Hardwood Paroxysm: NBA Preseason Roundtable Over Everything
Modern-day Sophie’s Choice: Would you rather watch the 76ers tanking this season, or Brad Pitt’s new movie about a tank?
Wray: I am so excited to see Nerlens that, yeah, I’d rather watch these Sixers. Also, consider that Noel sat out 17 months (February 2013 through Summer League in July 2014) for his ACL injury — that’s not an outrageously long absence for an injury that severe. What I’m saying: Joel Embiid’s estimated 5-8 month recovery from his broken foot in June of 2014 puts him back on the floor sometime around February 2015. Of course the Sixers will play it cautious, but I think we will see the big men playing together this year, which excites me. (BOLD PREDICTION: Much like last year, the Sixers will not have the worst record in the league.)
Bennett: My attention span will not allow me to sit still throughout an entire movie. Thus, the Sixers. The idea of Alexey Shved contributing significant minutes should be entertaining. I’m serious.
McElroy: God gave us opaque eyelids for a reason.
Leroux: As someone who chose to watch more than half of games in the Nets’ illustrious 12-win campaign in 2009-10, this will be glorious. The Sixers have the intrigue of Nerlens Noel as a pro, a Michael Carter-Williams season that may give us more answers and one of the strangest swingman rotations I can remember. The first few months may require some of Mac’s riot punch but they will become even more enthralling after trading for Amar’e Stoudemire at the deadline.
Clinchy: Neither, but I’m down to watch Brad Pitt star in the Sam Hinkie biopic. If Jonah Hill can keep the weight off and dye his hair gray, he might be able to make it work as Brett Brown… yes, I think I’m on to something here, I do indeed…
Dubin: Only one of these things has Nerlens Noel, right?
Maloney: Oh, Brad Pitt’s movie, no question. I know more actors in that movie than players on the Sixers this year.
Dowsett: Didn’t Brad Pitt already star in a different movie as a badass soldier killing Nazis? Is he playing the same character, just a new movie? In any case, I’ll still take the Brad Pitt movie.
Conlin: Brad Pitt’s movie, even if it’s terrible, will be over in roughly two and a half hours. The Sixers season will be two and a half hours multiplied by 82.
Partnow: What’s in the tank? What’s in the f***** tank?
McPherson: Now that Thad Young is in Minnesota, I’m going to have a hard time getting invested in the Sixers, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Any team this unusual — they tried to trade MCW during the draft, after all — has the potential for some incredible moments, like games where they score 13 points in the first half. If you have any interest in the theater of the absurd, the Sixers are a much better bet than another WWII film.
Fenrich: If both were on TV at the same time, I’d probably see the Brad Pitt movie even though I don’t know what it’s about. After all, the Sixers will have 81 other games where I can watch an intentionally horribly-constructed basketball team suck at basketball so if I can get away from it for a single night, I’m in.