So many flight attendants: Meet Pete’s Bachelor contestants

A full breakdown of this season’s Bachelor hopefuls based on nothing but their ABC bios.

ABC has released the full cast of Peter Weber’s upcoming Bachelor season. You can browse the list on the ABC website, watch Chris Harrison’s 30-minute rundown on YouTube (which is actually surprisingly funny) or keep reading to see the highlights of what should be a great season.

A few quick notes: There are a record-breaking number of flight attendants on this upcoming season of The Bachelor. There are also a ton of ex-pageant contestants. ABC is really playing off Pete’s recent past.

I’ll do my best to come back to this list throughout the Bachelor recaps and highlight how wrong I was about each and every one of the women as the season progresses. Keep in mind that it’s very hard to judge a book by its cover.

Alayah

Miss Texas 2019 enjoys “hanging out with her gals on the San Antonio River Walk, drinking wine and giving back to her community.” I’d like to imagine Alayah does all three of those things simultaneously. Drunkenly stumbling around the river walk, picking up litter and high-fiving pageant fans. Alayah’s favorite social media platform is Reddit. Nerd.

Avonlea

Avonlea sounds like the second evolution of Alayah (now who’s the nerd). Avonlea is a 27-year-old cattle rancher who milks cows, is a certified scuba diver, plays guitar, has visited all 50 states in an RV and hits the runway as a model in her spare time. I’m sorry? I’m 30 and I can barely find time to go to the gym. Does Avonlea sleep?

Alexa

It must be tough to be named Alexa in 2019. I’m sure she’s read her fair share of awful Amazon Alexa jokes on dating apps. She hates roller coasters (same), decided to move to Chicago after flipping a coin (impulsive — same), and says the main thing she wants in a husband is chemistry, both physical and emotional.

Alexa is also one of four Chicago-based contestants, so maybe FanSided can round-up this season’s girls and have them show out for the 2020 FanSided Bachelor Basketball Tournament.

Courtney

Courtney looks like the star of a new network TV drama. Her ideal man “should be tall and athle…” Let me stop you right there, Courtney. Pete is like, 5’7″.

Eunice

Eunice? Yeah, are you? Eunice is a “reformed party girl” who hasn’t brought a man home to her parents because she only dates “bad boys.” She loves Greece because she can “knock back Ouzo like it’s water.” Alrighty then. I think it’s safe to say we’re all going to love watching Eunice.

Hannah Ann

Strange name to add “Ann” to since Hannah already has “Ann” in it. Can we pronounce the second “h” and say her name as one smooth word? Hannahann. Like, Hannah Hann. Or we can keep the “h” silent but pronounce it all as one work. Hannann.

Jade

Keep an eye on this one. Jade came from a strict Mormon background that included an early marriage. She now works as a flight attendant and is chipping away at her private pilot’s license. This gives her an edge on the other ten flight attendants in the competition. Jade is also very afraid of heights. Makes sense.

Jasmine

The fourth Texan on The Bachelor says her biggest turn off is a guy who sits on the couch and plays video games all day (wow, Jasmine, stop attacking me) and has a Golden Retriever named Gnarls Barkley. Great dog name, but very problematic, Jasmine! Gnarls is most definitely a good boy, even if his namesake is not. Jasmine will propose on the spot if a man can get her Chic-fil-A on a Sunday. Good luck, Jasmine. I don’t think they’d open for Jesus himself.

Katrina

Katrina is a former member of the Luvabulls who may now be a dancer for the Kansas City Chiefs (according to Harrison). She has a hairless cat named Jasmine who she dressed up as for Halloween. Yeah, we’re going to find this picture at some point this season. Oh wait, it’s 2019, we can literally find out anything about anyone in like, 10 seconds!

https://www.instagram.com/p/Ba76JxqAM4y/

Amazing. Jasmine is the cuuuuutest! Hopefully she makes an appearance as this Bachelor season’s Lucy the Pomeranian. Katrina is my personal favorite and early pick to win.

Kelley

Just read Kelley’s bio. Kelley is not competing on The Bachelor. Kelley has decided she is interested in Pete and she’s going to L.A. to find out if he is worthy of her. Don’t be surprised if she walks off the set if she finds Pete to be too needy on night one.

Kelsey

Kelsey’s Bachelor bio comes off as if it was written by A.I. She likes chocolate, she’s an onion with many layers, she’s feisty, and she’s going to have to show off a little more depth to her personality on night one if she wants to stick around…

Lauren

“While competitive dance is her favorite sport, she’s always open to a good game of tonsil hockey.” Damn, Lauren! Aggressive. She also says she hosts exit interviews with all of her exes to figure out what went wrong, which is a cool idea. It would be a cruel twist of fate if FanSided ends up conducting Lauren’s exit interview this season.

Lexi

“Lexi would rather be buried alive than be trapped in a room filled with frogs.”

Both of these situations seem avoidable.

Madison

If Madison was stuck on an island and she could only bring one book, it would be the Bible. Okay, I get that Madison, but if you’re saying that, you likely already know how that one ends. Perhaps it may be wise to swap the Bible for Bear Grylls‘ How To Stay Alive: The Ultimate Survival Guide For Any Situation. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome!

Maurissa

Another ex-pageant contestant. Maurissa left the pageant world because it made her feel insecure about her weight, leading to body image issues. It’s almost as if making teens compete against each other in beauty contests could have some negative side effects… (Can we end beauty pageants already?)

Megan

Megan is a… flight attendant! Ding ding ding! Megan actually comes from a long line of flight attendants, though, as her mother and grandmother both worked the same gig. Oh, and she has a dog named Bear. (Okay, Megan, you’re moving up the list.)

Mykenna

Brownie points to Mykenna for being this season’s token Canadian. Her bio doesn’t say much, other than that she likes Grey’s Anatomy. Give her a couple of episodes, she’s only 22. She’s hardly lived!

Natasha

At 31, Natasha is automatically the house mom. She wants to invent disco yoga, which sounds like an injury waiting to happen. That said, it’s unbelievable this hasn’t been a fitness trend yet.

Payton

Payton loves to party. She’s the girl who makes friends every time your crew is out at the bar. Doesn’t matter who, or how, Payton is chatting with everyone. I love these types. Payton could be out at a dive bar and bring a 68-year-old ex-convict to the crew and in the most positive, happy-go-lucky voice be like “Hey girls! This is Carol, she used to murder people. Only bad people, though! She’s like, a super hero! Isn’t that neat?!”

Sarah

I’m going to go out on a limb and say this. Sarah is my early favorite to win. I have no idea what a Medical Radiographer does but it sounds like a job in which you’d have to be intelligent, competent and somewhat stable to do. Sarah gives off Cassie vibes in that regard.

Savannah

This Texan (shocker) has the most interesting three points about herself out of all of the Bachelor bios. So interesting that we have to break each one down individually:

• When Savannah wants to treat herself, she indulges in a Vampire Facial. Okay. Never heard of this. Not Googling it. I’m going to assume it involves blood? No thank you.
• Savannah’s favorite thing to do to pass time is sit on her back porch and feed the local turtles, which is why she often refers to herself as “The Turtle Princess.” The Turtle Princess is my new favorite contestant.
• Savannah used to have a cancer ribbon tattoo on her ribs, but removed it for the Houston Texans cheer tryouts. It doesn’t seem right that they’d ask her to do this? But then again, it is the NFL.

Tammy

After being turned away from her high school boys wrestling team, Tammy decided she was on the team anyway, kept showing up and ended up finishing the season with a 7-1 record. She says it’s hard to find men her age that can keep up with her because they get intimidated. Well no kidding, Tammy! You keep beating us up!

The only knock on Tammy is that she decided to include “ended her last relationship by ghosting him” as a point in her bio. I don’t think this exactly screams “I’m ready for marriage.”

Victoria F.

A medical sales rep who seemingly has her life together. Victoria sounds great in her allotted ~250 characters. She has a dog named Buxton, which propels her to the top of our leaderboard. She’s also a big fan of country music. Hopefully some of the lesser known artists, Victoria, because you’ll probably be seeing a few!

Victoria P.

The final ex-pageant contestant of the group has an interesting background. She hates raisins, which makes sense. They are just grapes without the good, juicy part. She also hates “chicken served on the bone.” Does this include chicken wings? Only chicky nuggies for Victoria. Finally, Victoria has eyes that can pierce right through the back of you head. Yeah, she’s a stunner. Be careful of this one, Pete!

Jenna, Kiarra, Deandra, Kylie, Shiann and Sydney are also on the show, but their bios didn’t provide anything too salacious to talk about. That will likely change after the first episode, as it does with every Bachelor season. The quiet ones are always the most trouble!

The Bachelor premiers on Ja. 6 at 8 p.m. ET on ABC. Be sure to keep up with FanSided Entertainment for everything relating to Pete’s upcoming season.