5 bold predictions for the Premier League weekend: Wenger brawls at the Bridge
Premier League action returns this weekend. Here are five completely ludicrous predictions about what’s in store.
Every week we have the great fortune of watching some unbelievable soccer in the Premier League. However, there’s never enough attention paid to the weekend’s minor moments. In light of this, we’ve made five bold predictions not so much about what will happen this weekend, but about what, if there’s any justice in this world, should. You heard it here first.
1. Arsene Wenger brawls at Stamford Bridge
Soccer is one of the most passionate and exciting games in the world, and one of the main reasons for this is that those who play, coach and watch it do so with such intensity. Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger is no exception, as he’s shown on many occasions in the past.
In his most recent passionate outburst, the Frenchman pushed and shouted abuse at a fourth official, which earned him a four game touchline ban. It’s not often you see a 67-year-old man pushing strangers around, but nobody crosses Arsenal without answering to Wenger first. This weekend, the Gunners’ manager will be in the stand for his side’s trip to Stamford Bridge. One bad decision could be all it takes for Wenger to leap out of his seat, over the barriers and down into the technical area, where he’ll be left with no choice (maybe) but to start a mass brawl with the Chelsea bench.
2. Patrick van Aanholt scores a hat-trick of own goals
On Saturday, two relegation-threatened sides come together when Crystal Palace welcome Sunderland to Selhurst Park. It’s incredibly hard to call a winner from this match, but one man could well make the difference. The Eagles recently acquired left back Patrick van Aanholt from Sunderland, and he could face his old club for the first time at the weekend.
If that’s not suspicious, I don’t know what is. There’s really only one way to find out whether van Aanholt has been employed in a double agent role by David Moyes, and that’s to keep a very close eye on the number of own goals he scores at the weekend. My guess is three.
3. Tony Pulis puts pig’s head in Stoke locker room
West Brom manager Tony Pulis faces off against his old team on Saturday as Stoke visit the Hawthorns. The Welshman was very successful at Stoke and deserves a lot of credit for their position today. However, his time as the Potters manager wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. In one particular incident, some “banter” between players went a bit over the top when someone put a pig’s head in Kenwyne Jones’ locker.
While Pulis didn’t condone this act as Stoke manager, he might consider imitating it at the weekend to psyche out his opponents. He’ll be able to sneak into the away locker room using his baseball cap as the perfect disguise. As long as he’s in there early enough, there should be nothing to stop him giving his opponents a real scare.
4. Jose Mourinho is nice to a reporter
Jose Mourinho is no stranger to controversy, a consequence of the fact he’s never afraid to speak his mind. The Portuguese manager is one of the best in the game, but when things aren’t going his way he has a tendency to take it out on reporters in interviews. After Manchester United’s 0-0 draw with Hull in midweek, Mourinho walked out of a post-match interview shortly after telling a reporter, “if you don’t know football, you shouldn’t have a microphone.”
But we think Jose’s mind games will enter a brave new era this weekend, and he’ll actually have something nice to say to a journalist, win, lose or draw against Leicester. Imagine a perfect world where there’s no war, no crime and Jose Mourinho is “The Polite One.”
5. Watford vs. Burnley is game of the century
There’s always one terrible Premier League game a week. It’s like a rule or something. This week, the likelihood that game is the matchup between Watford and Burnley at Vicarage Road seems too high. So high, in fact, the probabilities have come full circle, and it might actually be great.
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There will be drama, passion and, most importantly, goals, 13 of them, to be exact. Troy Deeney will grab six for Watford (sorry, Younes Kaboul), before the Hornets are forced to pluck a fan from the crowd, Harry Redknapp style, who goes on to score the winner in the ninth minute of stoppage time. Either that, or it will be 0-0.