Nick Cannon files for divorce from Mariah Carey

Nick Cannon files for divorce from his wife Mariah Carey.

TMZ has reported “America’s Got Talent” host Nick Cannon has filed for divorce from multi-platinum recording artist Mariah Carey. No she hasn’t gained weight, you shallow rapscallions. He has gained common sense.

It is possible the comedian came to the decision after a simple list of pros and cons.

Pros: She’s hot. She’s rich. She’s fun to crush at “Jeopardy.”

Cons: She speaks. Calls people “darling.” Does interviews in nightgowns and damn near ruined Christmas.

Exhibit A:

The truth is we’ll never know the true reasons, as both had a confidentiality agreement tied to their prenup. What we can glean, however, is that money doesn’t buy happiness, and time and familiarity can kill ‘the spark.’

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During their marriage the two entertainers enjoyed the standard issue peaks and valleys most married couples do. Arguments over closet space, bi-coastal bickering, and having Eminem diss them both in a song.

Then Nick Cannon having it rubbed in his face on Wild ‘n Out repeatedly by rappers like Mac Miller.

Supposedly, Mariah is having a “Breakdown” over the news. While Nick is whistling, “I Am Free.”

Were/are they different people? Of course! Mariah is worth $150 million and still sells. Nick introduces one-legged ventriloquists for a living. Mariah’s movies bomb. Nick’s TV shows don’t blow. Nick’s watch faces are huge. Mariah’s chances of ever being quoted are small.

Fortunately, both kept it somewhat quick and clean. The couple have two children and have agreed to a properly settlement. While Mariah has been losing her relevance. Nick has re-gained his dignity.

We wish them both luck.

H/T TMZ

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