to replace Jon Kitna? Sorry Daunte, but there are no starter jobs available. I guess your agent forgot to tell you that. Oh wait…you’re your agent. Apparently you never got the memo from yourself. Screw-up by your secretary? Let me guess…you’re also your own secretary. Kinko’s is very familiar with you aren’t they? Maybe you should ask for an application the next time you’re over there.

Damaged

So I’m sitting here exhausted, with my ears ringing after forgetting my earplugs while going to a concert today (The Oranges Band, check em out), and I’m thinking about Brett Favre. I’m really tired of him. I hate him right now, but that won’t diminish the impact he’s had on everyone in association with the Packers. It seems like Favre’s done everything right in his career.

But he’s screwed up. Big time.

With his waffling between retirement the last few years stringing all Packers fans out for a ride none of them really wanted to go on, we all felt that when he retired, he would actually, well, retire. But no. He’s bored. His body keeps telling him to play. Well the whole reason he retired in the first place was because his mind was tired, not his body. So his mind is fine now? I doubt it. As soon as he walks into that meeting room when he’s not the starter, he’s going to want to get the hell out of there as fast as he can. If he goes to another team, he’ll walk into the meeting room, realize he has to learn a new offense, and he’ll get the hell out. There is basically no place for him in the NFL right now. All the playoff capable teams (and even teams not capable of making the playoffs) have quarterbacks in place. Some of the bad teams have young quarterbacks in place they need to develop. The NFL (minus ESPN) has essentially moved on from Favre.

Favre’s screwed up his legacy.

He will eternally be known as a fickle flip-flopper (even moreso than John Kerry). When he’s unretired, he can’t decide whether or not to retire. When he’s retired, he wants to unretire.

Bullshit, Brett.

You’re finished. Your legacy is tarnished. Maybe I’ll forget about all this in three years, but if this does go on for three years, Aaron Rodgers and Tarvaris Jackson are going to be in a mental institution after mental breakdowns. Maybe they should get together for some group therapy.

But anyway, Favre looks like an idiot for putting pressure on the organization to take him back after a tearful retirement. He looks like an even bigger idiot for trying to catch on with the Vikings. He’s making the Packers look like idiots by saying he forced them to retire. The Packers are making the Vikings look like idiots for saying they tampered with him. ESPN are looking like idiots—oh wait, they’re always idiots.

No one is coming out of this looking good.

Adrian Peterson Makes TMZ

Adrian Peterson has joined the likes of Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and Denise Richards, by being featured on the scummy celebrity website TMZ.

Don’t worry though kids…AD wasn’t caught snorting blow in a nightclub bathroom or getting it on with Tommy Lee. He was simply beset by the paparazzi while at the airport preparing to leave L.A.. Video here. Adrian looks a tad intimidated, which is an encouraging sign. We don’t want him getting too comfortable with the attention…cause then he’ll turn into Terrell Owens.

PITS - The Dark Knight Edition: Joker vs. Favre

Kornholer: Welcome to PITS boys and girls.  I’m Tony Kornholer and this is my flunky Mike Wilbunk.  On today’s episode, Mike and I will look into the Brett Favre affair.  Ooh, Brett Favre is having an affair.  Is he going out with your girl Eva Longoria?

Wilbunk:  I’m throwing him out of the hot-tub so me and Eva can have some alone time.  By the way, thanks for showing up today.  How’s that chair after Re Batard spent three weeks sweating in it?

Kornholer:  I don’t want to talk about that.  I’m too big for that.  We gotta talk about Brett Favre going to the Vikings.  I’d rather talk about the Yanks and Sox but we’re on a Vikings blog…

Wilbunk:  I’d rather give the Yanks and Sox a beatdown.

Kornholer:  You’re so tough.

Wilbunk:  That’s cause I’m from the mean streets of Chicago.

Kornholer:  You used to get your butt kicked a lot didn’t you?  That’s what happens when you listen to Barbra Streisand records in the hood you pansy.

Wilbunk:  At least I ain’t a hypochondriac with an ego the size of Dennis Green’s ass.

Kornholer:  Are we gonna talk about Brett Favre or what?

Wilbunk:  I hate Brett Favre.

Kornholer:  That’s cause you’re a Bears fan and he plays for the Packers.  He’s a Hall of Famer and all you have is Rex Grossman.  Your team hasn’t had a decent quarterback since the Eisenhower administration.  You wish Brett Favre played for you.

Wilbunk:  I’d take Brett Favre with one leg over any quarterback the Bears have had in the last twenty years.  But he ain’t coming to the Bears.

Kornholer:  He ain’t going to the Vikings either.  Which makes me wonder why we’re talking about this.

Wilbunk:  Cause hard news is boring.  All anyone cares about is wild speculation.

Kornholer:  Okay, so let’s wildly speculate.  What would happen if Brett Favre went to the Vikings?

Wilbunk:  They’d probably go 12-4.  They’d definitely beat the Packers twice because the Packers would be so disheartened.

Kornholer:  You’re wrong.  The Vikings would go 16-0 with Brett Favre…

Wilbunk:  That’s idiotic.  Brett Favre ain’t that great.

Kornholer:  I know, but I talked to John Madden last night and now I can’t stop kissing Brett’s butt.  I want to fix Brett up with my daughter so she can have magnificent babies.  Or maybe I’ll just keep him for myself.

Wilbunk:  You are one sick puppy.

Kornholer:  That’s because I’m huge and I don’t care anymore.  And speaking of sick puppies - how do you like this segue Wilbunk? - the biggest movie in America this week is The Dark Knight starring Heath Ledger as the Joker.  There hasn’t been anything this over-hyped since Brett Favre.  Which brings up an interesting question (in a completely tortured and round-about way)…who would be better on the Vikings:  Brett Favre or the Joker?

Wilbunk:  I don’t know what kind of arm the Joker has.

Kornholer:  He has a great arm.  He’s also smooth with the ladies, not unlike me.  Oh…Penguin Dance!

Wilbunk:  Maybe you should go sit in the corner and let me handle this topic.  First of all, it’s completely absurd.  The Joker didn’t even play college ball.  Does he even know anything about football?

Kornholer:  He’s very smart.  He’s a criminal mastermind not unlike Bill Belichick.  He could probably learn the Vikings’ system in four seconds flat.

Wilbunk:  He’s also completely insane which could be a drawback.

Kornholer:  I don’t know.  Herschel Walker has 19 personalities and he was a pretty good player.  So being insane may not be such a big impediment to an NFL career.

Wilbunk:  Ah, but Herschel Walker stunk when he was on the Vikings.

Kornholer:  That was because he didn’t understand the system.  Plus he couldn’t keep his shoes tied.  The Joker is much smarter.

Wilbunk:  I don’t know Tony.  The Joker might have some raw skeelz, but Brett Favre is much more of a sure thing.  He’s already won one Super Bowl.  The Joker hasn’t even been to the Super Bowl.

Kornholer:  That Super Bowl victory had nothing to do with Brett Favre.  It was all Desmond Howard.  If it hadn’t been for Desmond Howard the Patriots would’ve won by 50.

Wilbunk:  That’s stupid.

Kornholer:  Brett Favre is overrated.

Wilbunk:  Wait a second.  A minute ago you wanted him to impregnate your daughter.

Kornholer:  I’m sorry, I forgot which side I was supposed to take.  This segment is even phonier than when Sean Salisbury used to fight with John Clayton.  Maybe we should run the video of the bear falling on the trampoline.

Wilbunk:  You want the PETA people after us?

Kornholer:  I don’t know.  I’m so big, I don’t even know stuff anymore.  Did I mention that the nation of Krgystan has offered to make me their emperor?  I can’t go because you have to fly, plus they don’t have 600 thread-count sheets.  They actually sleep on straw there.

Wilbunk:  You are completely lost.  We were trying to talk about Brett Favre joining the Vikings.

Kornholer:  Hold on a second, I’ve got a phone call from Jesus…

Wilbunk:  Where’s Re Batard?  Get me Re Batard!

Re Batard:  Did somebody call?

Wilbunk:  Move that blithering idiot out of here so me and Re Batard can have a grown-up discussion…

Kornholer:  Get your hands off me peasant…

Re Batard:  All right he’s gone.  Damn, how come it smells like ganja in here?

Wilbunk:  Ricky Williams‘ head just fired up some hippie lettuce.

Re Batard:  That is one crazy head.  Okay Wilbunk…Brett Favre or The Joker.  Which one would you rather have as your quarterback?  By the way, can I get a towel?

Wilbunk:  I’d rather have Favre.  Obviously.  Anyone who says different is an idiot.

Re Batard:  Well I’m obviously an idiot because I’m taking the Joker.  At halftime he could release gas into the other guy’s locker room and they’d all come out singing show tunes and trying to Bedazzle everything.  You’d win every game.

Wilbunk:  That sounds like a great idea.  You know, I really dig you.  I think I’m going gay myself.

Re Batard:  What about Eva Longoria?

Wilbunk:  Who cares about her?  Let’s get out of here and have some dinner.  What do you say?

Re Batard:  As long as you’re buying.

Wilbunk:  I stole Kornholer’s credit card.

Re Batard:  Good one.

Kornholer:  Hey, where’s everybody going?  Where’s my credit card?  Jesus wants me to play 18 at Pebble.  Hey Stat Boy, what’d we get wrong today?  Ah, what the hell do you know…you’d be sweeping floors if Max Kellerman hadn’t gone stupid and left for Fox…

Check out some more Dark Knight-related madness on Fan-Sided’s homepage courtesy of Adam Best.  And look around the network for more Dark Knight posts all weekend.

The Silence of the Purple

The Vikings are, naturally, offering no comment over the Packers’ tampering accusations. It’s a league matter now. If it turned out Darrell Bevell and Brett Favre were just shooting the shiz like old pals, the league should let it slide. But if Brad Childress called Favre as has been alleged? That’s a definitive violation. We’ll probably lose a draft-pick or something, plus the Packers will be able to nah-nah us over it.

My main concern is the psychological effect all this will have on Tarvaris Jackson, who has been told he’s the starting quarterback all along. This could cause T-Jack to develop a chip on his shoulder, which could be good for his performance. Bu it could also cause him to fold up like a cheap tent. If the latter happens, then Bevell and Childress will have to be ripped and ripped hard. They schemed behind the scenes to get Brett Favre and didn’t get him, and in the process, ruined the confidence of their quarterback. That followed by some kind of cruddy 7-9 season would be the end of the current regime, I have to think.

Semi Childress Beard Pic

Vikings Now posted this picture of Brad Childress grinning from ear-to-ear after landing a 65-pound Goliath Grouper while on vacation in Florida.  You’d be able to see his scraggly vacation beard if it weren’t such a crappy pic.  Who knew Chilly had such scrawny little legs?  I need a better picture of bearded Childress.

The Favre Files: July 17, 2008

Tony Romo Wants Brett Favre To Return by thelandryhat, The Landry Hat

Tarvaris Addresses Favre Talk by danzinski, The Viking Age

Bevell Tampering? by danzinski, The Viking Age

Packers Want Vikings Investigated for Tampering by danzinski, The Viking Age

Vikings Behind Favre Comeback? by danzinski, The Viking Age

Tomlinson Chimes In On Favre Fiasco by Johnny Heck, Bolt Beat

Favre Saga Continues (Told You So) by Johnny Heck, Bolt Beat

That’s all for now…

Vikings Behind Favre Comeback?

A plot-thickening report courtesy of Associated Press reporter Chris Jenkins (via Judd Zulgad of the Star-Tribune):

The Green Bay Packers have filed tampering charges against the Minnesota Vikings alleging the team made inappropriate contact with Brett Favre, a person familiar with the Packers’ complaint told the Associated Press Wednesday night. The person, who requested anonymity because of the sensitivity of the subject, said Packers officials have expressed their belief that interest from the Vikings was driving Favre’s sudden change of heart about playing football in 2008. They feel like Favre had something [in place], and that’s why he was so anxious to get his release all of a sudden, the person said… The person said the league already has reviewed evidence provided by the Packers, and team officials believe a league examination of telephone records would indicate more than normal contact between Favre and Vikings offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell, a former Green Bay assistant. According to the person, Packers officials also believe the contact began before Favre and his agent, Bus Cook, formally asked the Packers to release him.

How does that make you feel, Packer fans?  Knowing your guy - the legendary Brett Favre - not only wanted out of Green Bay, but was specifically angling to get signed by your hated rivals? And how does Tarvaris Jackson feel knowing that his offensive coordinator was scheming to get him replaced, presumably with Brad Childress’s knowledge? This story has now cast two young quarterbacks, Jackson and Aaron Rodgers, into an abyss of ugliness.  The only just thing now would be for Favre to stay retired and both Tarvaris and Aaron to have huge years.  Favre, the Vikings organization and the Packers organization are all diminished, in my opinion, by this affair. At least we know with certainty now that the Vikings are not as sure about Tarvaris as they claim.  And we know the rumors about Favre wanting to go there were legit.  Let’s hope this mess doesn’t end up shaking T-Jack’s confidence to the point of hurting his performance.  We’re not getting Favre or anyone else, so we need T-Jack to be on his game.

Packers Want Vikings Investigated for Tampering

Three minutes after I posted my vicious attack on Mike Florio of PFT for a seemingly random tampering accusation against Darrell Bevell…well, this came across (via Fox Sports):

The Packers have filed tampering charges with the league office against the Minnesota Vikings for alleged communication with Brett Favre, still technically a member of Green Bay, FOXSports.com has learned. The league, according to a source, is currently in information-gathering mode, speaking to members of both teams.

The Vikings were informed late last week that the allegation is that Favre has had inappropriate dialogue with Minnesota offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell, a close Favre friend and former assistant coach with the Packers. Favre has sought his release from Green Bay and several rumors have swirled that Minnesota is his targeted landing place, largely due to his relationship with Bevell.

League sources say the Vikings vehemently denied any wrongdoing and are awaiting the league’s next step in the process. The Packers, meanwhile, have supplied the league with their version of wrongdoing.

Should the league find the Vikings guilty of tampering, they could lose draft picks and/or face fines.

First off, let me apologize for my intemperate (but, you have to admit, pretty funny) remarks about Florio.  Second of all…let me explain something to Darrell Bevell.  You work for the Vikings.  Brett Favre, though retired, is still technically under contract to the Packers.  If you talk to Favre about coming to the Vikings, you are tampering.  And this is your brain on drugs.  Any questions?

Bevell Tampering?

ProFootballTalk has fulfilled their (self-imposed) duty to stir the pot by accusing Vikings offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell of tampering in the Brett Favre matter.

Former Packers quarterback Brett Favre talks from time to time with former Packers quarterbacks coach Darrell Bevell, who currently serves as the offensive coordinator of the Minnesota Vikings.

And there is talk of conversations between Bevell and Favre regarding the possibility of Favre playing for the Vikings. We presently don’t know whether the discussions occurred recently, or whether they occurred earlier in the offseason. (We also don’t know conclusively whether they occurred at all.)

If accurate, Bevell’s conduct constitutes a violation of the tampering rules, even if he didn’t realize it and even if he was acting without the knowledge or approval of coach Brad Childress.

Again, we’re not saying that talks occurred. But there are rumors that they in fact did.

And there’s also a rumor that Mike Florio once broke into the zoo and had sex with one of the monkeys. He was drunk and mistook the monkey for his boyfriend…which was a great insult to the monkey.

My point being that it’s easy to say there’s a rumor of this guy doing this or that. Whatever. If the league wants to investigate Bevell for tampering, let them. I’m not even sure how tight Bevell and Favre really are. Some people say Favre hates Bevell’s guts. I wish people would stop straining for Vikings-Favre connections…I know it’s juicy and all but it’s getting old.

Next Page »