The NBA has had some legendary nicknames over the years, but which ones are the best?
Of all the ways the NBA has changed over the past two decades – the proliferation of positionless basketball, the elimination of hand-checking, the rapid embrace of the 3-pointer in light of rudimentary mathematics – perhaps the most striking is the rapid decline in quality nicknames.
Given the increased connectivity that the internet affords us, this seems counterintuitive. After all, who but the well-informed, always clever yet totally fair and accurate populace of Twitter to concoct quality nicknames for players doing profoundly unprecedented things on a nightly basis? Leave it to the crack squad of eggs with nonsensical handles to screw up what should be a relatively easy endeavor.
The players themselves don’t do much to help. They tend to either go to the “shortened version of a given name” route, like Melo for Carmelo Anthony, or just hit us with initials, e.g., “KP” for Kristaps Porzingis. The ones that do choose to involve themselves in the moniker process invariably screw that up too – how often do we refer to the fact that nobody in the history of mankind outside of the guy himself will refer to Kevin Durant as “the Servant”?
Nevertheless, there remain some great nicknames in the league today, and the NBA has a tremendous history of gloss. What follows is a list of some of the all-time best, generally airing on the “good” side of Jared Dubin’s nickname rules and listed in alphabetical order by nickname. I do not intend for this to be comprehensive, and I’m certain I’ve left out a few great ones. Feel free to reach out via Twitter if you really need to express your disappointment with the exclusion of Nate Robinson’s KryptoNate, “Don’t Google” Evan Fournier (seriously: don’t) or Andrew Wiggins’ Maple Jordan.
30. Fat
In today’s age of triple-double proliferation and normalization, with Russell Westbrook, James Harden and LeBron James making the surreal seem standard, one man frequently appears in graphics whose proto-Russ antics laid a blueprint for physical tenacity as a means of racking up box score stats. Lafayette Lever, the man who would become Fat, played point guard for the go-go Denver Nuggets of the 1980s, a team whose offensive outbursts bordered on the absurd at times.
Despite his size, a Westbrook-esque 6’3”, Lever partnered with Alex English to lead the Nuggets for most of the decade. He earned himself two All-Star nods, in 1988 and 1990, and routinely averaged more rebounds per game than assists, a relative anomaly for a guard at the time. He is one of only three players in NBA history, the others being Jason Kidd and Wilt Chamberlain, to record 15 plus points, rebounds and assists in a single playoff game, which he accomplished on April 30, 1985 in a win against the Utah Jazz. The Nuggets recently recognized Lever’s contributions to their franchise by retiring his number 12.
To his credit, Lever averaged nearly 17 points per game over the course of his career, but it’s his 43 career triple-doubles, good for eighth overall, have lent him a renewed relevance in 2018. In 1985-’86, in fact, Lever recorded 16 triple-doubles, a mark only surpassed now by the likes of Westbrook, Harden, Magic Johnson, Oscar Robertson and Wilt Chamberlain. Whether you believe that the triple-double is merely an arbitrary collection of double-digit figures in a vacuum or not, one thing is for certain: Fat Lever’s do-everything mentality helped give rise in its own way to the current generation of playmakers.
29. Born Ready
For a New York-born basketball prodigy, there are several dreams that become goals that become badges of honor. Winning a city or state championship is something any player could want to do; earning a nickname at Harlem’s Rucker Park, from no less an authority than announcer Bobbito Garcia, is a signal post for success unique to the city and something that can stick forever.
At Brooklyn’s Abraham Lincoln High School, an incubator for hardwood success, Stephenson became a legend in leading the Railsplitters to four consecutive city championships, the first time that had ever been accomplished. Stephenson’s devil-may-care attitude and penchant for flair, sometimes to a fault, made him an instantly recognizable and notable figure in New York, where he set the state record for points in high school basketball. He has never been one to back down from a challenge, whether it be O.J. Mayo at a high school camp when he was 12 or blowing into LeBron James’ ear in the playoffs when he was 23. Fearless, a wrecking ball, somewhat psychotic: Lance Stephenson is Born Ready.
He has carried his personality to the NBA, where he was once a borderline All-Star. Indiana Lance is a noticeably better player than anywhere-else Lance, save perhaps for New York City, but Stephenson brought his Born Ready nickname and style to the Heartland for a second stint, where he is currently a bench hero for a Pacers team surprisingly gearing up for the postseason. Stephenson has a Born Ready tattoo and even turned the name into wallpaper when he was in Charlotte. Born Ready is eternal.
28. Tiny
Against the likes of, say, Calvin Murphy and Isaiah Thomas, Nate Archibald is downright gargantuan. Even in his time, however, Archibald was worthy of the nickname which would accompany him throughout his NBA career and beyond. From his native South Bronx to Brooklyn, to his college stints at Arizona Western and UTEP, he was Tiny Archibald, a point guard extraordinaire.
The DeWitt Clinton High product was a maestro from the very beginning, averaging 16 points and 5.5 assists in his rookie year with the Cincinnati Royals. It is his third season, however, that still leaves the likes of Westbrook, Harden, Robertson and LeBron in the dust: in 1972-’73, Tiny became the only player ever to lead the NBA in both points and assists in the same season. His 34 points per game that year set a standard for scoring guard play which only the likes of Rick Barry, Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan have yet surpassed.
He was a six-time All-Star who eventually landed in a supporting role with the Boston Celtics, with whom he won the 1981 NBA Championship. Archibald honed his skills on the streets of the Bronx, and by the time his career ended in 1984, “Tiny” became synonymous with “crafty,” signifying an ability to duck under and around defenders with a deft touch and notable presentation.
Maybe “the Chef” arrived too late in Steph Curry; perhaps Archibald would have been a worthy candidate four decades prior to Curry’s ascent. As it is, we are left with Tiny, a player whose significance and symbolism loom much larger than the adjective with which he was left.
27. Slim Reaper
Kevin Durant is a lot of things to a great many people. In D.C., at the University of Texas and in Seattle, he is revered as one of the greatest pure scorers each area ever produced. In Oklahoma City, though the fire has cooled, he is regarded as a traitor, a Benedict Arnold of the hardwood whose laid back demeanor concealed a serpentine desire to make it easy on himself by jumping to a team that had just beaten his own.
What Kevin Durant is not, however, nor has he ever been, is The Servant. As far as self-proclaimed nicknames go, The Servant is as bad as FredEx or any small-town high school wide receiver who dubs himself 7-11 because he’s always open. KD, shorthand Durant himself prefers, is better, but it’s lame and lacks creativity.
Enter Slim Reaper. Though it has lost steam in light of Durant’s departure from the Thunder and a subsequent public backlash that paints him as some kind of nerdy basketball savant, Slim Reaper was always the best of any nickname readily applicable to the four-time scoring champion.
His spindly limbs and precocious scoring ability have pinned him as perhaps the single most unstoppable scorer in NBA history, a true 7-footer who is as likely to back down smaller guards in the post as he is to pull up from distance when a big man switches onto him.
Durant’s killer instinct has certainly manifested itself at times: during his MVP campaign, when Russell Westbrook was injured for a long stretch; against LeBron in Game 3 of last year’s Finals, essentially ending the series; against the Spurs earlier this season, when Steph Curry went down with an ankle injury, and the Warriors came back to win, in the words of Deadspin’s Albert Burneko, “when Kevin Durant just kinda decided it was time to.”
Down with The Servant. Down with KD. Slim Reaper forever.
26. The Dancing Bear
For whatever reason, Draymond Green’s Michigan State moniker has fallen by the wayside as he has grown into being one of the most adaptable and versatile players in the NBA. A doughy but delicate forward who switched across five positions even in the Big Ten, Green has always been a ferocious competitor who could drop his shoulder and plow to the basket or make an otherworldly pass.
Deemed “the Dancing Bear” by his Spartan teammates, the Saginaw native was the 2012 Big Ten Player of the Year and, naturally, named to the All-Defensive Team in his senior season. He was drafted in the second round (say it with me…), 35th overall, and can name every player drafted ahead of him, having long internalized the petty streak and sense of truculence which has epitomized the darker stretches of his NBA career. Also notable for our purposes: bears have remarkable long-term memory.
The Dancing Bear had a relatively slow start in the NBA, serving as the backup to David Lee until Lee went down with an injury early in the 2014-’15 campaign. Green, of course, has played with a chip on his shoulder ever since, racking up various All-NBA and All-Defensive honors as well as being a three-time All-Star and current reigning Defensive Player of the Year.
He is the key to the Warriors’ Death Lineup, having contributed heavily to the two championships they have already won, and has rounded out his offensive game by leading the team in assists. Bring back the nickname. It’s the only thing missing from his game anymore.
25. White Chocolate
It starts with a simple question that YouTube has made all the easier to answer in the past decade: Have you seen the elbow pass? There happens to be a compilation available at the ready for your perusal if not, is what I’m saying. I don’t mean to reduce an otherwise otherworldly player to a single move, but if there is a single move to be reduced to, well…
West Virginia native Jason Williams played with Randy Moss on his high school basketball team. He then went to Marshall to play for Billy Donovan and followed Donovan to Florida, where his off-court issues were not enough to deter the Sacramento Kings from drafting him seventh overall in 1998. His flashy playmaking had already turned enough heads for the point guard to earn the racially-loaded moniker “White Chocolate,” but in practice and certainly in hindsight, it seems more of an inclusive nickname than one meant to ostracize.
Already a flourishing team, with Chris Webber, Peja Stojakovic and Vlade Divac in the ranks, Williams made a name for himself as in Sacramento through highlight-reel plays that seemed to come straight out of a video game. The most notable came in the 2000 NBA Rookie Challenge, when Williams hit Raef LaFrentz with a pass off his own elbow on a fastbreak. As Williams himself claims, had James Posey not fouled him, LaFrentz would have scored, giving Williams(’ elbow) the assist.
Though attitude issues persisted, Williams remained a productive player through spells with the Memphis Grizzlies, Miami Heat and Orlando Magic, even serving as a starter on the title-winning 2006 Miami Heat team. He retired in 2008 due to injuries and returned in 2009, and he ultimately retired as the Grizzlies’ all-time leader in assists, a record Mike Conley has since surpassed. But, by virtue of his immortal highlights, Jason Williams will always be White Chocolate.
24. Sauce Castillo
Unparalleled by any of the other names on this list, Nik Stauskas earned his moniker in perhaps the least flashy manner imaginable: a closed-captioning error bestowed the Canadian guard with a name that most closely resembles an algorithmic product of bilingual food enthusiasm. From a March 2015 game against the Philadelphia Sixers onward, to a particular subset of NBA enthusiasts, Nik Stauskas will forever be Sauce Castillo.
The eighth overall pick of the 2014 NBA Draft out of Michigan, where he had been a second-team All-American and the Big Ten Player of the Year in his sophomore season on the way to leading the Wolverines to the Elite Eight, Stauskas arrived in Sacramento with a familiar promise that was all-too-quickly sapped by the endemic troubling culture of the Kings franchise. He lasted only a season in California before being shipped to Philadelphia, but his one season contained the game against his future franchise which would leave a lasting impact on his career in a very non-basketball way.
Early in the second quarter, with the Kings down six, Stauskas received a pass from Professor Andre Miller on the left wing, set his feet and knocked down a three to cut the lead in half. It was a good basketball play, to be certain, but nothing totally out-of-the-ordinary, particularly given Stauskas’ reputation as a shooter. Closed captioning elevated the play moments later when the words Sauce Castillo appeared on screen. Stauskas validated it to a degree by addressing it on Twitter, and now, you can purchase a sponsored bottle of Sauce Castillo hot sauce for $4.99.
23. The Truth
Yet again, Shaquille O’Neal rears what Charles Barkley would call his ugly head. Following a Laker win in which Boston Celtic Paul Pierce logged 42 points on 13-for-21 shooting, Shaq, in the midst of the most dominant stretch of his career both individually and with his team, proclaimed to The Boston Herald: “Take this down. My name is Shaquille O’Neal, and Paul Pierce is the (shut yo’ mouth) truth. Quote me on that, and don’t take nothing out…Paul Pierce is the truth.”
With apologies to Shaq for the above amendment, he was absolutely correct. Paul Pierce seemed ready for the NBA from the moment he arrived, fresh out of the University of Kansas, where he led the Jayhawks to the first-ever Big 12 Conference Tournament title.
The Inglewood, CA native found a home on the opposite coast, fighting to reclaim the rightful glory and Celtic Pride that had been lost in the years since Larry Bird and Kevin McHale last stepped out of Boston Garden as players.
From averaging over 16 points and 6 rebounds as a rookie to recruiting Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen to join him in Boston, Pierce lived up to the hype: he helped orchestrate the largest playoff comeback in NBA history when he scored 19 of his 28 points to overcome a 21-point lead in beating the eventual Eastern Conference champion New Jersey Nets in 2002.
After winning a title in 2008 alongside Garnett, Allen, Rajon Rondo and a whole host of players his then-coach Doc Rivers continues to trade for to this day, Pierce proclaimed himself the best player in the world. Typically, that would elicit some debate, but it seems only right to defer to Shaq on this one: Paul Pierce is The Truth.
22. Skip To My Lou
The rare nickname that originated in a move rather than with a player, Skip 2 My Lou was one of a seemingly endless number of dribble moves Rafer Alston deployed as he rose up the ranks of New York City street and high school basketball. Alston gained notoriety for a 1999 videotape in which he faked defenders to other boroughs and put on a show that, at times, had more in common with stop-motion animation than the NBA.
A God Shammgod or Earl “The Goat” Manigault of his own time, Alston’s dazzling spectacle helped influence the AND1 Mixtape Tour, and the Queens native’s selection out of Fresno State, his third college in three years, in the second round of the 1998 NBA Draft by the Milwaukee Bucks lent credence to streetball alumni trying to gain entry to the NBA.
Alston managed to carve out a ten-year career in the NBA, averaging double figures in six seasons and playing for both Van Gundy brothers, under Stan with the Miami Heat and under Jeff with the Houston Rockets. Though legal troubles and behavioral issues overshadowed much of Alston’s career, he often showcased flashes of the head-spinning ability against opponents that he had practiced on contemporaries in and around New York City parks.
Now, Skip 2 My Lou is a scout with the Minnesota Timberwolves, under Tom Thibodeau, with whom he developed a relationship when Thibs was on the younger Van Gundy’s staff with the Rockets. He’ll always have a special place in the hearts of basketball aficionados for routinely pulling wool over the eyes of defenders near and far.
21. Grandmama
Sometimes a nickname can feel so natural as to be nearly organic, as is the case with Air Jordan, Dr. J or Clyde. Other times, a little boost from the marketing department can catapult a player’s pseudonym to the forefront of consciousness, which is precisely how Converse’s Grandmama campaign featuring Charlotte Hornets All-Star Larry Johnson played out.
A member of the 1990 NCAA championship-winning UNLV Runnin’ Rebels along with Greg Anthony and Stacey Augmon, Johnson entered the league as a high-flying volume scorer. As a Hornet, he helped put Charlotte on the map in the NBA, joining forces with Alonzo Mourning, Muggsy Bogues and Dell Curry to lend credence to a nascent basketball franchise in an up-and-coming American city. In October 1993, Johnson signed a 12-year, $84 million contract that at the time was the largest in league history, perhaps leading to his feud with Mourning.
A back injury limited Johnson’s effectiveness from the middle of the decade onward, but Grandmama continued to perform after moving to the New York Knicks in 1996. His most famous play occurred in Game 3 of the 1999 Eastern Conference Finals, when he earned a trip to the foul line on a 3-pointer he made as Antonio Davis fouled him. It was controversial and earned the ire of many, including Bill Walton, and he made statements referring to slavery which did nothing to quell the fire. Even so, it was a play befitting of a wily, wise veteran… or a sneaker-sporting grandmother predicting the popularity of Tyler Perry’s Madea films a decade ahead of time.
20. The Natural
Egh. This one is painful, if only because of the immense promise it held and the stunning accuracy of its Hollywood corollary. Like Roy Hobbs, Brandon Roy was magnificent from an early age, starring with the University of Washington Huskies before winning Rookie of the Year (ROY) honors. Like Roy Hobbs, the lights went out before they had a chance to shine.
In 2005, he had consecutive games of 35 points, his collegiate career high, against Arizona State and the University of Arizona. After earning Pac-10 Player of the Year and consensus first-team All-American honors in his senior season at Washington, Roy was selected sixth overall by the Minnesota Timberwolves and immediately traded to Portland in exchange for Randy Foye.
Brandon Roy was an NBA All-Star by his second season in the league. He was long, and he could score seemingly at will. He was creative and amiable. He had it all as the face of a burgeoning Portland Trail Blazers squad, complete with LaMarcus Aldridge and a young Buffet of Goodness as accompaniment.
One knee injury in 2008 was a sign of things to come. Though he scored a career-high 52 points against a late-period Steve Nash Phoenix Suns team, and earned two more All-Star selections as well as a max salary contract extension, Roy’s career faded under the weight of his knees. The man whom Kobe Bryant had once deemed the toughest player to guard in the West was falling apart.
One final, memorable performance came in the first round of the 2011 playoffs, when Roy scored 16 points in 23 minutes as a sub in Game 2 against the eventual title-winning Dallas Mavericks. In Game 4, he gave the playoff performance of his life: 24 points, 5 assists and 4 rebounds, including a 4-point play and a dagger bank shot on the way to tying the series.
The Blazers lost in six, but Roy’s walk-off showing was indicative of his immense talent. He was an amnesty casualty following his initial retirement, and though a comeback in 2012 lasted five regular season games before he needed knee surgery again, we’ll always have Portland. “There goes Brandon Roy, the best there ever was in this game.”
19. The Borista
This one doesn’t even show up on the player’s basketball-reference.com page, which is astounding given how generous the site’s nickname allowances tend to be, but I promise this is not a concoction of my own brain: after Spurs beat writer Jeff McDonald revealed that Boris Diaw kept an espresso machine in his locker with the San Antonio Spurs, LaMarcus Aldridge attempted to dub Diaw “Tea Time,” which, while indicative of his style of play, was not accurate to the beverage Aldridge loves the most.
Though he gained notoriety for his love affair with wine, it was the coffee that fit so closely with his persona. He even turned some teammates on to the potentially volatile combination of coffee and basketball.
It seemed to work for the French journeyman, who was a key contributor off the bench for the 2014 NBA Championship version of the San Antonio Spurs (the next player in this list has never been a Spur, I promise) a full eight years after winning the NBA’s Most Improved Player award with the Seven Seconds or Less Phoenix Suns.
Diaw spent parts of four troubling seasons as a Charlotte Bobcat before finding his place in San Antonio and then, last season, continuing to lend flavor as a member of the Utah Jazz. Though Diaw is back in France, hopefully clowning EuroCup opponents as a forward for Levallois Metropolitans, we all hope we have yet to see the last of the Borista in the NBA, if only because there may be some players who could use a halftime shot of espresso to get their games going. Paging Kyle “Slow Mo” Anderson.
18. Boogie
One of the most versatile and skilled big men in league history, DeMarcus Cousins has also been one of its most polarizing. His time in Sacramento, during which he never led his team to the playoffs despite colossal box scores, cemented his status as something of a problem, as he never really gelled with any coach aside from Mike Malone. As eye-popping as his stats could be, his frequent run-ins with seemingly everybody slammed him with a troubling reputation with the Kings. His seemingly temperamental nature led to his eventual exit via trade last season, and he was re-born in New Orleans alongside fellow Kentucky Wildcat Anthony Davis.
It was at Kentucky that assistant coach and ex-NBA point guard Rod Strickland gave him the nickname Boogie after watching Cousins perform moves typically reserved for guards. His artistry around the basket and exquisite footwork are rhythmic in nature. The man is a basketball player by trade and a dancer in spirit. “Boogie” is perfect and continues to be so as Cousins continues to add to his deadly arsenal of spin moves, off-the-dribble trickery and general excitability.
An Achilles injury has prevented him from contributing to his team’s playoff push this year, which is an immense shame given how he and Davis had coalesced to make perhaps the NBA’s most skilled and formidable front court. In New Orleans, Cousins has been re-born, shedding further light on the dysfunction in Sacramento and lending credence to his own, misunderstood character. Boogie deserves to be happy for all the happiness he brings us.
17. The Dream
Or, if you know him personally, simply “Dream.”
Let’s say that you’re an NBA center in the early nineties. Congratulations! Unless you are truly dominant, which for our purposes is not the case, you serve a few basic functions and are on your way. You’re probably a gigantic, plodding monolith whose core value on offense is to shoot from no more than three feet from the basket. On defense, though, you earn your keep… except against the likes of Hakeem Olajuwon.
Here is how it goes: Olajuwon receives the ball somewhere in the mid-post. He takes a dribble and, palming the ball, motions hard to one side, absolutely intending to rise up and take a shot. You move to counter, except…well, Olajuwon isn’t there. He’s already faked his way to the other side, where you are not, on his way to an easy turnaround bucket. But he was just there! Was it an apparition? Was he a ghost? Are you imagining things?
It was all The Dream. Formerly “Little Moses,” after Moses Malone, the University of Houston product launched a revolution in footwork among big men, and his Dream Shake is the patented legacy move many young centers learn. Olajuwon was almost too good: after losing to an all-time great Boston Celtics team in 1986 alongside Ralph Sampson, Dream took command of the Houston Rockets, developing into an all-around force and culminating in back-to-back NBA championships.
He was the last player to win the NCAA Final Four Most Outstanding Player despite not playing for the championship team. He was the 1994 NBA MVP, a constant presence on All-Defensive Teams and a leading rebounder for the better part of two decades. He thrice led the NBA in blocks. He was, put simply, a player of dreams, with a nickname to match.
16. The Pearl
Silky smooth, and the predecessor to any stutter-stepping star you admire today: that is Earl Monroe. A Philly native and #2 overall pick out of Winston-Salem State, Monroe was swishing and dishing before his eventual teammate Clyde Frazier had ever conceived of the phrase.
As a 6’3” combo guard with the Bullets, Monroe blitzed on the fast break and combined with Washington Bullets teammate Wes Unseld for one of the most tantalizing combinations of the early ’70s. He faked and juked his way through defenses, a proto-Harden or Manu of his time, averaging nearly 24 points, 5 assists and 4 rebounds in his first four years in the NBA before forcing a trade to the New York Knicks.
Though speculation initially surrounded Monroe’s working relationship with Frazier due to their similarly stylish play, but they worked it out, winning two conference titles and an NBA title in 1973. Though Monroe sacrificed some of his offensive burden, he also injected life into the heavily team-oriented Knicks, and he and Frazier quickly learned to play off of each other.
So good was Monroe that he begat Ray Allen a nickname via a different nickname entirely (which, as an aside – bring back multiple nicknames for us to choose from!), as Jesus Shuttlesworth is said to have been named after Black Jesus, Monroe’s moniker with the Bullets. He was a four-time All-Star and had his number retired by both the Wizards (10) and Knicks (15), and he shone for the entirely of his outstanding career. He was Earl the Pearl.
15. Diesel
A man of seemingly, literally endless nicknames, Shaquille O’Neal is an all-time huckster of the absurd, his turn in the increasingly-prescient prep recruiting film Blue Chips the first window into a strange and wonderful pop cultural journey running parallel with the career of one of the most dominant centers in NBA history. At his peak, Shaq wasn’t merely unstoppable; he was an all-powerful unknown quantity, capable of breaking out post moves that a person his size should probably never attempt for fear of embarrassment.
After leading the Orlando Magic to a surprise NBA Finals appearance in 1995 alongside Penny Hardaway, Shaq was the engine behind the three-peat Los Angeles Lakers of the early aughts, a guiding inside force during Kobe Bryant’s ascent. Though egos tore apart a team that many fans believe had not maximized its potential, Shaq continued to be a star, joining Dwyane Wade in Miami for a championship run in 2006 and chalking up a final All-Star appearance in 2009 with the late-period Seven Seconds or Less Phoenix Suns.
Never at a loss for words or descriptors, Shaq’s relationship with the media was a generally genial one, though not without periodically landing him in some controversy. Shaq earned a whole host of nicknames, including (but, importantly, not at all limited to) Shaq Fu, The Big Aristotle, The Big Shamrock and Hobo Master, but Diesel is the one that rises above the rest, not the least of which for its exclusion of the word “Big.” Shaquille O’Neal was an oil tanker in the paint, so Diesel sticks hardest.
14. Big Shot Bob
…or “Rob,” if you prefer.
What do you know about Robert Horry, as you sit there right now? His time partnering with Latrell Sprewell at the University of Alabama, where he set the school record for career blocked shots with 282, probably doesn’t come to mind. His selection to the NBA All-Rookie Second Team in 1993 is lost in the shuffle. His record for 3-pointers made in an NBA Finals game without a miss, seven, may ring a bell, as may him having been the first player ever to record 100 steals, 100 blocks and 100 3-pointers. His status as the namesake of a blog run by yours truly, I guarantee, does not strike a chord.
No, when you think of Robert Horry, you think of the game-winning shots: as a Houston Rocket, hitting a 3 over Horace Grant in Game 3 of the 1995 Finals; As a Laker, knocking down the rebounded ball that Vlade Divac had mistakenly hit toward him for a 3 at the buzzer in Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals; As a Spur, finding the opening against the Pistons in 2005 to drill a 3 in Game 5 of the Finals.
Robert Horry is Big Shot Bob, the singular person you’d most want on your team to be wide open with the clock nearing zero. While he did have a bit of “right place at the right time” to him, he made the most of it: he is the only player in NBA history to win seven championships while not being a member of the 1960s Boston Celtics. Seven! That includes two with the Rockets, three with the Lakers and two with the Spurs. He played with some of the generation-defining players and teams of the past thirty years, earning his place and an immortal nickname.
13. The Glove
A legendary king of trash-talk and noted hero of the Pacific Northwest, and with all due respect to Chris Paul, there may be no better defender among point guards in NBA history than Gary Payton, whose nickname, “The Glove,” fits like Italian leather. The number two overall pick in the 1990 NBA Draft out of Oregon State, Payton was already a first-team All-American and Pac-10 Player of the Year by the time he arrived with the Seattle SuperSonics.
Together with Shawn Kemp, Payton formed the “Sonic Boom,” an inside-outside combination that was equal parts thrilling and combustible. For his part, Payton was typically brilliant, especially on the defensive side of the ball, where he seemed to take the most pride in vanquishing otherwise world-class athletes. He is the only point guard in league history to have earned NBA Defensive Player of the Year honors, which he did in 1996, the year the Sonics lost to Michael Jordan’s 72-win Chicago Bulls in the Finals.
In light of how insanely incredible Payton was on defense, it’s easy to forget how good of a scorer he was: six times, he averaged over 20 points per game, and he got to a place of respectability with his 3-point shot. He was a nine-time All-Star and remarkably consistent presence in the back court, starting 82 games eight times in his career. Eventually, he did win a title in a supporting role with the 2006 Miami Heat, solidifying his immaculate defensive legacy with the all-important ring. The Glove always fit.
12. Half-Man, Half-Amazing
Still cocking the ball and rocking rims at 41 years old as a member of the Sacramento Kings, Vince Carter was the man who revitalized the Slam Dunk Contest at NBA’s All-Star Weekend with his awe-inspiring performance to win it in 2000. The first true star of the Toronto Raptors franchise, Carter also earned the names Vinsanity and Air Canada for his insane array of bedazzling dunks and sensational playmaking ability. He helped usher the NBA into a post-Michael Jordan era, easing the pain of his retirement by sharing many of the qualities his fellow Tar Heel possessed.
Though the dunks he performed in the contest were all beyond the realm of reasonable comprehension, as if devised in a computer program for the simple digital consumption of a bored scientist, they all paled in comparison to what Carter did as a member of the gold-medal winning U.S. Olympic men’s basketball team. In a group stage game against France, Carter stole a pass, sized up the 7’2” Fredreic Weis and jumped all the way the hell over him. It’s mesmerizing to watch.
Even now, living in a world in which Giannis posterized Tim Hardaway Jr. in the same fashion, it felt just a bit empty. Hardaway’s frame is not Weis’, after all. It takes somebody semi-divine to pull off what Carter did, and that dunk is perhaps the greatest ever. Then again, as a veteran looking to continue playing beyond this season, Carter is open to continuing to shock and surprise us. If he keeps this up, he’ll simply be No-Man, All-Amazing.
11. Buffet of Goodness
I’ll be honest: following an extremely cursory Google search, I have no idea where Channing Frye’s Buffet of Goodness handle originated. Reddit trails lead nowhere, as do message board posts and years-old newspaper clippings referring to the name merely as a headline. Even Frye himself is reticent over its origin story, allowing only that it was an inside joke between friends and refusing to acknowledge it as his own nickname.
Whatever, Channing: you’re Buffet of Goodness now. An NBA champion and a well-traveled, productive big man with a beloved podcast and friendships across the league, there is no reason that Channing Frye should not be Buffet of Goodness. Maybe it came when he led St. Mary’s High School in Phoenix to a state championship in 2001. Maybe it came when he was destroying the Pac-10 as an Arizona Wildcat, earning two First-team all-conference nominations. Maybe it was when he was caping for Eddy Curry as a spacer with the New York Knicks, and Isiah Thomas was thinking about Red Lobster.
However Frye became Buffet of Goodness, we’re all glad that he did. Frye is a nearly 39% shooter from distance and a guy who has averaged 9 points and almost 5 rebounds over a 12-year stint in the league. That’s a solid NBA career and a downright remarkable one for a 6-foot-11 guy who came of age before big men were all gunning from deep. Frye is a forerunner to the modern NBA big, and while he isn’t Kevin Garnett, he has a place at the table of influential players in the aughts. He is the Buffet of Goodness.
10. The Mailman
Almost unquestionably, Karl Malone is one of the three greatest power forwards in NBA history. The first round pick, eleventh overall, of the Utah Jazz in the 1985 NBA Draft out of Louisiana Tech, Malone immediately made an impact, teaming up with point guard John Stockton to form a one-two punch which took the league by storm, especially once Jerry Sloan took over the head coaching duties in 1988.
From 1989 through 2002, Malone averaged nearly 27 points and over ten rebounds per game, winning two MVPs, including one in his age-35 season. He accumulated fourteen All-Star selections and eleven straight All-NBA First Team honors from 1989 through 1999. Don’t worry – he bookended those with two All-NBA Second Team selections.
Though he never led the NBA in scoring outright, he is the second-leading scorer in NBA history behind Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. He holds the NBA records for most free throws attempted and made. He is a two-time Olympic gold medalist and two-time Hall of Fame inductee. Needless to say, when the time came, Malone typically delivered.
Then again: Malone also holds the record for the most playoff losses by any single NBA player in history. Unlike his Lakers teammate Gary Payton, Malone never won a ring, but that should not matter. Although his nickname was notably susceptible for Scottie Pippen in 1997, the latter telling Malone that the mailman doesn’t deliver on Sundays while at the free throw line down the stretch, the moniker is so unabashedly good that we cannot hold it against him.
9. The Big Fundamental
Of course, the lone season in which the Spurs haven’t had a winning record since 1988 (!) occurred when The Admiral suffered a broken foot early in the 1997 season, leaving San Antonio to scramble on the backs of players like Avery Johnson, Vinny Del Negro and a 37-year-old Dominique Wilkins, of whose time in a Spurs uniform we shall never speak again.
The Spurs eked out 20 rotten victories that year, a lone blip against the standard of excellence to which we’re all accustomed, but it did have a benefit: San Antonio won the 1997 Draft Lottery, putting them in position to draft published author in the field of psychology, and Wake Forest big man, Timothy Theodore Duncan. A four-year standout and two-time ACC Player of the Year, Duncan immediately fit alongside David Robinson to form one iteration of the popular Twin Towers trope that sometimes goes awry in the NBA, but theirs was the real deal. Duncan and Robinson won twin titles together, and Duncan collected consecutive NBA MVP awards in 2002 and 2003.
Tim Duncan played until he was 40, and he was effective for every one of his seasons. He made an All-NBA team in his age-39 season and was a real-life, legitimate Defensive Player of the Year candidate the same year. His commitment to his craft was unquestioned, having only picked up basketball after developing a fear of sharks when training as a teenage swimmer in Saint Croix, and his mild-mannered personality was only surpassed by his truly world-class skill on the court. When he retired, it was typically quiet occasion, one that simply got the job done. That’s Tim Duncan.
8. Clyde
Long before he was a rhyme time color commentator for MSG, Walt Frazier represented one-half of the so-called “Rolls Royce Backcourt” which, along with Earl “The Pearl” Monroe, powered the New York Knicks to their seconds, and last-to-date, NBA title in 1973. The quintessence of cool, Frazier had originally made his name as the star point guard at Southern Illinois University, where he led the Salukis to a title in the National Invitation Tournament in 1967, winning the final basketball game played at the old Madison Square Garden.
From there, the Knicks took Frazier No. 5 overall in the 1967 NBA Draft, and by 1970, he was a full-blown star. In Game 7 of the 1970 Finals – best known for injured captain Willis Reed’s hobbling from the locker room to start and his making the first two baskets of the game – Frazier has a positively ridiculous 36 points, 19 assists, 7 rebounds and 6 steals while also guarding Jerry West in one of the greatest Game 7 performances ever.
Off the court, he exuded a chic demeanor, manifested in his dedication to fashion. He even wrote a book with Ira Berkow in 1974, a self-help template of sorts, regarding the two most important pursuits in his life entitled, Rockin’ Steady: A Guide to Basketball & Cool. Frazier earned the nickname Clyde after taking to wearing a hat similar to one Warren Beatty wore as Clyde Barrow in the 1967 film Bonnie and Clyde. Puma named a now-iconic line of sneakers after Clyde, cementing the link between Frazier and fashion that he showcases with each plush suit and flashy tie.
7. The Admiral
Sometimes, a nickname’s accuracy is better left to bar debates. Lifelong San Antonio Spur, 1995 MVP, two-time NBA champion and Basketball Hall of Famer David Robinson was, of course, also in the Navy and garnered two consensus All-American nods while at the Naval Academy. He was selected first overall in the 1987 NBA Draft, but San Antonio had to wait two years so that Robinson could fulfill his active-duty obligation with the Navy.
He rose through the ranks, finishing as a Lieutenant, Junior Grade, but The Lieutenant, Junior Grade does not roll off the tongue nearly as easily as The Admiral, so Robinson is the latter. David Robinson single-handedly turned around the San Antonio Spurs, making them respectable even before Gregg Popovich and Tim Duncan arrived in 1996 and 1997, respectively.
His single most legendary individual performance happened when, on the final day of the 1993-’94 regular season, The Admiral scored 71 points to secure the NBA scoring title over Shaquille O’Neal. Only Elgin Baylor, Wilt Chamberlain, David Thompson and Kobe Bryant have ever scored at least 71 points in a single game, and Robinson did it with grace under duress. It was a military-grade showing, to be sure.
Robinson earned an array of individual and all-NBA honors but could not break through on a championship until the lockout-shortened 1999 season, when he and Duncan combined to upend the 8-seed New York Knicks for the franchise’s first NBA title. He retired after winning another in 2003 as one of the greatest centers of all-time.
6. The Round Mound of Rebound
“Loud, Fat and Gifted” is how seminal basketblog collective FreeDarko described Charles Barkley, and nothing – no matter the man’s actual physical girth – could have been more fitting. Nothing, that is, except for the moniker he’d already earned after a Hall of Fame, sixteen-year career spanning three franchises and eleven All-Star appearances. He played like a steer let out of the pen, punishing unsuspecting big men with his considerable hindquarters and battering guards with deceptive grace.
He was not a role model. He was not going to raise your kids. He would, however, become the fourth player in league history to reach 20,000 points, 10,000 rebounds and 4,000 assists, as well as being one of only four players from the 1992 Dream Team, along with David Robinson, Karl Malone and Scottie Pippen, to return for the 1996 Summer Olympics and win a second gold medal. At 6-foot-6, undersized for a power forward, Barkley led the NBA in rebounding in 1987 and routinely pulled down eye-popping totals, only averaging less than double figure rebounds once in his career, during his rookie season.
Though he is now more known for making sweeping statements regarding teams and players in the NBA he probably only first heard about that morning and then getting immediately reprimanded by NBA on TNT cohosts Kenny Smith and Shaquille O’Neal for not ever having won a championship, Barkley’s brute force and ballet-like movement in the post has left an indelible mark on the league. As unique a player as has ever existed, the Round Mound of Rebound was always lurking.
5. Chocolate Thunder
He was “Chocolate-Thunder-Flying, Robinzine-Crying, Teeth-Shaking, Glass-Breaking, Rump-Roasting, Bun-Toasting, Wham-Bam, Glass-Breaker-I-Am-Jam.” A quixotic Floridian with a penchant for destroying backboards, Darryl Dawkins established himself as a force inside following his selection by the Philadelphia 76ers straight out of high school in the 1975 NBA Draft.
Ever quotable, Dawkins’ mixture of finesse in the paint and earth-rocking power sent shockwaves across the league, courtesy of Planet Lovetron. He even gave his own dunks nicknames, ranging from the conventional “Rim-Wrecker” to something more fit for the title of a song on a jazz fusion record, like “Spine Chiller Supreme.”
But the man’s own nickname, the best of several he acquired over the years, remains legendary, in part because of its origin. In an interview with SLAM magazine in 2011, Dawkins relayed that Stevie Wonder had bestowed the name, via a staffer who would describe in-game action, including Dawkins’ own aptitude for slam dunks, to Wonder, who would respond: “’Hey, the big chocolate guy just put down a thunder dunk. The chocolate guy with another monster dunk.’”
The world, and the NBA, is a slightly dimmer place without Dawkins, who played professionally until 2000 and passed away in 2015. He wasn’t the first to tear down or shatter a backboard in-game – in fact, as Terry Pluto noted in his classic ABA tome Loose Balls, Pittsburgh Condor Charlie Hentz destroyed two backboards in a single game against the Carolina Cougars in 1970 – but Dawkins’ unbelievable athleticism added a layer to dunking that would go on to influence generations thereafter, and his nickname evokes that beauty.
4. Air Jordan
We begin with one of the acknowledged GOATs, a man whose resume even the most casual NBA fan could rattle off in an instant: NCAA champion, six-time NBA champion, six-time NBA Finals MVP, five-time NBA MVP, yadda yadda yadda. Michael Jordan is the default greatest to most people, and with good reason. The Miami Heat retired his jersey number without him ever having played for the franchise. That’s respect.
Before he became the world-conquering consummate champion-turned-bitter, self-congratulatory meme, Jordan was a high-flying blur, as capable of Dr. J-esque twists midair on his way to a dunk as dropping the hammer on an ankle-breaking step back and draining a two in his defender’s face. Jordan was always going to be great; it took waiting out Magic, Bird and Isiah for him to fully realize his destiny and destroy any fond memories fans of Eastern Conference teams other than the Chicago Bulls may have had in the 1990s.
Even before he was a two-time Slam Dunk Contest champion, however, he already had a shoe line dedicated to his early acrobatic style and considerable flair for theatrics. The prototype for the Air Jordan 1, the Nike Air Ship, led to a ban on shoes featuring less than 51 percent white in their colorway. The Air Jordan name stuck with the man himself, who would later go by MJ, His Airness and a host of other monikers. Air Jordan is so simple as to almost be divine, a name for a man who transcended sport and culture for two decades and beyond.
3. King James
Speaking of players doing things beyond reasonable comprehension, LeBron James has surpassed the unbelievable typhoon of hype which accompanied him throughout his high school career in Akron, Ohio. One of a few players that fulfilled his promise as a prep-to-pro candidate before the NBA changed eligibility requirements, James continues to bend the court to his will at the age of 33.
Religious connotations can be tricky, but King James was just too perfect to let slip. The King James Version of the Christian Bible is noted for its “majesty of style,” which is also readily applicable to LeBron’s shape-shifting career. Night after night, LeBron continues to reveal layers of his embarrassment of riches, at turns being the oversized point guard of a youthful, new-look Cavs team or the rim-running bull immune to opposing defenses.
He earned the ire of millions when he left the Cavaliers in 2010 via a nationally-televised broadcast. It took winning a championship and adapting to the pace-and-space demands of an ever-changing league to redeem himself, all the while being the acknowledged best player in the NBA. Since returning to Cleveland in 2014, he has seemingly gotten better each season, culminating in the fulfillment of his destiny by leading the Cavs to an unprecedented title in 2016 over the greatest regular season team ever assembled.
James continues to astound as the leader of both his franchise and as the face of an increasingly socially-aware league; no matter what happens in free agency this summer, LeBron has done more than enough to ensure his legacy both on the court and off it. He may very well already be the greatest basketball player of all-time. Poor players want to be rich, and rich players want to be King James, but there is only one.
2. Magic
You could be forgiven for not even knowing that Magic Johnson’s name isn’t Magic at all. The Lansing, Michigan, native says that when he returns home, nobody calls him Magic, instead referring to him either as Junior or by his given name, Earvin. Naturally, his mother would not stand for Magic, even when the rest of the world couldn’t help but stand in awe of the player behind the name.
Johnson’s excellence is well-documented. Together with Larry Bird, he helped grow the NBA after a down period in the late-1970s, beginning with their NCAA title game battle in 1979 which resulted in Magic’s Michigan State Spartans claiming the championship over Bird’s Indiana State Sycamores. From there, Johnson carved out a place as one of the greatest Los Angeles Lakers ever, winning five titles with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as a member of Pat Riley’s Showtime squad.
His flash and verve were perfect for the Lakers and the Hollywood-leaning Los Angeles aesthetic, and there was certainly something magical about his play, which may have been the origin of the term “triple-double.” There had never been a player of Magic’s size doing what he did in the NBA; he won a title and earned Finals MVP honors his rookie season by playing center in the place of an injured Kareem.
Following his HIV diagnosis in 1991, Johnson retired, but not before starring as a member of the 1992 Dream Team and earning All-Star MVP honors. In 1996, Magic returned to the Lakers as a power forward, averaging nearly 15 points, 7 assists and 8 rebounds per game at age 36 before hanging it up for good. Even as a business mogul, Magic’s touch recalls that of Midas. Certainly, there is something supernatural about Magic.
Dr. J
Another product of Harlem’s Rucker Park, the Dr. J nickname perfectly fits Nassau County native and streetball legend Julius Erving, who apparently took to referring to a friend by the name “The Professor” and received his own in kind. While Rucker announcers have a propensity for dabbling in multiple nicknames for a single player over the course of any given name, it was Erving who eventually told Rucker’s MCs to just call him “The Doctor,” and he has been that ever since.
A 6’7” wing who attended Roosevelt High School and the University of Massachusetts, Erving is widely credited with popularizing (and, by extension, legitimizing) the ABA, in which he played for five seasons with the Virginia Squires and New York Nets, the latter of whom he won two ABA titles, including the last-ever. Though the Nets were slated to enter the NBA with Erving on their roster following the merger in 1976, financial quandaries – typical of ABA franchises throughout the league’s existence – meant that Erving would move elsewhere. He landed with the Philadelphia 76ers and immediately established himself as a star on a star-laden team, spurring them to several NBA Finals appearances.
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Just as his dunks overshadowed the complete play he showcased both in the NBA and during his time with the Sixers, Erving’s silky-smooth game concealed meticulousness worthy of the moniker. Once reigning league MVP Moses Malone joined the Sixers in 1982, Erving’s play elevated, and they swept the Magic and Kareem Lakers in the 1983 Finals. According to the man himself, Erving could still dunk at age 65(!). That’s dedication worthy of a doctoral degree.