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Hardwood Paroxysm: How we’d fix the NBA

By HP Basketball Network

May 7, 2014; Indianapolis, IN, USA; Indiana Pacers center Roy Hibbert (55) goes up for the opening jump ball against Washington Wizards center Marcin Gortat (4) in game two of the second round of the 2014 NBA Playoffs at Bankers Life Fieldhouse. Mandatory Credit: Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports
May 7, 2014; Indianapolis, IN, USA; Indiana Pacers center Roy Hibbert (55) goes up for the opening jump ball against Washington Wizards center Marcin Gortat (4) in game two of the second round of the 2014 NBA Playoffs at Bankers Life Fieldhouse. Mandatory Credit: Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports /
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Mar 3, 2014; Miami, FL, USA; Miami Heat small forward LeBron James (6) takes an inbound pass in the first half of a game against the Charlotte Bobcats at American Airlines Arena. Mandatory Credit: Robert Mayer-USA TODAY Sports
Mar 3, 2014; Miami, FL, USA; Miami Heat small forward LeBron James (6) takes an inbound pass in the first half of a game against the Charlotte Bobcats at American Airlines Arena. Mandatory Credit: Robert Mayer-USA TODAY Sports /

Ban the dog walkers

By Amin Vafa (@AminNBA)

For all its strengths and weaknesses, I love everything about the NBA. I think it’s the perfect simultaneous blend of offense and defense, of athleticism and strategy, and of laborious work ethic and raw talent.

But if I could change one thing, I would ban Walking the Dog. I hate it. I hate hate hate it. You could tweak a million and a half things in the game, and if you didn’t change Walking the Dog, I would continue to complain about it.

If you’re confused, allow me to shine some light on this horrible abuse of my game-watching eyeballs: Walking the Dog is when a player brings the ball up court and doesn’t dribble it. Instead, he follows and leads the ball up the court –like a dog on a leash– but he doesn’t actually control the ball’s movement with dribbling (please don’t try to dribble your actual dog, people). As soon as he picks up his dribble, he’s in control of the ball. Here’s an example:

What this allows a player to do is to keep the shot clock from starting. However the NBA rulebook is written combined with however the referees and players interpret it states that the shot clock doesn’t start ticking until the ball’s in control by one team. The game clock is going because the ball is in play, but the shot clock is not.

So what you get, in effect, is one guy with an entire half of a court to himself (let’s face it, this guy is usually Chris Paul or LeBron James) letting the ball roll slowly near his feet. Then he picks up his dribble at half court to begin the play. The defense usually finds it more convenient or sensible to just wait in position in the halfcourt and not bother the dog-walker.

As a viewer, all you see is some dead time of a ball rolling across the floor.

I just… I… please, no more. Ban it. Give dog-walkers technical fouls. Make it a turnover. I don’t know. And I don’t care. But for the love of Shammgod, there’s nothing quite as anticlimactic, boring, and visually unappealing to me in an NBA game than MVP candidates rolling a ball 47 feet along the ground.

Pick it up and play. Please?

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