Every NBA team’s biggest celebrity fan

Celebrities are just like us! They drink coffee, wear shoes, and root for their favorite sports teams! Here is every NBA team’s biggest celebrity fan.

You know Jack Nicholson loves his Lakers, and that Spike Lee is always courtside for he Knicks’ games. But those are just the big names and the big market teams. Even the smallest market has a fanbase and someone in that fanbase has been in a movie or recorded an album. Just becase they’re richer and more famous than you, doesn’t mean they love their team any less.

Here is the biggest celebrity fan for every NBA team.

Indiana Pacers: Mike Epps

Mike Epps is a comedian who was extremely famous in the 1990s and early 2000s. He is a very funny man, and not many funny men have been born in Indiana. In fact, not many celebrities at all have been born in Indiana. It is very cool that the Pacers get to have Mike Epps.

There should be so many more millennials who are Pacers fans; anyone who grew up in the ‘90s got to see some of the most fun basketball teams of all time right in their backyard. Reggie Miller and Mark Jackson led some awesome offensive squads that challenged Michael Jordan in the Eastern Conference for a half-decade. Down low, those teams featured Rik Smits and Chris Mullin, another couple of fun guys to watch score. How are there not more twenty- and thirty-somethings cheering for this team every night?

Mike Epps will have to do, even if the ways he makes people laugh might be less intentional these days:

That video and another series of tweets in which he lied about being in Miami for a playoff game had people laughing for all the wrong reasons. Indiana is in a real bad situation with Paul George’s impending departure, and they could use a dedicated celebrity fan for the long haul. Epps has it in him, but it will take a return to form.

An honorable mention for this spot goes to Tom Haverford, the character Aziz Ansari plays on NBC’s Parks and Recreation. Haverford starts a company in the show called Entertainment 720, and hires former Pacers Roy Hibbert and Detlef Schrempf to play on-on-one as entertainment in the lobby of the company’s headquarters. Unfortunately, Haverford is not real and the actual Aziz Ansari is not a Pacers fan. Epps takes the cake here.

Utah Jazz: Macklemore

Let me start by saying that I have no idea why Macklemore is a Jazz fan. The 34-year-old rapper was born in Seattle at a time where the Supersonics still existed and were actually pretty good. He had no need to look elsewhere for a favorite team. Yet somehow he started to peer a little to the South and a little to the East, toward Salt Lake City. There, apparently, young Macklemore found a Jazz team to root for.

I will also say that basically everyone is a fan of the John Stockon-Karl Malone pick-and-roll. Even my mom knows who Stockton and Malone are. She probably could not name two Sonics. It’s just strange because of the perception we have of Seattle as a city deprived of basketball, with its team ripped from its grasp. Macklemore was over the Sonics before the NBA was over the Sonics.

As a scrawny dude who looks nothing like a basketball player, maybe Macklemore was drawn to the excitement of watching Stockton, another scrawny dude who looks nothing like a basketball player. The rapper wore the point guard’s jersey for a show in 2013, which is what sprang the Macklemore-Jazz relationship into existence:

The curse of a small market team is that if there’s a celebrity for every several thousand regular people, having less regular people also means less celebrities. Utah is a small market, so the Jazz had to go and steal their fan. The final problem to solve is whether or not Macklemore is even a celebrity at all. He hasn’t been successful since the release of his single “Downtown” in 2015. If a celebrity fan cheers in the quiet fortress of their downsized apartment and no one hears it, they never really cheered at all.

Philadelphia 76ers: Will Smith

Smith falls into both of the biggest categories for celebrity NBA fans: famous rappers and minority owners. He joins Nelly and Jay-Z in this elite club of successful musicians who are also successful investors and entrepreneurs.

In 2011, at the time of Josh Harris’s purchase of the 76ers for $287 million, Smith and his wife got in on that. It makes karmic sense that a true Philadelphian and old-school basketball guy would balance out the team of investors looking to take control of the Sixers. Smith flattens out the other end of Harris’s scale.

The self-proclaimed “old dude from the Suicide Squad” looks genuinely excited when he’s talking about his team. And in some odd way it does give the average fan a sense of pride to see someone grow up dreaming about meeting the players and seeing the games and eventually become a part-owner of that same team. It’s also cool when, in an increasingly statistics- and finance-based game, that someone looks like the players he represents. It’s a special way for Smith to use his influence.

Smith is somehow 49-years-old (which is a higher number than the Sixers’ win total over the last twelve seasons combined, approximately). That means he can really leverage his wisdom into real progress with a young team like the Sixers. In the Jimmy Kimmel clip above, Smith talks about how odd it is to look out at the team and see so many young people. It is even more odd for all of us to look out a screen and see “76ers’ Owner” labeled beneath Smith. But it’s cool.

Denver Nuggets: The South Park/Book of Mormon Guys

What does your NBA team do before tip-off? It’s probably some hip-hop beat playing while the PA announcer sets the lineups and prepares the crowd for the game. Maybe a loud buzzer sounds, or the arena goes dark. A lot of times, people will stand up to get a good view of the first possession. In Denver, thanks to the team’s relationship with Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the South Park character named Cartman will get the crowd going.

Anyone who lives West of Texas has been to Denver once. They have ski slopes, good summer weather, and a growing downtown. Other than that, it rivals Austin and Portland as one of the weirdest cities around. Their legislators have turned the name “Nuggets”, which once referred to finding gold in the mines, into a punchline for recreational marijuana users.

Sports rarely come into play on South Park, which mostly keeps to its own world. Celebrity cameos come to South Park from other parts of the fictional world, but the kids never go see a Nuggets game or anything realistic like that. It’s a real-world interest of the show’s creators, not simply a creative game like so much of their lives. Nuggets fandom represents a chance to step out from behind the curtain of their tremendous work.

The duo both grew up in Colorado, and their show is set there. Their Nuggets fandom is more by birth than passion, but the small circular young men that South Park brings to life are the most fun and silly fans of any NBA team.

Minnesota Timberwolves: Craig Kilborn

Kilborn used to host the late night show that nobody watched, until James Corden came along. It’s the second night slot on CBS, meaning it came after Letterman for years and years. Kilborn was an interesting host in that slot thanks in large part to his diverse interests. One of those was NBA basketball, and as a native Missourian, the Timberwolves became his team.

He was 2 Chainz before 2 Chainz, challenging members of the team to HORSE and various shooting contests. Apparently, Kilborn had Kevin Garnett to “R” in their game of HORSE, which is the score you get to before you look around and sheepishly make the “right where we want ‘em” joke to the people sitting near you. Kilborn had no chance of beating Garnett in HORSE. But would he have wanted to? Real fans don’t embarrass their stars.

Kilborn played NCAA basketball at Montana State and continued to stay in basketball shape thanks to one-on-one competition against comedian Garry Shandling. When Minnesota came knocking in 2004, Kilborn was ready. Heaven knows that during those KG years, the Wolves could have used all the depth they could muster. Maybe Kilborn would have been a contributor.

Not many Timberwolves headlines feature Kilborn these days. The former late night host has fallen away from the spotlight. But as Minnesota gears up for another push, we might see more of Kilborn soon. Towns, Thibs and Co. could use him when things get thick.

Washington Wizards: Wolf Blitzer

When you spend as much time in Washington as Blitzer, you need a local hobby. The Wizards, especially as they’ve become more competitive over the last decade or so, and with an arena right downtown for people like Blitzer to catch games, have become the perfect hobby. They crop up with intrigue often enough to keep their fans interested, but otherwise mostly stay quiet. The team represents a distraction for Blitzer, who is used to the fiery political games of Washington.

Blitzer has season tickets for the Wizards, and claims to have fallen in love with the team over the past few years. They have an exciting core that includes John Wall, Bradley Beal and Otto Porter, finally rewarding Blitzer for his years of dedication. Even in a metropolitan area like D.C., very few celebrity fans originate there. Blitzer’s only competition for Wizards love is the rapper Wale, whom no one has ever heard of. Blitzer is the host of CNN’s Situation Room, while Wale makes music sometimes.

Name another local NBA fan who could get a write-up in both ESPN and Politico. Blitzer is the perfect guy to rep Washington in the NBA because he’s about as Washington as it gets. He’s the kind of political guy whose association with things is never quite explained, and his Wizards fandom leans that way as well. Who really is Wolf Blitzer, how did he end up in our nation’s capital, and why on Earth does he still like the Wizards?

Orlando Magic: Tiger Woods

Woods’ fall from grace has been almost as swift as his basketball team’s. In fact, their timelines line up almost perfectly. It provides some uncomfortable and coincidental insight into the team and fan’s relationship.

At his peak, Tiger was one of the best golfers in the history of the game. He has won 14 majors, including a Career Grand Slam. He is one of only five golfers ever to accomplish that feat. Golf might have been single-handedly saved by Tiger Woods. Yet in 2009, the whole thing came crashing down after a late-night car accident exposed possible substance abuse by Woods.

That year was also the first NBA Finals appearance for the Magic in over a decade, and their best season with the Dwight Howard/Stan Van Gundy power couple. They lost to the Lakers in five games, but their play that season was inspiring, making it seem like they would be in the mix every year for many to come. Unfortunately, that was their last season as Eastern Conference champions; they have not returned to the Finals since.

This year marked Woods’ second arrest. A DUI and another car crash gave way to an embarrassing mugshot and the growing feeling that Woods might never golf again, at least not at the level he set for himself. It also marked the year that Orlando fired its General Manager, Rob Henigan, after several years of botched draft picks and no improvement. If it weren’t for Disney World adding some extra Star Wars stuff, 2017 might have already pushed Orlando off the map.

Woods has gone from an awesome celebrity fan for an awesome team to a disappointing guy cheering on a disappointing team. You are what you root for?

Toronto Raptors: Drake

Last fall, I wrote a preview piece for The Step Back’s inaugural Season Preview about the effect that Drake might have on the Raps’ success this season. I estimated that because he was not expected to release as much music as last season, the Raptors were bound to win several more games. ESPN writer Zach Lowe famously called Toronto’s team the Drakes until last season, when their success surpassed the silliness of that name. This connection between rapper and team is hilarious and important and we all love it.

About three seasons ago, when the Raptors fell backward into contention following Rudy Gay’s injury and Kyle Lowry’s eruption, Drake finally latched onto this team. In the past, he had hung around with whichever team was most interesting in the moment, most notably the John Wall/DeMarcus Cousins era at the University of Kentucky. The beginning of Drake’s public sports fandom sort of reminded you of another young pop star’s recent tweets:

But as a liaison to the culture for Toronto and the Raptors, Drake has been fantastic. He’s a hysterical, beautiful part of the NBA landscape now. Perhaps his best moment came earlier this year, in a broadcast that has now become famous, when he wore a shirt featuring analyst Doris Burke’s face printed largely upon it.

Drake is not only the most famous Raps fan, he might be the biggest and best NBA fan overall. He is hosting this year’s NBA Awards Night and really seems to love the league. You could say his absorption into the world of basketball is giving it more life.

Brooklyn Nets: Jay-Z

The popularity spike that the NBA is experiencing was not started by Russell Westbrook’s wild season, or even the 2015 Warriors’ sudden rise. It began in 2011, when LeBron James joined the Miami Heat and immediately made the NBA Finals. What ensued was a bona fide arms race around the Eastern Conference, as teams raced to piece together rosters that might challenge James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.

One of the central characters in that arms race was Jay-Z, the New Jersey Nets’ most public supporter. Soon, he became many more things than just a supporter for the Nets. His title would expand to include part-owner, relocation consultant, and megafan. In his 2011 hit with Kanye West, “N****s in Paris”, he even name-dropped the team’s relocation efforts. It’s very like Jay to drop important and serious matters into a quick verse, with a chuckle.

It’s also very like Jay, at this point, to drop in and out of various endeavors. His involvement with the Nets came and went as quickly as James and the Heat forced the team’s hand. When he started his own representation company Roc Nation, he was forced to divest from the Nets. His work was largely done, though. The dominating Barclays Center sits in Brooklyn and houses a team that Jay helped bring into the forefront of basketball culture, however fleetingly.

Nowadays, you’ll see he and wife Beyonce as visitors, often courtside. While his efforts rose above fandom at one point, engaging with the sport as a consumer is the best for us. As an MC, the witty rapper has been a frequent part of the conversation around the sport. It’s best this way.

Memphis Grizzlies: Justin Timberlake

The more you look into this kind of thing, the more you realize how people with money are generally more involved with the team than is known. Timberlake is part of an investment group called Tennman Sports, LLC that collectively owns a 2.84 percent stake in the Grizzlies. He also goes to bat for the team quite a bit online, which is fun for a team that is much more focused and professional than most in the league.

The pop star became famous as a part of the boy band NSYNC over two decades ago, but calls Memphis home. His band is called the Tennessee Kids, and he has returned to a genre that could loosely be called country in recent years. Timberlake seems to truly be a Memphis kid at heart, and compared to the fans that migrate to other, bigger markets as fans, this is a nice match. It’s not common for a small-market team to be as successful as the Grizzlies, and it’s not common for that same city to have a celebrity personality to utilize.

I’m not sure if Mike Conley likes “Sexy Back” as much as the rest of us, but Timberlake is taking this whole thing really seriously in the opening scene of that video. It’s unabashed, and it’s mostly really cool. But as fans of other teams who are kind of jealous of Memphis and the Timberlake relationship, it’s mostly just an opportunity for us to call Justin Timberlake a big nerd. And making fun of the fans of opposing teams is really what being a fan of something is all about.

Cleveland Cavaliers: Khloe Kardashian

As usual, there is one tweet back to which these celebrity fandom chronicles can generally be traced. For the Kardashian-Cavs connection, the story starts with an ESPN piece released during the Finals:

https://twitter.com/khloekardashian/status/869658404901367808

To fill everyone in, Cavs big man Tristan Thompson is the latest NBA boyfriend of supercelebrity Khloe Kardashian, of you know which family. The couple has been together since at least last Halloween, but probably longer. Thompson has basically used this relationship to dispel any rumors about a Kardashian curse, with an excellent last three games in the NBA Finals and a solid season overall.

But also remember that this is Cleveland, so a Kardashian even setting foot at a home game is extraordinary. These sagas typically play out on the coasts, as with Lamar Odom and Kris Humphries, two previous Kardashian beaus from the NBA. We can expect that Thompson will recede to Los Angeles during the summer, where the Cavaliers typically do some offseason work, but the situation played out in Ohio all year.

The culmination was Khloe’s appearance at several NBA Finals games, and this opus from Jeff Van Gundy on why this is all something we shouldn’t be worried about:

With all due respect to Mr. Van Gundy, this is exactly the type of thing we all live to be worried about. When the oral history is written on the Cavs-Warriors trilogy from 2015-17, let the record tell the impact that Khloe might have had on its final battle. Thompson played well to close out the series, but Cleveland did lose in five games. The questions over whether or not that family is bad juju for NBA players will linger over Thompson and the Cavaliers for a while.

But in this space, we’re merely interested in which fan is the most famous, the most important and the most impressive. Khloe Kardashian easily slots into the top spot in Cleveland.

Los Angeles Lakers: Jack Nicholson

Nicholson has been one of the most famous people on the planet for most of his life. The award-winning actor has been celebrated for his work for three decades, and even in his 80s is still kicking. While his presence has largely left the big screen over the past several years, he has not stopped going to Lakers games.

From the Showtime era on, Nicholson’s name has been synonymous with the Lakers. He is the forefather of all of the others on this list, having been a fan of the league when it was much smaller and less popular than it is today. Seeing Nicholson on the sideline for years and years of important basketball games has been awesome for a couple generations of NBA fans.

This slideshow by the Los Angeles Times does a great job illustrating the memories Nicholson has been a part of over the years. It’s remarkable that more Hollywood stars have not gotten involved with the Lakers as heavily as Nicholson through the years. Perhaps it’s an unspoken agreement for actors to not step on the turf of the big guy. Of course celebrities file into the Staples Center every night, but rarely do they become fans as wholly as Nicholson has.

To choose one instance that stands out most in the Nicholson-Lakers chronology is easy. In 2013, after Dwight Howard’s one season in L.A., the team was faced with an opportunity to re-sign him. Having given up quite a bit to get him, there was a lot of pressure from fans to retain him. As the team fought, the city piled on.

Howard was courted from all angles. He was promised a reality television deal with Time Warner Cable, saw banners hanging throughout the city, and even received a phone call from Nicholson himself.

Imagine the actor delivering this memorable performance to Howard over the phone:

I have no idea why someone so talented and well-regarded would like the Lakers.

Sacramento Kings: Hasan Mihnaj

I didn’t know Mihnaj was a Kings fan until The Ringer started doing a bunch of stuff highlighting his fandom. But it’s actually for real. The dude can go basket by basket through the 2002 Western Conference Finals, one of the most controversial NBA Playoffs series of all time. Considering that’s one of the only important Kings moments in their entire history as a basketball team, it makes sense, but it still proves he’s for real.

Mihnaj has exploded onto the cultural scene over the past year or so, first as a reporter for Trevor Noah’s Daily Show and then as a stand-up act. He is remarkably in tune with the way that people interact with their world and their culture. Even though he is mostly associated with politics, he has the great gift of being able to find humor in things we take for granted.

The comedian was born in Northern California, and identifies as a pick-and-stick fan. That means you ride or die with the team whose fandom you were born into, no matter what. Listen to Mihnaj speak, and you’ll start to understand how much he actually resembles a real-life Kings fan. It’s not a shtick.

This year, Mihnaj also had the opportunity to host the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in Washington, D.C. It raised his profile even higher, and made it even more wild that he hasn’t yet dropped his Kings fandom. For someone in the limelight so much, it must be difficult to be identified with such a hopeless franchise. He might not agree on the hopelessness though:

According to Mihnaj, the jury is still out on the DeMarcus Cousins deal. He describes the Kings’ long-term relationship with Cousins like that between a boy and a girl, basically arguing that it had run stale. Not a lot of people will be monitoring the Kings’ youth movement, but we know that at least Mihnaj will be.

Chicago Bulls: Barack Obama

The President of the United States was a Bulls fan! How’s that for prominent? Having spent much of his early life in Chicago, it makes sense that a basketball fan like Obama would begin to follow the Bulls.

He was fortunate enough to be in his late twenties when Michael Jordan won his first championship, and only 23 when the Bulls’ great was drafted. Certain versions of growing up are better than others, and spending time watching the Bulls in the 1980s and 1990s qualifies as one of the best versions of childhood. Spending time in Chicago surely solidified Obama’s support of the Bulls, and in turn basketball.

Though it has little to do with the Bulls specifically, Obama’s basketball fandom became notorious mostly from two separate anecdotes. One is the legend of Obama pick-up games that grew and grew throughout his campaign and into both administrations of his Presidency. Check out this David Axelrod quote from a GQ oral history of Obama playing pick-up:

"“We were playing before a primary debate in Philadelphia, and I got isolated on him. He immediately sensed the opportunity and went sailing past me.”"

His former Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan, was a professional basketball player in Australia and the United States Basketball League. He was one of the first people to publicize POTUS 44’s basketball addiction. It makes for a fantastic story, adding to the mythos of Obama as Cool Guy.

The second way in which Obama’s basketball fandom became notorious around America was his annual NCAA Tournament bracket on ESPN. Each year, Obama would come onto ESPN toward the beginning of March and fill out a bracket live on television. If nothing else, it showed just how in the loop he was in the sports world. It takes quite a fan to know whether to pick some team like North Dakota State over New Hampshire Tech.

However his Bulls fandom is truly what shone brightest while he was in office. Just as we’ve never had a President so tapped into the culture, there haven’t been many Presidents who have so much pride for where they’re from. I know Trump is from New York and Bush is from Texas, but did that ever really come into play? Obama has never been afraid to make it clear when he favors Chicago over another city.

Dallas Mavericks: Mark Cuban

The Mavericks’ owner is one of the world’s great purveyors of quantity. He has his hand in dozens of different endeavors across the corporate world, but the majority of his attention goes to the Mavericks. Though Donnie Nelson is technically the President and General Manager for Dallas, and is well-respected around the league, Cuban is an owner whose word carries lots of weight. Watch Cuban on the sideline of a Mavericks game and you’ll immediately understand that his interest is rooted in passion and not power. It’s what gives him a spot on this list.

Most owners are obviously big fans of their own teams; Cuban takes it to the next level. On the court, he is perhaps the most involved owner in the game. His courtside seats are permanent, and it’s not uncommon to see him give a referee grief or poke at the opposition. One of the main duties of fandom is unwavering support for your team. Cuban howling from the sideline is about the furthest you can go in the direction. For that reason, he is more than an owner, and is a true fan.

I can’t tell if the Mavs fans are happy in that clip because of Dirk’s inevitable achievement or because seeing Nerlens Noel on the court makes them emotional about being the only team to win a trade with Philly over the last five years. I have a feeling Cuban would celebrate both. Real respect real.

Another great example of why Mark Cuban is for sure the best and most important Mavericks fan is his relationship with Chandler Parsons. The reason is pettiness. The story of how “forgivable, fixable issues” in the locker room and a reasonable injury history turned into a break-up between two of the NBA’s closest bros is wonderful. Quietly, Owner Cuban grew uneasy about offering Parsons a hefty long-term deal due to concerns about his friend’s knee. As a result, Friend Cuban stopped replying to Friend Parsons’ calls and texts. Parsons felt ignored by both Owner Cuban and Friend Cuban. Now it’s a “sensitive subject” for the Cubans Friend and Owner, who feel betrayed and weird about it. Feeling betrayed and weird about something is definitely a very fan thing to do. Fan Cuban is yet another role to be considered in the saga, and probably most representative overall.

Lastly, the billionaire has reportedly considered running for president, joining Dwayne Johnson, Kanye West and Mark Zuckerberg has people who are definitely going to be in the first debate come 2019. This report instantly made him more interesting than anyone else who has ever cheered for the Mavericks.

Mark Cuban is an irreplaceable and fascinating part of the Mavericks’ aesthetic. He has created a culture of laid-back professionalism over nearly two decades, and it has occasionally come back to bite him. It’s all part of the Dallas experience, and it came with a championship. No one wants anything as badly as Mark Cuban wants the Mavericks to win basketball games.

Atlanta Hawks: 2 Chainz

Before I tell you anything about the 2 Chainz-Hawks connection, we need to look at the co-branded merchandise that team and rapper put out last year. On Dec. 30 of last year, 2 Chainz collaborated with the Hawks to give out a t-shirt/mixtape combination to the first 5,000 fans at a home game against the Pistons. I can’t decide if the shirt itself, or the fact that 2 Chainz convinced Atlanta to pass out his mixtape for free, is funnier.

The shirt features an animated hawk, who is supposed to be the team’s mascot, Skyhawk, fist up and Mario-jumping into the sky. It says “hit dem folks” in big white letters; this is I guess a thing that 2Chainz says in songs and really likes to put on merchandise. I honestly cannot think of a more appropriate way to use 2Chainz as a promotional figure for your basketball team.

The rapper has performed at Hawks games frequently over the past few seasons, which is pretty common in Atlanta. Not common anywhere, though, is when those performers start to flex on the basketball court. 2Chainz is a former high school basketball player with decent shooting form and A+ length. He likes to warm up with the Hawks:

In 2015, determined to prove his worth on the court, the rapper challenged Hawks legend Dominique Wilkins to a game of HORSE. You may have heard about this on Twitter, but what you may not have realized is that while Wilkins won as expected, he played the game in BUSINESS CASUAL. Dude is out there in a button-up and trousers running circles around Mr. Chainz. Sad!

The Hawks started using “True to Atlanta” as a slogan recently, and partnerships like the one with 2 Chainz are perfect toward that end. There are so many Atlanta celebrities, but they found the right one.

New York Knicks: Spike Lee

About a year ago, I went to go see the director Spike Lee speak. It was at my school, and the idea for the event was that Spike would talk about his career, several students and faculty members would ask questions, and we would all go home. There were two problems with this idea: First, the event was billed as a celebration of Spike being a “visionary” and second, that one of the faculty members was an attractive and smart woman. Spike couldn’t handle himself.

It was clear immediately that if given an inch, Spike would take a mile. The night was basically just spoonful after spoonful of ego being shoveled into Spike’s thirsty face. An entire class of film students gazed at him in disbelief from across the stage as they asked various questions about being an auteur and a racial commentator. They loved him. He loved himself.

It’s why Madison Square Garden balances him out so well. In the middle of Manhattan, surrounded by 9 million other people, in the most historic basketball arena ever, Spike can’t be the center of everything. Try as he may, he’s just a part of the Knicks story — a small part. Because he’s incredibly well-known as a Knicks fan, he gets pulled into every story still. But no one thinks about Spike in conjunction with the Knicks anymore, because no one really thinks about the Knicks at all anymore.

For a New York sports fan, the pack mentality is the dominant one. He is part of a morass of Knicks fans who are on Melo’s side of the Phil Jackson media battle. But no one truly cares what he thinks, he’s just a megaphone. That’s why he’s the most representative and important celebrity fan that New York could ask for.

Golden State Warriors: Lil B

In 2011, rapper Lil B, creator of the Based Movement and a bunch of other weird internet phenomenons, cursed Kevin Durant. The rapper, who probably follows you on Twitter, did this because Durant called him a “wack rapper” on Twitter. He then challenged Durant to a one-on-one game, thus paving the road for our current situation in which Lil B is the Warriors’ most biggest celebrity fan.

You may have originally thought that Durant was the least hateable guy in the entire NBA, and you were probably right. But this young, wild rapper somehow found it in himself to hate the two-time MVP. The beef lasted from 2011 until last year, around Independence Day.

That was the day when Durant announced his departure from Oklahoma City toward Oakland, where he would join the Golden State Warriors and break the NBA.

Just to fill everyone in, I’m not sure whether to say that Lil B is the Warriors’ biggest fan or that it’s the Based God. From everything we know, Lil B is just a vessel for the God, who communicates his wishes and curses and desires. But because Lil B seems to be the most cognizant part of this duo, we’ll assume he is actually the one whose mind engages with basketball the most easily.

It was Lil B who published this letter with the help of The Undefeated following Durant’s free agent decision. The best part, and the part that instantly catapulted Lil B to the front a line full of Silicon Valley investors and celebrity fakers to be the Warriors Biggest Celebrity fan is as follows:

“No predictions right now from The Based God on how many championships the Warriors will win, but I don’t know about any other starting lineup that could potentially have more offensive firepower than these guys. This is going to be a really exciting season.”

That’s seriously something straight out of Warriors twitter. I’m surprised it wasn’t Sam Esfandiari who connected with Aaron Dodson to write the piece. That’s such unabashed Warriors joy, with a legit dose of #analysis. I love it.

The Durant apology, combined with the Based God’s wise understanding of the world, and Lil B’s fandom, makes this entire situation the best thing about Warriors fandom.

Houston Rockets: Beyonce

For sports fans, the best part of the Beyonce renaissance over the last few years has been the way she’s started to honestly identify as a Texan. That means a lot of things, but in the specific space we’re discussing, it means she’s a Rockets fan. That’s a really good thing.

She ends up at quite a few Nets games as a result of her relationship with Jay-Z, who is a former minority owner and megafan of the franchise. She is also probably pretty involved in the business side of things nowadays, with Jay representing several NBA players as the CEO of Roc Nation, his agency.

Two former Rockets are represented by Roc Nation Sports: Ty Lawson and Jeremy Lin. Put on your investigator hat and imagine the hand Beyonce might have had in those business relationships. Be honest with yourself.

But back to the Harden love. In 2013’s Beyonce, a surprise album in every sense of the word surprise, there is a song called “No Angel”. The video for that song is super homesick and represents Texas in a cool and powerful way. There are lots of shots of people doing things that make them look hard and then staring into the camera. There are also lots of shots, during the most important lyrical parts of the song, where Beyonce is lying down in a James Harden jersey and caressing herself. Take a look:

Besides Harden himself, whose beard is a whole other kind of physical power, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone rock that red jersey harder than in that video. A real fan wouldn’t rub it anyone’s face; Beyonce just happens to be wearing this article of clothing while writhing on a couch. No big deal. It’s what real fans do. You wouldn’t get it.

She looks solid in the Harden jersey, and went back to it while on tour for that album later in the year. Harden commemorated the event on Instagram, for the culture:

I don’t see any of these other celebrity fans putting their body into the fandom the way Beyonce does. No one else is dancing with a jersey on. Beyonce is the best.

New Orleans Pelicans: Lil Wayne

If you’re reading this, you probably consider yourself a fan of some team. There is some gesture you have made to that team, maybe a tattoo or a big purchase, that you feel puts you above the other fans of your team. You see fandom in some small part as a competition. It’s been ingrained in us to treat fandom as transactional and competitive. Transactional in that the team does something for us and we respond by giving them a little time and money in return. Competitive in that we’re always striving to be the biggest and loudest fans. These two categories of fandom are why celebrities so easily carry more sway than an average joe. I’d be willing to bet that none of us have done so much to win the competitive portion of fandom than Lil Wayne, who spent the second night after his release from Rikers Island at a Hornets-Heat game in November 2010.

Asked why he returned to New Orleans after his release despite living elsewhere during his rise to fame and with so many opportunities across the country, Wayne said simply that being in the city, around the community “felt like home”. He was embraced and welcomed by Chris Paul that night, before Paul had left the city. He was optimistic about the team, just as he was probably pretty optimistic about life in general at that point in his journey. If you haven’t crossed the country the day after you were released from prison to hug your team’s point guard and tell reporters your team was going to have a great season, I’m afraid you can’t compete with Lil Wayne’s fandom.

Sadly, the rapper has spent much more time in Los Angeles over the past several years, leading to far too many Staples Center appearances. What’s weird is that it’s not even to support Paul, who was traded to the Clippers about a year after Wayne was released. He mostly shows up to Lakers games, probably out of respect, like just about every rapper ever, for Kobe Bryant. Maybe he’s such an infrequent guest that he doesn’t even realize Bryant retired over a year ago.

Wherever Wayne goes, he’s likely to get pretty fired up. It’s this tendency that led to his ejection from a Lakers-Heat game in 2013, after which he ranted to All-Star Weekend attendees about his mistreatment by the league, and why it all had happened. According to Wayne, all he had done was cheer for the Lakers at a game apparently biased toward Miami. He told the All-Star audience it might have also had something to do with his relationship with forward Chris Bosh’s wife. Whew.

It’s good for excitable people to channel their energy into sports. We’re happy to have Lil Wayne in the NBA. But he should definitely stick to the Pelicans.

Los Angeles Clippers: Billy Crystal

The funniest backstory of all of these celebrity fans belongs to Billy Crystal. According to Crystal, he had Lakers tickets for a while, and the team was great. It was probably lots of fun. The reason he ended up switching loyalties is because “there was no challenge”.

He became the awkward acquaintance of former owner Donald Sterling, who would poll him on trades just as he did all Angelinos during his reign as owner. He also joins Lil Wayne on this list as the only celebrity fans to embrace Chris Paul. Following Paul’s incredible series-winner against San Antonio in 2015, Crystal was seen waiting on the sideline, shaking his head like the rest of us. Crystal packed decades of Clippers anguish into that single hug:

Crystal claims to love the “minor league feel” of Clippers games. They are the Staples Center’s third tenant, made clear by their awful time slots for home games and lack of a home identity. Having Crystal and others round makes some of that stuff not hurt so much. The Clippers have clearly been Los Angeles’ best team since trading for Paul, so there is hope that Crystal might be joined on the sideline by more fellow celebs someday.

Now, there’s a limit to how far even a celebrity’s fandom reaches. After Sterling was ousted in 2014, the team was put up for sale. It’s not uncommon, as this list shows, for a celebrity to become involved in investment groups and help purchase their favorite team. Crystal declined to go that far, instead opting to keep cashing those Monsters University checks.

This summer is do-or-die time for Clippers fans, with Blake Griffin and Chris Paul both up for new contracts. The fans need Crystal, maybe to hug Paul again, or maybe just to keep sitting courtside and acting like everything’s fine. What a noble guy.

Oklahoma City Thunder: Bill Hader

Hader is from Tulsa, Oklahoma, and when the Thunder, who are the state’s first professional sports team, were introduced in 2008, Hader dreamed to be the team’s version of Jack Nicholson. Oklahoma is known for its college teams, so the Thunder still ride in the back seat. Hader might not be screaming loud enough to get his whole city on board, but he’s all this team has.

One thing Hader has going for him is that his NBA fandom might have inadvertently led to LeBron James appearing in 2015’s Trainwreck. In that movie, Hader is a sports surgeon a la Dr. James Andrews, and we learn that one of his former patients is none other than James himself. It’s a confusing thing where we’re supposed to believe James could ever get injured, but all’s fun in comedy.

Hader was there for the 2012 Finals, when James won his first title. Maybe relationship blossomed there that made James start thinking about heading in the comedy direction. He’s legitimately funny in that movie, even though the movie itself is a little rough. If Hader’s comedy career at SNL and in the movies gave way to James’ acting career, Hader has already done enough as a fan.

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Talking to Jimmy Kimmel as promotion for Trainwreck, Hader told a great story about where his NBA fandom might have originated. Recovering from an infection and on prednisone for weeks, Hader became obsessed with basketball, buying Thunder season tickets and Sonics memorabilia, as well as NBA League Pass. It sounds a lot like how we all would explain our NBA fandom to concerned relatives and loved ones.

Portland Trailblazers: Toni and Candace from Portlandia

If you don’t love Portlandia, it’s because you haven’t watched it. And if you’re a basketball fan who doesn’t love Portlandia, it’s because you haven’t watched the scenes featuring the Portland Trail Blazers. Two recurring characters from the show consistently have run-ins with the Blazers. Their names are Toni and Candace and they are the owners of a feminist bookstore called “Women and Women First”.

In one episode, the women treat a Blazers loss as an opportunity to empower the sideline dance team. In the process, they get an inside look at the Portland locker room, which includes cameos from LaMarcus Aldridge, C.J. McCollum, Damian Lillard and Robin Lopez. The store owners give outrageous advice to the team, including the idea that Lopez pretend to be on the other team to confuse the opponent. Lopez decides to go ahead and show us that he’s the best actor from that 2014 Portland team:

Toni and Candace are a beautiful part of the Blazers’ world. The actors who play them are Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein, two comedians with a background in music. Neither is an athlete, so the use of the Blazers as part of a bit is even more hilarious. The characters are legitimately floored by the concept of basketball as something that would be cheered on by female dancers. However, they learn to love the Blazers. We see that later in the series, when Aldridge appears alone as the love interest of another character.

I appreciate Toni and Candace letting men in enough to develop a fondness for Portland’s basketball team, because it makes great comedy and somehow seems exactly perfect for the characters Armisen and Brownstein have created. Aldridge plays it with the perfect deadpan, and the whole thing is pretty funny. In the end, it was hard to nail down these fictional characters over Elizabeth Banks or any other traditional celebrity associated with Portland. But their fandom is impossible to argue.

Maybe as small business owners they’ve grown to love the nightly rigor of the NBA schedule. Perhaps they like the late starts Portland gets being so far West. Either way, they love their Blazers.

Phoenix Suns: Alice Cooper

Because it is so young, the city of Phoenix does not have a lot of famous inhabitants. It is really hot for about half of the year, and has a negligible sports history. Jerry Colangelo had to beg the media to cover his team in the 1960s and 1970s, so there is not much in the way of a celebrity following for the Suns. One exception to that rule is Alice Cooper, by default.

Cooper is the godfather of “Shock Rock” according to Wikipedia and a museum I saw once that explained the whole thing. Basically, that stuff we see all the time now where rock artists sing loudly and wear crazy clothing began with Alice Cooper and his band. There is a pretty easy metaphor here for the Suns and the modern NBA. What I’m saying is that Cooper basically foreshadowed the entire pace-and-space era of professional basketball in America.

The rocker used to have courtside seats, and really didn’t want the Stephon Marbury trade to go down. He also has a local Phoenix bar with a location directly across from the team’s home at Talking Stick Resort arena. The restaurant promises to show each and every Suns game, and gives fans an opportunity after the game to sip away the sadness.

In this ESPN Magazine interview from 2008, Cooper says he has been a fan of the Suns since he was in high school and the team was created. His top three Suns ever were, as of 2008, Paul Westphal, Tom Chambers and Kevin Johnson. He also tried to get Dan Majerle or Charles Barkley to coach the Suns, and while I think it’s in line with most other Suns fans to over-value the 1993 team that made the NBA Finals, I won’t stand for the Steve Nash slander.

Not many people have been NBA fans for fifty years, let alone Suns fans. Cooper is interesting.

San Antonio Spurs: Danny Trejo

One time, a human being who has given himself a nickname usually used for a jungle sword visited an NBA Finals locker room before Game 1. Real life.

The actor and producer Danny Trejo, creator and star of the Machete movies, was apparently in Tony Parker’s locker stall ahead of Game One of the 2014 NBA Finals. That’s the no-AC game that Parker won with a wild end-of-shot-clock spinneroo.

This definitely means that Trejo is a magic man and a good luck charm. It also means he is a super important part of the Spurs’ success as a fan. What’s frustrating is that Trejo actually was born in California and moved to Texas later. But even though San Antonio is a top-ten city in the US in terms of population, there are hardly any famous people in Texas. That means that even someone like Trejo being excited about the Spurs is a big deal. He is their best celebrity fan by a mile.

A lot of that comes from how cool the stuff he does can be. A boring actor like Tom Hanks would not make a good basketball fan, but a hardened and aggressive actor like Trejo is perfect.

The actor is endlessly fascinating. He has played multiple characters named Machete in different film universes, from Quentin Tarantino’s Grindhouse to Robert Rodriguez’s Spy Kids. I am so interested in how this is possible. It also makes me wonder if he maybe thought that by pressing really hard on the top of Parker’s locker stall that he might be able to will himself into actually being Parker. Trejo’s concept of narrative universes is so wrong.

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What really makes Trejo the best celebrity Spurs fan is that he is quintessentially Texas. He feels like the embodiment of actual Spurs fans rather than just rich or die-hard ones, and understands the right amount of fun to have with basketball. He doesn’t take it too seriously, except when he takes it really super seriously out of nowhere. Trejo is fun; the Spurs are not. It works.

Charlotte Hornets: Nelly

There could be an entire book written with fun facts on minority ownership situations in the NBA. I don’t know if Nelly, who owns a small but undisclosed percentage of the Hornets, would make the list purely based on the financial details of his deal, but he’s a great character to have around. Of course Michael Jordan is the majority owner and Chairman for Charlotte, but Nelly brings some character to the team.

Nelly has been involved with the team for over a decade, since before the Bobcats days. He has survived several shuffles of the deck, as Jordan has exercised more influence over the team. Generally, Nelly stays out of the decision-making process on both the basketball and business side of things. He is also not interested in being used as a face to draw free agents in, because he argues that if it fails, the team loses leverage and that face loses power. It’s hard to argue that even from a distance, joining in on the success of Nelly and Jordan wouldn’t be interesting to a player who values that kind of thing.

Charlotte is not traditionally a big celebrity city, but its music scene is consistently interesting. Musicians also are the best candidates to go wild during games, as we see throughout this list. The main thing that makes Nelly important and impressive is that he has stuck around so long. In the video above, he references Jay-Z quite a bit as a musician who was in a similar position. But even Jay used ownership as a jumping-off point in the sports world before becoming involved in the representation side of things.

Nelly is in it for the long haul, has Jordan’s trust and loves his team. In a small market who has struggled to consistently compete, that’s the most you can ask for.

Detroit Pistons: Eminem

Have you ever seen Marshall Mathers (AKA Eminem) speak to a basketball? It’s like some Tom Hanks-in-Castaway type stuff, and it’s weird. As part of a promotional campaign the Pistons put on in 2015, several Detroit celebrities filmed pieces where the celestial basketball torments them in memeable ways. It’s called #TheLongestOop, and the fact that Eminem even did it means he probably loves the Pistons more than anyone else.

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Eminem is the most public and recognizable Detroiter in the world, thanks to his film 8 Mile about the city and countless references in his music. He grew up poor in the area, and has used his experiences there as fuel to become one of the most celebrated musicians of all time. After becoming so successful, Eminem has refigured his relationship with Detroit, becoming one of its most outspoken supporters. He helped put together a famous Super Bowl ad in 2010, and is generally more philanthropist than philanthro-pissed nowadays.

As far as the Pistons are conerned, Eminem has partnered with the team several times. The rapper released a “Mathers” shirsey on his site in March of last year, and let them use his song to promote Andre Drummond’s All-Star candidacy. Remember those “Obama sings a pop song” memes? Eminem actually let the Pistons remix his song like that just for Drummond’s longshot All-Star odds.

The other option here was Kid Rock, but way more people like Eminem than Kid Rock. I’m not buying a Kid Rock shirsey, but I might look on EBay right now for that Mathers shirsey. Eminem is the Pistons’ biggest celebrity fan.

Milwaukee Bucks: Aaron Rodgers

Not a lot goes on in Wisconsin that I know of, so pardon me if this celebrity fan isn’t quite as exciting as the others. Rodgers is the quarterback of the state’s football team, the Green Bay Packers, and so kind of has to be a fan of their basketball team. However, Rodgers’ Bucks fandom didn’t hit the spotlight until recently, when the Mavericks signed Tony Romo to a fake contract to play fake basketball after fake retiring so that he could make a lot of money as a broadcaster. Rodgers wants the same deal, apparently.

But months earlier, Russell Westbrook had already snuffed out Rodgers’ attempt to get excited about basketball. The NBA’s captain petty can’t have any other teams having fans. Sensing Rodgers’ impending fandom, Westbrook struck. He knocked down a 3-pointer to demoralize the Bucks on the court, and robbed their quarterback’s signature move to demoralize them off it.

Thus Rodgers was inducted into the basketball world. Getting stomped on by Westbrook immediately is as good a time as any. Rodgers is in it for real now.

A little research into where this fandom has gone since the Westbrook flex bares little. There is an active GoFundMe to buy Rodgers a new Bucks hat. Apparently Rodgers has a hat from the old logo scheme, with a big, white “B” and an olive top. The new Bucks hats are basically exactly the same colors, but have the huge, fearsome deer front and center. Dustin Laffin wants to help Rodgers become a better fan. Little does he know that even the current version of Rodgers is the best his Bucks can get.

There is at least one more season on Rodgers’ current deal with the Packers, and the potential for two more. It’s hard to imagine Rodgers leaving Wisconsin until the end of his career. The Bucks have found their guy.

Miami Heat: DJ Khaled

There is an article on Rolling Stone from April of last year that talks about DJ Khaled wanting to own a portion of the Miami Heat. Think about that for one second: Khaled, still reeling in that Bieber money, using his considerable wealth to soak up one percent of his favorite basketball team. That’s an American Dream I can understand. Then, think about superfan Khaled sitting in on meetings with old guy Mickey Arison. Yes. Please.

He told TMZ last year that “it’s Miami Heat for life”, even after the departure of LeBron James and Chris Bosh and the impending departure of Dwyane Wade. That’s some real fandom. Miami Heat for life.

It’s easy to imagine the Khaled ownership situation ending well, actually. He speaks Hassan Whiteside’s language, as both are prolific and proficient Snapchatters with massive followings on the social media app. He’s friends with about the half the guys on this list, having been involved in the rap music industry for over a decade. And he’s close with Drake, who is basically the commissioner of the NBA at this point.

Khaled is also a conspiracy theorist, as any dedicated fan should be. On First Take in 2014, Khaled wove a tale for Skip Bayless about the air conditioning game in the NBA Finals that year. At home for Game 1, the air conditioning at the Spurs’ AT&T Center failed. It led to a horribly humid and warm indoor climate, which in turn led to dehydration and cramping for several players, including LeBron James. Khaled of course believes the Spurs did it all on purpose, having practiced in the heat leading up to the game.

He proved to be wrong about that series, as the Heat role players failed James in his final year with Miami. James left for Cleveland that summer, and the Heat haven’t recovered. Khaled has had less opportunity to be public about his fandom. But last summer, when Wade signed a contract with the Chicago Bulls, Khaled took to Instagram to thank his man. Khaled is still keeping tabs, even if he’s a little quieter now.

Boston Celtics: Bill Simmons

Everyone’s favorite homer has eclipsed all other fans in a city full of them. Boston is a renowned sports city, but not even Matt Damon and his band of actor friends have been able to stay ahead of Simmons. The Ringer CEO and HBO guy started his career as a local Boston blogger on AOL and built his way all the way into a talk show host and media CEO. It’s pretty impressive, but no step up has ever taken him away from his Boston roots.

By quick estimate, Simmons has mentioned Boston as a trade candidate for a star player 63,000 times. In each of these scenarios, Boston has underpaid for the player they’re hypothetically acquiring. He has used Boston as an example for a free agent destination 50,000 times, and the player in question has never actually ended up there, except old Al Horford. It’s one of the longest and most profound examples of fandom in the media world. And we’ve all come to at least tolerate it.

Simmons has written a book called Now I Can Die in Peace about the Red Sox, and devoted much of his Basketball Book to Bill Russell and Larry Bird’s greatness. When you come from a city as famous and historical as Boston, I suppose it’s difficult not to milk the connection for whatever you can. He’s definitely a better historian and liaison than Damon or Ben Affleck or anyone else. Not many people can have conversations about the entire history of a sports city like Simmons.

Next: Every NBA team's greatest draft pick of all time

Nowadays, Simmons’ most common role as a Celtics fan is his praise of Coach Brad Stevens. Simmons legitimately calls him The President, and might actually donate to a ticket featuring Stevens. Though it is funny to cherry-pick reactions to Celtics moments throughout the years from someone who has been in the spotlight for over a decade:

Even Simmons didn’t expect the Nets picks to be this good! There’s also nothing better than this reaction (from the same draft), especially now that we know the unimpressive route Young’s career has taken since he was drafted:

Simmons reigns supreme in Boston, whether we like it or not.