Grand Theft Auto V is set to release in September of this year and there is beginning to be a lot of anticipation about Rockstar Games’ latest release. The exact for the date is currently set for September 17, 2013. While the release date it approaching, we are beginning to learn more information about the game itself.

One of the most interesting aspects of GTA V is that Rockstar Games announced there would be some sort of multiplayer game mode. There wasn’t much information about the game mode, but it will be something to watch closely as more information is released.

The missions and heists also appear to be revamped. From the information that has surfaced, it looks like the heists will be very intricate and you will need to use the three main characters to perfectly execute. You are able to cycle through the characters at anytime and that is essential for the news heists in the game.

Here is a lengthy video about some of the missions for GTA V:

Grand Theft Auto V is set to be released for PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360.

Will you be lining up to get the latest Grand Theft Auto game when the release date is finally here? Sound off in the comments section and share your thoughts about the current information circling the web about GTA V.

The highly anticipated trailer for Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues has finally dropped and it gives us a little taste of the humor we grew to love when the movie first came out years ago. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy was one of the most quotable moves in the last decade and a sequel has been long awaited. The movie will be released on December 20, 2013, but today Paramount released a new trailer for the upcoming film.

As you would expect, the trailer featured the Channel 4 News Team of Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell), Champ Kind (David Koechner), Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd) and the always hilarious Brick Tamland (Steve Carell).

The trailer was refreshing because it featured no actual footage from the film. Instead, it allowed the characters to reintroduce themselves with the entertaining one-liners that we have all come to expect from the news team.

From booze breath to snake venom to Easter, the Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues provides a bunch of laughs.

Here are two versions of the trailers that were released over the past 48 hours:

Will you be going to see Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues in theaters this December? Sound off in the comments section and share your thoughts. Don’t forget to leave your favorite quote from the original Anchorman movie.

Portland Trail Blazers rookie guard Damian Lillard earned Rookie of the Year honors for his impressive first year in the league and he will now be honored with a special edition sneaker from adidas for his efforts. There will be very few pairs of the sneaker made and they are set to retail for $120.

Here is more info from the adidas press release:

“The shoe’s sockliners feature Damian’s Twitter handle, an Oakland satellite print and “9800s” to represent his neighborhood blocks. The colors of the shoe pay homage to his career; red for high school, purple for college and black for the Portland Trail Blazers. The animal print on the upper and sockliner represent the Wildcat mascot he had in both high school and college. The shoe features “Townbiz” on the upper as another nod to Oakland and clasped hands to represent the “Fly Guyz” – Damian’s name for his close circle of friends.

“Only 510 pairs of this limited edition will available on May 23 for $120 at Compound (Portland, Ore), Shoe Palace (Oakland, Calif.) and adidas.com. Fans can pre-order a pair today at adidas.com or join Damian at Compound on May 23 between 6:00pm and 7:00pm for the official launch and a chance to meet the Rookie of the Year and get an autograph.”

Here are more photos of the special edition shoe:

What do you think of the sneakers? Would you snag a pair if you had the opportunity? Sound off in the comments section and share your thoughts.

In 1975, the culture of summer movies was changed forever when a giant mechanical shark scared the daylights out of beach goers and bath-lovers alike. Since Jaws, the hottest months of the year have been home to some of the biggest moneymakers in Hollywood history. Some of these movies were great. Some of them were terrible. Here’s my personal top five of each. Feel free to debate in the comments (but if you enjoyed Transformers 2, feel free to take your comments elsewhere)!

The Best

5. Independence Day

Ah, the mid ‘90s. That glorious age that gave us our first glimpses of good CGI, allowing directors the world over to convincingly destroy all of our most prized monuments and landmarks. And never was that destruction more satisfying than in Independence Day (or ID4 for short, though that title just made people wonder how they missed the first three). It was also back when Will Smith was still making good script choices and actually having fun with his movies (god that really was a long time ago). Independence Day gave us countless gems, including Jeff Goldblum doing another spot-on Jeff Goldblum impression, crazy Randy Quaid, and (at least for me) plenty of fun times dogfighting in the Sega Saturn movie tie-in video game.

Most memorable moment: Bill Pullman’s rally-the-troops speech: “We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the world declared in one voice, ‘We will not go quietly into the night!’ We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!” YEEEESSSSSSS.

4. The Empire Strikes Back

I’m less of an outright Star Wars fan than many of my friends, but there’s no denying the impact of the second part of George Lucas’ original trilogy. Every relationship that was set up in the first film is expanded upon in Empire to wonderful effect, giving the series the emotional weight that still defines it 30 years later. It puts all of our main characters through the ringer, and is responsible for maybe the biggest twist in movie history. Empire pretty much set the bar for all “Part 2”s, including the next movie on my list.

Most memorable moment: Come on. We all know what it is. “No. I…am your father.” ‘Nuff said.

 3. The Dark Knight

Batman Begins went a long way in redeeming the character from the travesties committed by Joel Schumacher, but it wasn’t until The Dark Knight that the full potential of Batman – and all of his supporting cast – was realized. Christopher Nolan was able to advance the vision of the character he created in the first film, and gave us a multi-layered crime drama in the framework of a comic book superhero. It’s not every day that a movie completely redefines a genre, but that’s exactly what The Dark Knight did.

Most memorable moment: There’s really no argument here that the first one-on-one between Batman and The Joker in the interrogation room is the standout scene. It’s easily the most quoted part of the movie, and really establishes Heath Ledger’s Joker as one of the best movie villains in recent memory.

 2. Raiders of the Lost Ark

I’m sure many Star Wars fans will disagree with me, but I don’t think Harrison Ford has ever been better than as everyone’s favorite whip-wielding archaeologist. Steven Spielberg’s tribute to old-school serials is easily one of the most fun and entertaining adventures in film history. There’s a lot to be said for a movie that successfully combines Nazis, religious mysticism, car chases, and good old-fashioned punches to the face.

Most memorable moment: I hate picking just one, but it has to be the first time the Nazis open the Ark at the very end. So much face-melting glory.

 1. Jurassic Park

When I was eight, I went to see Jurassic Park in the theater twice in the same day. This was largely because during the first showing my mom had covered my eyes during all the best (goriest) parts, and I wanted to see these parts, so I went back with my best friend and his parents, who allowed me to revel in all the people-chomping dinosaurs I could handle. When Jurassic Park came out on VHS (remember those?), I watched it probably three times a week for at least a month, and it’s still one of the most re-watched movies on my shelf. And how could it not be? It revolutionized special effects (and even 20 years later, they hold up pretty darn well), has an unbelievable score, incredible action set pieces, memorable characters, and it’s about dinosaurs. There is nothing bad about this movie.

Most memorable moment: Again, is there even just one? The raptors. The T-Rex assault on the park jeeps. The little spitter eating Newman from Seinfeld. The nerve-wracking soon-to-be-electrified fence climb. All of it is so effing amazing.

It was only a matter of time until the psychopathic Joffrey got tired of his grandfather’s power-grab. In fact, the little bastard has been lying pretty low this season. Other than killing a whore here and there (Ros, we barely knew ye) or hoisting his crossbow with the help of Margaery, Joffrey’s been pretty subdued. He hasn’t tried to kill anyone in his family, he hasn’t started any more wars. In fact, things have been so calm that it’s unsettling. We’re all just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

From the looks of the preview this week, that’s all about to change. As terrifying as Tywin Lannister may be, even the most obedient children eventually rebel. Joffrey is many things, but obedient is not one of them. His pointed confrontation with his grandfather in the last episode didn’t exactly go as planned – but from the looks of this week’s preview, Joffrey has changed tactics. No longer calling Twyin to a civil meeting in the throne room, Joffrey faces him on even ground. But Tywin’s hold over Kings Landing is strong, and it will take more than a little tantrum for him to let it go.

Speaking of acting out, Danaerys Targaryen is hell-bent on picking a fight with the Yunkai. Bolstered by the sacking of Astapor, she’s developing a taste for blood – especially when spilling that blood means freeing those treated unjustly. It’s a dear payback for the years she spent as her brother’s object, a valuable keepsake to be traded for power.  A stranger from Yunkai meets her in her tent, and it’s unclear whether this person ends up being a friend or foe. She has all the manpower she needs – and more – so what could this sell-sword offer her? Perhaps something else she’s been in dire need of since Khal Drogo’s passing…

After running directly into the hands of the Hound, Arya Stark doesn’t appear to have any plans to remain his meek captive. Unlike Gendry, whose fascination with the beautiful and powerful Melisandre has led him to a gilded cage.  Stannis requires Gendry’s blood to appease his Lord of Light, and Melisandre is the priestess who will retrieve it.

But on the other side of the Wall, Sam and Gilly have been edging closer and closer to Castle Black. But as we’ve learned this season, The Night is Dark and Full of Terrors – even Gilly is wise enough to know not to venture more than a few steps away from the fire.

The confrontations we’ve been waiting for all season are nearly upon us. The eye of the storm that hovers over all the residents of Westeros is about to blow away.

Catch up on the entire season of Game of Thrones before Sunday’s episode! Read my recaps here:

• Game of Thrones Season 3, Episode 5 Recap: Kissed By Fire
• Game of Thrones Season 3, Episode 6 Recap: The Climb
• Game of Thrones Season 3, Episode 7 Recap: The Maiden and the Bear

“Dexter” is entering it’s final season and the fine folks from Showtime unveiled the official trailer for the last season of the hit television show. America’s favorite  blood spatter pattern analyst/serial killer will be giving us one last hurrah and the action-packed trailer gives us an exciting look at what to expect during the eighth and final season of “Dexter”.

The show will officially return on June 30 at 9 p.m. on Showtime.

Here is the trailer for the final season of “Dexter”:

While it may be the end of Dexter, Michael C. Hall is not done blessing you with his presence on Showtime. According to a report from The Hollywood Reporter, Hall is working on a project based on Matthew Specktor’s novel American Dream Machine. Hall is working as an executive producer and could be looking to have a small role in the television show if it hits pilot stages, according to the report.

As for “Dexter”, the trailer has us very excited about the upcoming season, be sure to check it out.

Will you be tuning in to the show’s final season? Sound off in the comments section and share your thoughts on the trailer and upcoming season of “Dexter.”

Ramon Ramirez is a writer for FanSided partner BroJackson.com. For more great content, head on over to Bro Jackson and check out Ramon’s work.

On May 26, a legion of cool kids will gather. They’ll stay up late, and watch the new, Netflix-exclusive episodes of “Arrested Development” in succession. HDMI cables will be key party favors, there will be shit tons of buffering.

The occasion will be made possible by Fox Network executives that couldn’t sell one of the 21st Century’s most brilliant comedies. After three, too-brief seasons including some petty, subversive jokes about bad ratings during the final stretch of episodes, Fox iced “Arrested Development” in 2006. And as is often the case with underappreciated art, a cult following popped up around dorm rooms, DVDs, and in-the-know Halloween costumes.

“The Office,” which aired its final episode on Thursday night after nine seasons, is a better and more satisfying show.

Forget about comparing main characters—Michael Scott put “The Office” on his back for most of the good seasons so this category is painfully one-sided—“The Office” handicapped itself with bland settings, far less star power, and having to read off a cheat sheet (the UK’s pace-setting version).

It’s kind of the old “Simpsons” versus “Seinfeld” argument that would stem from the fact that the two staple comedies were often aired back-to-back during Fox affiliate rerun cycles. So out of boredom you’d have to draw a line in the sand and choose the better comedy. “Seinfeld” is nine seasons of immaculate work; “The Simpsons” has been useless since 1999.

I guess it’s also a Beatles or Stones debate—somewhat fair when we compare parallel timing, but one loses influence and critical affection when its corpus becomes bloated and yields diminishing returns.

Imagine then, if “The Office” ended where it probably should have. Jim Halpert–after realizing that a life in New York City with the beautiful, interesting, and intelligent Rashida Jones would fall short of a first date in Scranton with Pam–leaves it all behind in a mad dash, rushes back to Dunder Mifflin, and Season 3 ends with Jim asking Pam, “Are you free for dinner tonight?”

Whoop—there it is. The cults, costumes, and inside jokes live forever. The cultural thumbs up committee pines for what could have been; critics lament America’s bad taste. But, really, no one is surprised that Brick Tamland and his cast of nobodies failed to work as network television.

For this post-script to have happened, however, “The Office” needed to be far less successful. It would have needed for its supporting cast to not turn into major Hollywood players. It would have needed to not be overrun with wildly relatable human optimism. It would have needed to not change the dynamics of American offices everywhere by casting a net of self-awareness and empathy. I’ve organized an Office Olympics, I’ve seen Dwight Schrute bobbleheads on desks of superiors.

“Arrested Development,” make no mistake, is three seasons of thickly hysterical comedy that makes a splash with its sweeping catchphrases about bananas, but sticks with its hidden notes about cookies that contain no preservatives. “The Office,” at least for its first three competing seasons, was every bit as laugh out loud funny, but I like it better because its supporting cast wasn’t a posse of established voices that used the show as an outlet to do their routines: Phyllis talking about her “jugs” in a talking head bit that’s headed for the Deadpan Hall of Fame; Creed mistaking a spiraling Word Document for a blog; Toby Flenderson’s star-crossed dreams of writing novels.

The show got bad when its side characters fleshed out, became compelling, and crowded the narrative deck. The series became less and less plausible as consequences were left unexplored—Christ there’s a scene where Jim drives home drunk after a party at Robert California’s mansion and we never circled back.

During the final season, the behind the veil bullshit of working in the PBS documentary crew as characters and love interests failed because by that point most of us were rooting for Jim and Pam to get divorced. Jim is awesome, and Pam is paranoid and clingy and unhappy with Jim’s professional success.

But that was point and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker—“The Office” is basically just life. Stuff happens, people change. Thursday night’s finale left no questions to answer but I loved it because it played out like LCD Soundsystem’s “All My Friends.” Everyone showed up and hung out and cried.

And that’s why this is not “The Simpsons” against “Seinfeld.” The value of the subsequent, less funny seasons is in the comfort of watching characters live life after the wedding or the baby or the several other weddings.

Let’s say that “Arrested Development” and “The Office” played to a draw after three respective seasons. The tiebreaker has to be Andy and Dwight serenading Erin with dueling, virtuosic renditions of “Country Road.”

JK Shin, President and Head of IT and Mobile Communications for Samsung Electronics, presents the new Samsung Galaxy S 4 during the Samsung Unpacked event at Radio City Music Hall, Thursday, March 14, 2013 in New York. (AP Photo/Jason DeCrow)

The Samsung Galaxy S4 had a highly anticipated release and the phone has been selling just as well as expected. In just two weeks, the phone topped over 6 million units sold. It is Samsung’s fastest selling smartphone of all-time. While the 6 million units are admirable, Samsung co-CEO Shin Jong-kyun told The Korea Times that the company has much bigger numbers in their minds.

“We are confident that we will pass more than 10 million sales of the S4 next week. It is selling much faster than the previous model S3,” Shin said. “Samsung spent 50 days to pass the 10 million sales mark for the S3. The S4 will be Samsung’s first ’10 million seller’ device less than a month after its official debut.”

With the success of the S4, many people are wondering when the Galaxy Note 3 will be released, but Shin says that will still take a little bit of time.

The Samsung S4 features a 5-inch full HD display, a 1.9GHz Snapdragon 600 processor, 2GB of RAM, a microSD slot, NFC, up to 64GB of internal storage and a 13-megapixel camera.

Will you be picking up a Samsung S4? Sound off in the comments section and share your thoughts about your favorite smartphone.

Eddie Strait is a writer for FanSided partner BroJackson.com. For more great content, head on over to Bro Jackson and check out Eddie’s work.

The first book I ever read on my own was a “Goosebumps” book. I mean, it wasn’t the first book that I ever read, but it was the first book that I ever picked out and wanted to read. It wasn’t a gift or a book that my parents thought would be cute. It was the first time I can ever recall doing due diligence to make a major life choice.

It was the fall of 1994 and the first Scholastic book fair of the year. I scoured the colorful, flimsy tissue-like paper, sifting through the intimidating titles (“The Giver” anyone?) and the books I was too old and cool for (apologies to the good doc, but it would be a little while before I would fully appreciate the genius of Dr. Seuss) until I arrived, Goldilocks-like, at just the right choice: R.L. Stine’s “Phantom of the Auditorium.”

The only thing that thrilled me more than the story itself was finding a preview for the next book at the end, as well as the order guide for the 23 books that had come before. This was the first major coup of my life. I never collected baseball cards and action figures didn’t last long with three siblings and dogs in the picture. But the books, those were all mine. Acquisition became my sole focus (and soul’s focus?). I didn’t have an allowance growing up so the $3.25 price tag made my eyes bulge. Outside of birthday gifts, the most I had ever saved on my own was $7.

The plan was two-pronged: first, blow my life’s savings for two books and some candy, then get a job. I was staking out on my own, trying to grow up too fast just to maintain my two-Bumps-a-day habit.

Job prospects were bleak. Hat in hand, I went to my parents. I’ll spare you the details, suffice to say I’m pretty sure I got taken to the cleaners like Master P negotiating a rookie contract. Yard work, house work, I did it all. Then on the first of every month I’d beg my mom to take me to the long-defunct Bookstop (after many calls were made to the store to make sure they had in stock and could they possibly hold it for me?). What I didn’t know then was that “Goosebumps” was an insanely popular franchise, peaking with four million in monthly sales. I had to have them by any means necessary.

Through hard labor, two Christmas and birthday cycles, and one letter (“Will there be a ‘Ghost Beach 2?’”) unanswered by the author but answered by time (no), I reached my goal and probably learned valuable life lessons along the way.

I didn’t have the foresight to keep a ranked list of my favorite “Goosebumps” back then, but life is too short for regrets, so I’ll just do my best to channel my elementary school self and offer my 10 favorites from the 62-volume OG collection.

1. “Phantom of the Auditorium” – Being the first book in the series I read, it’s also the one that hooked me, which means it’s the one with the strongest emotional ties.

2. “Ghost Beach” – The book that prompted me to write the author and one I thought was the best. A group of kids are on vacation, and there’s a haunted cave. Children rightfully get no input to where family vacations take them, and as a result even the beach can seem like a chore. For a 12-year-old, it’s a new frontier for adventure.

3. “Bad Hare Day” – The terrifying bunny on the cover is the reason I’ve never found bunnies adorable.

4. “Say Cheese and Die” – Notable for the fact that the nefarious camera is responsible for people dying, yet no one in this story dies. Kids in peril, combined with themes of free will, is ripe storytelling material that tends to come up often.

5. “Night of the Living Dummy” – Ventriloquist dummies are creepy, we all know this. The insistence of ventriloquists that the dummies are real keeps this idea from ever going away.

6. “Beast from the East” – The stakes are as high as they can get in these books (kids can be eaten by the beasts) when children get lost in the woods and have to play tag against beasts. The fact that the kids are stuck playing a new game at the end is surprisingly bleak.

7. “Deep Trouble” – Hammerhead sharks for the boys, mermaids for the girls—what more could one ask for?

8. “You Can’t Scare Me” – Anytime a piece of entertainment featured a character named “Eddie” I instantly liked it more, despite the fact that “Eddies” don’t tend to fare well.

9. “Cuckoo Clock of Doom” – Time travel is always a compelling idea, and that’s no different here, even if the travel-mechanism is a cuckoo clock (of doom).

10. “Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes” – Who hasn’t imagined the shenanigans that these things get into when the sun goes down?

When it comes to the various kinds of cavernous entities, man caves fall somewhere between the fourth episode of Planet Earth and the Bat Cave on the coolness scale (and far, far ahead of that atrocious Mumford & Songs song). A man minus his man cave is hardly a man at all; it’s in the Old Testament. Where else can a guy watch sports, drink beer, play video games, and fart with impunity? I’d much rather have the world’s most jaw-dropping man cave in my house than running water (water is free, people. It’s called clouds), which is probably why I am not what insurance ads call a “responsible home owner.”

Now I don’t have a PhD in interior decorating or anything, but I do know a thing or two about how to ensure your personal man cave achieves its full potential. People should be impressed, not repulsed, when they come over to watch a game. To accomplish this, you don’t need artistic flair or smoke and mirrors (though those could be awesome if implemented correctly). You just need to adhere to a few basic and practical principles:

1) Keep the Cave Clean: For some unknown reason, society has deemed it okay for young men to celebrate their filth, wearing their dirtiness like badges of honor. I know it seems “cool” to be indifferent towards things—it totally makes you like James Dean, bro—but sanitation shouldn’t be one of them. Yeah, there’s a weirdly tempting component to being lazy and grimy, leaving beer cans strewn about like the shreds of Amanda Bynes’ dignity, but nobody will want to hang out in your man cave if it reeks of garbage and MRSA. This may seem obvious, but cleanliness is not a four-letter word.

Your man cave doesn’t have to be pristine, but it shouldn’t look like a landfill had a vicious bowel movement in your house. If you have enough money for a television and cable, you have enough money not to live in squalor. Cleaning isn’t fun, I know, but investing thirty minutes of your time every week towards tidying up pays big dividends. You want your man cave to be the place your friends want to watch the big game at, not the place where they have to don hazmat suits before entering. If you find the whole purification process dull, make yourself a cleaning mix to pump yourself up. I recommend nothing but MOP. There’s little that’ll make you want to dust and recycle faster than Billy Danze screaming how he custom-makes caskets. Don’t download the explicit-lyrics renditions of the songs, though; you’ll want the clean versions.

2) Stick to the “Classic” Posters: Anyone who knows me is aware I’m a big fan of plain white walls. I’ve always found them oddly comforting, like a tepid hug of blandness. Most people, though, find them creepy and off-putting; nobody has ever outright accused me of being a serial killer, but I’ve definitely noticed the suspicion flicker in their eyes. So don’t be like me, folks, and instead invest in some posters.

It is in the best interest of your man cave that you refrain from anything too obscure or weird. Seeking individuality is for emotionally weak teenagers. People in the real world want consistency and normalcy, which means you should avoid the Kandinsky prints and Miyazaki movie posters in favor of the classics that every dude owns: that iconic John Belushi photo, something Boondock Saints or Pulp Fiction related, a Bob Marley poster to let everyone know how “chill” you are, etc. There is a time and a place for uniqueness, and decorating the walls of your man cave isn’t it. Nobody likes the ostentatiously quirky guy (unless you’re a female in a Joss Whedon creation), and nobody wants to chug brewskies in his domicile. Sorry all you twee special snowflakes: that’s just a fact.

3) Have Reading Material Available: Yeah, reading is for dorks and geeks and “the literate,” but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to accommodate those people in your man cave. A lot of nerds really enjoy sports, and keeping some reading material on-hand will help prevent them from having panic-attacks when they realize they’ve gone over an hour without burying their acne-ridden noses in a book. Does this mean you need to keep Thomas Pynchon novels and collections of Petrarchan sonnets scattered about? No, because then you’d be a pretentious jerk. Magazines and maybe Motley Crüe’s The Dirt will suffice.

When it comes to reading material, there’s nothing that beats Sports Illustrated. First off, the magazine is about sports, which is a fact I’m not sure a lot of people know (the name is kinda vague). I assume you’ll be using your man cave to watch football and not America’s Next Top Who-gives-a-crap, and your choice of magazine should reflect that. Secondly, there are plenty of pictures for your friends that can’t read well but like to feign it. Having Cryptonomicon taunting them from the coffee table is just going to cause backbreaking depression. Of course, the best part of having an SI subscription is the yearly swimsuit edition, which you should definitely keep atop your periodical pile for when you have female guests over. Trust me, there’s nothing that will please and delight them more than airbrushed bikini models. It gives them entirely realistic expectations to shoot for.

4) Own a Video Game System: Nobody besides masochists and the parents of the commentators enjoys watching halftime reports, so it is essential to keep some video games on-hand to kill time between halves. Some idiots and haters may argue video games are a waste of time, but those people have never had to endure Lou Holtz breaking down highlights with all the verbal dexterity of rotting catfish.

It really doesn’t matter what system you choose to own…as long as it is an N64 (and isn’t a Dreamcast). As everyone knows, the N64 is the Zeus of all gaming systems (without the whole turning-into-a-bull-and-raping-people thing). Though it is an ancient machine in technology years, it is still superior to any of the overpriced counsels currently being peddled by Sony and Microsoft. The N64 is durable, delightful, and highly useful in determining who your pathetic friends are (just observe who picks Kirby in Smash Bros). It’s like a five-tool baseball player if that player had controller ports instead of limbs, which would render him an ineffectual baseball player but a damn fine means of playingMario Kart.

5) Keep Breakable Junk On-Hand: This last bit of advice is the one most overlooked by people when they’re constructing their man cave, yet it is probably the most critical. Sports can induce a roller coaster of emotions. The phenomenal highs and devastating lows can be tough to handle if you’re incapable of self-control and/or drunk on Steel Reserve. Cathartic releases are critical to ensuring you don’t bottle up your feelings inside only to release them in a fit of psychotic rage that would make Bruce Banner blush. My proposed solution? Keep some old, discarded, worthless junk around that can be smashed in either joy or despondency. Blown-out speakers work great, as do fragile chairs and fine china. It’s a lot cheaper than paying a therapist.

Of course, you want to make sure you break the junk outside the actual confines of your man cave, like out in an alley or on your neighbor’s lawn. Being overly rambunctious while still inside is a recipe for disaster. You don’t want to risk a man cave cave-in, mainly because I haven’t yet written a top-five list on how to survive such a disaster so you’d be SOL when it comes to advice. That’s probably why you shouldn’t seek guidance from random Internet articles. That’s just a dumb move.

Robert Rich is a writer for FanSided partner BroJackson.com. For more great content, head on over to Bro Jackson and check out Robert’s work.

Dear weeknight drinking,

Thanks for being you. Thanks for realizing that college is over and drinking doesn’t have to be relegated to Saturday, brunching hard, day drinking at an apartment complex’s new but soulless pool, taking shots with dinner (if you even have dinner), and then closing down the bars like we’re branded with ancient Greek letters.

Thanks for giving us the motivation to actually buy local micro-brew beer and expensive scotch because we know it won’t be tossed back and regurgitated within one night by our asshole friends who will spend another evening locked in the bathroom because they didn’t think that double-fisting Keystone Lights and slurping Kentucky Deluxe jello shots was a bad idea. Jello shots are for the children anyway.

You are classy, weeknight drinking.

You’re all about what alcohol tastes like, not what it does. You want us to finally understand what the hell Esquire’s talking about when they recommend tequilas and talk about the finish. I sort of care now that Herradura tequila was bought out by Jack Daniels and that its tried and pure distillation process will suffer.

You want us to pull out a half-finished bottle of bourbon that we’ve been nursing for a month on special occasions, put on our favorite record, just listen. A fine malt and listening to music is meditation.

You want us to grow with you over time so we don’t turn into men that have no idea what to order in public and get giggly after two drinks. That order Michelob Ultra like some urbanist, post-Lance Armstrong phony. That dilute a good whiskey with Diet Coke.

We don’t have to experience you alone, weeknight drinking. We’ve all had long days working at the cubicle, and a happy hour cocktail is just what the doctor ordered. More and more, bars are starting to appreciate the tastes of the weeknight drinking crowd and have taught their bartenders how to work the classics. Gone are the circa-2007 days of ‘60s revivalists and AMC fans trying to be cool. Order the old fashioned without shame, because it’s smooth and refreshing. Period. And if you don’t have bitters on hand at all times, I won’t be back.

Best of all, every one of us has to get right back up in the morning and do it all again. Nobody is here to get hurt.

We can afford you now, weeknight drinking. If all we had on hand were cases of Natty Ice leftover from the kegger, we’d probably just have water. But we have jobs now, paychecks we can deduct from to buy that bottle $45 of prohibition era gin we’ve been lusting after (it pays for itself in one, ice-breaking conversation, “Yeah girl, this spirit is a different shade”). We’ve been craving, and we’re willing to make the investment, because we know it means we get to spend more time with you.

We know to have you in moderation, weeknight drinking. We may not be much wiser, but we know how many glasses of wine we can have before our lips turn purple. And that makes us savor you even more. We don’t drain our glass as quickly as we would at a bar. When we glance down after a few sips of a brilliant cognac and see we still have half a glass left, we get excited. We smile and giggle, a full-on Ron Swanson giggle, and we fall in love with you all over again.

We love you, weeknight drinking. And we always will. Even when we falter sometimes and hang out with your low-life brother, weekend drinking, we know we can always come back to you, and you’ll be there, with open arms and a refreshing beverage.

Love,
The 25 and over crowd

Who the hell is Benedict Cumberbatch? If you’re asking that question, you obviously do not spend much time on the internet. I will enlighten you if you need enlightening. Let’s start by listing who Benedict Cumberbatch is not (because jokes about his name never get old or at least haven’t yet):

A janitor at Hogwarts.

A lawyer from a Dickens novel about an orphan who inherits a million dollars from a mysterious convict.

A 19th Century British naval hero or the Home Secretary during the Boer War.

A long-lost relative of Lord Grantham from Downton Abbey who shows up looking to claim his rightful inheritance and also get with the maids.

The inventor of the thing that was ultimately replaced by the cummerbund.

A wise old rabbit in a powerful allegorical novel about fascism or something of the like that you were supposed to study in school but never read because you were too busy getting high and playing Mario Kart.

Austin Powers’ new sidekick.

A character in a nonsense poem that was ripped off by John Lennon for one of those crazy LSD-fueled songs on Sgt. Pepper.

Benedict Cumberbatch IS:

A guy who is about to be hotter than crotch fire in Hollywood. By the time this week is over, only Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer will be a more sought-after commodity in the Greater Los Angeles area. Lindsay was going to jail y’all. And that lawyer lady got her stashed away at the Betty Ford clinic instead. Why doesn’t O.J. get on the horn to her? He’d be back playing golf in an hour.

Benedict Cumberbatch IS:

The villain in the new Star Trek movie. I would tell you more but I can’t. This character is shrouded in more mystery than the North Korean first lady. Nobody builds up anticipation like J.J. Abrams. Remember before Cloverfield came out? And then it turned out to kind of suck. But this time it won’t suck. Why?

You wouldn’t be asking that question if you had ever seen Benedict Cumberbatch act.

Which brings us to Sherlock. I say this as a person who under normal circumstances would rather hit himself in the face with a brick than watch any kind of whodunnit or Arthur Conan Doyle/Agatha Christie mystery-type story. Sherlock ROCKS. Not because of the stories which are the usual completely outlandish bullcrap that all comes together way too neatly in the end. It rocks because Benedict Cumberbatch.

Who has given the best performance on television over the past few years? Jon Hamm? Bryan Cranston? Damian Lewis? Michael C. Hall?

No. Cumberbatch, damn you. Cumberbatch as Sherlock.

Here is what I love about Cumberbatch as Sherlock. First of all, I love the dancerly way he moves. I love his physical flourishes. The way he punctuates his movements. It is all so consciously actorly. And that is the whole point of the character right? Sherlock is always performing. How much pain and sadness is he hiding behind those consciously flamboyant mannerisms, the boyish petulance, the deliberately over-the-top smartest-guy-in-any-imaginable-room arrogance? That’s the real mystery of the show. Not who killed some dame and took her pink cell phone.
Cumberbatch attacks this character with almost gluttonous relish. It’s like watching a fat man joyously assault a plate of fried chicken but without the disgust. Cumberbatch has more fun playing Sherlock than any human being should have doing anything. He makes acting seem greater than the greatest sex that has ever been had. But even more importantly? He makes smartness sexy as hell.

This is why I love Cumberbatch as Sherlock. WARNING: I AM ABOUT TO PREACH. In our culture right now stupidity and especially male stupidity tends to be glorified. Everything is about dumbing down especially when it comes to portrayals of maleness. It’s like you can’t be a real man unless your entire life centers around the three Bs: beer, boobs and book-ignoring. Cumberbatch’s performance in Sherlock says eff that. It says the smartest guy in the room is also the sexiest guy in the room. Especially if he is already possibly the sexiest guy in the room anyway.

Correct me if I’m wrong ladies, but Benedict Cumberbatch is hot. And you can’t be a star without sex appeal. Unless you’re Danny DeVito but he’s the exception that proves the rule. Also DeVito is funny as hell so he gets a pass.

So let’s go down the star power checklist for Cumberbatch. Talent: CHECK. Sex appeal: CHECK. Makes you have fun watching him perform: CHECK. Has a name you absolutely positively will never ever forget: CHECK. Has a prominent part in a high-profile summer movie: CHECK.

All Cumberbatch needs now is a juicy starring role to launch him into the superstar Hollywood leading man phase of his career. I know what some of you are thinking. JAMES BOND MAN. CUMBERBATCH AS JAMES BOND. He would be a lot funnier than Daniel Craig, that’s for sure. With all that theatricality and panache. He’d be Roger Moore + talent. The hair though. Something has to be done about the hair. James Bond can’t go around looking like that.

I can hear the rest of you right now. “Wait wait wait wait. Cumberbatch as a leading man? Are you daft? This guy is a CHARACTER ACTOR. Why are you trying to ruin him? Do you want him donning tights and fighting crime, tossing off lame one-liners all the while?”

Well? Why not? Why not Cumberbatch as Batman? Why must Batman be a wet blanket?

Look around the movie landscape right now and what do you see? Lots of frankly boring leading men. Leonardo DiCaprio? Brad Pitt? Channing Fricking Tatum? Why must our leading men all be muscleheads? Why must Jeremy Renner get a chance to sleepwalk his way through multiple franchise films while the scenery-chewing Cumberbatch is restricted to villain roles and TV? It’s time we started thinking outside the box here. It’s time for Hollywood to adopt a new slogan. “Why Not Cumberbatch?”

Who will make the t-shirts?

Even if he is not traditional leading man material, Cumberbatch is about to blow up. Hollywood is about to be rocked by a 100 megaton Cumberbomb. Now it’s up to Hollywood to USE this guy. Find him some solid vehicles. Don’t tell me he’s too quirky to be a major star. Don’t tell me he can only do villain roles and character parts. Don’t tell me I’m doomed to 20 years of Chris Hemsworth. That is depressing man. So depressing.

Say it with me Hollywood. WHY NOT CUMBERBATCH?

And seriously, what happened to you Jeremy Renner? Hansel and Gretel? I thought I knew you man.

Star Trek Into Darkness is set to release Friday, May 17, 2013, and there is a lot of interest behind the sequel to the 2009 Star Trek films. The movie produced and written by J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof has a star-studded cast that includes Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Alice Eve, Karl Urban, Benedict Cumberbatch and John Cho.

In her best effort to hype up the film, Zadana spoke with the media at the movies premiere event in Los Angeles earlier in the week.

“The action does not stop,” she said, according to The Hollywood Reporter. “The suspense challenges you as well. It’s not one of those films that the plot is so easy that you know how it’s going to go.

“We wanted to make this movie a bigger and better film, but we had to drown out all the pressure both external and internal to kind of focus on the work” Abrams added, when asked about the pressures of making a follow-up to his 2009 “Star Trek” reboot. “These are great people and I was really excited to work with them again. It’s one of the reasons why I did the movie again.”

While you are anticipating tomorrow’s release, be sure to watch the official trailer below and let us know if you will be heading out to the theaters to showcase your inner Trekkie.

Pete Fitzsimmons is a writer for FanSided partner BroJackson.com. For more great content, head on over to Bro Jackson and check out Pete’s work.

Hollywood seems more than happy to reconstitute an iconic TV show into a likely awful movie, but rarely does it remount a TV show back on the small screen. With so many awful television shows out there, why haven’t more old school TV shows been brought back?

Sure, there are exceptions. “24” is coming back because crime doesn’t rest and neither does Keifer’s alimony. “Arrested Development” is getting a re-launch on Netflix later this May and the anticipation has many in a foamy animal-like lather. “Family Guy” was brought back after Fox (who will stick with a show longer than most, see “Unhappily Ever After”) saw how well the DVD sales were and decided to give Seth MacFarlane’s brainchild another go. “Futurama,” “Dallas,” “90210,” and “Battlestar Galactica” all returned with a better success rate than many new original shows. The moderate success of these comebacks surely would have TV executives on alert. Hollywood is a copycat league much like the NFL and synchronized swimming.

Bring back some of the classics, dammit. Rather than watching another excruciating vehicle to get Matthew Perry back on the screen, let’s re-tool a few from yesteryear. I’ll nominate 10 shows that need to be brought back for the sake of all the children out there who’ll never get to enjoy a “Silver Spoons” or a “Growing Pains.” Think about that. No “Growing Pains.” That’s a world, frankly, I don’t want to live in.

“Quantum Leap” (1989-1993)
A brilliant time-travelling show along the lines of the BBC’s “Dr. Who.” “Quantum Leap,” like “Dr. Who,” works with a new cast because the premise is the selling point of the show, even though Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell are alive and available. This show could theoretically run forever because we’ll never run out of historic events/people to run into. And think of all the possibilities post-1993. We could go back in time and make sure the Kardashians never happened.

“He-Man and the Masters of the Universe” (1983 – 1985)
A spectacular cartoon that needs to be reimagined along the lines of a live action fantasy show like the “Game of Thrones” series. Or a total rip-off thereof. Frankly, I’ve never read the “Game of Thrones” books and the names and relationships are just too hard to follow for my pea-sized brain. But I sure as hell know who Skeletor, Teela, Cringer, and Orko are. The first love scene would explode a generation’s inner child.

“ALF” (1986 – 1990)
A wise-cracking alien, who crash lands on Earth, stays hidden from view all the while ambling around the house trying to eat the cat. Yikes. I don’t know if this would work considering the show was sort of dated even while it aired, but this one is for my dad. Dammit, if my old man didn’t think “ALF” was the funniest show ever made. I’d like to see it come back just to see my dad get excited about something. I’ve read that the show’s creator is a nut-job so I’m sure that “ALF” is somewhere in perfect working condition and ready for his close-up.

“Golden Girls” (1985 – 1992)
The world needs more shows that cater to geriatrics. Growing up, I was subject to whatever my grandparents wanted to watch when I stayed at their house. That’s a heavy diet of “Golden Girls,” “Murder She Wrote,” and “60 Minutes.” I think I’ve seen every episode of this show, and it was great. Definitely the funniest take on the spinster dating scene. Just think, Betty White is just now hitting her stride, and would be perfect on the same show thirty years later. It’d be worth it, just for the kick-ass theme song.

“Welcome Back Kotter” (1975-1979)
I’m thinking the role of Mr. Kotter is the perfect role for Matthew Perry, and we can once and for all get rid of the sorry sack attempts to keep him employed. The high school comedy is a staple of the TV landscape, and I can’t think of one that jumps out at me currently. I could use this show to teach me what high school is currently like, because I can only assume being a teacher today is the worst job on the planet. Somehow the youth of today has a shorter attention span than I did, dear lord. Another nominee for greatest theme song of all time.

“COP ROCK” (1990)
A terrible idea for a show in which a gritty police drama is mashed-up with musical numbers. But, if there is any time to give this one a re-boot it’s now. There are 40 “CSIs” and “Law and Orders” out there, and the television musical is at its absolute apex. You’re telling me “Glee” set in a precinct wouldn’t work? I wouldn’t bet against it. We open on a hard-drinking cop caught on the wrong side of the tracks who accidently shot a kid because of a case of mistaken identity. And then he sings the second movement of “Bohemian Rhapsody” on the ride back to HQ. Delicious.

“Chappelle’s Show” (2003-2006)
C’mon Dave, we know you want to come back. We want you back. Just come back. Show these punks how it’s done. Pretty Please?

“The Wonder Years” (1988-1993)
This show tugs at every heart string imaginable. Nostalgia for youth, better days, simpler days, family, nerdy neighbors. I’d like to see this show spun forward for the next generation, with Fred Savage doing the voice over. It was a show before it’s time–mixing the comedy and drama and the adolescent starts and stops. Judd Apatow shit. I feel like the best shows on TV today share the pacing of this show–slow and steady. Plus Winnie could come back. She grew up to be quite the looker.

“Greatest American Hero” (1981 – 1983)
A high school teacher is given a cape that gives him superpowers to save the universe. The trials and tribulations of harnessing these powers along with actually helping others out of trouble never get enough play in the superhero genre. It’s just guy gets powers, guy uses powers. The little montages in films devoted to the superhero learning to use his new toys are always a delight. An entire series dedicated to it could be fantastic. Guy getting hit in the groin by various objects while learning to jump and fly sounds like my cup of predictable, nonetheless hysterical tea. Theme song greatness part tres.

“Fraggle Rock” (1983-1987)
As I watched the Jason Segel-written “Muppets” with my daughter, I was reminded of how wonderful Jim Henson creations were and wondered why there aren’t any these days. I’d settle for any of the Muppets but the Fraggles are the number one overall seed. Get Bret and Jemaine from “Flight of the Conchords” involved, and I think you’d have a hit that’s, wait for it . . . fun for the whole family. Ninety percent of family programming is crap, ABC Family teen dramas are too hot, and I long for the days of the Fraggles. And as you know by now, I’m partial to great theme songs.

As you can see my wheelhouse was late ‘80s, early ‘90s comedies, but there are a gazillion shows out there begging to be re-made. A few of my near misses: “Magnum P.I.,” “Who’s the Boss,” running for eight seasons until we finally learn the identity of the boss, “The Critic,” “Perfect Strangers,” “Three’s Company,” and “My Two Dads.” The list is endless. I miss you classic TV.

“Game of Thrones” is incredible. We all know that, but what we didn’t know is just how awesome the show’s theme song could be. Now, thanks to Brendon Small, we got to hear just how amazing the song could be. Small, the man who brought us Metalocalypse”, played his version of the theme song at a Los Angeles comedy show.

Small shredded his guitar and went on some amazing riffs that added another aspect of awesomeness to the song. If HBO is listening, let’s hope they roll with this version moving forward.

Here is the video of Brendon Small going wild on the guitar and blowing us away:

FanSided.com is always bringing you the latest Game of Thrones recaps and news. Be sure to tune back in next week for our Episode 8 recap.

SEE ALSO:

• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 1 Recap: Valar Dohaeris
• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 2 Recap: Dark Wings, Dark Words
• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 3 Recap: Walk Of Punishment
• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 4 Recap: And Now His Watch Has Ended
• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 5 Recap: Kissed By Fire
• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 6 Recap: The Climb
• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 7 Recap: The Maiden And The Bear

I would like to begin by saying I don’t condone beer snobbery. Judging someone by what they choose to drink is shallow and pathetic. Really, you should judge people by what the clothes they wear, their job, their ability to do calculus, what teams they root for, their general level of fitness, and their hair color—you know, the important things. Taste in beer is subjective; some people just prefer Coors to an IPA. That’s okay; last I checked this was a free country.

That said, I see no reason to eschew buying microbrew six-packs if they are reasonably priced. Spending an extra dollar to upgrade from swill to elixir is just logical. There is this unfounded perception that microbrews are entirely overpriced, outside the budget of your average beer drinker. That’s ridiculous. Only certain six-packs fall into that category of unaffordable; there are plenty of options available to those looking for a nice beer that won’t mortally wound their piggy bank.

Of course, the availability of these beers may vary depending on where you live. The prices may also differ in your area from the three stores I went to while on my weekend-long bender researching this article. Honestly, this list may not be applicable to you at all, sorry (in which case you should check out Blake Hurtik’s quality breakdown of affordable domestic beers).

My only criteria are that the beers must cost less than $8.00 for a six-pack and they must have an alcohol-by-volume content of at least 6% (for reference, most “cheap” beers fall in the 4-5% range). Oh, and the beers must be delicious.

5) Obsidian Stout (Deschutes Brewery)

This beer was my introduction to stouts and, sort of like the first girl you kiss or the first felony you commit, it’ll always have a special spot in my heart. If you like dark beers that are fairly strong (6.4% ABV) and pretty filling, the Obsidian Stout is perfect. It’s received loads of critical acclaim the past few years (“World’s Best Dry Stout” at the 2012 World Beer Awards and “Champion Dark Beer” at the 2013 International Brewing Awards), whereas something the Pabst hasn’t won anything since that 1893 World’s Fair where that doctor murdered all those women.

4) Kingpin Double Red Ale (Bridgeport)

I’m not really a huge fan of red ales because I associate the color red with a pretty disappointing album from The Game. The Kingpin, however, is an awesome beer. While it doesn’t have the same accolades as the Obsidian Stout, it does sport a 7.5% ABV. I also have it on good authority that this is Redhead Kingpin’s favorite beer, in case that influences you at all (which it should, because “Pump it Hottie” is a great song).

3) Night Train (The Pits of Hell)

I just wanted to include a cheap wine to make this list ooze even more hipster.

2) Outburst Imperial IPA (Pyramid)

8.5% ABV. 8.5% ABV! This beer is basically a WMD. It isn’t the tastiest beer on this list, but it is a phenomenal value by if you’re looking to get absolutely hammered. The name comes from the impulse towards violent outbursts that you’ll succumb to after drinking an entire six-pack. When raving and rampaging, try to only pick on people your own size, though. Nobody likes a bully.

1) Hop Czar (Bridgeport)

They say Budweiser is the “King of Beers.” Fine. Czars are far more intimidating and noble than kings, anyway. The Hop Czar is undeniably the best bang-for-your-buck value if you fancy yourself an IPA aficionado. If you don’t like hops, stay away; this beer is not for you. If aliens landed on Earth today, I’d try and trade them Hop Czars for access to their technology. At 7.5% ABV, there’s a chance the aliens may not be able to handle the power of the Czar and thus die from deliciousness-poisoning, which means I’d get the technology for free. That’s beside the point, though. There are few beers I’ve ever encountered that are as reasonably priced and overwhelmingly tasty as the Hop Czar. People should bow before it in advance of cracking a bottle; it’s a beer that demands reverence.

Kat Gotsick is a writer for FanSided partner BroJackson.com. For more great content, head on over to Bro Jackson and check out Kat’s work.

I enjoy the show “Mad Men.” It is a fine Sunday night companion. Unfortunately,  I committed to recapping “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” for Bro Jackson. I watched most of the Anna Nicole Smith reality show and I still couldn’t get through it. Lochte is a sculpted Olympian I love to watch, but even with the candy factor his television persona is unwatchable.

Maybe it’s because he’s a chilling mix of dumb and cocky. To his credit, all of the rap slang he uses seems to stem from a good-natured place. He likes hip-hop culture and at least tries to fit in by not being racist. I don’t think he’d ever go to a Halloween party at a frat house dressed like Lil Wayne.

But he’s still pretty clueless. And so if you ever encounter Lochte, keep in mind these 50 things—you don’t want to confuse the poor guy.

1. If penguins are birds, how come they don’t fly?
2. Puns
3. Silent letters
4. Sugarless Candy (“How do they be sweet?”)
5. How Cristiano Ronaldo “looks so American but isn’t”
6. The Sequester
7. How some people decide to live in Ohio even if they could live somewhere else
8. The Indigo Girls
9. That the hot lady in “Modern Family” is in her 40’s
10. Astroturf (thinks it’s made of grass)
11. How does Shazam just know?
12. A bi-cameral legislature
13. Are you sure Bruce Lee died? (“Because I just saw ‘Enter the Dragon’ and he was totally in it.”)
14. Is it a ponytail because it’s made of horsehair?
15. Is The Rock smart or just acting smart?
16. Where are girls’ butts sometimes?
17. Why does Vince Vaughn talk so fast?
18. “There’s a real live human named Benedict Cumberbatch? That’s not a cartoon bad guy?”
19. The “For Dummies” series of instructional books
20. Why people use arms in dancing
21. Shirts with no words on them
22. Radiohead
23. Anything French
24. How Hawaii is in the USA
25. “That video of the eagle picking up the baby isn’t real?”
26. His local post office
27. Is Buckaroo Bonzai a real person or are people f-ing with me?
28. Women who … just … scream.
29. Boy massagers
30. “My hands sometimes when I look at them too hard”
31. How did the other two Beastie Boys know how that first Beastie Boy was going to end his rhyme?
32. Insurance
33. People who farm
34. Is Chris Brown a good guy or a bad guy?
35. Zippers
36. How does Mr. Spock know so much about babies?
37. Words that spell different than they sound
38. The appeal of Bieber
39. People who look real Asian but talk real American
40. Was that Red Bull guy an astronaut? Or just a guy?
41. Stephen Colbert, “because someone told me he’s different in real life”
42. “How did John Cusack be sexy?”
43. “Rat dogs”
44. Colors in between other colors
45. “I was watching ‘Law & Order’ and I swear one of the actors was named Iced Tea”
46. NASCAR
47. Fantasy NASCAR
48. Turtles / Tortoises: What’s the diff?
49. Some movies are quiet and some are loud. And some people think both kinds are good.
50. Why girls think he is dumb

Joffrey Baratheon has raised the bar for hateable kids on TV. Or has he? Well actually, TV history is filled with examples of kids you wish you could stuff into a meat grinder. These are the ten most heinous in my recollection.

Hey there, doom and gloom, we missed you. We hated getting our week off on a positive foot last week. Smiles are for chumps. What we really needed was another week of self loathing and introspection to make us toss and turn. Why escape from life for an hour when we can follow characters who posses every trait we despise in ourselves

(DDW) Donald Draper/Dick Whitman- If every episode in the series to this point was just forty two minutes of Don in Ted’s airplane desperately trying to seem calm and in control, we’d know the exact same amount we know about his psyche that we do now. Put a naked woman on his lap and bottle of Canadian Club in the cup holder and you’ve saved AMC a small fortune on casting and set design. “The Man With A Plan” holding on for dear life to a hand rail while his world is jostled around him has to be a nominee for metaphor of the year. 

The episode was bookended by agonizing awkwardness for Draper with a few scenes in between that I hope for your sake you were watching with your significant other. Watching him stand in the door of the elevator as listen to the marital squabbles of the Rosen’s was like watching Mickey Mantle dribble a basketball. How out of your element can you be Dapper Don? Who gives a shit what the Rosen’s are arguing about? Her Catholic sensibilities would never allow her to leave the good doctor even if Don ever got the courage up to leave Megan. So what’s the point of taking an interest in their fighting? If the morning elevator ride was like watching The Mick dribble a basketball, the early end of the tryst was like watching him shoot and air ball while his puppy died. It’s nearly impossible to feel sorry for a man being cast aside by his mistress, but I’ll be damned if his plea for her to stay didn’t pull at my heart strings. The sadness in his eyes and she walked out the door and then again as she exited the elevator was telling of his heartbreak and deep desolation. Analysis: Fire Sale.

(DVT) Don v. Ted Rivalry- I stumbled across the interesting notion of how different the show would be SC/SCDP were the antagonist of the story that occasionally appeared to pester our protagonist heroes at CGC. I’m not sure I make it through season two without Joan to look at, but it’s an interesting proposition. Both men are so taken off course by trying to out duel one another, that they’re both shitting and calling it ice cream. Gilligan’s island? Margarine on a dairy farm? I don’t care how well you describe the pitcher that holds the milk, I can’t choke down that idea. The rivalry turned on the bedside advice Ted was given. We didn’t see any more drunken ramblings or bad ideas or false(?) chivalry. “No matter what I say, you’re the guy who flew us up here in your own plane.” Truer words have seldom been spoken. Analysis: Don can’t play nice, I don’t give a damn how many Chevy’s are at stake. Buy.

(PWR) Power Moves- No one since antiquity has executed the power move like Roger and Don. The circumstances were very different but both made it perfectly clear who is in charge of their world. Syvia’s phone call that was the catalyst for their afternoon tryst placed Don on a relative pedestal of power with her, “I need you and nothing else will do.” But that was nothing compared to our latest DSE appearance, looking for shoes. With a sternness that made couples across the country give each other sideways glances, Don did his damnedest to objectify Sylvia.  ”I want you to crawl on your knees til you find them” got our attention in a bad bestseller type of way and then DVRs started working over time as he made her tie them and climb back into bed naked to wait for him. Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac for Draper, and it appeared as though he had every last ounce of power. 

Power isn’t the motivation for Roger, though. Power is easy for a man with that much money. The turn-on for Sterling is fun. Money and power are simply a means to his ends. To anyone else, firing is an unpleasant experience. Nothing is truly unpleasant to Roger if he can throw in the right amount of wit and sarcasm. No kindness, no apology, just a swift kick out the door and a wry smile. I’d pay five dollars an episode if they could find a way hire and fire Burt Peterson each week.  Analysis: We saw how well their foray in to  BDSM worked out for Don and Sylvia, and despite the humor it provided Burt’s last firing had negative consequences. Sell the intrigue of the power move.

(POD) Peggy Olsen Draper- In what I assumed would be a huge Peggy episode, Jed Bartlett’s youngest daughter spent most of her time on the back burner. Her and Don’s scene in his office more than made up for her lack of screen time. She went in to send a clear message and Draper was prepared with a Barb that would have sent a less developed Peggy back to creative with her tail between her legs. When Peggy implied that Don had orchestrated the merger to bring her back under his control, Don scoffed. “We risked everything so that I could have you back in this office complaining” is a barb that would have a Constanza-like effect on a lesser foe. Power broker Peggy didn’t show an inkling of shrinkage. She delivered her warning with precision and poise and left the room- which has so often kept her up at night- with both parties knowing she will not be toyed with. Analysis: The woman has all the drive of Draper with the occasional feminine softness that lulls her unsuspecting foes to sleep. She’s a killer. Buy one, get three free.

(WPC) Weasel Pete Campbell- Everyone comes unraveled from time to time. In this, like in all things relativity is key. There’s a child whose ball of yarn comes unraveled on their bedroom floor and then there’s a climber whose rope comes unraveled over a crevice five hundred yards from the summit. Pete Campbell may be a child, but he’s in this instance he is all climber. He was already trending down and this week certainly didn’t spare him any misery. You’ve been caught in a whorehouse by your father-in-law, right? Then you know that all he wants to do is dive into his work and ignore everything outside. Instead he’s literally putting out fires at home and finding himself without a seat at the table. It hasn’t been a good run recently for our little weasel which can mean one of two things: He has hit his babysitting bottom or the nosedive is far from over and we get to watch the wreckage of this despicable human being. Though my heart is hoping for the crash landing, my head tells me Pete is too much of a fighter to stay down. Analysis: Buy.

(BOB) Bob- We had our first Bob offering last week and I hope you were able to get in on the ground floor because the stock went through the roof. He’s in accounts with the incompetent Ken Cosgrove and the spiraling Pete Campbell. He kept his job due to the soft spot that Joan sheepishly holds for him. He’s a good looking guy. I’m not saying the guy is going to be the last man standing when these eighteen or so episodes are over, but I’m sure as hell not saying he won’t be. Analysis: Buy.

(SMD) Sad Megan Draper- The sex is gone. The work is temporarily gone. The audibility of her voice is apparently gone. Analysis: If I need to tell you, you aren’t paying attention. She’ll be in a fat suit by the series finale. Sell.

Robert Fitzgerald Kennedy is my idol. He was the embodiment, at least for a few brief month’s in 1968, everything this country could have and should be. Like so many around him on the campaign trail in 1968 knew there was very little chance he would survive the campaign, I knew this episode was coming and nothing could have prepared me. Robert Kennedy would have mopped the floor with Richard Nixon in the fall and so much of the darkness this nation still fights to overcome would have been spared. Instead, May 6, 1968 opened the floodgates for mistrust and resentment and hate. As we look around the still nameless Ad Agency in the old SCDP offices, how perfectly do those three words describe the mood? We’re heading for a reckoning. 

Today was black Tuesday for television fans across the globe as Hollywood studios dropped the axe on over 30 shows that aired their final seasons this past year. But while there are a pile of weeping fanboys and girls around the country mourning the loss of shows like Fringe, a whole new crop of geek is about to hit major cable. After the success of last summer’s blockbuster hit The Avengers, the network ABC is hopping on the Joss Whedon train and have green-lit the spin-off series S.H.I.E.L.D which will begin airing Tuesday’s this fall.

The debut of S.H.I.E.L.D is a way for ABC to rebuild it’s Tuesday night lineup which has suffered in recent years. With the success of Dancing with the Stars, the network has been able to survive by airing a solid hour block of DWTS on Tuesday as an extension of the original Monday airing of the show. The Joss Whedon project will replace DWTS’ old 8 p.m. ET slot and kick off the night with an hour of comic book goodness sure to please both die-hard fans of the film as well as those who found themselves enjoying a movie about superheros they otherwise may not have watched.

It’s not the first time a comic book show has debuted on network television and if it takes off, it won’t be the first success either. Heroes debuted on NBC back in 2006 and became a hit with fans and still holds a respectable cult following.

But a third faction of fans will be tuning into S.H.I.E.L.D and that’s die-hard Joss Whedon fans. Whedon developed a following back in the 90s with the hit Buffy the Vampire Slayer and he grew both his audience and his lore with the short-lived cult classic Firefly which aired for just half a season on FOX before getting the plug pulled.

Since then, Firefly has become one of the most popular science fiction shows of all-time and served as the basis of Whedon’s one-off film Serenity which jump started his film career and led eventually to The Avengers.

Unlike Firefly, Whedon’s new show is bound to be a hit right off the bat based solely on the success of the film it’s spinning off of. He’s a God amongst geeks everywhere and now he’s back on cable. Whedon has gone from a guy with a show where a high school girl kills vampires to a man about to concur two different mediums in the span of a few years.

The problem with turning any book into a movie is that inevitably something will get lost in the translation – the language, the unique perspective of the narrator, or at worst, the message of the novel itself. Baz Luhrmann’s interpretation of The Great Gatsby suffers from this fatal flaw. Just like the parties the title character throws in his extravagant mansion on West Egg, this adaptation is concerned more with style and flash than with any kind of real substance. The effect of this obsession is to glorify the very gaudiness the novel criticizes, leaving the audience with an empty shell of a film.

The first hour alone is enough to prove that Luhrmann is incapable of subtlety. The frenetic nature of this opening act is distracting at best and exhausting at worst. Constant long zooming shots of 1920s New York City and the Long Island estates are interspersed between frantic, over-the-top parties full of bright colors and slow motion, all of which is intended to show off the opulence of the time but only serves to disorient the viewer. It all might be fun to look at if it weren’t so unrelenting.

The worst of these moments – aside from a sickeningly whimsical, flowing curtain-filled introduction to Daisy (Carey Mulligan) – is the first party Nick Carraway (Tobey Maguire) attends at Gatsby’s manor. It all basically adds up to more bright colors, loud noises, and manic energy, culminating in a roll-your-eyes first appearance of the titular Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio), full of the requisite swelling score, zoom in to see the twinkle in Leo’s eye, and fireworks. No, literally. Fireworks erupt in the background as Luhrmann centers on DiCaprio’s face. Baz couldn’t beat us over the head with Gatsby’s apparent greatness better if he had a hammer.

All of this leads to the feeling that Luhrmann is entirely (and perhaps willingly) missing the point of the work he’s adapting. The characters F. Scott Fitzgerald created are intended to be archetypes critiquing the empty extravagance of the ‘20s, and any good interpretation of the source material should acknowledge this criticism. Instead, Luhrmann consistently celebrates excessiveness, relishing in it without exploring any of the darkness behind it, save for a very few moments. He is clearly more concerned with showing off crazy parties and an awesome soundtrack than he is with anything else. The only times the film truly succeeds are in its quieter moments, such as the first on-screen meeting between Gatsby and Daisy. Here the ludicrousness of Gatsby’s obsession is front and center and Luhrmann, however briefly, allows the flair to take a backseat to DiCaprio, who turns in a solid performance with what he’s been given.

By the end it becomes apparent that Luhrmann himself is our Gatsby – obsessed with the image and indulgence of the period, but either unable or unwilling to understand its significance. What we’re left with is a hollow representation of a piece of entertainment. On the surface The Great Gatsby is dazzling, full of pomp and circumstance, but look any closer and it becomes all too clear that there is very little meaning underneath.

Deion Moskal is a writer for FanSided partner BroJackson.com. For more great content, head on over to Bro Jackson and check out Deion’s work.

Ed.’s Note: Deion Moskal is not a music nerd. He was completely unaffected by the troll-stopping, Monday afternoon leak of French electronic duo Daft Punk’s hotly anticipated new album, Random Access Memories. He did not spend the evening filtering Stereogum’s comments section and crafting snark.

My Daft Punk knowledge starts and ends with a 2009 lake party for the last of my friends to graduate college. Some little brother told me about how Kanye had used their stuff for “Stronger.” After he played the Daft Punk version for the third time, I grew tired of our conversation and went back down to the dock.

Before leaving I gave the 17-year-old a beer because I’m a good influence.

I know they produced the music for “TRON: Legacy,” but I never saw the original and wasn’t too interested in the futuristic dodgeball that the movie seemed to be about. The latest news I heard on the Daft Punk front was them being rumored to maybe show up at Coachella. One of my best friends went this year and in the numerous “At Coachella…” stories she has told me since returning, none of them were about Daft Punk. So yesterday when the subject of Daft Punk began to circulate through the writer email chain—and the Internet at-large—and my name was thrown into the discussion to cover it I used this vast resume to win the job.

My original plan was to pick up a sixer of tall boys and breeze through the album a few times. When the internal debate about whether to get more beer or get something to eat set in I would start writing. Sadly the era of the Monday night sixer went by the wayside four years ago, so my virginal foray into Daft Punk’s Random Access Memories would be strangely sober.

“Give Life Back To Music”

The opening track, set the tone for me as to what to expect with a ‘70s funk-meets-modern electronica groove. This song is perfect for a subtle rave at an SEC frat house, but could also work at any wedding that aims to promote cross generation dancing. The shoulder shimmy factor alone is off the charts.

“The Game Of Love”

Lyrically this is my favorite song. If it was stripped down to the bare bones and lost the auto-tune, it would be a Taylor Swift set-closer.

“Giorgio By Moroder”

The first two-minutes of this song are an autobiographical tale from famous producer Giorgio. He talks about how he developed his sounds that presumably had an impact on the Daft Punk duo. After a three-minute interlude of psychedelic elevator music, Giorgio comes back in to explain more of the sound. If you stick with this song to the seven-minute mark there is a delightful section of the song where the synthesized music fades into turntable scratching with a deep plucking of a bass guitar beneath that before it revs back up to close out the song.

“Within”

The piano here feels like it could be used for a “James Bond” intro. The lyrics are deeply interpersonal, but lose a lot of their power hidden in the auto-tune.

“Instant Crush”

The foot-tap-ability comes back strong. This easily has the highest sing-along rating of any song on Random Access Memories and if Daft Punk cares at all about radio success they will release this as a single.

“Lose Yourself To Dance”

I instantly liked this song based on its name. Is it telling you to dance so much that you get taken over by the music and everything surrounding you that you lose yourself? Or is it telling you to first lose yourself so that you can just totally get down? A total chicken and the egg debate. Whichever side of the fence you find yourself on, there is no debating that this will make another great wedding song—for everyone, not just French hipsters—with clapping cues already built it.

“Touch”

The second, and final, long track song tests if you’re truly about this life. The opening is reminiscent of a carnival fun house with its spooky sounds and one word, “touch.” being echoed throughout its opening two-minutes. Once the music begins in earnest it takes you to a solo Broadway performance. The outro to this song is great as it goes from chorus style singing over time travel sounds back to the Broadway singing soliloquy.

“Get Lucky”

This is definitely the party anthem of the album. And, apparently, it’s the lead single. Well, good.

The lyrics are something anybody who went to college can relate to: “We’re up all night til the sun/ we’re up all night to get some/ we’re up all night for good fun/ we’re up all night to get lucky.” Each time I listen to this song I find myself singing the lyrics and pointing to girls that I imagine are watching me perform this song on a stage. If you can find the place, this song would kill in karaoke.

“Beyond”

Is this a 20th Century Fox-commissioned piece? No, the intro to the song just feels like a film studio during the opening credits. The title of this track is fitting, because beyond the intro, this is the most forgettable song on the album. Crushed it.

“Motherboard”

During my second listen to this song I tweeted out “This Daft Punk CD is some serious noise. Great if you don’t like singable lyrics.” This track is purely sounds and none of them stand out as musically pleasing, but they are interesting nonetheless. If I did decide to drink that sixer while listening to the album, the last two would have been when I decided to cook some gooey cheese eggs.

“Fragments Of Time”

During each listen I wanted to insert the “Double Vision” lyrics into this song. A comparison to Foreigner? “That’s high praise” said in the Andy Samberg-as-Nic Cage voice. The song is a smooth, easy listen that could easily be played in a dentist’s office waiting room to calm the nerves of a 9-year-old about to get braces.

“Doin’ It Right”

The auto-tune comes back and reminds you of the futuristic stylings of Daft Punk, but it isn’t long before a bare voice starts overlapping the lyrics. The harmony of the two different voices compliment each other well and meld together to a song that has a compelling ‘80’s electronica thing going. Bare bones 808s shit.

“Contact”

A fast-paced song that makes you feel as if you’re racing against the clock in an outer space level of Sonic the Hedgehog.

Not all songs on the album registered with me in their current format, I believe you could take “The Game of Love,” “Within,” and “Instant Crush,” and with a few minor changes put on them a Justin Timberlake or Adele album and go multi-platinum as singles. “Get Lucky” is the standout song for me because it’s easily danceable and I want to karaoke it. I’m sure Giorgio talking about his development as a music producer is great theatre for people deep into this genre, but I felt it took away from a very strong non-lyric track. This isn’t a CD to pop in while driving, but there are plenty of songs on here that are perfect for a party playlist. There is a great mix of danceable and lyrically strong songs to keep any fan of modern music happy.

Walter White went south of the border in the last half-season of Breaking Bad, and now the show itself is following suit. Sony Picture Television has announced a Spanish language adaptation of the hit AMC show Breaking Bad is in development and could begin shooting soon. This isn’t s spin-off or a dubbed version of the American show, rather it will be totally re-shot with Spanish-speaking actors and will be renamed “Metastasis“.

Like the change to the title, there are other minor changes to character names and plot devices for the new adaptation. The cast will be headlined by Columbian actor Diego Trujillo, who will be playing the main character Walter Blanco with Roberto Urbina playing the part of Jose Miguel Rosa which is the adapted version of the Jessie character in the American version of the show.

American audiences may be more familiar with Roberto Urbina, as he played a part in Steven Soderbergh’s 2008 epic Che as well as quest starting on TV Shows like Grey’s Anatomy, The Mentalist and the Hero’s mini-series Destiny.

According to Variety, the plot of Metastasis will follow the exact outline of Breaking Bad  as Walter Blanco is a mild chemistry teacher who is diagnosed with terminal cancer and soon finds himself in the netherworld of drugs to pay his medical bills and make sure his family is provided for during his illness and after his death.

“Critics and audiences love ‘Breaking Bad’ and its original take on the drug dealing business,” said Angelica Guerra, who is the senior vice president and managing director, production, Latin America and U.S. Hispanic for Sony Pictures Television. “It is a very relevant story for all audiences, produced with the highest standards, in spectacular locations with the best talent in the region.”

Surprisingly enough, Breaking Bad is not the first American television series to be adapted for a foreign audience. Married…With Children along with Everybody Loves Raymond and The King of Queens have been adapted for countries across the globe which is a bit ironic considering most of American television these days are adaptations of international shows.

Sandra Reyes as Walter’s wife Cielo and Julian Arango as Walter’s narcotics agent brother-in-law named Henry round out the main cast for Metastasis which doesn’t yet have an air-date.

Photo via The Atlantic Wire

David Kallison is a writer for FanSided partner BroJackson.com. For more great content, head on over to Bro Jackson and check out David’s work.

In its short, four-year history, Kickstarter, the wunderkind crowdsourcing website, has funneled $514 million to musicians, filmmakers, developers and inventors. The website is slap-your-head-simple: a project is posted with a set monetary goal; the user can pledge an amount NPR-style, and if the goal is reached, the cash flows. If the goal is not met, no money changes hands. Kickstarter is Netflix in 2008 and it is scaring the shit out of the people that make money off creative people.

Enter Zach Braff (preferably in a low-angle walk-and-talk circa season 2 Scrubs). Braff decides to go around the studio system and Kickstart part of his new film, Wish I Was Here, which he wrote and will direct, his first such venture since the indie rom-com Garden State. The project reached its $2 million goal in 36 hours. The Internet, as the Internet is wont to do, donned its Righteous Anger Hat and started writing article after article about why you shouldn’t fund the projects fat-cat celebrities. These people are wrong. If anything, we should throw more cash at artists with proven track records and industry connections. In this case, a rising tide really does lift all boats. Here are some of the arguments against celebrity crowdfunding– and why they don’t add up.

Because they are already rich
This is probably the worst argument one could make, and to see it come from people with extensive knowledge of how the industry works is gross. Braff isn’t making some short to show at a college film festival, he’s filming a bona fide Movie with a capital ‘M’. Movies cost money to make. Lots of it. The $2 million from the Kickstarter campaign will cover, at most, a third of the film’s total budget. Braff himself is front at least a season’s worth of Scrubs money to make it happen. The reason he is going straight to his fans for cash is to avoid the studio system. If you don’t think the studios influence the creative direction of movies, go watch Louis C.K.’s Pootie Tang and get back to me. Braff gets full creative control and viewers get to see what a movie looks like without corporate influence. Just because Braff has had financial success, why does that mean he should fund his own projects? We don’t expect the same from Whedon or Speilberg and nor should we. That’d be like asking a bartender to start buying the liquor because he had a few solid nights slinging drinks.

Because it goes against the idea of crowdsourcing
Lucky for us, the arbitrators of the Internet have written a Code of Croudsourcing. Its main tenant is “Thou shall only fund projects from people you have never, ever heard of.” The argument goes that if you give your hard-earned cash to Zach Braff, you won’t toss any shekels to fund Joe Schmoe’s polka-funk-metal fusion band. The numbers, unfortunately for the Holy Sees, don’t bear that out. Kickstarter revealed that 63% of the funders for the two biggest movie projects, Wish I Was Here and the Veronica Mars movie, were first-timers, and 40% of those went on to fund other projects. Kickstarter calls it the Blockbuster Effect and it makes sense when you get off your high horse and think about it. Big acts can bring big acclaim to the little guys. It’s the same reason your favorite local band opens for Kings of Leon. As of writing this, 37,000 people gave money to Zach Braff–those 37,000 people clearly don’t give care about a narrowly defined “purpose” of crowdfunding. This technology is too new to be pigeonholed.

Because it would have been made anyway
This argument states that since Zach Braff et al. have access to Hollywood’s elite, they can easily secure funding for these projects so they don’t need to “steal” money from fans in order to get these projects made. Not only is that not true, but it’s missing the point. First, a movie based on a 2004 TV show that very few people watched isn’t exactly a sure-bet. There’s a reason that new episodes of Arrested Development are on Netflix and nowhere else– the studios aren’t wasting their time on niche projects. More and more they are relying on a few big-budget tent pole releases that can do well overseas. In the past ten years, the number of studio films released each year has decreased 28%. So it’s no guarantee that these projects get funded. Garden State, despite everyone I know having seen it, only made $35 million at the box office– a fifth of the gross of Scary Movie 4.

There’s another reason it make sense to support celebrity Kickstarters: you’re going to get a quality product. You might not like Wish I Was Here or the Veronica Mars movie, but I guarantee they will actually be made, and made well. Unfortunately, lots of funded projects simply don’t ever materialize. This isn’t always the creators fault, but it doesn’t make it less true. Zach Braff has the ability to make sure his shit actually gets done. There’s a reason you wouldn’t invest in neighbor Bob’s pirate radio station, but you wouldn’t hesitate to dig some cash out of your tote bag and pledge to NPR. Now, sometimes neighbor Bob has an incredible idea (Mark Zuckerberg and Sean Fanning say, “Hi”), but it often makes sense to invest in people or companies we trust. With every celebrity project, crowdsourcing becomes more and more viable for the lowly interns with a killer screenplay. A rising level of trust in this new technology is good for creators, big and small, as well as consumers of their work. We should have the option to give to the openers or the headliners. There’s room for both.

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau continues his trek towards an Emmy with this week’s impeccable performance as Jaime Lannister. Bidding farewell to his jailer-cum-confidante Brienne, he delivers the episode’s most heartrending moment with a stoic nod, covering up the most minute of lip trembles. It’s his response to her heartfelt adieu – they must part ways. Jaime is to be spirited by Bolton’s men back to his father in King’s Landing while Brienne remains at Harrenhal, a captive of Bolton’s sadistic bannerman, Locke.

Locke has already demonstrated himself as a cold-hearted jailer – it was he who relieved Jaime of his right hand in one fell swoop, then tied the severed limb around the Kingslayer’s neck, to be worn like an amulet for all to see. Locke is most certainly not one to find the heart of mercy and free Brienne. Both she and Jaime know that their mission has come to an end, and therefore their allegiance.

But the Kingslayer and Brienne have become more than jailer and captive. They’ve become friends, of sorts. A respect has grown between them, an understanding of why they’ve done what they’ve done with their lives. Brienne, the outsider with a moral will as strong as iron, and Jaime, the cold-blooded killer who has always acted out of an innate need to protect – his family, the realm. He has never sought glory. Even in the heady days of Robert’s rule, when Jaime was as cocky as he could be (fathering children with his sister and throwing prepubescent boys out of tower windows), he shied away from the spotlight, always choosing a self-effacing humor rather than emulating his father’s seriousness. It’s clear that he’s always been uncomfortable with the lot that fate has handed him, and here he finds himself with one on the other side – Brienne wants all the Jaime’s been handed, and perhaps his better suited to it than he, except for the fact that she was born into a different family with a different gender.

They see eye to eye, these two, and that’s why Brienne’s three-word farewell hits him where he lives. When she says “Goodbye, Ser Jaime,” it’s a respectful address that he has not heard in years – not since he ended the life of the mad king, earning the epithet by which he’s been known since. It’s a show of respect, and he can barely contain the emotion as they part ways, likely for good.

Upon the road, Jaime cannot shake his concern for Brienne’s life – once he hears that her father’s offer of ransom (a sum greater than the Lord of Tarth can likely afford) has been rejected by Locke – rejected in part because of Jaime’s story that her father is Lord of the richest sapphire mines in Westeros – he cannot sit idly by. He forces his captors to return to Harrenhal, losing half a day’s travel time. They arrive not a moment too soon, as Locke has forced Brienne to face off against a grizzly bear, armed only with a wooden sword. She is there to provide entertainment for his weary men, she serves no use beyond that. Jaime leaps into the coliseum to protect her, his captors covering him from above (they want their reward for returning the Kingslayer alive to his father). Bleeding, Brienne is hoisted to the stands, and is able to walk away, in company again with Ser Jaime, her pride and life still intact.

This high road undertaken by Jaime is not one that any other characters in Westeros are afforded this episode. Indeed, Tyrion’s arranged marriage to Sansa causes him an undue amount of trouble in his real relationship. Shay, the funny whore, does not find the situation amusing in the least, and instead threatens to leave Tyrion if he doesn’t find a way out of his current predicament.

Meanwhile, Gendry is informed of his true parentage, returned to King’s Landing after many months on the road with Arya trying to escape to the north. Arya, left alone with the Brotherhood, is infuriated by their decision to sack Harrenhal rather than continue onto Riverrun, as promised. She runs blindly away, straight into the hands of the Hound, who most assuredly has been dogging the Brotherhood’s every step since releasing him.

As Arya’s brother Robb prepares to celebrate the marriage of his uncle to Lord Frey’s daughter, his own wife Talisa offers some good news of her own – she is pregnant. The King of the North is soon to become a father.

It’s a fate much happier than the continued torture that Theon faces. Still held captive by an unknown entity, his humiliation and pain reach a new low. Two whores are sent into his cell, they massage and strip him, speaking at length of the wide reputation his manhood has garnered over the yeas. Just as Theon gives in to their maneuvers, his captor appears. It seems the whole intrigue has been a ploy for the sadistic torturer to retrieve something precious of Theon’s. Last week it was his pinky, this week it’s something far more necessary. The shot cuts away before we if the intent was carried out, but let’s just say that it looks unlikely that there will be any little Theon Greyjoys running around in the future.

Across the Narrow Sea, Danaerys is riding high on her victory at Astapor. Her army comes upon the walled city of Yunkai, not unlike Astapor, the rich inhabitants make their money off the backs of their cowed slaves. She meets the leader in her tent, and he offers her gold and ships to leave the town to their own devices. Danaerys’ scorched earth policy has left only ashes in the place of Astapor and Qarth, a fate that the people of Yunkai are eager to avoid.

But Danaerys is not so easily swayed. She cannot be bought with gold and silver, not matter how deeply she desires a ship to carry her back to Westeros. She wants the loyalty of every slave in the Red Waste. She wants every resident of the Eastern Lands to look to her as their savior. She will stop at nothing to free them, allowing the Yunkai leaders to keep their lives if they free the slaves themselves.

Of course, her offers are denied and she prepares to take on the city with her army of Unsullied. A third sack for the Khaleesi. She grows more confident as her army is battle tested. It doesn’t bode well for the Westerosi.

** Disclaimer

These recaps are for the GoT TV Series only. I haven’t read the books, so please don’t spoil any forthcoming plot points in the comments. If you have read the books, please enjoy the dramatic irony and that feeling you get from being just a bit more knowledgable than the rest of us, but keep it to yourself. Thanks!

SEE ALSO:

• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 1 Recap: Valar Dohaeris
• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 2 Recap: Dark Wings, Dark Words
• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 3 Recap: Walk Of Punishment
• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 4 Recap: And Now His Watch Has Ended
• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 5 Recap: Kissed By Fire
• Game Of Thrones Season 3, Episode 6 Recap: The Climb