Fernando Tatis Jr. got the respect he deserves from his friends and family.
With the cacophony of 50,000 didgeridoos (okay, one vuvuzela), Tatis walked hard out of that restroom in the Arrested Development model home and into our hearts. Because King Felix opted out of possibly making the playoffs for the first time with the Atlanta Braves, baseball needs a New King in Town. So all hail the new king, Partyman…err…El Niño, Spanish for…The Niño!
Fernando Tatis Jr. is the best thing to happen to San Diego since Tony Gwynn Sr
For a team that has qualified for the MLB postseason a grand total of five times ever, the San Diego Padres need to give their king with the respect he deserves. San Diegans need to treat Tatis better or he’ll abandon you as Bruce Bochy did to the Padres, the Chargers did to Jack Murphy, Ron Burgundy did to that burrito and the city of Cincinnati did to their subway system.
As the son of a man who quite literally hit two grand slams in the same inning, yet didn’t procure a lifetime sponsorship from Denny’s, why take a strike down the middle of the plate when you can turn it into four runs and further mess with the Texas Rangers? He broke them so badly their social media team broke Twitter’s golden rule of not allowing replies. It’s good to be the king.
After quite possibly carrying Southern California’s baseball club forever rocking original Wolverine colors to the postseason for the first time since Bochy abandoned you for the City by the Bay, King Fernando will have himself a most glorious birthday to ring in the new year, as he’ll be feeling 22. Coincidentally, that’s the exact number of home runs he’ll hit this year for the no-fun Friars.
With the managers, players and everybody tattling on him, they should be banished from the Holy Niño Kingdom if they ever think about looking him in the eye. If it worked for Neil Diamond, it should work for Tatis because he got the way to move me, Cherry. That’s what I like about you, King Fernando. You rule when the rest of your teammates and baseball organization does not.
It’s King Fernando Tatis Jr.’s world and we’re allowed to live in it until it’s off with our heads!