Bachelor Heroes and Villains, Week One: Hannah B. is somehow both

You’re either eliminated a hero or you last long enough to see yourself become a Bachelor villain.

Let us begin by acknowledging that ABC produces the bejesus out of The Bachelor. 

Between off-camera manipulation, the liberal cutting and pasting of clips and the general experience of losing your mind in the The Bachelor‘s alternate reality, getting the Villain Edit is a real risk. No one, except for but possibly not even Luke P., is as psychotic or malicious as they’re portrayed once they land in the villain lane.

That said, villains are as much a part of The Bachelor as roses, group dates and premature proposals. So with the understanding that these women (probably!) aren’t monsters IRL and are in fact very brave for putting themselves out there to be roasted/hated by millions, let’s highlight the biggest villains of the week, and their counterparts, our dear, sweet heroes and future Bachelorettes.

Heroes

Hannah B.

Specifically and only when she gave Peter his wings back, offering (theoretically!) closure and goodwill on his journey to find love.

Victoria P.

Victoria’s heartbreaking background — her father died when she was young and her mother and sister, both sober now, struggled with addiction — and sweet demeanor combine to make her exceedingly easy to root for. Plus, she is an absolute trooper for getting in the gyroscope despite knowing she was 100 percent going to vomit. And she did!

Madison

Madison, another delightful if slightly forgettable favorite, is a hero for meeting everyone important to Peter (his family, basically) 24 (?)  hours after meeting him. She nailed it and looked totally at ease in an insane first date situation we only accept as adorable because it’s on TV.

Villains

Hannah Ann

Hannah Ann was definitely on Bach Mansion’s Most Wanted list for the second quarter of the episode, but then Hannah B. reappeared so by the end of the ep, she is not even the girls’ least favorite person named Hannah.

In any case, while Hannah Ann didn’t quite get a Villain Edit, ABC provided copious footage of the other women expressing their extreme displeasure at how many seconds she stole of our good bach Peter’s time. On the other hand, Hannah Ann took control of that cocktail party. She went for it and was rewarded accordingly with the first impression rose. Plus, with all that happened next with Kelley and Hannah B., who knows if her night one shenanigans will even be remembered.

Victoria F.

The premiere’s preview teasers strongly suggested Victoria F. would be our villain and she definitely got the hammered loose canon edit at the cocktail party — right down to the empty drama of a last rose every single viewer knew she was getting for the shit she will inevitably start. Upstaged in evil-doing later in the episode by cheating and feelings (Kelley and Hannah B., respectively), there’s still time for Vicky to be the villain we know she can be.

Kelley

Oh, Kelley. Already having made enemies thanks to the advantage of having “run into” Peter in a hotel pre-season, Kelley full-on cheated in the flight-themed obstacle competition, swindling Tammy and Shiann out of a chance at a date. Shiann, previously a victim of Hannah Ann’s time thievery, did not take it well. But you know what they say.

Hannah B.

It gives me no pleasure to list Hannah B. as a villain. Miscommunication-based heartbreak is incredibly upsetting to me and her conversation with Peter was very calm and painful. That said, not contacting him before letting him become the Bachelor and then showing up once he’s all ready to move on and make out with new people to tell him she still loves him is real f*ckboi behavior.

And for the ladies of Pete’s season, Hannah B.’s second appearance of the night made her unambiguously Public Enemy, No. 1. Not only did she remind everyone of all her firsthand experience with his windmill skills, she sabotaged their own potential windmill time with a date activity exposing their embarrassing sex stories and then also reneged all previous closure she had bestowed on Peter and further kneecapped their group date with her feelings. So, yeah, maybe she is a villain.

The Bachelor airs Mondays on ABC at 8 p.m. ET.