Fansided

Bryce Harper shaved his beard, and everyone thinks he’s been traded to the Yankees

By Josh Hill

WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 10: Bryce Harper #34 of the Washington Nationals walks in the dugout against the San Francisco Giants during the ninth inning at Nationals Park on June 10, 2018 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Scott Taetsch/Getty Images)
WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 10: Bryce Harper #34 of the Washington Nationals walks in the dugout against the San Francisco Giants during the ninth inning at Nationals Park on June 10, 2018 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Scott Taetsch/Getty Images) /
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Bryce Harper shaved off his beard, which clearly means he’s been traded to the Yankees and signed a lifetime contract.

It’s only June, but not talking about Bryce Harper’s impending free agency is next to impossible. Harper is the clear-cut second-best player in the game and is only just now reaching his prime; players like him simply do not become available this easily.

There will be a sweepstake for Harper and the highest bidder will win. Who that bidder will end up being is still a mystery, but the clubhouse leader has long been the New York Yankees. Whether or not they actually have the means to bring him in is beside the point, some folks have already made it up in their minds that Harper will be in pinstripes on Opening Day next season.

All of this is to say, when even the slightest whiff of a hint comes up connecting Harper to anything Yankees, people run with it.

Take Monday, for example. News broke that Harper had shaved off his grizzly man beard, which apparently is relevant to where he’ll sign in free agency this summer.

https://twitter.com/TheHirsty/status/1008780668665462784

The thing tying all this together is the Yankees strict no facial hair policy. That’s it — nothing more.

It’s goofy and fun to mess around with something like Harper shaving his beard and it meaning he’s a future Yankee. But all that does is remind us that he might actually be with the Yankees next season, and that’s a bone-chilling thought.

Imagine your favorite team having to face Murders Row 2019: Giancarlo Staton, Aaron Judge, and Bryce Harper. Then you have to deal with the other talent around them, like Didi Gregorius, Gleyber Torres, and Miguel Andujar. People are saying the Bronx Bombers are back now, but if they land Harper it’ll be curtains for the rest of the Majors.

So while we have our fun now goofing off about Harper fictionally joining the Yankees, let’s remember that we’re on a path towards it actually happening.

Enjoy peace (and your beard jokes) while it lasts.

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