Funniest Horse Names at the 2022 Kentucky Derby

The most prestigious horse race in the world is nearly here, as the Kentucky Derby takes place this Saturday.

Some people, like Betsided's Donnavan Smoot and Peter Dewey, actually know what they're doing and pick horses based on things like statistics and performance. Others, like myself, scan the list of horses and throw dollars at whichever name makes me laugh the most.

So while you absolutely should heed Donnavan's advice in his previews of the huge race, I'm here to give you a different kind of edge. Why would you want to scream "BIG TRUCK" at your TV when you could be joyfully shouting "JAMBALAYA JAZZ", ya know what I mean?

Funniest Horse Names at the 2022 Kentucky Derby

WynnBET isn't currently offering odds for the Derby, so we'll use consensus odds below. I've put a painstaking amount of research into this. Without further ado:

Cyberknife (+2000)

No idea what a "cyberknife" is but I feel like I should be afraid of it. I hear all the time about cyber attacks and how all my personal data is at risk. Then a knife is like, the most primal way to hurt someone.

We've got a new-school method of violence combining with an old-school method? That sounds dangerous. Let me Google real quick to see if I'm close...

Wow, plot twist. That's not quite as funny anymore. Even still, a robot that fights cancer sounds pretty cool.

Zozos (+2000)

Zozos is named after a restaurant in the U.S. Virgin Islands, where owners Barry & Joni Butzows like to spend time in the winter. However, they don't own the restaurant, so I can't stop thinking about how wonderful Zozo's has to be to prompt such an honor.

Something on this menu has to be so mouthwateringly delicious that the Butzows decided to name their Kentucky Derby horse after it.

They've got a "Zozo's Root Beer Float" on the menu, but I don't really like those. I've spent some time perusing the website, and I've never heard of an Olive Oil Cake until now. The "Wild Boar Cacciatore" popped off the page and I'm certain I'd never forget if I just casually saw that listed on a menu.

Also, lot of pressure on the waiters and waitresses to never accidentally mess up the Butzows' order from now on. Chess, not checkers.

Charge It (+2000)

Charge it to the card, charge it to the game, charge it to the Butzows' tab at Zozo's?

Maybe one of the owners has such a huge problem with remembering to charge their phone that they needed a constant reminder. That thought made me chuckle.

Tiz the Bomb (+3000)

I'm imaging a family of surfers holding their thumb and pinkie out showing a friend a killer wave on the beach and saying "'tiz the booooomb, dude!"

But it turns out the horse's name is just a combination of its parents, Hit It a Bomb and Tiz the Key. The mom was doing a lot of heavy lifting in this agreement, because Tiz the Key is a way more cool name than Hit It a Bomb.

This also made me laugh because I'm picturing the owners toying with the opposite combination of "Hit a Key" and the debate that would unfold before settling on Tiz the Bomb.

Ethereal Road (+3000)

First, I thought of a horse trying to race on Rainbow Road from Mario Kart and how impossible that would be. Then, I asked Google what "ethereal" means and it said "extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world."

The idea of a road that's extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world certainly isn't intimidating. It did make me smile, though, because who doesn't like a perfect road?

Follow all of Joe Summers' betting picks here.