Fansided

How to cheat in today’s NFL: 5 creative methods

By Dani Bostick

Feb 1, 2015; Glendale, AZ, USA; New England Patriots team owner Robert Kraft (left) and quarterback Tom Brady (right) speak at the trophy presentation after the game against the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX at University of Phoenix Stadium. The Patriots defeated the Seahawks 28-24. Mandatory Credit: Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports
Feb 1, 2015; Glendale, AZ, USA; New England Patriots team owner Robert Kraft (left) and quarterback Tom Brady (right) speak at the trophy presentation after the game against the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX at University of Phoenix Stadium. The Patriots defeated the Seahawks 28-24. Mandatory Credit: Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports /
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Cheaters never win and winners never cheat? Think again.

On Tuesday, ESPN released an explosive report on the Patriot’s history of cheating the NFL. Actually, it wasn’t explosive or surprising. Fans, industry observers, and NFL stakeholders have long known about the Patriots misdoings. The ESPN report exposed the team’s shenanigans in greater depth and detail, but it really just confirmed what Patriots-haters have suspected and believed for the last decade.

ESPN reported that the root of the Patriot’s schemes to cheat was a belief shared by Bill Belichick and his right-hand man Ernie Adams:  “The league is lazy and incompetent, so why not push every boundary?”

Here are some creative ideas of pushing the boundaries in the NFL.

Play dress-up

Have your employees suit up in NFL Films shirts so they can more easily film opposing teams. Great idea, right? Indeed it is. So great that when Belichick and Adams were with the Browns organization, they employed this strategy to film sideline huddles and grease boards from behind the bench. The Patriots employees tasked with doing this would claim they were with Kraft Productions if they got caught.

Employ splinter cells

Sign players from other teams to get inside intel. Oops. The Patriots have tried that. A lot of other teams have too, but the Pats took it to a new level when they had other teams’ former players come in to decipher the signals they had illegally filmed. ESPN quoted a player brought in to do this task. He said the team had “about 50 percent of them right.” Guess that’s why its good to bring a player with insider knowledge who can improve that average.

Good ol’ fashioned thievery

Steal playbooks from the opponent’s locker room. If I were in charge of a team’s cheating program, I would totally recommend this strategy. It’s old school, but highly effective. Oops, again. The Patriots have done this, too, allegedly. When former player’s intel isn’t good enough, you can always send a man into the opponents locker room, or hotel, to get their play sheet. According to ESPN, this practice was so common that some teams left out decoy sheets.

Have plenty of minions

Have low-level minions tamper with game day equipment. It’s important that a high profile person within the organization is not directly involved in the cheating. That way, if the scheme comes to light, you can throw the little guy under the bus. Brilliant plan. Also one that is in the Patriots toolbox. I’ll say “allegedly” here since they deny it, but with a man on staff called the Deflator and game day balls below the allowed minimum PSI, this is pretty darn suspicious.

Release the drones

Leverage drones to cheat. Drones are the future of cheating and, I believe, the next, profitable subsidiary of Kraft Productions. How about creating a laser image of the receiver’s route onto the field so he knows exactly where to run? This strategy would also allow teams to film opponents without having to dress employees in NFL Films and Kraft Productions attire. Genius.

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