What made baseball fun this week: Everybody wants you, Shohei Ohtani
By John Buhler
But what about the fans???: Chicago White Sox will never land Patrick Mahomes because they hate ketchup. Good for them, to be totally honest…
As if I needed another reason to claim the Chicago White Sox as my AL team until death, they took a stand, man, kind of like the one where Cameron Frye did back in ’84 when the 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California bit the dust in the burbs. I don’t care if my cousin Ferris was allegedly an alter ego of his, but cession ain’t Succession. I am so glad Patrick Mahomes will never play for the Sox.
If you put ketchup on a hot dog and you can legally drive a car, you should be institutionalized now!
The White Sox have placed a "Ketchup Bell of Shame" at their ballpark that will get rung if anyone puts ketchup on their Chicago hot dog 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/c8DmV8BP8K
— MLB Life (@MLBLife) July 19, 2023
Believe it or not, I do miss Chicago food big time. From hot dogs to Lou Mal’s to Italian beef, I am glad those delicious carnivorous concoctions took years off my life. Like Radiohead, I do it to myself, usually On a Friday… Why do you think this godforsaken, stupid-ass column comes out when it does? My body is a House of Cards, but no Reckoner should tell me how dark my deck is.
But as this ATLien reminisces over the Chicagoan food he once ate on the reg, I’m done living this Siamese Dream. Despite all my rage, I’m still just fat and out of shape. Like the underachieving White Sox, you take one look at me and you think Mayonaise. Fool enough to almost be it, cool enough to not quite see it. Doomed! I poked The Bear and just called out Patrick Mahomes, man…
Thankfully, Andy Reid doesn’t coach Da Bears in Chicago because he’d have all the meat sweats.