What made baseball fun this week: Braves in the infield, Angels on the IL
By John Buhler
Oh, my god. We’re having a fire … sale!: It’s hard to believe in the City of Angels when all of your pets’ heads are falling off at the same time!
Look. I am way to stupid to know what a hamate bone is, so I’m just going to say Mike Trout broke his hambone. You’re killing me, Smalls… There is a reason why Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez didn’t wear a Halos hat in The Sandlot. The Angels were like, a year old back in 1962. JFK was still alive. The age of innocence where pre-60s Betram could take some chaw to the fair as a 12-year-old.
Well, chaw on this, bro! The Angels are more Broken than Seether and Petey the Parakeet’s head.
Sometimes, you can’t fight the Seether, not even if you are a rotten egg per Willy Wonka, baby!
So in less than 24 hours for the #Angels:
— Bob Nightengale (@BNightengale) July 5, 2023
Mike Trout breaks his hamate bone and is out 6-8 weeks.
Shohei Ohtani leaves the game with a blister and won’t pitch in the All-Star Game.
Anthony Rendon leaves the clubhouse on crutches with a bruised shin.
How’s your day going?
Not even Veruca Sweetheart could fix the Charlie Buckets of the AL West. They have a golden ticket in Shohei Ohtani, as well as a Grandpa Joe in Trout. Too bad Anthony Rendon is straight-up chilling in the bed like Grandpa George, Grandma Georgina and Grandma Josephine! Let’s be real. A lot of people have long pinky nails like Grandpa Joe Jack Albertson living over in L.A. these days…
With nails like that, you will give up forever to Touch Me. I just want you to know who I am. I’m Dr. Evil! Yeah, baby! Right… I didn’t spend seven years at an evil medical school to lead the No. 2 team in town. Who does No. 2 work for? Apparently, Arte Moreno still, but I haven’t seen a billionaire waste money quite like him to not win games since Arthur Blank does every fall Sunday.
It’s a Hard Knock Life for Angels and Falcons fans out there. Lonely as I am, together we cry?